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436 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2016
In my sixteen years on this earth, no guy had ever, ever flirted with me. The redneck boys where I was from preferred girls like my cheerleader cousins. Size two. Blond. Busty. Brainless.
“But then again, I’m not one of those slutty St. Sebastian girls.”
"You have more knowledge of history, and archaic languages, than many learned professors could absorb in their lifetime. Do you now understand why? You’ve been training for this since you were four years old. We need that knowledge. We need you.”
When the “thees,” “thous” and “wherefores” sprang naturally from my lips, I felt a pang of gratitude for my mother’s insistence that I master all those archaic languages.What's with all the time travel books lately? Is it because of the popularity of Outlander? Is time travel the new vampire or something? It's a tough subject around which to write a book, and it can go wrong in many ways. This book is an example of how time travel can be fucked up.
"You have more knowledge of history, and archaic languages, than many learned professors could absorb in their lifetime. Do you now understand why? You’ve been training for this since you were four years old. We need that knowledge. We need you.”Whoo! Whooooo! So special! So special that she can do ALL THE THINGS that more experienced, more knowledgeable, more well-trained adults can't. And she was born with it.
He peered at me. “I can assure you if we’d ever met, I’d remember. I have an uncanny ability to remember pretty girls.”Seriously, I'm so sick of the whole pretty-without-knowing-it bullshit.
Pretty? Me? Yeah. Sure.
“But then again, I’m not one of those slutty St. Sebastian girls.”The time travel aspect is ludicrous. The concept of it was so confusing and boring I can't even explain it to you if my life depended on it. It's also fucking simplistic. Girl, you can't just travel back 1000 years in time and magically understand the language. We sound way fucking different now as we did 100 years ago. 1000 years? You wouldn't even recognize English as it was. People sure as hell didn't talk like this.
“I pray on catchin’ a glimpse o’ the new queen,” the wife said. “Do ye know, we hear she went on Crusade with her first husband, that Frenchie king.” Her voice lowered. “They say she rode with her tatties on full display to entertain the troops.”The time travel aspect was absurd, to say the least. This is not a book worth reading.
“All the air whooshed from my lungs as I stared into my mother’s face, woven into an object that was nearly nine hundred years old.”