Gagged by the Gherkin

by Biblio Barbie

On Christmas Eve, a gherkin ornament is hung on the tree, and on Christmas day, the first child to discover it receives a special gift.

Sarah may be thirty, but she’s not ready to give up on her family’s traditions. After returning home for the holidays and dealing with a recent breakup, she’s determined to keep her Christmas spirit alive and maintain her streak of finding the gherkin. This pickle lover is about to have a Christmas she won't soon forget.

Gagged by the Gherkin is intended for audiences 18 and over. It contains intimate relations with a sentient pickle and a human woman.

Genres: Novella, Spicy, Holiday, Christmas, Paranormal, Erotica, Romance

74 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 21, 2024

About the author

Biblio Barbie is a Colorado native, monster lover, and purveyor of spicy, slightly unhinged romance. When she’s not writing about sentient mascots or pickles with passion, she’s probably curled up with her husband, an iced tea, and an idea that definitely shouldn’t be allowed to become a book, but will. Author of Howls and Home Runs and Gagged by the Gherkin, Biblio Barbie is here to make you laugh, blush, and question your grocery list.

Catch her on Instagram @biblio.barbie where she’s usually rating books with bizarre meters, chatting about Shrek, thirsting over monsters, and probably... hot dogs. Look, we don’t ask questions.

Reviews

[Britt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, if someone asked me to explain what I just read… I’m not sure that I could. 😂

But as my friend groups designated pickle lover obviously I had to take one for the team here… and I regret nothing. Ok maybe something but not enough to pretend this isn’t how I just spent the last 30 minutes of my day. 😂

I love a good pet name, so incase you’re in the market for a new one this book has them all for you.
1. Pickle princess
2. Pickle slut
3. Gherkin Goddess

Came for the ability to make jokes about reading this. Stayed for the 70+ pages of pickle puns.

But one sentence I can live my entire life without reading again is “Brine my dickle”

Also it may take me a bit to be able to eat ranch dressing again. But sacrifices were made here 😂

(And before you say anything, yes Ashley, I did post reading this to the main feed. No shame in my smut game) 😂

[Sabrina Burroughs · Rating 3 out of 5]

We listen, and we dont judge!

What the shit did I just read? And why was it so hilarious?

[sey · Rating 2 out of 5]

i didn’t expect to ever read about a gherkin man getting pegged but here we are.

[sina · Rating 2 out of 5]

1 ⭐️ für die wortwitze

[Molly Wied · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another day, another “I read this so you don’t have to”.

Four stars for the pickle puns. That alone should make you read it.

[Riché · Rating 3 out of 5]

What did I just read? Lol. If you want to cringe at 200 different pickle puns and ruin Hidden Valley for yourself, give this a read. 3 stars for comedy. Lol

[Violet Riorson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I will never be the same

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

pickle slut 💚

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

1 Star for the french Toast recipe
1 Star for the use of more than 10 different pickle descriptions of sexual parts

How can you be kind of sexually harassed by a cucumber that has zero sex appeal? Not Even in a kinky way ???

[Randi Himes · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Brine my dickle, Sarah."

5 Stars, enough said. 🤣🤣🤣

Book 1 of Unhinged Smutmas 2025.

[Leslie Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

A jarring tale

[Abby · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don’t know how but alliteration is ruined for me

also that was a BOLD choice, ending it with a random recipe

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

He said "dickle". Immediate three stars.

[Lori R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun and absolutely ri-DICKLE-ous!!

[Michaela Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might just be the most outrageously funny, ridiculously insane while still staying hot sentient object romance novella I’ve read so far! Biblio Barbie has truly outdone herself. I can’t even begin to imagine how she thought up this book and its wacky, pickle themed phrases. This book will leave you laughing and have you feeling a bit spicy (and possibly craving a jar of pickles for your reading snack). Gerhard is just the man, sorry; pickle-man, to solve Sarah’s heartbreak during this Christmas season. With his zesty rear and homemade dressing, Sarah will be waiting for her dill-daddy every year.

[amber nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

“𝚂𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎, 𝚖𝚢 𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝚐𝚘𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚜."

Yall, Danelle is phenomenal! Not only is she an amazing writer, beautiful and SO FREAKING nice, she's also so FUCKING FUNNY. this book went right to my dad joke lovers heart! The pickle puns had me absolutely dying!

If you're looking for a fun and short read, I definitely recommend it! I had so much fun reading this and if you're into pickles and christmas magic, I think you'll have a blast as well.

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Does it count as sentient object when he becomes man shaped (but green with pickle features) if we never see the pickle ornament become a pickle-man? How many times can I write the word pickle? Still not as many times as in this 74 page novella! The pickle puns were top shelf but the ranch dressing was nearly a bridge too far... nearly.

[Miranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The pickle puns were nonstop, they made me laugh though. The last chapter was a bit of a surprise, but still, this books is hilarious

[Emily Salls · Rating 4 out of 5]

No, my mental health is not good thank you for asking😂

[Ashtyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

The things I read on my kindle are not meant for the public to know

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Idk just read it

[✨ Rocko Shocko ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pickley Poetry

What an absolute dill-light! I am utterly pickled and I need more. This was better than expected. Such a fun and quick read.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laughed my ass off. And gagged a little because I hate ranch. Like I won’t even let my kid open ranch dipping sauce or anything ranch flavored in the car because the smell makes me gag. This book is great. Ridiculous, but so much fun.

[Robyn G · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a pickle lover I 100% approve 😂
Also the puns alone make this a 5 star for me LOL
My second Biblio Barbie book and both have been amazing.
Gerhard the Pickle LOL

[Suzi Vee · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a read

I don’t know if i could like this any more than i do. It was funny and the puns had me screaming. This is exactly what I needed to get me out of my reading funk!

[Britney Jean | JeanInTheHeatOfBooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

The pickle puns absolutely sold me. A short, festive read centered around the Christmas Pickle tradition, where a pickle ornament hides in the tree on Christmas Eve. Honestly, who doesn’t love a sentient seasonal romance?

- Seasonal romance
- Homemade ranch
- Strap play
- Sentient object
- Pickle puns

[Brooke Kangas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just… can’t lmfao 🤣 I laughed SO HARD at this book

[P.A.B. PhD · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don’t jud… ok please judge me

[Allison Lilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do I even say about this?? I was laughing and/or smiling the whole way through. Danelle’s (author’s) brain must be the most wonderful, whimsical, outright insane place, in the best way possible. Thank you for letting me read this early, I had a great time 🤣💯

[booksvanereads · Rating 5 out of 5]

the pickle puns 5/5
the dedication 5/5

plus if you’re a pickle girly, you’d appreciate all the ranch.