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The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens
by
In this groundbreaking book, parenting expert and acclaimed author of the bestselling book Simplicity Parenting Kim John Payne, M.Ed., flips the script on children’s challenging or defiant behavior and lays out an elegantly simple plan to support parents in establishing loving, age-sensitive boundaries that help children feel safe and settled. In short: What looks like mis
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Hardcover, 336 pages
Published
June 2nd 2015
by Ballantine Books
(first published March 10th 2015)
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Community Reviews
Showing 1-30
Start your review of The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens
Nov 05, 2015
Rachel
rated it
it was amazing
Recommends it for:
All Parents, Grandparents, Caregivers
Recommended to Rachel by:
my Waldorf School
If you have read Simplicity Parenting and think that you do not want to read another Kim John Payne book, I recommend you re-consider and try The Soul of Discipline. Simplicity Parenting, while I agree that the premise of the book is spot on, to some people it feels heavily opinionated. I have just seen Mr. Payne speak and I don't think that is his personality. I think he was just trying to make things simple for all of us. Please try to take away the gist of Simplicity Parenting: Buffer the cul
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Overall, I really liked this book and gained some valuable perspective from it. Now, I found myself not 100% agreeing with everything and found some of the approaches a little tedious (with several steps to resolve a problem) but as a whole I really related to the approach. It is refreshing to find a book that stresses the importance of maintaining family values no matter what...even when dealing with very minor issues. I also appreciate the scope of this book, from toddler to teenager, because
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Revisiting this review: I have actually noticed a difference by implementing some of these techniques.
My favorites are (for birth to age 9):
1. Telling rather than asking my child to do something. Example, instead of politely asking, "Can you get your coat on?", I politely tell him, "Go get your coat on." The author's theory here is that by asking, your child thinks he has some say in the matter, when he really doesn't because he needs to go get his coat on. So when he refuses and then you get a ...more
My favorites are (for birth to age 9):
1. Telling rather than asking my child to do something. Example, instead of politely asking, "Can you get your coat on?", I politely tell him, "Go get your coat on." The author's theory here is that by asking, your child thinks he has some say in the matter, when he really doesn't because he needs to go get his coat on. So when he refuses and then you get a ...more
OMG. I LOVE this book. It was written for me and my parenting trials and tribulations. Actual instruction instead of just warm, fluffy ideals. In my opinion . . .
I picked up this book because it is by an author that is highly referenced in the Waldorf community for his book Simplicity Parenting (I still need to read that book). I was interested to see what he had to say about discipline as my kids need it sometimes :). He basically says that there are three stages of parenting kids and during each of those stages the parents have to take on a certain role. The first stage birth-7-9 the parents are the Governors. We tell the kids what they need to do and
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Some great advice I've already started to implement, most of which could be summed up by the phrase "an incarnational approach." Come down to your child's level and discipline them with love.
One example: prepping my daughter for transitions (from house to car, say, or from playtime to bedtime) by sitting next to her, showing interest in what she's doing, and then clearly telling her what's going to happen next. It helps her be less disoriented when things change around her.
Not written from a Chr ...more
One example: prepping my daughter for transitions (from house to car, say, or from playtime to bedtime) by sitting next to her, showing interest in what she's doing, and then clearly telling her what's going to happen next. It helps her be less disoriented when things change around her.
Not written from a Chr ...more
Focused on the governorship sections sine that's where we're at--will revisit when we get to gardener. It was really calming to read this and the items I've been able to apply so far have definitely made a difference. Especially re: "When you are about to give a direction to a child, stick to these five essential steps: 1. Pause and Picture 2. Start Small 3. Stay Close and Calm 4. Don't Negotiate--Insist 5. Follow Through."
Also:
* your world-my world-our world
* parallel parking (sit beside playin ...more
Also:
* your world-my world-our world
* parallel parking (sit beside playin ...more
The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance - From Toddlers to Teens by Kim John Payne, who is a school and family counsellor for more than thirty years, is a path-breaking resource book most parents with toddlers and teens will find extremely useful. The book is designed to provide children with well-defined boundaries and save parents from the feeling of free fall when confronted with challenging disciplinary situations.
From her own experience the ...more
From her own experience the ...more
I have read a lot of parenting books. I mean, A LOT of parenting books. Some have been great, some very good, many are pretty basic or so simplistic that I cannot remember one word of it after I am done. The Soul Of Discipline is very good. I really appreciated that there was solid information about the middle years which can be hard to find. It is sensible, accurate and rooted in parenting through connection. I liked the developmental approach and I can imagine using it as I navigate the challe
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If I could give this book 10 stars I would. The idea of us parents being a Governor/Gardner/Guide to our children through their developmental stages just resonated with me. Also the concept that children and not disobedient but just disoriented! Brilliant! Within a few hours I started to implement some of Kim's ideas in my parenting methods and my daughter who is strong willed began to respond in wonderful ways! Cannot wait to hear him speak in a town close to mine soon! Thank you! In my minimal
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Payne's Simplicity Parenting almost defined my parenting style. It was that important to me, when my oldest was a toddler. So maybe I expected too much from this book? Seems like your average parenting guide.
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Two words: GAME. CHANGER.
I loved this book! I took it out from the library but will absolutely be buying my own copy as there are chapters I plan to refer back to for years to come as my kids grow and change.
I loved this book! I took it out from the library but will absolutely be buying my own copy as there are chapters I plan to refer back to for years to come as my kids grow and change.
Hands down the best parenting book I have ever read! Highly recommend for all parents to read this regardless of how old your children are.
How this book differs from other discipline books:
Your child’s apparent disobedience is your fault (158).
Don’t give your child time warnings (76).
Give your child polite commands, not choices (99, 114).
Instead of forcing your kid to make eye contact with you, sit side by side with them (111-112).
Don’t give your kid too much praise or too much stuff (244, 23).
Don’t use empathy statements, unless you like your kid using them back at you (241-242).
Incorporates spiritual or philosophical things like ...more
Your child’s apparent disobedience is your fault (158).
Don’t give your child time warnings (76).
Give your child polite commands, not choices (99, 114).
Instead of forcing your kid to make eye contact with you, sit side by side with them (111-112).
Don’t give your kid too much praise or too much stuff (244, 23).
Don’t use empathy statements, unless you like your kid using them back at you (241-242).
Incorporates spiritual or philosophical things like ...more
Kim John Payne is a genius. He reminds parents to trust themselves and their common sense. He advocates for children’s rights to be children. His book is both practical and enlightening. I will undoubtedly come back to his calming words again and again throughout my journey as a parent.
Since I didn't finish this, I'm not counting it towards my challenge. However, since I got 2/3 of the way through it, I thought I'd share.
His ideas are sound. I really like the 'Governor, Gardener, Guide' philosophy at the center of this book. I think that if I had read his earlier book first (Simplicity Parenting), I might have been more open to this. But in reading the Governor sections, which would apply to my children's ages, it just seems overwhelming, and not really my style.
There were ma ...more
His ideas are sound. I really like the 'Governor, Gardener, Guide' philosophy at the center of this book. I think that if I had read his earlier book first (Simplicity Parenting), I might have been more open to this. But in reading the Governor sections, which would apply to my children's ages, it just seems overwhelming, and not really my style.
There were ma ...more
Love how he sets out a framework for thinking about discipline and how he makes it more proactive than reactive. I've started using some of the suggestions already and they work amazingly quick! I especially liked the chapter on screen time. It is a very scary world that our children will be growing up in, but maybe that's what every generation thinks?
This book has helped me check my own behaviors and reactions and pause before I react to something my kid is doing. An excellent read! ...more
This book has helped me check my own behaviors and reactions and pause before I react to something my kid is doing. An excellent read! ...more
Textbook parenting
This wasn’t a book filled with new ideas for me, as I felt it largely drew on basic material in the field of study. At times I felt like I was reading a textbook for one of my college classes. If you haven’t read that type of material I believe it would be fairly informative. It did have some good ideas it shared, but wasn’t anything especially new. This is a good basic parenting book to read.
This wasn’t a book filled with new ideas for me, as I felt it largely drew on basic material in the field of study. At times I felt like I was reading a textbook for one of my college classes. If you haven’t read that type of material I believe it would be fairly informative. It did have some good ideas it shared, but wasn’t anything especially new. This is a good basic parenting book to read.
This book provides a framework for providing discipline from the toddler years until your kid is in their teens. I think it may be helpful for older kids, but the stuff for toddlers isn't practical. You're supposed to insist that your child do what you say, but never repeat an instruction? Good luck with that!
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So I have a feeling I'll be reading this book several more times. It was enlightening, terrifying and gave concrete examples. Now if I can get Todd to read it :) Too much screen time... all of us - too much.
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Sep 02, 2015
Kristen
added it
Loved this book for both its philosophy as well as practical parenting tips. I first checked it out from the library; however I ended up buying it because it's a book I can come back to over and over as my son grows.
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This was a very good book. I read his other book, Simplicity Parenting and loved it so much that I had to read this one too. I already follow the approach he talks about, but he provides new ideas and perspectives, because some times parenting is a real challenge. Definitely recommend!
I found the frameworks described in this book incredibly helpful in thinking about our changing roles as parents with regards to discipline and leadership. I skipped the teenaged section but will definitely return to it in 10 or so years.
About 1/3 of the book was relevant as the other chapters discussed discipline for tweenagers & teenagers, but I enjoyed what I read. Not quite as transformative as Simplicity Parenting, but worth a read.
Some good ideas buried within a lot of tedious information and metaphors.
Repetitive but helpful.
There are a few good points in this book. It's not a book I would recommend, though.
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Little tidbits of information, but overall it was nothing new. I really enjoyed the last chapters on media usage.
A note for me.....I'd like to own this one.
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I did what I like to think was a diligent search on parenting books before reading about this one and thinking it probably connected the most with how I want to parent. The book delivers what is promised, 'a warm, firm, and calm' approach. My daughter (and only child) is very young. In fact, she's probably still too young for the majority of the "Governor" section, or the section dedicated to young children, to apply to her (much less the other sections). But there were a handful of things I tho
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A consultant and trainer to 250 U.S. independent and public schools and school districts, Kim John Payne, M.Ed., has been a school and family counselor for more than thirty years. He has also consulted for clinics, training centers, and educational associations in South Africa, Hungary, Israel, Russia, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, Australia, the United Kingdom, and Canada. He has served as the p
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