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Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be

3.93  ·  Rating details ·  205 ratings  ·  23 reviews
This solutions-oriented guide offers problem solving and behavior changing strategies for people working on their most intimate relationships. The book provides readers with: enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners' beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making health ...more
Kindle Edition, 290 pages
Published January 1st 2011 by Hunter House (first published January 20th 2000)
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Jul 17, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
While browsing the shelves at my public library, I came across this very interesting book. I had been poking around the relationship section looking for something fun and/or helpful to read. I had already picked up one of those “how well do you know your significant other” books, but this one intrigued me more. Mostly because the title was interesting. lol

Some backstory: I’m really bad about asking deep, probing questions, especially about personal matters. It’s just not something I like to brin
Most of the book is the author's relationship advice, which I found lacking in insight. The actual questions were mostly good, however. I listened to the audiobook, but if I had it to do over again I'd get a paper copy or the ebook and just read the questions and skip the commentary. ...more
May 26, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I smile when I recall thinking my soon-to-be-husband and I would be able to get through this book pretty quickly! Ha! Four months and many conversations later we finally made it through. And how glad I am
that we persevered. We felt compatible before, as now, but in the meanwhile we have learned so much more about each other. What a great journey and worthwhile read!
Nov 09, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Although the beginning was repetitive and hard to got through, there were many great points (and questions) made throughout the book. I did fond myself skimming a lot of areas I felt didn't apply to me, however, I would recommend to anyone entering a relationship or looking to deepen a current relationship. ...more
Dec 17, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
Interesting concept, maybe a little dated Setting? It was weird to read so much about relationship examples that were obviously pre-social media and even email. I wish I had time to actually go through and figure out what my own answers would be to a lot of these questions.
Andrea Martin
Feb 19, 2021 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Fantastic and eye opening. I only gave it 4 stars because it was published twenty years ago and thus could use some revision and updating.
This book presents a lot of valid and important question. I was very pleased my bf and I have already discussed a large portion of these:
Goodreads Management
Very heavy on self-reflection which I appreciate. Good read, even coming from a single man not really looking at the moment.
This book is a great way to keep your relationship spicy Has you and your partner thinking about things that you have never thought about
Faye Glidden
Jun 19, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Better than expected!
Dmitry Kuriakov
Mar 10, 2019 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
(The English review is placed beneath Russian one)

Довольно нудная книга, которая казалась бы, могла бы быть намного более интересной в силу довольно примечательной идеи. Авторы пишут о важности сходства. Т.е. когда пара, перед тем как начать серьёзные отношения, начинает, с помощью сотен различных вопросов, производить анализ своих предпочтений, т.е. того что им нравится и что наоборот не нравится. К примеру, разделяет ли партнёр мои духовные предпочтения или он вегетарианец или какой тип филь
This is a great book for anyone who really wants to develop their relationships. It's designed specifically for people who are thinking about becoming, or already are, romantically involved. However, the author also notes that there are certain sections that are really good for any relationship, and there are some that are also appropriate, and even important, for roommates and people thinking about living together.

I love getting to know you type books, and I particularly like this one because I
Aug 18, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very thorough questions. Sometimes the passages were a bit lengthy. Overall, my boyfriend and I enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend to other couples or potential couples! I think we are both even more confident in our compatibility and our relationship as a whole.


It's been a year since we went through this book together, and we're to be married this November! This book made it very clear to us how compatible we are and I'm so certain that we're a great match! Recommend t
Apr 20, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: dating & married couples
Great book for people wanting to establish or round out a relationship. It's filled with questions dealing with married life. The idea is that potential spouses take time to ask the questions so that they can determine how they both see the answers. This can help to identify potential problems and bring both people closer as they work out a solution.

Great read for anyone dating and wondering if this is the one or a married couple who needs to discuss things.
Difficult book to rate for me. I think a lot of the questions are very good and important, but they are questions I've already asked or been asked for the most part. Does that mean they are obvious, or does it mean that when you're in a long-distance relationship these sorts of questions tend to come out? I don't know.

So, I'll recommend the book with the caveat that the questions might be really helpful OR really obvious.
Jul 13, 2010 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
An interesting approach to new or existing relationships. The premise is that people usually spend more time and effort researching and buying a house than they do when looking for a partner. Poses questions to ask a potential partner that may help one to really understand who the other person is and how well a relationship with them might work. Good reading, and I've used the questions in practice with varying success. ...more
Pete Storm
While it's a little touchy feely and has a definite hippy vibe, I like the premise. "Here's a bunch of questions you can ask before you jump into bed with someone"

The advise is pretty good in terms of how to approach the questions and how to work them into conversations. The anecdotes support the text fairly well, and the narrative of the method works out pretty well.

We're pretty deep into our marriage, so a lot of the questions weren't relevant, but a couple provoked some thought.
Mar 17, 2008 marked it as unfinished  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
F and I have two copies of this book--we started reading it together when we were long-distance, talking about the questions over the phone. It was really interesting, but then we got engaged and he moved here before we could finish it, and now we're well on our way to knowing everything about each other. ...more
Good questions for people who don't know each other yet. But if you're really meant to be together, you'll probably talk about all these things naturally. If this book is your main method of communication, then I'd reconsider the relationship. ...more
Jun 05, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Quirky title but a good book. Wish I'd had this material a long time ago. ...more
It's a book for couples, but I used it as a source of self-exploration. Another fill-in book from 2001. ...more
Aug 02, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
great book! A MUST for two people getting involved. Shoulda read this bad boy a few years
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Tarius Williams
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Nancy Peterson
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