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304 pages, Paperback
First published October 20, 2022
"You don't throw away towels, LaRynn. You keep them for things. Like car-washing rags or - I don't know, but you keep them."
"Where?! Where was I supposed to store your beloved towels? I had no idea that they were so cherished. Was it the holes or the frayed edges that made them the ideal jerk off-off rags?"
He looks back up at me and shakes his head angrily. “Because it fucking hurts. It makes me feel like I’m in pain, like I’m being choked by my own goddamn fury. Please, LaRynn. Fuck my pride, I want you to stop because I want you for me, and even if I can’t have that I just...I'm flat out begging you...”
“Show me,” I say shakily, heart swelling. “Show me where it hurts.”
His head snaps up to mine and I step to him, to between his parted knees. He studies me for one more echoing beat before he exhales, lets his forehead fall against my lower stomach with a groan. Something like relief drops his shoulders. “Show me,” I repeat, my fingers knitting in his curls.”


"I love you and I know I don't always…I've been trying to show you. I thought it was more important to show you, first, and I promise I'm going to keep doing that. But I also wanted to say it first." I feel raw when the words hang between us. Raw, and a little sick.
"I know you do," she says simply, smiling shyly. "You've been showing me. With your patience and your trying. Your partnership." She catches her breath and inches up to my face, kissing me sweetly. "And I love you. I plan to keep showing you, too."
“Hey love,” I say, before I lean over the counter and kiss her cheek. Soft, smells like coffee and burnt sugar. Maybe something coconut today, too. “Just go with it. It’ll make him stop bugging you,” I whisper, full of hope. I clock the goosebumps on her arms, and slide my hand along her wrist, note the way her frown whisks into a stiff smile. She chuckles breathily, the tiny sound like lightning in my veins. “He looks like he’s seen a ghost,” she says. “I love it when you scare people.”
His eyes shut in relief. “Thank you.” And he wraps me in a hug so abruptly my chin glides against the crook of his neck, the tip of my nose behind it.
“You broke my heart,” she says. And it’s worse that it comes out as a whisper. I’d rather her scream it at me. “I know,” I croak. “And I mean it. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, but you . . . ” She looks up at me through angry red eyes and I pause. “LaRynn, you bled mine out in pieces that summer, too. You didn’t want anyone to know about me, about us. You were the one who insisted there were no feelings, that it was just about sex. That was never my idea. You made me think you were ashamed of me.”
“Because it fucking hurts. It makes me feel like I’m in pain, like I’m being choked by my own goddamn fury. Please, LaRynn. Fuck my pride, I want you to stop because I want you for me, and even if I can’t have that I just—need to be able to make it through the rest of this without wanting to put my head through the floor, alright?! I’m flat out begging you, just, please don’t—not in front of me anymore..."
"Jesus, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I’m acting like this. I know I should just be happy to be your friend, and I am, okay? I get that we weren’t good to each other before and I took this off the table, but I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry I don’t think I can stand it, I—”
“Show me,” I say shakily, heart swelling. “Show me where it hurts.” His head snaps up to mine and I step to him, to between his parted knees.”
“And you won’t hate me again someday?” He frowns as he looks at my lips, my nose, my eyes. “Hate you? LaRynn I never hated you. I don’t think I could have.
....
“I hate that I did that to you when we were younger. I hate that we wasted any time not loving one another. Hate that you thought I was anything less than gone for you. Because I’m so fucking gone for you, LaRynn. I’m so stupidly in love with you.”
“And I’m so stupidly in love with you, too.” I cradle his face in my hands and kiss him. “I’m so gone for you that sometimes I want to tear this place apart just so we can do this all over again.” We laugh inside another kiss, our teeth bumping. “And even though I know you’d be devastating in a suit, I don’t care about a wedding. I’d rather have a kitchen floor.” “I can do that,”

“i’ll see you at home," she says. home. home. home. three months together in a ripped-up building and nothing's ever felt more like it.”
”be my wife. stay my wife. forever, larynn. i don’t care where we end up or what we do as long as i have you.”
“what if i told you i was scared i’d get lost in myself again? that i'm scared of changing, too. what would you say?” my brows pinch together. "i'd find you," i tell him, firmly. "and i don't think there's a version of you i couldn't love."