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309 pages, Hardcover
First published April 28, 2015
"All I've got is { }."
"&,&,&."
"!!!!"
"I look at his back. Shoulders = too high."
"AZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZAAZA"
Did he just say stormsharks? My inner nerd is elated. Can anything I will ever hear from now until the end of time sound cooler than stormsharks?
Aza, it says, the whistle. Aza, are you out there?
Aza Ray, your life is so gigantically not what you thought it was going to be.
I'm something else. Something important. What? No cue.
Bang, bang, you're dead. Close your eyes and go to bed.
My thing is a Mystery and not just a Mystery, but Bermuda– no sun, only Triangle.
Unknowable. Unsolvable.
I take handfuls of drugs every morning, even though no one is entirely sure what the thing that's wrong with me actually is. I'm rare like that.
Like I'm in a movie,
like I'm not me,
like I'm someone I never imagined
–bigger, stronger, and fearless.
He merely looks at you, blankly and conquers.
If she were here, listening to me, she'd be puking right now because I'm losing all my dignity.
I know everyone has dreams of flying, but this isn't a dream of flying. It's a dream of floating, and the ocean is not water but wind.
I call the it a dream, but it feels realer than my life.
This isn't just Jason and Aza. It's not me racing against death to save her anymore. It's us racing against the impossible.
I like the sky. It's rational to me in a way that life isn't. Looking at it doesn't suck the way you might think it would, given all the dying-girl-stares-at-heaven possibilities. I don't think of the sky as any kind of heaven item. I think of it as a bunch of gases and faraway echoes of things that used to be on fire.
Speaking of ocean and big fish in it. This is the first footage of a giant squid ever taken in which the squid is swimming around in its own environment. Imagine this sea-monstery unbelievable thing with eyeballs the size of a person's head, and a body and tentacles twenty-five feet long. As long as a school bus. Now, realize that no one's ever seen one moving around down there before. It's a pretty huge miracle, and if this exists, maybe there are things in Loch Ness, too. Maybe there are things everywhere, all over the place. Maybe there is... hope?
Because every time someone finds a new animal, or a new amazing thing on earth, it means we haven't broken everything yet.
I, myself, have never gotten my period, which I'm actually not too upset about. Postpone the misery, I say. It's because I'm too skinny, and have no luck gaining weight.
Clarification: by "too skinny," I don't mean Sexy Goth Girl in Need of Flowery Dress and Lipstick to Become Girl Who Was Always Secretly Pretty but We Never Saw It till Now. I mean: dead girl walking. Corpse-style skin, and sometimes when I cough, it's way gross. Just saying.
When Jason feels inclined, he's been known to make chocolate éclairs. Today he feels inclined. If I weren't already worried, this'd worry me. Chocolate éclairs are for birthdays. If he's making them early, I must really look bad.
Yeah. I think I'll avoid the mirror.
My dad is fading out. All I can see are my own eyelashes and my eye own eyelids, and somehow, also, my own brain, all the pathways inside it, everything dark and narrow, and getting narrower, bookshelves closing in, books crushed, falling into muddled piles, pages crushed, words mangled, and me, running through it all, trying to get out before the walls collapse.
I feel the entire inside of my body folding up, some kind of awful origami. I thought it would hurt, but the pain I've been feeling forever and ever is actually something that's ceasing to matter to me, just like my bones no longer matter to me, and I inhale, and exhale, and
Bird in my chest
Bird in my chest
Bird in my chest
Ships in the sky
Last moments before dying
If you look at the sky that way, it’s this massive shifting poem, or maybe a letter, first written by one author, and then, when the earth moves, annotated by another. So I stare and stare until, one day, I can read it.
I myself have never gotten my period, which I'm actually not too upset about. Postpone the misery, I say. It's because I'm too skinny, and have no luck gaining weight.
Clarification: by "too skinny," I don't mean Sexy Goth Girl in Need of Flowery Dress and Lipstick to Become Girl Who Was Always Secretly Pretty but We Never Saw It till Now. I mean: dead girl walking. Corpse-style skin, and sometimes when I cough, it's way gross. Just saying.
~Thank you HarperCollins Australia for sending me this copy!~
So, Aza has some mystery illness that no doctor can figure out and that causes her to have breathing issues. That has to be very difficult. Also difficult is Aza's attitude. But her friend Jason was pretty great, so I stuck with it, even though I was a bit bored. Then I actually started to enjoy their friendship, and the "will they or won't they?" thing, and it started tugging on my feels. There were points that I was in tears over Aza and Jason and her sickness, and other spoilery stuff that I won't mention. Suffice it to say, I was really starting to enjoy the book.
Bird people. With giant ships in the sky. The hell?! I just.... couldn't. First of all, I was confused. So, so confused. What are bird people exactly? I was basically picturing a team mascot.
Things in the beginning had moved slow, and then suddenly Aza is a bird person, in this whole new world, and I simply couldn't keep up. And also, it was kind of too weird and I stopped caring.
There were a few things I enjoyed, though. The writing was very pretty, and Jason was fantastic as a character (even though some of the stuff about him was highly unrealistic, his character itself was great). And, some of the stuff at the end was pretty enjoyable, so there's that.
But it seemed rushed in general. There was a lot of stuff crammed into 320 pages, which is probably why I had a hard time connecting to the bird stuff (well, that and the fact that it was bird people flying through the damn sky on big old ships). And I don't know if this was an intended outcome, but as the book wore on, I felt pretty sure that I was being given an environmental lecture? I could be completely off base here, but that's how some things came off.
Bottom Line: This was just not for me, but a lot of people absolutely adored it. There's apparently a sequel, but I don't think I will be partaking. I was fine with how this one ended, and honestly, I can't do anymore bird people.
This review was originally posted on It Starts at Midnight