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303 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2014
The realization that I was permanently and forever different, and the resulting shock of understanding that no amount of dedication or work or study could rectify it, left me questioning nearly everything in my life; my future worth as a lover, my strength as a male, hell, I even began to question my intelligence.
“I do understand, Grif. I do. I mean, think about it, I get scared too. I get scared that you’ll forget me too, who I am. That you’ll love me less because of what I do and want to do to you. I could live without the Chocolate. It’d be very difficult, but I could do it. What I can’t do is live without you. There are times when I think, ‘What if I go too far? What if his love for me turns because of something I’ve done, or something I’ve said, or something I’ve made him feel? What if I suggest something and he unexpectedly finds it repulsive? What if I lose him over that very small part of me that few other people would ever be able to understand—let alone desire.’ Make no mistake, Grif, I’m scared sometimes, too.”
"Fair warning, the real Zac is more of a happy, unpredictable ferret on crack—mixed with the twisted sadist of earlier."
“How could I admit to anyone that I couldn’t bring myself to be naked in front of another person? And, if that fear meant I’d be a virgin for the rest of my life? Well, it was something I’d been trying for years to fool myself into believing I’d be ok with.”
“Okay, let’s, for a moment, forget about the sex and just talk. Wait! Fuck, not sex. We are not having sex…you’re blowing me.” “…Okay, whatever it is, let’s put is aside for a moment."
“When I’m naked, and you’re not…when we’re in Chocolate…I feel there’s no chance for me to hide. I mean, when you’re naked, I can do things to you to distract you, things I know will take your mind and eyes off me, Off of Junior. But, times like these…there’s no place for me to hide, Wes, and it scares me.”
“Your super powers are safe. I made sure your magic underwear are in place, Jockboy.”
What if I lose him over that very small part of me that few other people would ever be able to understand—let alone desire.’