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Sex Tips For Straight Women from a Gay Man
Who better to unveil the mysteries of the he-man psyche than a woman's best friend, the master of clever and refined thinking, the gay man? He knows exactly when, where, and how to elicit that ultimate ooh-ooh, because he knows all too well what he wants. Two fearless and dedicated scholars, Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman have conducted an intensive, lifelong survey on the subject of male pleasure, at times even descending into the trenches themselves. Now the wisdom they gained can finally be divulged to the heterosexual public. Dazzle your guy with surefire man-pleasers! Get the fire started with foolproof first moves! Hot tips for hot loving! So take some Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man . . . and drive your lover to new heights of ecstasy!
192 pages, Paperback
First published August 23, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
May 22, 2013
Is there a secret to sex that gay men know and women don't?
Nah, of course there isn't. But maybe there are still people out there who appreciate being educated in safe sex, growers and show-ers and how to avoid gagging (author's advice: relax your muscles, coordinate your breathing, Mr. Stiffy is your friend :p). But then again, they probably wouldn't be the sort of people who pick up books with "sex" or "gay" in the title?
What caught my interest when browsing through this book though, was that "Gay men never swallow". They certainly do in my m/m books, so the reasons behind this bold statement made me a little curious. Turns out they don't to, according to the authors, avoid STD's and because it takes away the thrill of (I suppose I should put this in a spoiler for modesty reasons) . It all sounds plausible enough but...also very DOH!
Sigh..although the title is great, the book itself is rather outdated and doesn't offer any Eureka moments. I might have been the intended target audience 12 years ago, but sadly enough, not anymore. I think what it all boils down to is that men want things to get as visual as possible. Meaning that you probably won't please him by wanting to fumble around in the dark and tell yourself it's more romantic that way, while you're actually insecure about your body. Most men don't even notice the things our laser-eyes spot immediately anyway, as long as you get down and dirty and do not turn sex into a weapon to punish & reward your guy with.
That being said, I think these differences between men and women are so much fun, all these misunderstandings often hilarious. There's a lot of interesting research and books available of course, but since I just happened to stumble upon Ask Men, I thought I'd share this amusing article.
Excerpt from article:
Why do men stare?
"Men are so visual that we can get turned on by a grainy Polaroid of a woman taking her bra off. We're so visual we want to have sex with strippers whose names we don't even know (and don't even care about).
We're so visual we rent X-rated movies by the dozens and relish every graphic detail. We're so visual that we'd bed a woman with a 90 IQ who works in a slaughterhouse if she's good-looking enough.
In fact, brain imaging studies prove that men show marked increases in blood testosterone levels when exposed to sexually explicit pictures. And researchers studying male sexual fantasies find that men focus entirely on the visual aspects of sex (especially genitals).
The truth is, when a man ogles a beautiful woman he's only thinking of two things: what she looks like naked and how hot she would be in bed with him. He doesn't care who she is or where she comes from or what she had for lunch -- all he wants is to do is pin the tail on the donkey."
Why do women stare?
"To women, however, this reaction is bizarre. Why, they ask, would anyone want to have sex with someone they don't know? This is because while women may get aroused by the sight of a good-looking man, they don't necessarily want to have sex with him -- for women, there's a huge gap between sexual excitement and availability for intercourse.
Evolutionary biologists theorize that nature set up the female brain this way to ensure stopgaps on procreation -- if women were just as horny as men, humans would be breeding like fruit flies.
The female sexual response has many -- and complex -- psychological components coupled with momentary moods, the timing of the menstrual cycle, the possibility of trading sex for money or security, etc.
And while studies show that erotic visual stimuli do excite women, a woman's desire for sex depends more on psychological factors and whether or not she has an existing relationship in her life.
Female sexual fantasies focus on emotional feelings and romantic encounters (usually with a husband or current lover) rather than on graphic details or sex with strangers. A woman can get turned on -- and ready for sex -- much more easily by reading a romance novel or watching a romantic comedy than by watching a handsome man walking down the street."
Nah, of course there isn't. But maybe there are still people out there who appreciate being educated in safe sex, growers and show-ers and how to avoid gagging (author's advice: relax your muscles, coordinate your breathing, Mr. Stiffy is your friend :p). But then again, they probably wouldn't be the sort of people who pick up books with "sex" or "gay" in the title?
What caught my interest when browsing through this book though, was that "Gay men never swallow". They certainly do in my m/m books, so the reasons behind this bold statement made me a little curious. Turns out they don't to, according to the authors, avoid STD's and because it takes away the thrill of (I suppose I should put this in a spoiler for modesty reasons) . It all sounds plausible enough but...also very DOH!
Sigh..although the title is great, the book itself is rather outdated and doesn't offer any Eureka moments. I might have been the intended target audience 12 years ago, but sadly enough, not anymore. I think what it all boils down to is that men want things to get as visual as possible. Meaning that you probably won't please him by wanting to fumble around in the dark and tell yourself it's more romantic that way, while you're actually insecure about your body. Most men don't even notice the things our laser-eyes spot immediately anyway, as long as you get down and dirty and do not turn sex into a weapon to punish & reward your guy with.
That being said, I think these differences between men and women are so much fun, all these misunderstandings often hilarious. There's a lot of interesting research and books available of course, but since I just happened to stumble upon Ask Men, I thought I'd share this amusing article.
Excerpt from article:
Why do men stare?
"Men are so visual that we can get turned on by a grainy Polaroid of a woman taking her bra off. We're so visual we want to have sex with strippers whose names we don't even know (and don't even care about).
We're so visual we rent X-rated movies by the dozens and relish every graphic detail. We're so visual that we'd bed a woman with a 90 IQ who works in a slaughterhouse if she's good-looking enough.
In fact, brain imaging studies prove that men show marked increases in blood testosterone levels when exposed to sexually explicit pictures. And researchers studying male sexual fantasies find that men focus entirely on the visual aspects of sex (especially genitals).
The truth is, when a man ogles a beautiful woman he's only thinking of two things: what she looks like naked and how hot she would be in bed with him. He doesn't care who she is or where she comes from or what she had for lunch -- all he wants is to do is pin the tail on the donkey."
Why do women stare?
"To women, however, this reaction is bizarre. Why, they ask, would anyone want to have sex with someone they don't know? This is because while women may get aroused by the sight of a good-looking man, they don't necessarily want to have sex with him -- for women, there's a huge gap between sexual excitement and availability for intercourse.
Evolutionary biologists theorize that nature set up the female brain this way to ensure stopgaps on procreation -- if women were just as horny as men, humans would be breeding like fruit flies.
The female sexual response has many -- and complex -- psychological components coupled with momentary moods, the timing of the menstrual cycle, the possibility of trading sex for money or security, etc.
And while studies show that erotic visual stimuli do excite women, a woman's desire for sex depends more on psychological factors and whether or not she has an existing relationship in her life.
Female sexual fantasies focus on emotional feelings and romantic encounters (usually with a husband or current lover) rather than on graphic details or sex with strangers. A woman can get turned on -- and ready for sex -- much more easily by reading a romance novel or watching a romantic comedy than by watching a handsome man walking down the street."
February 22, 2019
This book was mentioned in a cute Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Smith movie so out of curiosity I looked it up to see if it was real. It is. The editing was atrocious on the kindle, spelling errors galore. One good tip I got was to spit on my hand to lube it up for a hand job. If I’m giving a blow job after it’s nice not to have lube in my mouth. I was raised in a hyper fundy conservative household and I was also extensively sexually abused as a kid so I will say that although this book’s tone was often ridiculous and some of its advice was quite obvious, it was a very detailed step by step guide on sex for someone trying to get over issues before engaging in face to face sex, so it was educational and I do think it would be a good resource for people with those types of backgrounds who might be avoiding sex and relationships out of fear. Obviously a woman would also want books geared to getting her own pleasure too if that’s an issue for her but as far as an omg wtf do i do so I’m not terrible at sex book, for someone w issues, it was pretty good if you overlook the more ridiculous parts.
December 3, 2018
If I could rate it lower, I would. Utter trash.
August 27, 2007
OK yeah get over it!!! It's a really good book once you get past your shyness! It's got great pointers that the guys love & who better than to tell use the pointers...none other than a gay man - seriously who else would know better what they want!?!?!?
November 2, 2007
I stole this book because I was too shy to buy it. (I worked at a bookstore at the time.)
It taught me how to do certain techniques -ahem- well.
It taught me how to do certain techniques -ahem- well.
May 7, 2020
I love the drawings - helpful information
January 2, 2014
My husband gave me this for Christmas, because it's been turned into an Off-Braodway play, and a friend of ours is part of the cast. He bought it thinking it was a tongue in cheek type of book-little did he realize! I started reading it, under the same assumption, that it would be a comedy type of book. Oops. My poor husband was mortified when I announced to him that I had just finished the chapter on hand jobs and next up was blow jobs. Luckily I have a sense of humor, and it was comforting to know that I was as well versed as the authors. My husband is still is still horrified that he gave me a book of sex tips. Were blaming our friend who got cast in the play.
May 16, 2007
Of all the naughty sex books I've read, this one may be the most useful. Buy it.
March 24, 2008
I'll admit I bought this and read it on a lark, but it was really funny, and, well... informative.
July 31, 2022
Granted, this was published in 1997 but I was still shocked at the minimization of sexual assault (dismissing an encounter a friend of theirs had where she awoke to a man masturbating onto her - saying she over-reacted by making him leave immediately and that she embarrassed him by telling others what happened) and advising readers to immediately cut off a relationship with any man who expresses interest in phallic-shaped sex toys because "it's only a matter of time before he goes searching for the real thing." Also the "just grab his dick" advice is literally advising sexual assault if you haven't talked about consent prior. It's very 90s "we can't talk about sex openly" advice and rife with harmful stereotypes. The overall tone is desperation cloaked in faux confidence. I was a teen in the 90s and I'm still trying to untangle this conditioning that my experience of sexuality needs to be about being FOUND sexy by others rather than feeling it myself. And it's because I was a teen in the 90s. So, yeah - interesting to see how far we've come but not a book I would recommend to someone who is looking for real, sex-positive, and sexuality-affirming advice.
February 21, 2021
Reassuring information
After completing this book I'm delighted that I've been doing things right all along. Of course the men in my life never complained and always seemed appreciative, but I never had "firm" validation beyond the obvious.
This well-written (meaning coherent, relevant, and organized) book, takes a friendly approach to a topic a lot of women don't discuss.
The illustrations are delightful and funny, and remind me of some New Yorker cartoons from decades ago. Classics.
This book is also tasteful in that descriptions are clear, but not pornographic. (And that wouldn't be so bad, either, but it would take much longer to read in that case.)
The only surprise for me was the armpit play. For some reason no one I know has ever seemed to enjoy that. Of course, I may have a rougher tongue than I realize.
I recommend this book to anyone who's interested in satisfying a male partner.
After completing this book I'm delighted that I've been doing things right all along. Of course the men in my life never complained and always seemed appreciative, but I never had "firm" validation beyond the obvious.
This well-written (meaning coherent, relevant, and organized) book, takes a friendly approach to a topic a lot of women don't discuss.
The illustrations are delightful and funny, and remind me of some New Yorker cartoons from decades ago. Classics.
This book is also tasteful in that descriptions are clear, but not pornographic. (And that wouldn't be so bad, either, but it would take much longer to read in that case.)
The only surprise for me was the armpit play. For some reason no one I know has ever seemed to enjoy that. Of course, I may have a rougher tongue than I realize.
I recommend this book to anyone who's interested in satisfying a male partner.
April 13, 2021
Ler esta obra 24 anos após seu lançamento deixa muito claro o machismo envolvido no assunto sexo.
Mais uma vez um homem é colocado em um pedestal para ensinar às mulheres tudo o que elas precisam saber... porque seus parceiros (homens) são tímidos demais (ou imaturos o suficiente?) para falarem aquilo que realmente os agrada. Além de colocar a mulher em um local de SERVIR ao homem, preocupada (e talvez responsável por) com o seu total deleite e aceitação.
Por diversos momentos o leitor é levado a entender que a responsabilidade deste deleite recai sobre a mulher. Inclusive, se ela é pedida ou não em casamento depende do desempenho sexual da mesma (como se fosse o único fator).
Uma obra misógina, machista e ultrapassada, que pouco tem a ensinar sobre uma sexualidade saudável.
Mais uma vez um homem é colocado em um pedestal para ensinar às mulheres tudo o que elas precisam saber... porque seus parceiros (homens) são tímidos demais (ou imaturos o suficiente?) para falarem aquilo que realmente os agrada. Além de colocar a mulher em um local de SERVIR ao homem, preocupada (e talvez responsável por) com o seu total deleite e aceitação.
Por diversos momentos o leitor é levado a entender que a responsabilidade deste deleite recai sobre a mulher. Inclusive, se ela é pedida ou não em casamento depende do desempenho sexual da mesma (como se fosse o único fator).
Uma obra misógina, machista e ultrapassada, que pouco tem a ensinar sobre uma sexualidade saudável.
August 22, 2020
It had some funny moments, but nothing new if you are older or have been with the same partner for a while.
I found Dan to be stereotypical and not sure I believe the : gays men do not to this & that. As if everybody have the same preference in bed. As a lot of reviewers mention, it is a little bit outdated.
There is still some important messages about consent & being comfortable with what ever your are doing, but I guess this is like basic in a sex guide book.
I found Dan to be stereotypical and not sure I believe the : gays men do not to this & that. As if everybody have the same preference in bed. As a lot of reviewers mention, it is a little bit outdated.
There is still some important messages about consent & being comfortable with what ever your are doing, but I guess this is like basic in a sex guide book.
December 22, 2019
This book gets five stars for the wealth of tips. However, I gave it a four because I purchased it after seeing the stage play based on the book. I did not realize the play really doesn’t have a lot to do with the play outside of the tips used.
Still, I recommend this book to any straight woman, and even some gay men, looking to improve their talents in the bedroom.
Still, I recommend this book to any straight woman, and even some gay men, looking to improve their talents in the bedroom.
November 8, 2018
Read this is college. I remember it had good tips.
February 14, 2021
A lot of the references are out of date, the sections on cybersex and underwater especially. The author uses “witty” puns for body parts when he should just say the anatomically correct term.
February 27, 2021
Some good insight but most is common sense for those who're more experienced in the bedroom. The section on oral is worth the price, the advice on handjobs is useful as well.
March 31, 2023
Ik ben geen straight women en ook geen gay man
Read
September 2, 2023like sex and the city in a book. i shouldn't be surprised but there are some absolutely insane bits of advice in here that are just sexual assault pretty much. oh well.
December 15, 2024
Informative!
December 30, 2020
As a gay man reading this book I must say very interesting and very detailed. 😏
July 30, 2021
Ok, don’t judge. 🥴
Wasn’t even sure I wanted to mark this as read on here. But what’s it going to hurt?
I read this book as part of a one-off book club with a group of girls where I’ve know each of them anywhere from 20-40 years.
It wasn’t earth shattering but I read a few interesting tips and suggestions.
And it certainly was good fodder for a lively book club discussion!
Wasn’t even sure I wanted to mark this as read on here. But what’s it going to hurt?
I read this book as part of a one-off book club with a group of girls where I’ve know each of them anywhere from 20-40 years.
It wasn’t earth shattering but I read a few interesting tips and suggestions.
And it certainly was good fodder for a lively book club discussion!
March 24, 2021
Will update my rating soon lol
Read
February 23, 2010I bought this just in case gay guys knew something I totally didn't. Like there is a secret or something.
Plus, I was living in a very conservative claustrophobic environment at the time and it was a purchase of defiance.
It's funny & kind of interesting. if you have a creepy loser breaking into your apartment looking for things to turn him on, this might do it. unfortunately. creepy losers have such complicated sexual hang ups.
Plus, I was living in a very conservative claustrophobic environment at the time and it was a purchase of defiance.
It's funny & kind of interesting. if you have a creepy loser breaking into your apartment looking for things to turn him on, this might do it. unfortunately. creepy losers have such complicated sexual hang ups.
October 17, 2007
Not only funny, this book has fabulous ideas for those of us who are tired of being good girls.
One of the things I enjoyed most about this book is the idea of setting up my bedroom (which I alone sleep in 99.9% of the time) in preparation for a fabulous night of pleasure. Now, whether or not anyone is there with me, I feel sexy and desirable in my bedroom.
One of the things I enjoyed most about this book is the idea of setting up my bedroom (which I alone sleep in 99.9% of the time) in preparation for a fabulous night of pleasure. Now, whether or not anyone is there with me, I feel sexy and desirable in my bedroom.
June 29, 2013
I read this last summer when I saw a movie preview and they referenced the book. (Hope Springs- starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones) I thought it funny that it was real. I couldn't believe it was really a book. So I was curious about it... Not bad I guess. Some good tips from a different perspective. Some pretty funny too. Definitely a quick read.
June 11, 2016
I certainly didn't buy this book for the tips ... I bought it for the laughs. And there were a lot. Don't get me wrong, I let some friends borrow it who later told me, "I had never thought about it that way ..." But for me this was a fun book to read. I let so many people borrow it over the years, because I knew others would like it, too, that it ended up finding a new home (dang it!!!).
December 5, 2014
Très hétéronormé, très sage, moyennement instructif, beaucoup de clichés. Pour un gay qui donne des conseils, je le trouve bien cul serré ; bi, ça ne semble pas exister dans son monde et les nanas ont l'air de toutes vouloir un truc : se faire offrir des trucs (bijoux, voyages, vêtements) en échange de prouesses sexuelles... Charmant.
March 12, 2008
This book is very witty and manages to be both entertaining and informative. It really is like having a sex chat with your best gay boys. And your best girlfriends will borrow it and "forget" to return it.
September 20, 2015
Although I learnt a few things from reading this book, overall, it was a little scant on useful knowledge and details. It could have done with some explicit diagrams and illustrations. It is a bit dated now, too.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews