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Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

Sari Solden (Goodreads Author),

John J. Ratey (Foreword by),

Peggy Ramundo (Introduction),

Kate Kelly (Introduction)

4.26 · Rating details · 1,065 ratings · 113 reviews

Explores treatment and counselling options, and uses real-life case histories to examine the special challenges women with ADD and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) face, such as the shame of not fulfilling societal expectations. This book includes a chapter on friendship for women with ADHD.

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Paperback, 354 pages

Published November 1st 2005 by Underwood Books (first published October 1st 1995)

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Nov 17, 2012 Melinda rated it it was amazing

This book has changed my life. If you are a woman, or know a woman who has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, read this book!
I think it is especially important for women like me. I had a lifetime of dealing with issues, beating myself up, & feeling frustrated. This is not uncommon, because most women as young girls don't exibit obvious symptoms. I made good grades & didn't cause trouble. I was the daydreamer in class, unless it was a class I liked. I was a pleaser, who worked extra hard. We learn ho ...more

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Jan 02, 2011 Marley rated it really liked it · review of another edition

This book was very helpful and totally nailed me. I've known for years that I had "something a bit like A.D.D." but always assumed that my low energy levels proved that I didn't have a disorder often referred to interchangeably as "hyperactivity". I was surprised to learn that the sluggish feelings and the inability to put thoughts into action are actually a symptom of one kind of Attention Deficit Disorder.

I read the original version, which is possibly the only reason I'm giving this 4-stars in This book was very helpful and totally nailed me. I've known for years that I had "something a bit like A.D.D." but always assumed that my low energy levels proved that I didn't have a disorder often referred to interchangeably as "hyperactivity". I was surprised to learn that the sluggish feelings and the inability to put thoughts into action are actually a symptom of one kind of Attention Deficit Disorder.

I read the original version, which is possibly the only reason I'm giving this 4-stars instead of 5. If I can get my hands on a new copy, I may upgrade my review. The book is occasionally very dated when it refers to sources of help. The author mentions a CompuServe support group and not a single web site. She also talks about email as a tool for getting work done while avoiding distractions like the telephone without acknowledging the distraction that the computer itself has now become. (Does anyone else have close to 200 unread emails in their inbox?) And sadly the support group organization that she lists as a great place for in-person meetings disbanded in my city two years ago due to -- no joke -- the organizers being overwhelmed by keeping up with the work of running it.

The original printing also has a comical amount of editing errors. You know how you start to type one thing and change your mind mid-sentence and type something else and you think you've re-worded the sentence to make sense, but in reality you've inadvertently left a stray word in the middle of the sentence that doesn't belong there? You'll find those sorts of errors throughout the first edition of the book, which is almost adorable when you know the author herself has Attention Deficit Disorder.

What I appreciate most about this book is that it is genuinely filled with content and not fluff. I've found that most self-help books are about a pamphlet's worth of good information padded out to book size through the use of large fonts, extra spacing, and a lot of meaningless blather. This book really had a lot to say. There were diagrams and case studies, but they didn't take over the book. The author also does not pretend the solution is easy. I might wish that the book ended with a promise that "If you just do X, then you will be cured," but I respect that the author didn't try to sell a magic system that will make it all better.

Personally, the biggest thing I got out of this book was the validation that the coping mechanisms that I had already figured out years ago even without a diagnosis really are necessary and feel better able to stand up to friends who "helpfully" point out that my coping mechanisms are unnecessary. ("If you just tried harder, you wouldn't need to do that.") I've always felt guilty about being a "party pooper" because I can't stand to be in a room with multiple conversations going on at the same time. I also passively accepted a lot of the "toxic help" like the kind the author warns you about because I let people convince me that I deserved the condescending lecture about having made such a mess of things. I've always felt guilty about "wasting" money on a professional service when I "could" have done it myself for free.

If you think you might have A.D.D. and have had trouble finding a source for the non-hyperactive version of it, I highly recommend this book (even if you can only get the outdated version). ...more

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Nov 29, 2008 Angie rated it it was amazing

As I was reading this book I thought, "Oh my gosh, my WHOLE LIFE makes sense now!" No wonder I'm a disorganized librarian---I have adult ADD! I'm being treated for ADD now with medicine and I can't believe what a difference it is making! ...more

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Jun 17, 2014 Jessica rated it it was ok

Shelves: 2014

It was okay. Very informative in the beginning about the common misconceptions about what ADHD is and how it often goes undiagnosed in women because it often shows up as internal inattention but not external hyperactivity - aka daydreamers.

But the rest of the book? I kept reading because I thought I would find hope. Instead I felt more hopeless about having ADD than I ever have before in my life. Acknowledging all my flaws didn't help me: it made me angrier at my current situation and feel vict It was okay. Very informative in the beginning about the common misconceptions about what ADHD is and how it often goes undiagnosed in women because it often shows up as internal inattention but not external hyperactivity - aka daydreamers.

But the rest of the book? I kept reading because I thought I would find hope. Instead I felt more hopeless about having ADD than I ever have before in my life. Acknowledging all my flaws didn't help me: it made me angrier at my current situation and feel victimized by my past. I'd re-name this book, "How to Feel Sorry for Yourself to the Utmost Degree."

On top of everything, the only solutions Solden seems to really propose are medication, therapy, getting a more prestigious job so you can pay little people to do all that work that you aren't suited for because you have ADHD, and making sure your family adjusts to your newfound identity and caters to your every need. I can't afford therapy or medication, a person doesn't just magically move up to a higher position in their field or make tons of money (or live off their husband's income and figure it out from there, this is the 21st century, Solden!!) - and no, by no means am I just going to demand that the people I live with and am close to change everything about our dynamics since I am SO DISABLED with SUCH A DISABILITY.

You know what? I am fine. I am fine without this book and I am fine without this label of ADHD. I am now reading a book called "Refuse to Choose!" by Barbara Sher which is absolutely everything and more that "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" is not. Sher doesn't call it ADD, she calls it being a "Scanner", liking everything, wanting to do everything, dreaming, having hyper focus some times and not having it other times, and suggests cost-effective ways of learning to work with yourself like using pieces of paper and crayons to make goals and write down things you've accomplished...... in short, Sher empowers you. Solden wishes she was empowering you, but no - I've reached the lowest low in my "disorder" from reading this book. I recommend only the introduction and maybe the first couple of chapters. After that, please put it away - don't subject yourself to the hopelessness that I've encountered. ...more

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Oct 05, 2016 Andi rated it it was amazing

ADHD is criticized by many as an over applied diagnosis. I've heard someone say, "Oh everybody has that", and I've heard others say it's just an excuse for laziness or not trying hard enough. Frankly, I feel it is under diagnosed, especially in women.

In 1995, I inquired into the possibility that I might have it and was almost immediately dismissed. I was 18 and maybe didn't have the surest footing into my own identity, but I was pretty sure something was different about me from most everyone els ADHD is criticized by many as an over applied diagnosis. I've heard someone say, "Oh everybody has that", and I've heard others say it's just an excuse for laziness or not trying hard enough. Frankly, I feel it is under diagnosed, especially in women.

In 1995, I inquired into the possibility that I might have it and was almost immediately dismissed. I was 18 and maybe didn't have the surest footing into my own identity, but I was pretty sure something was different about me from most everyone else I knew. But hey- I wasn't the expert in the situation. I left the clinician's office and spent the better part of the last 20 years thinking that maybe I was going crazy. As a young child I was put into a gifted and talented program because I was so "smart". But if this was the case, why did I feel so stupid, inept, in so many parts of my life?

Finally, a year ago, someone else saw in me what I did. I was asked if I had ever been evaluated for ADHD, and my response? I started to cry. I learned that although I do have a REALLY high IQ- which for the first time in my life feels very good to say- the gap between that and my executive functioning skills is huge. It was thought that copies of my old report cards might help in my diagnostic testing, but as it turned out, there was no gray area in the data to compare against my grades. One of the people I have been working with throughout all of this said that, despite all of my struggles, the fact that I have persisted through three attempts in college is remarkable.

I am eternally grateful to have had this book recommended to me. Like reading an autobiography I did not write but could have, it tied in so many things I have perceived in my being to be faulty parts. With this book, I feel validated. Like I wasn't just screwing around for my whole life. I wish everyone who knows me would read this.

Also, I highly, highly HIGHLY recommend this book to others I don't know. To anyone who knows a daydreamer, has trouble managing time, was repeatedly told "You just weren't looking" or was called selfish, scatterbrained, weird. To someone who read, "needs to apply herself" on report cards. To the person who struggles with finishing things. To the person who "just needs to try harder". To the person who maybe thought they had it all together until suddenly one day, for whatever reason- leaving the nest, marriage, parenthood, death of a loved one- they no longer did.

ADHD is not encapsulated in the image of a boy bouncing off the walls in the classroom. It can also be the other, more quiet child in the classroom. Both are struggling to get by, but one is easier to see. ...more

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Aug 27, 2017 Kate rated it liked it

Helpful information, even if not all of the suggestions are practical (wouldn't we all love to be able to afford daycare so we can get the housework done, bookkeepers for our businesses, and professional organizers and coaches to help us set up systems that work for us? Not gonna happen, though, and getting a promotion/higher-level job while requesting extra accommodations and assistants just because it might work better seems like something that's probably never happened for anyone who wasn't e ...more

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Jan 02, 2011 Elizabeth rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Recommends it for: Nobody

OK, so maybe I didn't read the ENTIRE book but I did read a solid 65% of it until I just couldn't stand it any more. It wasn't until Chapter 11 that I found some remotely useful few pages and then it was back to downhill from there. I imagine that many of Sari Solden's professors often wrote comments about how general her writing is/was. In 188 pages, all she told the reader was that ADD is very stressful for women, it's real, and that you need to deal with it -- over, and over, again. I will de ...more

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Dec 13, 2019 Jonelle rated it it was amazing

Sari took a microscope to my brain in this book.

My only gripe is the assumption that we all have money to hire outside help. No ma'am. ...more

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Feb 08, 2021 Charlotte rated it liked it

Shelves: 2021-reads

I did rate this book a 4, but my brain has been obsessively mulling over a few points about this book that don't sit 100% with me.

This book described so many of my ADHD scenarios to a tee. Especially, considering the fact that I was only diagnosed last year at the age of 26! There were a few parts in the book where I had to put my Kindle down and go 'I am so glad, but also so sad that I am not the only person who has been through these sorts of experiences.' By not feeling so bad, I mean that I I did rate this book a 4, but my brain has been obsessively mulling over a few points about this book that don't sit 100% with me.

This book described so many of my ADHD scenarios to a tee. Especially, considering the fact that I was only diagnosed last year at the age of 26! There were a few parts in the book where I had to put my Kindle down and go 'I am so glad, but also so sad that I am not the only person who has been through these sorts of experiences.' By not feeling so bad, I mean that I don't feel alone in this issue. By feeling sad, I mean that I feel terrible that these other girls and women have been through these same real-life scenarios that I have experienced.
Some of the advice was helpful, and has made me research into support groups I can sign up for, but a lot of Sari's advice comes down to: pay someone else to divide your difficulties and move up higher in your workplace so others can do the 'nitty gritty' parts of your job.
Well:
a) I can't afford a personal assistant or a coach for that matter.
And
b) I feel like in the last 10 years, the aspect of moving up in a company so fast is SUPER slim.
Yes, I do realise that this sort of advice varies from person to person. Not all advice or ideas are going to work for everyone. But I feel like these two points of advice are super outdated now!

Also a lot of the advice about using technology is super outdated too. I kept converting statements such as: 'add reminders into your PDA to: 'add reminders in your smartphone and take notes on an notetaking app like Evernote' (Yes, Evernote is a lifesaver for me!).

I still recommend adult women that suspect that they have undiagnosed ADHD to read this book. Especially the first few chapters. The insights and scenarios that are provided in this book are definitely worth reading, as they are relatable in a way that makes me want to laugh and cry (simultaneously). As mentioned, a lot of the advice was outdated for me, although there is still a lot of useful advice for someone who is considering that they have ADHD and are on the journey to a professional diagnosis.

To anyone who is reading this and is currently going through the diagnosis journey, or who suspects that they have ADHD and are only just starting their journey to diagnosis: You deserve everything, and I hope you get where you need to go in getting assistance! <3 ...more

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Feb 11, 2021 Umi rated it really liked it

How does this book know everything about me?! Totally insane to hear (listened to this as an audiobook, which offers the added bonus of leaving the listener free to play the Happy Mondays’ ‘Step On’ on a loop in their head as they devise a small dance they feel represents the experience of being both inattentive and hyperactive) experiences that were SO CLOSE to my own as well as get tips that might keep me from crying preemptively in 80% of work meetings. As other reviewers have pointed out, so ...more

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Mar 07, 2012 Ginny rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Everyone

Recommended to Ginny by: Library Find

Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

Many women think they are the only one who struggles with the demands of work, motherhood and other issues that women face in today's society. Quite frequently women are unaware of having ADHD much less, how it contributes to these struggles. However, Ms. Solden has written an excellent book discussing this topic. She not only shares examples of what other women are facing, but also explains why the strictures ...more

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Feb 25, 2016 Rachel Smalter Hall rated it it was amazing

Shelves: american, wellness-and-self-development, non-fiction

I was expecting to react very emotionally to this book, and was surprised when that didn't happen. Other women have said that this book changed their lives or finally made them feel understood for the first time in their lives. While I didn't have that reaction, that didn't stop this from being the best book about women and ADHD that I have found.

Sari Solden really covers it all, from diagnosis to medication, treatment, the grief cycle, and redefining your core self-concept. It's breadth made it ...more

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Sep 23, 2009 Sheena rated it it was amazing

It's rare that I read "self-help" books to begin with. It's even more unusual when a book reads like my autobiography.

Sari Solden describes not only the "typical idea" about ADD, but differentiates between ADD and ADHD. She also expands on the concept, describing common traits that occur when a woman has only sort of dealt with having ADD. Solden explains that many women struggle due to familial expectations -- the expectation that women must keep their homes and lives (plus those of family memb ...more

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Jan 13, 2018 Catherine rated it it was amazing

It's like the author is writing about ME. I've never felt so deeply understood as I do reading this book. ...more

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Nov 01, 2019 Max rated it it was amazing

the best!! The relationship/family parts don’t really acknowledge that lesbianism is a thing; she says “partner” but only really talks about straight relationships. Understandable since she’s drawing from her own life a lot but don’t be lulled by the p word ;) really helpful though esp if you haven’t read anything in depth about being a woman with add. Rereading it years later it was cool to see how much of the sad emotional stuff DOESN’T apply to me as much now that I have the framework she pro ...more

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Jun 09, 2018 Brynne rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, disability-neurodiversity-etc

So eye-opening. Although I don’t identify as a woman, I was raised as one and thus related to a lot of this book. It’s more aimed at women who have a spouse and a family than anyone else, but there was still so much useful info here for a single person like me. I feel much better about getting treatment for my own ADHD in a way that’s healthy and productive for me.

Highly recommended for literally everyone, especially those who see ADHD as a thing that happens to only hyperactive white boys (and, ...more

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Jun 24, 2020 Kristina Zonk rated it it was amazing

The best book I've read so far on the subject. Comprehensive, validating, challenging in places. May pick up a physical copy to have handy ...more

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Jan 27, 2021 Rachel rated it liked it

This book is packed full of useful information in understanding how ADD presents itself in women. It’s well researched and referenced.

So what kept me from giving it 4 or even 5 stars? It needed more how on top of the why. This book is very long, with a lot of information, which made it very difficult for me, a person with ADHD, to process. With all the work I did to absorb the information, I learned a lot, but not a lot of how to change my circumstances. So much wants me to rely on others, but ...more

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Jan 31, 2021 Taryn Rodzinyak rated it liked it · review of another edition

I found the beginning quite helpful, as someone recently diagnosed. However, as the book went on, it began to feel a bit outdated in mindset and advice.

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Oct 06, 2013 Annemette rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-i-recommend, dear-to-my-heart, favorite, owned-and-read

I have always known I was different. I fitted in without really fitting in.
I'm what most will qualify as being a good functioning ADHD person.
Mostly because I am finished my degree, got a job I love and generally don't stand out as a ADHD prone person. That is, until you see how I am living and learn the way my mind works. Then there is absolutely no doubt. I've got ADHD. Some days it is the worst curse in my life and i hate it with all my heart. But most days it's just something that are a pa ...more

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Nov 05, 2018 Anna rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Amazing insights

This book is incredible — personal, narrative-based and informative. Even if you don’t have ADHD if you are a chronically disorganised woman this will resonate with you.

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Jun 02, 2012 Molly rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2012

I have torn had people jokingly say that I was " so add". I picked up this book at half price books and before the end of the evening had used all my post it page markers. Things that I had attributed to depression for years were mentioned specifically in this book.

It would not have been helpful for me to have picked this book up after a diagnosis, but I think the information gleaned from the pages will help my therapist and I develop a plan for the future.

I can't begin to describe how elated I ...more

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Dec 11, 2008 JoAnn rated it really liked it

A little wordy, but a must-read for women with ADD. A comprehensive book on the non-attentive type of ADD, it specifically deals with womens issues and experiences and combines real life composite histories and treatment experiences with the latest clinical resarch. Also provides new information on medication, diagnosis, treatment, therapy, counseling, and support groups, work and family relationships.

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Aug 09, 2010 Kathy rated it it was amazing

Shelves: haven-t-finished-but-put-down-for-a

This book is going to save my life. I have found the 'missing link' Hallelujah! Praise the Lord, I've been Saved! It's like someone took a magnifying glass to my life, it's been that powerful. Oh, and I just got it today to see if 'may' apply to me. It's been a Godsend.
Have I praised it enough? ...more

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Jun 25, 2008 Patti rated it it was amazing

Shelves: adhd

A must read for every woman who has ADHD. Husbands would learn a lot about their wife also.

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Jan 01, 2013 Joanne rated it it was amazing

Every woman who struggles with organization, ADHD or not, should read this book. Life is defined by more than being neat and/or orderly but it is easier when you can find your keys.

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Jun 18, 2018 Gillian Freeman rated it really liked it

That awkward moment when you’re a month away from 38 years-old and your whole life suddenly makes sense. Great book clarifying what ADHD (inattentive type) looks like in women (and girls).

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Jul 16, 2020 Amy rated it it was amazing

Wow, what a book.

The TL;DR of my review is: If you are a woman with ADHD, or a parent, friend or partner of one such woman, I highly recommend this comprehensive guide.

It's been about a year since I discovered I have ADHD. Embarking on this journey has been a whole lot of a lot but has offered me a better understanding of myself and how I navigate the world. In this I have been able to forgive myself for shortcomings, as well as find more effective ways to manage and talk about them. This has ...more

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May 10, 2017 Amanda rated it liked it

I listened to the audiobook version of this, so my review is based on that. In general, I didn't mind the voice recording but disliked the actor voices and background soundtrack. It became extremely confusing to listen to her words at some points over the talk or music. I also found it difficult to relate to many of the scenarios due to personal thought patterns and a totally different inner voice to what the actors were saying.

Much of it felt very contrived and false, and while this is not real ...more

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May 24, 2017 Amaryllis rated it it was amazing

This was admittedly an impulse buy from a thrift shop, but I'm so glad I went with my gut! I was diagnosed ADHD later in life (long story short: started therapy at 12 on and off, prescribed anti-depressants at around 18, then at around 22-23 finally convinced therapists that there's something else wrong and am not just depression/anxiety, went through tests with mental health professionals and was finally diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall at 23, now I'm 25), and everything I've read in ...more

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About Sari Solden

Sari Solden

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Sari Solden, M.S, is a psychotherapist who has counseled adults with ADHD for 30 years. She is the author of Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, Journeys Through ADDulthood, and co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD (July 2019). She serves on the professional advisory board of ADDA and was received their award for outstanding service by a helping professional. Her areas of specializa ...more