Hello American Lady Creature: What I Learned as a Woman in Qatar

by L.L. Kirchner

Lisa Kirchner was 35 when she married the man of her dreams. They moved to Qatar for one last adventure before starting a family, but things quickly derailed. As the marketing director for Carnegie Mellon University's branch campus in Doha, she ran into challenges supervising Muslim men. Like when she learned it's haram, or forbidden by the Quran, for a man to look at a woman who is not his wife. As a self-described "friend-dependent," she often felt a crushing loneliness. Then she learned she'd never have children. At least they had each other. 'He pulled me close and said, "Baby, I didn't marry you for your ability to reproduce." I never wanted anything more than to be loved like that.' If only the story ended there. At the heart of this narrative is a magical place and time in history - Qatar at the turn of the 21st century - that shaped her own radical transformation. Told with powerful insight and dark humor. It's the author's first book. LISA KIRCHNER was once simultaneously the dating columnist for an alternative newsweekly, bridal editor for a society rag and the religion reporter for a gay and lesbian newspaper. She lives in New York City.

Genres: Nonfiction, Middle East, Memoir, Biography Memoir

370 pages, Paperback

First published May 31, 2014

About the author

L.L. Kirchner is an award-winning screenwriter and Pushcart-nominated author whose life and work as an expat in Asia became the basis of two memoirs that combine humor with “her discerning eye” (Foreword Reviews)—or, as an NPR interviewer said, her memoir is “like Eat, Pray, Love, but funny.” She lives in Florida with her favorite husband. Drawing on her eclectic background as a religion editor, dating columnist, and bridal editor, Kirchner’s work explores feminist narratives. Read more at her blog, IllBehavedWomen.com or LLKirchner.com. She lives in Florida with her favorite husband.

In 2024, Kirchner will launch her highly anticipated trilogy, the Queenpin Chronicles, with her debut novel, FLORIDA GIRLS. Set in 1940s Florida, this multi-POV suspense story follows an unconventional heroine navigating the criminal underworld and fighting for independence in a male-dominated society. Through vivid prose and richly drawn characters, Kirchner illuminates the patriarchal and self-imposed boundaries women face while celebrating the strength of those who dare to break free.

Get her latest writing as well as craft and publishing tips at https://illbehavedwomen.com.

Reviews

[Tamara Lush · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisa Kirchner's memoir is at once funny, heartbreaking and poignant. It's about her time in Qatar, working for an American university, and she aims her journalist's eye on herself. Kirchner's prose flows in this debut memoir, but the story is anything but easy. The reader feels every uncomfortable moment right along with Kirchner, and as the primary breadwinner in her relationship -- while working in a patriarchal society -- there's plenty of uncomfortable moments.

I would recommend this book to anyone thinking of living in a different culture, anyone who is navigating a rocky relationship and to readers who are interested in feminism.

An excellent, unputdownable first book.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading about my friend's experiences in Qatar. She took an incredibly dark situation and turned it into something meaningful. Lots of humor and a whole new look at a country I didn't know much about. Go Lisa!

[Austin Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got to hear Lisa Kirchner read from her book Hello American Lady Creature at a brewery in Tampa. I bought a copy, which for reasons that remain unclear she autographed to "Bruce." (Not only is my name not Bruce, as far as I know there was no one there named Bruce.) She hastily amended her inscription by including my actual name and a note explaining that I had kicked Bruce's ass.

Kirchner is a great reader. Many authors mumble monotonally when they read their own work, but Kirchner has a showman's flair and a vigorous, dynamic, entertaining delivery. She read short segments from three different parts of the book to give us a sense of its overall flavor, and I couldn't wait to get home and read it. When I did, I heard the whole thing in her voice.

The story takes place mostly in Doha, Qatar (pronounced "cutter") during the period from 2004 to 2006. Kirchner had taken a job as a marketing and communications director for a new overseas campus Carnegie Mellon University was opening there. It was to be a three-year contract, and she brought along her husband Geoff, who had been a newspaper editor in the U.S. and was flirting with vague aspirations of becoming a foreign correspondent in the Middle East. Then it all derailed.

50% divorce memoir and 50% traveler's tale, HALC succeeds in doing several things very well. First, it manages to be fun (and funny) even though the subjects of loss and lonliness are unavaoidably depressing. Second, it paints a fascinating and nuanced portrait of a strikingly different culture. Third, it reads like the best kind of blog or journal, the kind filled with meaningful and complex introspection and insight. Where it could easily devolve into being angry or didactic, instead Kirchner navigates blindly through her adventure, stumbling often and trying to unravel the mystery of herself as she goes.

I was very glad to see that her perceptions of life in Qatar were ambivalent and paradoxical. This was not a beautiful and exotic Arabian paradise; neither was it a hellish and barbaric land of oppression. The truth of the place remains elusive. While she does not come to fully understand this country, she does come to respect and in some ways admire these desert people and the strange juxtapositions it contains. Here ancient Bedouin heritage and a ruling family descended from pirates occupy a harsh and barren landscape sitting on top of one of the world's largest reserves of natural gas. This seemingly uninhabitable no-man's-land is an improbable location for such staggering national wealth. As she immerses herself in this world, Kirchner discovers more and more about the people, their customs, their beliefs and their attitudes — many of which fill her with a mixture of frustration and outrage, especially in the beginning.

She describes her ex-husband with compassion and fondness even when she is expressing resentment and confusion as their relationship disintegrates. She never portrays him as unlikable or unsympathetic. (That's a refreshing in a divorce story. It can be tempting to use your book as a bully pulpit from which to demonize your former spouse, but that's 1. tedious and 2. lazy storytelling.) He certainly has character flaws and makes a few questionable decisions, although Kirchner spends so much time talking about her own imperfections and mistakes that this element of the book doesn't seem mean or petty.

There are definitely points in the story that make you wince and cringe, where you want to grab this poor woman by the shoulders, give her a shake and tell her to pull herself together. As she mentions repeatedly, she is incapable of figuring things out by herself and must consult with a committee of friends before she can settle on a course of action, or even bring her feelings into clear focus. The author portrays herself as a mass of contradictions (a yoga teacher who smokes, a lifelong world traveler who longs for stability, a fiercely independent individual who wants to be taken care of, a seeker who can't find her way around) and sometimes she seems like a hot mess. Kirchner is not afraid to be a vulnerable narrator, and her bold honesty is a delight. She spends a lot of time trying to come to terms with her own feminine identity and what it means, a crisis of self amplified by being childless and (unofficially) single in a society that values women primarily as wives and mothers.

There is no neat and tidy resolution, and that's the way I prefer it. To slap on a clean, simple, everything-is-going-to-be-fine-now conclusion would be inauthentic, and I'm happy to see that Kirchner did not do that. Instead, she ends the story as she moves on to the next phase of her life, optimistic but uncertain.

[Nanosynergy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit weird to read a memoir that contains actual people I know/know of and with whom I have worked. Kirchner captures well those early days in the start-up of the branch international campus and expat life in Qatar, as well as corporate culture and behaviors of her various colleagues. Much is the same. Some things have changed. Encouraged to see her share about her growth in understanding and appreciation of the local culture during her time working in Qatar.

[Laina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this memoir. So well written. Witty and at times heartbreaking but overall a story of strength and triumph

[Ellen Efsic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read! Sad-funny-and a great document of love, loss and learning.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great study of "shoulds" vs. "wants." I battle between these in my own life, so it was refreshing to see how Lisa Kirchner balanced between giving time and energy to her husband and her job versus exploring the new world she was in and even the new person she was becoming. I was especially fascinated by the strange Qatari moments that become part of her day-to-day life — endless/nameless traffic circles, living in a compound, and the "flexible hours" of every shop. It sounds like a dystopian Los Angeles. Her collapsing marriage drives the narrative, but it's these tidbits of culture shock that made me want to read more about being an American in Qatar.

I love Kirchner's ability to both laugh at and honestly dissect rough moments in her marriage, and then the jarring aftermath of being alone. A favorite line: "I certainly can't seem to explain that, no, finding myself swiftly and unexpectedly single is not like being set free as a kid in a candy store. It's more like when you're sick, and standing in the drug aisle, trying to decipher which combination of symptoms you have so you can choose the right pain reliever." Proof that breakups hit hard no matter where you live and where you are in your life.

This is a great read for anyone who's been through a big change in their life, or anyone who wants to learn about being dropped in the middle of a completely new culture. I sometimes had trouble keeping track of all the different characters in Kirchner's life, but her candid descriptions of Qatari life and relationships don't make that a stumbling block. It's an entertaining look at a totally unique situation.

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I opted not to buy this at a secondhand shop some years ago and have regretted it ever since. But! Libraries! They are amazing! So I was pretty durn pleased to dig this up on a Trip That Includes English-Language Libraries (in itself a delight. Do you know how many times I've almost talked to cashiers in German this last week...?).

Kirchner took a position in Qatar partly for the adventure of a very different culture than her own and partly in an bid to rev up her husband's journalism career, since they figured that being embedded in the Middle East would give him immediate access to the sort of news he was interested in. Things did not go quite to plan: the job held cultural differences that Kirchner wasn't prepared for, her husband turned out to be ill-suited to freelance work, the requirements of living in a more prescriptive society chafed, and their relationship frayed.

She makes what I assume is a calculated choice to be up front and unapologetic about things that might cause self-consciousness: an aborted Peace Corps service, (being sober following) an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, dating and sex after separation from her husband. It works really well for the book, which comes off as honest without either brushing off big things or cringing about them years later. (I wish more memoirs went that route!) There's also the sense that she interacted with a pretty wide segment of Qatari society, which is nice. Lots of expats, yes, but also people born and raised in Qatar and holding various roles. While I'd be interested in reading a book by a Qatari national, that's not Kirchner's role, and she doesn't try to make it her role. Overall a quick and compelling read.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm reading this again because I love the author's writing style. She's sarcastic, witty, self-deprecating, and hilarious. The unique setting- Qatar- makes the story extra interesting while the disappointments with men and marriage make it very relatable. Highly recommend this excellent memoir!

[L.L. Kirchner]

Hi Readers! I’m so excited for you to read this book. It took me years to reckon with what it was like to divorce while feminist from within a Muslim culture, and even longer to write the story. As I wrote, “I hoped moving to Qatar would change everything. Until it did.”

I wanted the book to be funny, but not to shy away from the truth of my experiences in Qatar in the mid-aughts. So I’d have to say one of the most gratifying reviews came from an NPR affiliate that said my memoir was “like Eat, Pray, Love, but funny.”

I’m extremely grateful my book has made several lists right here on Goodreads, too, earning spots on lists like “best for book clubs,” and “funniest memoirs for women.”

With all the attention on Qatar because of the FIFA World Cup, I decided to re-release this title under my own label. Thanks for giving my book a read!

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lisa Kirchner has some fascinating stories to tell about her stint in Qatar. From the woman who works for Lisa without actually ever doing any kind of work at all to the 'fixer' who is an absolute necessity but who decides, unfortunately, that Lisa is an awful person and refuses to 'fix' anything for her! Her descriptions of the cityscape, the traffic, Qatari interior decorating and the Qatari women she meets are well worth reading. Her writing isn't the best but she's candid, perceptive, honest and funny. That makes up for a lot. I learned a lot about Qatar from this book too.

I bought this book since I couldn't find it at the library. I'm not sure it's a book I want to keep, though, so I recommend that you suggest your library purchase a copy and then read it for free!

[Lisa Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this candid, humorous look at what life in Qatar is like for American women working there, especially with its immensely benevolent peek at Qatari women's lives under the black abayas. Lisa L. Kirchner exposes flaws in American feminist assumptions about Arabic women in patriarchal societies. As she copes with a floundering marriage, a divorce, and a new life as a single woman in Qatar, she confronts the blind spots in her understanding of what it means to be liberated. It's a must-read for anyone hoping to understand the many ways marital partners waltz between freedom and dependence all over the world.

[Ruth Swanson · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5--an engaging, interesting read.