What do you think?
Rate this book
345 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 14, 2015
“Baby, if you liked me, we’d have a problem. But make no mistake, you do like this. You can’t control it, so accept what this is.”
...my fairy tale had ended. Like a book thrown in the incinerator, pages of my life had been burned into ash then re-written into a girl called Raven.
There was a chance for her without me. A chance to bring the lightness back, the laughter, the sweetness. I was her destruction and I kept falling back into that rift and suffocating her in my darkness.
“You’re going to have to be my braveheart in order to survive me.”
“One night and you give him the two months he needs and promise not to hurt him.”
“One week. And he’ll get his two months.”
"I'll always look out for you, braveheart." Kai
"Mother thought we were more dangerous if we had no attachments, no feelings" Kai
"The magnetic draw of my brave little scientist was irresistible. London was the woman who tested all my control." Kai
"I wanted him,…I liked how his hands felt on me and how he made my body submit to his." London
"It was like I was thawing, the ice congealed around my emotions melting a little each day." Kai
The farm made me numb to everything....
Until a girl weaved her way into my heart and made it beat again.
Emotionless.
Detached.
I'd slit the throats of men who had families. I'd destroyed lives. I'd been groomed to ruin and not care how I did it as long as the job was done.
I'm going to fuck you. And I want to hear you scream when you come and I won't stop until you do...
And I can fuck you for a very long time."
You can't control it, so accept what this is for one more night. Forget that I'm a killer and I'll try to forget that you're a scientist.
Day by day a layer of me was peeled away and I was left raw and exposed. I never thought I'd ever choose to die. But I did.
But I didn't die. So I existed.
I survived. And within the speck of dust, I had a speck of hope.
God, how did I sink so low? How did become a pathetic girl who had lost all dignity?
But my fairy tale had ended. Like a book thrown in the incinerator, pages of my life had been burned into ash then re-written into a girl called Raven.
Nothing about us could end well, but time had never mattered before, and now there was a reason...because what I had with London was timeless. There wasn't an end.
I’d still be the numb, unemotional killer the farm made me if I hadn’t met London.
Mother thought we were more dangerous if we had no attachments, no feelings toward anything or anyone.
She was wrong. I was a lot more dangerous now because I had something to lose.
The farm made me numb to everything, including my sister, and the hate I had for my mother had lain dormant for years until I began to feel again. Until death suddenly mattered.
Until a girl weaved her way into my heart and made it beat again.
I cared about everyone. It was the type of person I was and I couldn’t help it. I saw the good in people even when most saw none. I had no doubt the scars contributed to who Kai was and it saddened me to think that someone hurt him so badly it had molded him into a man who was dangerous. I wanted to know more. I wanted to understand him because Kai wasn’t all bad. If he were, I’d be either dead or he’d have beaten me out in the woods as a warning.
But what Mother didn’t know or understand was you never stole or harmed the girl belonging to a cold ruthless killer. Flecks of who they made me into had begun to chip away the day I’d met London, and what leached inside me was a slow acting poison. One that ate the numbness, brought in the light when all I’d seen was dark.
No doubt it was their plan. Make me submit by doing nothing, by just shutting me in a room for days until all I could think about was begging for someone to help. Begging them for help.
But I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do that.
Her head was lowered, eyes downcast just like every other girl brought before the camera.
Submission, and I’d expected it, but expecting and seeing were completely different, and I wasn’t prepared to see her broken.
My brave scientist ruined.
They’d ruined her.
She’d been fuckin’ perfect. She was brave and cute and caring and fuckin’ perfect, and they’d ruined everything she was.
She spent years with Jacob and Alfonzo and seeing her like this hurt. No, it fuckin’ killed.
Torture had nothing on this. The beauty of what London had always given me—lightness—was gone and that destroyed me.
ERASED.
The word lingered in my head. I became a ghost after ending all communication with London. She was better without me. She was safer.
She crawled off the bed and slipped to her knees. A submissive position. One London would never do, but Raven would. She had to. It had been her survival.
I’d always come for her, but I’d always walked away too.
Her loft. Mexico. The auction. And then at the warehouse when I killed Jacob and she begged me not to leave her.
I’d left her with nothing of me to trust.
“Nothing about us could end well, but time had never mattered before, and now there was a reason… because what I had with London was timeless. There wasn’t an end.”
“I didn’t know what love felt like, but what I felt for her was indescribable with a single word. It was more powerful. It was all consuming. “London, what we are can’t be explained with a word, only experienced.”
“As she straddled me, her mouth inches away, I wanted to kiss her so fuckin’ desperately. I hadn’t tasted her lips before. I had never tasted any woman’s. It was too personal.”
I’d fallen for him before I was Raven, not loved, but I saw something in him. It was the good in him. The need to protect. The desire to care and yet he couldn’t.
Being with him was like breathing in too fast and becoming lightheaded. There were no restrictions as to who I was. Then or now. Kai let me be me and he knew exactly who I was.
Sometimes, I think he knew me better than I knew myself. Maybe he did because he pulled me from a place within myself where I’d been slowly dying.
“It’s just a word and I feel so much more than four fuckin’ letters. But you need to hear it from me right now, so I’m giving it to you. I love you,London.”
“Love you, Kai,”
“Always, baby.”
"I'll always look out for you, braveheart."
"Loving you is like finding the light. I can't ever lose that again, baby. I won't."
But it was his eyes that captivated me, and wouldn't let me go. A deep jade that held amusement mixed with a dangerous glint which completely contradicted one another.
She had an innocence about her, a quietness that played across her face, but there was also a stubborn quirk that lay beneath the natural beauty.
I’d never cared before. In order to care, you had to give a shit. I didn’t. Now I did and it was worse than any physical pain. It was acid eating away at my insides and feeling like there was no way back from the hell I lived in.
I stared at her for several seconds, this remarkable woman who I'd go to the end of the earth for, who I'd kill for if anyone tried to hurt her.
I may not be a fighter, but I sure as hell would fight with everything I had to survive.
Had hard time respecting any man, but I was beginning to respect every one of them. I was beginning to give a shit about them too.
"I'll always look out for you..."
"Kiss me, Kai."
"It's just a word and I feel so much more than four fuckin' letters. But you need to hear it from me right now, so I'm giving it to you. I love you, London."
“No key fit a perfectly ruined lock. Because that was what we were. both ruined, but perfect together.”
"A secret government that didn't follow laws, but had laws of its own."
"My brave scientist ruined. They'd ruined her.
She's been fuckin' perfect. She was brave and cute and caring and fuckin' perfect, and they'd ruined everything she was."
"I'll always come for you, braveheart."
"That four letter word isn't enough for me."