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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships While Avoiding the Habits That Break Down Your Loving Connection
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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships While Avoiding the Habits That Break Down Your Loving Connection

(Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)

4.04  ·  Rating details ·  1,909 ratings  ·  87 reviews
Heartache, anger, insecurities, and just the daily hassles of living together can cause friction in even the most happy couples. And for people who’ve been together for years, there’s the problem of simply taking each other for granted, and not putting enough energy into keeping the relationship vivid and alive. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love shows couples how to live ...more
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published October 5th 1999 by Hyperion Books (first published 1999)
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Average rating 4.04  · 
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 ·  1,909 ratings  ·  87 reviews

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Jul 01, 2013 rated it really liked it
This book is really How to Chill, How to Rule, and How to be Cool with Your Boyfriend, Roomies, Family, Friends and Coworkers. Or: How to Let Love, Not Worry Rule Your World. I wish I had read this when I was 12 so I could have avoided a whole lotta dick moves in my life I learned not to pull by hurting previous relationships. Some of these tips seem commonsense, but aren't second nature like "Don't come home frazzled." This book is Step 2 in my plan to be more peaceful. Expect to see more self- ...more
Aug 19, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
While this book was definitely not written for folks like me - i.e. queer with a non-traditional approach to relationships - I thought there were some helpful points made about why and how to let the small stuff go.
Sep 14, 2009 rated it it was ok
This book in a word: fluff. There are 100 short chapters, each on an idea to improve your marriage. But there are actually about 5 ideas, rephrased 20 times each. Each chapter follows the same format: introduction of the idea, a story illustrating the idea, the author telling how he and his wife live the concept perfectly, and a disclaimer. For example, in the chapter on Allowing Your Partner Some Eccentricities they say, "Now, we're not suggesting that you put up with any truly neurotic behavio ...more
Aug 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Very practical. Everyone should read in order to become more self aware of how their actions, words, and emotions play a significant role in not only romantic relationships — but all of one’s relationships with others.

Also, note: I found this book difficult to read for long periods of time. Each chapter is bite sized, 2-4 pages, and thought-provoking. Don’t make plans to rush through the book — instead, I’d recommend keeping it on the nightstand or coffee table and read a few chapter
Sep 29, 2013 rated it liked it
This book isn't rocket science. BUT the advice is sound. There are times I need to be reminded of the little things that I forget about how to treat other people- particularly my husband- when I'm stressed or tired. I keep it handy and when I need a pick me up, I can find a chapter that brings me back to what's important- and reminds me of basic relationship skills I can neglect at times.
Clarissa Allen
Aug 04, 2011 is currently reading it
'Bout half way through. So far so good. Helps me remember to chill out when I get frazzled. Also helps me remember that I cant control anyone but myself, and trying to is just a waste of my time and energy that could be spent doing something that makes me feel happy and peaceful.
Kira Dlusskaya
Mar 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
I like the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series. Once you've read one, any subsequent books will cover some of the same ground from a bit of a different perspective, which can understandably frustrate some people, but I've read several and found them all helpful and enjoyable. Here's why: covering some of the same material repeatedly in a low pressure relaxed way has helped me actually grasp and apply the ideas more. All the tips are simple and gentle reminders to do the common sense kind thing fo ...more
Karla Winick-Ford
Be consistently grateful. Respond with love. Never underestimate the power of love. When in doubt, pause.

Sometimes it’s hard- reading this, I’m thinking who are you to tell me what to do? Oh, right- I bought this book and sought it out

So yes, helpful advice- gratitude is empowering and humbling
Love is the greatest gift you can give and most precious when it’s received

Authors make it sound like do this and it’ll all be ok... when, the book doesn’t have that buffer like be prepared for this...
Jul 17, 2019 rated it liked it
After the halfway mark of this book, it felt fairly repetitive. It could have been a lot shorter and to the point. The advice itself was mixed, in my opinion. Some of it would be a good way to promote more love in a romantic relationship. But other strategies reminded me of codependent behaviour that shouldn't be encouraged.

Also it was pretty heteronormative, with one piece of advice/3-page chapter mentioning how "/platonic/ opposite sex friendships" are a huge source of jealousy and
Oct 08, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Good good

Puts things into perspective. Let’s you know what’s important and what isn’t and why most of our conflicts come from things that we one exaggerate. Sometimes love is hard because of all the specifics we hold on to, all the little expectations, all the meaningless arguments we blow out of proportion etc. maybe we may it harder than it is because we sweat the small stuff.
Don Browne
Aug 25, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Excellent guide to common sense relationship advise. Short chapters make it an easy read. While most all the chapters are unique they fall under fairly broad categories of be kind, listen to others, don't give advice unless asked, and remember the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence!
Afreen Pargaonkar
Mar 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Amazing book. It is a must read for all couples and if you are in a work and home relationship together it is a definite must read. Read it together like my husband and I did and you will reap the rewards even more. We love this entire series and intend to read them all. This is our second book in the series.
Jaime Huffman
Nov 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Helpful in all relationships - romantic , friendships and family!

Loved the practical tips. Great to read from daily and out to use immediately. Worth the time and makes a great gift.
Sep 23, 2018 rated it really liked it
Great reference book. I liked the light and bite sized chapters. It's refreshing to also have real examples to work with. Over all, great read.
Shawn Antonelli
Mar 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Really an excellent book providing the insights and ideas of how to continue to love the person who is most important to you. Great read!
Sarah Dorothea
Jan 15, 2018 rated it it was ok
2 out of 5 stars! ⭐ I bought it on a wimp and I did not like it. I am just a sucker for beautiful covers so the book did not stay in my bookshelf, I gave it away... 🤭👌🏻👎🏻 ...more
Mickey Reed
Aug 02, 2010 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People in relationships
Shelves: audio, 2010
This book had pretty good advice, but it really assumes that two people are meant to be together. Some relationships just aren't meant to be. The advice given really will only work if you're a willing participant in a relationship and want it to work out. Maybe that's a given, but not all relationships are created equal. My relationship could benefit from some of the knowledge dished out from this book because it's a healthy, working relationship with its share of ups and downs. I'm glad I read ...more
Angela Mason
I think that this is a must read for any couple, especially at the beginning stages of a relationship. It gives sound, helpful and practical advice which if put into practice can reduce arguments. It makes you take a look at yourself and helps you to understand your partner better.
It is a book that should be read again and by both partners lest you lose your way again later down the line or change partners.
Aug 09, 2009 rated it really liked it
Self improvement book meant. I feel it is better than 1st book, "don't sweat the small stuff." There is significant overlap between the two, but more applicable to you and others, whereas "don't sweat the small stuff" is more directed inward only. This one applies to more than just love relationships, good for friends and family.
Quick read! Truly wonderful seeing a couple who can interact with such an easy communication style and be able to convey easy teachings of what truly matters with your mate and what does not. This book would be great for a couple to trade off each evening before bedtime. Tiny chapters and really makes you appreciate the differences in someone else.
There's a chapter on PMS that basically says women are irrational during that whole period, so you'd best ignore them if they're upset.


PMS is a cultural phenomenon practically equivalent to the notorious 1800s hysteria in terms of symptoms - of which there are over 130!!

Sexism anyone?
Aug 04, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: growth
Great little book of advice. I kept it by my night stand for awhile and read a little bit each night. I'm a strong believer that you get out of any relationship what you put into it and a little nurturing of the loving connection can go a long way ;)
Apr 05, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-2004
Great book. Easy to read. Don't have to read from front to back but can jump around to what interests you. Full of short stories and anecdotes that help you open up to a different, less stressful way of thinking about things, relationships and life. Recommend to anyone.
Nothing wrong with the book, and the advice has a lot of resemblance to CBT--essentially you are what you think. It's a super quick read, so picking up a few pointers is painless enough. But I don't imagine many people will be surprised by anything in here.
Jun 26, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Eh. Like the other "sweat" books, it offers the same advice in different ways throughout the book. It does have some good suggestions, however. 100 'different' ideas would be good instead of saying the same thing several different ways.
Jul 04, 2011 rated it liked it
Solid advice and insights. My husband and I read this book by reading a section a day and it had a positive effect on our relationship. Was also an impetus for some good conversations. Drawback: repeatative phrases.
Aug 15, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: best-i-ve-read
Loved this book it points out things that you never really noticed affected you or your relationship. Especially if you dont have a history to learn from. Loved it loved it loved it.
And yes it often reiterates the points but i think each point supports another thats why.
Tim Gannon
Apr 21, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology-mind
Many insightful ideas on how to have a more loving relationship with others. I thought it was quite good. I continue to enjoy this author!
Fenixbird SandS
Oct 26, 2007 marked it as to-read
Recommends it for: WISDOM ALL AGES
Dec 31, 2007 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: yes
DSSS books are easy and quick to read. I wish I would read this one more often. It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling the way I feel sometimes.
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Richard Carlson, Ph.D, was born and raised in the Bay Area. He grew up in Piedmont and received his bachelor's degree from Pepperdine University and his doctorate in psychology from Sierra University before opening a private psychotherapy practice.

During his life, he was considered one of the foremost experts in happiness and stress reduction in the United States and around the world a

Other books in the series

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (1 - 10 of 18 books)
  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life
  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff with Your Family: Simple Ways to Keep Daily Responsibilities and Household Chaos from Taking Over Your Life
  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work: Simple Ways to Minimize Stress and Conflict While Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others
  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women: Simple Ways to Do What Matters Most and Find Time For You
  • Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, For Mothers
  • Don't Sweat The Small Stuff: For Fathers
  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times
  • A Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Treasury: A Special Collection for Newlyweds
  • A Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Treasury: A Special Selection for Mothers
  • A Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Treasury: A Special Selection for Fathers (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Treasury Ser.)
“So perhaps the best thing to do is simply be aware of how much venting is okay and how much is too much.” 0 likes
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