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How to Love

(Mindfulness Essentials #3)

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4.28  ·  Rating details ·  5,938 ratings  ·  424 reviews
The third title in Parallaxs Mindfulness Essentials Series of how-to titles by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Love introduces beginners and reminds seasoned practitioners of the essentials of mindfulness practice. This time Nhat Hanh brings his signature clarity, compassion, and humor to the thorny question of how to love and distills one of our strongest emotions down ...more
Paperback, 128 pages
Published December 30th 2014 by Parallax Press (first published December 22nd 2014)
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Tran Le I guess for everything you do for a greater good, there must be sacrifices. Let's take this as an example, if you want to pass the test, should you go…moreI guess for everything you do for a greater good, there must be sacrifices. Let's take this as an example, if you want to pass the test, should you go study or should you join the party you've been longing for months? It's tempting but you must choose only one because the two options are simply incompatible, you probably cannot study while you're in a party having fun and being wild!
It's similar to how Buddha must choose between his belief and his family. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is that life is suffering because we suffer from physical and mental pain through a variety of emotional expression: fear, embarrassment, diseases, getting old, death, etc. and that we could not truly be happy because eventually, deaths will come. He believed that as long as his life is attached with others' lives, neither he nor his family will find an answer to end suffering. Even though, he surely loved his wife and child, he must make sacrifice.
And I believe perhaps that is an example of how to love.
His sacrifice perhaps, was for better. He has unbounded his love for his family to make it become a greater love. The love for all, not personally but universally.
(According to the "Buddhist Bible", his wife and his child later followed his path to end suffering)
These are my thoughts, this question is so interesting because it sounds contradicting but I hope my answer could resolve your concern.(less)

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Abbey
Jun 22, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Can this be required reading for everyone in the world?
Heidi The Reader
Sep 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Thich Nhat Hanh, monk and spiritual leader, has written a short series of books he calls "Mindfulness Essentials." This entry is all about love. You might ask yourself, what could a monk possibly know about love? Turns out, plenty.

Hanh applies the mindfulness techniques he's learned over his lifetime of spiritual practice to the potentially thorny pathways of love, and the result is a gem of a read.

He counsels lovers to bring happiness to each other through being present in the moment and
...more
Sunny Yoo
Apr 02, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Thich Nhat Hanh is so wise and deep. I love how this book is broken down into multiple sections and titles, allowing readers to be mindful of what they are reading. I recommend that you buy a copy instead of borrowing one. This book is easy to navigate through and I am glad because I will be revisiting it often.

Throughout the book, I was forced to reflect about my past relationships and my current relationships, both romantic and non-romantic. I started to realize the mistakes I made. The times
...more
Nick
Jan 26, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I am a beginner, trying to learn every day how to love a bit better. This book, by a famous Zen master, is a gentle, optimistic guide to the strangeness and the mystery of love, and I recommend it highly.
K Flewelling
It is difficult to review a book like this. This book is composed of sweet morsels of truth, and statements meant to ponder. It is not something that you need to read quickly -- but I did read it quickly. It brought tears to my eyes, convicted my heart, gave me practical tools and meditations to practice. But that's all it can do. It is up to the reader to be changed. Some of the sections had a powerful impact, others not as much. I imagine if I were to re-read this short book, I would be ...more
Jen/The Tolkien Gal/ジェニファー
The Buddhist meaning of mindfulness is to know the mind and to be aware of its capacity. It means to pay attention in a very particular way to the mind and the body as well as the experience of daily life. When an awareness of the present moment is cultivated, intention becomes clear.

Sometimes you need something to remind you how to love and how to appreciate your significant other. Sometimes, shit hits the fan - but it is not the end. That's the problem with people these days. We give up on
...more
Paula Cappa
May 29, 2015 rated it really liked it
This little book (would make a charming gift) is so clear with thoughts about love and happiness. Example: "If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all." I've actually not thought about this idea until I read it on page 106. We do learn happiness or unhappiness from our parents. I felt compelled to take this thought with me for the afternoon and really examine it and personalize it within my life. There are many thoughts like this that stopped me because they ring a ...more
Jae
Feb 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The last in this series of short books on mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, and just like the other books in this series it is written with simplicity and elegance. Each chapter is very short, only 1 or 2 pages followed by a small line drawing - easy to digest and meditate upon. A series of little gems.
Mady Hernández
Nov 25, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I need to practice Hugging Meditation.

"When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings. Hugging with mindfulness and concentration can bring reconciliation, healing, understanding, and much happiness. The practice of mindful hugging has helped so many people to reconcile with each other -fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, friends and friends, and so many others. You may practice hugging meditation with a friend, your daughter, your father, your even with a
...more
Melissa
Feb 03, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Thích Nhât Hahn has written another amazing little book full of wisdom. The small sections are powerful, truthful, and thought provoking.
Huy Pham
May 19, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: mindfulness
I couldn't put the book down the moment I opened it. This is a very simple book on how to love, cherish someone, overcome sufferings and understand our partners more. I thought I knew all those things before, but I was wrong.

I took a slow but closer step in reminding myself of taking time to breathe and appreciate every moment I have with people I love, and that arguments and conflicts only keep people apart.

I believe that this book will help you understand people better, especially if you're in
...more
J.M.
This is a mesmerizing book on mindfulness in relationships with our loved ones. This gave me plenty to think about and to do in terms of how to bring peace to myself during a depressive time. This book is especially useful for people in relationships that have grown apart or are in the process of growing apart, yet it also will assist one in how to expand their own capacity to love. For me, this was a perfectly-timed five-star read.
Guy Choate
Apr 15, 2016 rated it it was ok
Shelves: philosophy
I'm a firm believer that the love people share is unique to those people and its parameters can't be generalized. I cringe when someone tells me that because they understand love, they understand the love I have created and share...even if that person is clearly thoughtful and wise in other areas.
Undrakh
Aug 26, 2018 rated it really liked it
'How to Love' was like a gentle fresh breeze which carried words of love and compassion all the way from other side of the world. Want to read these wonderful passages again and again.

"The more you understand, the more you love; the more you love, the more you understand."

Priyanka Sharma
May 30, 2020 rated it it was ok
Quite reflective, discreet and thoughtful but its a beginners guide to love. Anyone who reads advanced books about Buddhism and spirituality might find it very repetitive and generic. ...more
Katrina Sark
Mar 05, 2017 rated it it was amazing
p.10 Understanding is the Nature of Love Understanding someones suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is loves other name. If you dont understand, you cant love.

p.11 Recognizing True Love True love gives us beauty, freshness, solidity, freedom, and peace. True love includes a feeling of deep joy that we are alive. If we dont feel this way when we feel love, then its not true love.

p.13 Love is Expansive The moment love stops growing, it begins to die. Its
...more
Emily
Dec 05, 2017 rated it it was amazing
so good. always. such a slim volume, cut me to the core.
Pedro Veloso
Mar 30, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Small little book, with short advice from a famous Vietnamese monk on mindfulness and love. Most of it is self-evident, yet a good read as an exercise on checking up my own actions.
صفية
Unexpectedly one of the few real parenting books. I guess that the other few I read were more less after kids were out, but this one emphasizes on reaching a good level of self-control, mindfulness (again), compassion and empathy as you consider the idea of having kids. Pretty awesome, and encompasses all forms of love, the real one! You name it it's there!
Again, deep listening is a must, and you shouldn't be surprised it is!
Preethi Krishnan
Aug 30, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: spirituality
I keep coming back to this sentence in this beautiful book.

"One of the greatest gifts we can offer people is to embody nonattachment and nonfear. This is a true teaching, more precious than money or material resources. Many of us are very afraid, and this fear distorts our lives and makes us unhappy. We cling to objects and to people like a drowning person clings to a floating log. Practicing to realize nondiscrimination, to see the interconnectedness and impermanence of all things, and to
...more
Melissa Jung
Jun 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing
On my own in Denver and read this quickly at a bookstore -- simple yet powerful with messages I'll likely revisit again and again. "So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself."
Virgin Davis
Nov 06, 2020 rated it it was amazing
"Understanding someone's suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love's other name."
David Aiken
Aug 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Should be mandatory reading for all.
Ben Schnell
Mar 25, 2019 rated it really liked it
Understand someones suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is loves other name. If you dont understand you cant love. ...more
Chandan Sinha
Dec 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If there is one book you would ever read on love and relationship, READ THIS ONE. I cannot stress this enough. Though I am not the one to revel in self-help books, this is by far the best book ever written on this subject. Succinct, to the point and truest to the core - and I find myself in a position to attest each and everything that's written in this masterpiece. It felt like someone has written all of my own experiences in one place and it made me realize how universal the dynamics of love ...more
Laura
Mar 26, 2019 rated it liked it
I think there was a lot of wisdom in this little book and I got a lot out of it. I have found mindfulness to be a very positive force in my life.
My biggest concern is that the book didn't address clearly when compassion and deep listening cannot change or maintain a relationship if you're with an abusive partner.
I also question Thich Nhat Hanh's stance that crushes and sex without commitment are going to leave you feeling empty and lonely. I think that could be the case but as a person who is
...more
Alice
Jan 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Mindfulness makes the present moment into a wonderful moment.

Oh, how much wisdom this 92 year old Zen teacher has, and how perfectly he fits it in into this tiny book. Each little page provides so much to consider. Though How to Love could be interpreted through the lens of romantic love, these insights are applicable to nearly every relationship in our lives even our relationship with ourselves 🌸 I would love to read the other books in this series. A short read with a lingering impact.
...more
Lucas Carlson
May 12, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
To be read over and over again

So many books about Buddhism are hard to relate to because they are written for another culture. I love how he talks about checking email on your iPhone and makes Buddhists thoughts more accessible.
Emily Graham
Jun 30, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: wtb
This is the sort of book I would have ruthlessly mocked in high school and college, but now the ideas contained seem so, so important on an essential level.
Rei Avocado
Jun 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
taking one whole star off for tricking me into thinking that this was a reflection on the nature of love rather than a buddhist self help book. (can you tell i dont read reviews before starting a new read?) but if youre into that sort of self help thing, its actually pretty good. in general i think mindfulness is far more effective than the usual positive thinking that self help gurus throw at us. mindfulness is a skill and a very useful one at that.

my main 'problem,' if you want to call it
...more
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Thích Nhất Hạnh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who now lives in southwest France where he was in exile for many years. Born Nguyễn Xuân Bảo, Thích Nhất Hạnh joined a Zen (Vietnamese: Thiền) monastery at the age of 16, and studied Buddhism as a novitiate. Upon his ordination as a monk in 1949, he assumed the Dharma name Thích Nhất Hạnh. Thích is an honorary ...more

Other books in the series

Mindfulness Essentials (8 books)
  • How to Sit (Mindfulness Essentials, #1)
  • How to Eat (Mindfulness Essentials, #2)
  • How to Walk (Mindfulness Essentials, #4)
  • How to Relax (Mindfulness Essentials, #5)
  • How to Fight
  • How to See
  • How to Connect (Mindfulness Essentials Book 8)

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