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Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

4.15  ·  Rating details ·  448 ratings  ·  47 reviews
And Then They Lived Happily
We enter our romantic relationships with great love, hope, and excitement--we've found the 'one', so we plan and forge our futures together.  But sometimes, for many different reasons, relationships come undone; they don't work out. Commonly, we view this as a personal failure, rather than an opportunity. And instead of honoring what we once
Hardcover, 320 pages
Published September 22nd 2015 by Harmony
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Brian Tucker
Jan 05, 2016 rated it it was amazing
For the love of god. Everyone please read this.

Update 12/10/16 - I've read this 7 times this year and it gets better every time. This has become one of those special books. I hope it makes a difference in your life as it has in mine.
Title: Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After
Author: Katherine Woodward Thomas
Publisher: Harmony
Reviewed By: Arlena Dean
Rating: Five

"Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After" by Katherine Woodward Thomas

My Thoughts...

This was a very good self help read especially if you are going through a breakup of
any kind...this read is for you.

Here are some of what I took from the read....

Bad experiences can be turn into positive ones.

Wisdom and
Mar 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
In an uncertain period in our marriage, I turned to the tools in this book to help us through with kindness and compassion. Thanks to this book, I now have a framework for understanding our relationship and how we can move forward without blame or shame as we figure out whether reconciliation is possible. Perhaps its strange to be so open about such things on a site like this, but Im glad I read this book and am glad to recommend it to others. No shame. ...more
Oct 21, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I learned so much from reading this book. My intention behind reading this book was to help understand some of my many relationship patterns - work, friends, family, etc. It certainly delivered on that intention. I've read it once, and will reread it in the coming weeks. Taking more time to dive into exercises.

My first read opened my eyes to some deeper thoughts on creating a new foundation/filter for my relationships. There were even a few moments where the light bulb clicked on to long held
Albertine Davies
Jul 01, 2018 rated it really liked it
This book was an eye-opener. Several things in the first chapter made me really think. It seems so obvious that the length of a relationship should not be the deciding factor in its value, and yet somehow I needed this spelt out for me. Some people may have been together 50 years and counting, but may not be happy, just because they are still together. Others are brave enough to value what they have had together and when it ends in its current form, to try to evolve into something new and loving ...more
Mar 17, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Im going through a divorce right now. Its [supposed to be] an amicable one, but a divorce nonetheless. As Im going through a downward spiral felling sad, lonely, not respected and betrayed, this book showed that Im not the first and wont be the last to go through separation, and if we think about long-term well-being (forever live with the consequences) instead of the short-term vengeance there is a light in the end of the tunnel. Lots of questions aiming to get to the root cause of the ...more
I am crawling through this book, FINALLY on page 129. I am taking my time with each of the 5 steps to be really ready for the next. This is the first book that gave me tools to calm my emotions and wrap my mind around my divorce. For the first time, I could make it through a day without crying and I just kept getting better and better as I worked through these steps and really did the emotional work of growing.
Conscious Uncoupling

I just finished reading this book Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After
by Katherine Woodward Thomas

I found the ideas in the book to be very powerful and worthwhile. Being involved with singles through my retreats for singles and being single myself, I have seen a lot of pain and suffering when a dating relationship does not work out or hearing the perspective from divorced people about their breakups.

There is no
Mar 22, 2017 rated it liked it
Enjoyed the writing and simplicity of language as a self help book, but didn't necessarily learn anything new. Well structured and organized information.
i highlighted a bunch of shit. really liked it. i should probably re-read it, because i've already forgotten all the good feelings it gave me.
Nov 27, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This book is a guide for those who choose to grow through life's experiences in a positive way. Divorce can be more than something to just get through. It can be a catalyst for transformation.
Nov 13, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I loved this book! Anyone going through a breakup, of any kind, should read this.
Katrina Sark
May 25, 2016 rated it liked it
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." (Jean-Paul Sartre)
Cheryl Goveia
Dec 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-in-2018
Very few people know what's been going on in our lives this past year and I am grateful to each loving soul who reached out and shared in our journey. This book has been a blessing. For all of us who come from the dreaded "broken home" to those of us who also have bad divorces behind us, this is a new way, a new vocabulary of grace in the age of serial monogamy. We live long. Sometimes things last and are meant to and sometimes they just can't survive change. I am incredibly thankful to ...more
A. Y. Berthiaume
May 16, 2018 rated it really liked it
Conscious Uncoupling was more than I expected. I picked it up because I liked the idea of turning the coined and tried phrase "Happily Ever After" on its head, but I never imagined it would be full of anecdotes from the author's life or people she's worked with; research and theory; and/or self-help meditations and guided questions. It felt like part memoir, part (relationship) psychology, and part self-help. And completely useful to not just those going through divorce but anyone going through ...more
C. Scott
Aug 26, 2019 rated it really liked it
I realize that the concept of "conscious uncoupling" became kind of a cultural punchline because of Gwyneth Paltrow. The Goopster announced that she and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin were breaking up in this hippy-dippy way a few years back to widespread eye-rolling.

Paltrow borrowed the phrase from author Katherine Woodward Thomas, who hadn't yet written this book. There is much wisdom to be gleaned here. Does breaking up have to be so acrimonious and harsh? Or can it be done with kindness and
Jul 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
shadow side of love, chronic enabler, accept as is value goodness, expectations root of heartache, addicted to others, desire understanding that brings peace, duplicate stories, core value shift, love then let go, emotional freedom, give love peace forgiveness understanding concern a chance, never know someone until you divorce them who you choose to be how you treat someone who wounded you, forgive them know not what they do as JC, forgive spouse and yourself, love yourself and JC WWJD ...more
Feb 13, 2020 rated it really liked it
This book came at an important point to me. Overall I appreciated her thoughtfulness and looking at the deeper and more unconscious processes that happen at the end of the relationship.
my only thing I found difficult was her tone which I found a bit patronizing at times - although perhaps that is just my own sensitivity
Mar 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Two things stand out about this book: the myriad of inspiring and insightful quotes, and the generous and kind approach to the ending of a relationship. If we all parted ways in this fashion, there would be less stigma around divorce. This is an easy read, at least in comparison to a lot of other self-improvement books.
Jun 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I would recommend this book to anyone who has EVER been in a relationship. Even just one. It doesnt matter if youre married, separated, divorced, or dating, there are so many helpful exercises and ideas in this book that can help you approach your relationships (past or present) in a kinder and more accepting way. ...more
Jan 21, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
This is a good book to ask yourself the right kinds of questions during and after a breakup. It is also very good at identifying and heading off common self-destructive tendencies that almost everyone has at the end of a relationship.
Jan 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
An excellent book for therapists or for couples who are ending a relationship and want to do so with an emphasis on self-growth, compassion for themselves and their ex, and respect and kindness for all parties involved.
Mar 07, 2020 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed this book and found it helpful during my last big breakup.

But, it fails to address the variety of relationship structures and diversity found in relationships. An updated release that addresses how race, disability, polyamory, and queerness could impact this process would be wonderful.
Feb 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book helped me get though he of the hardest life changes Ive ever gone through. I highly recommend it for anyone uncoupling. I did it on my own as my husband had no desire to untie our 27 year knot, he wanted to cut it. This book still helped.
Mallory Grimste
Mar 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2019-books
Great book about moving through a breakup

While some of the later chapters focus on divorce/long-term relationship endings- this was a great read for any breakup process. Wish I had this in my 20s!
Sep 25, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is a great book for anyone getting a divorce or breaking up with a boyfriend.
It is clear and real ideas from someone who has experienced it all.
Dec 02, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Very healing
Aug 30, 2019 rated it liked it
lots of boring fluff, a lot of it was not applicable to me, if you skip that you might find some helpful tidbits
Jun 19, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2019-books-read
Lots of helpful tips and reminders. I felt more engaged with Calling In The One but still appreciated the insights shared here. Practical.
Josue Garcia
Sep 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Truly a blessing of a book.
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Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT is the author of the New York Times Bestseller Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After which was nominated for a Books for a Better Life Award, and the national bestseller, Calling in The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. She is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and teacher to thousands from all corners of the world ...more

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Regular readers of romance know that the genre is currently chock-full of fresh plotlines and heroines who save themselves (and sometimes the he...
127 likes · 53 comments
“Every way that you’ve given away your power, denied your own deeper knowing, put someone else’s feelings and needs before your own, stayed embedded in a victimized story, or settled for less in life—all of it is now up for review. You have nowhere to hide. Life has broken you open and it is violently, mercilessly forcing you to evolve, to develop, and to grow.” 3 likes
“I call it your source-fracture wound, the original break in your heart from long ago. It may have happened in an instant--a little rejection, a shocking abandonment, or a slight misattunement that suddenly made you realize how alone you were in this world. Or perhaps it was a bit-bu-bit splintering as over the years you met with an intermittent meanness, an unpredictable but repetitive abuse, or a neglect that stole your childhood inches at a time. Wherever, however, or whenever it happened, one thing we can assume is that no adult helped you make accurate meaning of your confusing and painful experience. No grown up sat you down and lovingly said, "No, honey, it's not that you're stupid. It's that your big brother is scared and insecure." "It's not that you don't matter, angel. It's that Daddy has a drinking problem and needs help." "It's not that you're not enough. It's that Mommy has clinical depression, dear, and it's neither your fault nor yours to fix." Without this mature presence to help explain to you what was happening to your little world, you probably came to some pretty strong and wrong conclusions about who you were and what was possible for you to have in life. And those conclusions became a habit of consciousness, a filter through which you interpret and then respond to the events of your life, making your grief all the more complex.” 3 likes
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