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448 pages, Paperback
First published June 2, 2015
"'Now grab the bag and get downstairs. Are you even dressed? The clock is ticking, Thermopolis. The jet leaves from Teterboro at eleven.'
Jet? He’s hired a private jet? Who does he think he is all of a sudden, Christian Grey? I am not okay with this. I'm not some shy virginal college student who only owns one shirt."
"Is Michael Moscovitz the world's greatest lover? 'YES!' says sex-mad Princess Mia, declares the cover of this week's InTouch.
Michael's dad thought this was so hilarious, he bought dozens of copies to give to his friends and even his patients. Michael's asked him to stop, but his dad won't listen.
"You really expect me not to buy this?" Dr. Moscovitz asked. "My son is the world's greatest lover! It says so right here. Of course I'm going to buy this!""
"Am I doing so many public events these days that they've begun to blur? Am I slipping into early-onset dementia? How early does early-onset dementia begin, and what are the symptoms besides forgetting where my clothing comes from? Is one of the symptoms a twitching eyelid?"
"The part of the press release about me asking your father's permission to marry you was true—well, partly true, anyway. I didn't ask permission—I knew you wouldn't like that, it's sexist. You're not your father's property.
...I spoke to your mother too because she played an even bigger role in raising you."
‘For life, you never know where the road will take you. Yours took you to a place where you got the diamond shoes, but now all you can say is “Ow! These diamond shoes! They fit so tight and hurt so much!” No one wants to hear about how tight your diamond shoes fit. You got the diamond shoes! Many people, they have no shoes at all.’
Puns, sarcasm, feminism and shading the misognists aka classic Princess Diaries. Bonus mentions of (/gasps) sex because this ain't for kiddies no more.