Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD

Rate this book
If you or someone you love is struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you need up-to-date, accurate, and accessible information on the problems you’re facing and where you can turn for help. But where do you look? Much of the professional literature on BPD is too technical and confusing to be of much help. And searching the Internet for accurate information can be treacherous, with some sites providing useful information and others giving dangerous advice and misinformation. If you’re living with BPD, this compassionate book offers what you really need: an easy-to-follow road map to guide you through this disorder and its treatment.

This book provides answers to many of the questions you might have about BPD: What is BPD? How long does it last? What other problems co-occur with BPD? Overviews of what we currently know about BPD make up the first section of the book. Later chapters cover several common treatment approaches to BPD: DBT, mentalization-based treatment (MBT), and medication treatments. In the last sections of the book, you’ll learn a range of useful coping skills that can help you manage your emotions, deal with suicidal thoughts, and cope with some of the most distressing symptoms of BPD.

This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 12, 2007

Loading interface...
Loading interface...

About the author

Alexander L. Chapman

14 books24 followers

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
324 (35%)
4 stars
321 (35%)
3 stars
211 (23%)
2 stars
46 (5%)
1 star
10 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
Profile Image for Suz.
1,133 reviews580 followers
February 17, 2023
My intial copy was borrowed, and not returned. Must be an ok book then?!

This is a good reference book in many ways. Helpful for the diagnosed and the families. It is an easy to pick up and put down guide, and this is always helpful when the topic is heavy.

Very clear plain English, which is perfect for the content. The chapters are laid out in such a way that explains what will be covered, then finalising with a summary of that chapter. This is not technical and does not aspire to be, which I think is very important as it can empower those with spectrums of these type of illnesses to be empowered, and this is very important.

Like any non fiction, you can take what you like and leave the rest, and use the information that suits your needs - or not.

Incorporating ideas about how to find help, CBT, DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and the amazing Marsha Linehan) and treatment options. This is a helpful and very easy to read book that is useful, where help is so often needed in this regard as BPD is very a misunderstood illness, it is known as a difficult one to treat and I have even heard doctors say the profession still is learning in this area and has a long way to go.

Hopefully this book will help those who get the chance to give it a shot.
Profile Image for TJ.
43 reviews113 followers
May 7, 2016
Surprisingly good and useful for a self-help book and seemed to be way more compassionate than all the other books on BPD at the library. This one made sure to stress that you're not a manipulate awful person to be avoided at all costs if you have BPD, while a lot of other books seem to kind of (subtly or not so subtly) work through that as a given framework.

But shit got weird went the authors tried to approach suicide and they actually at multiple points, really bizarrely used 'no one really knows what happens when you die, for all you know you might kill yourself and end up in hell for eternity!' as a reason for people with BPD to not kill themselves, along with a bunch of other guilt-based bullshit
Profile Image for طارق سيد.
Author 3 books1,360 followers
January 22, 2022
كتاب مهم ،يسبر اغوار النفس البشرية و يحلل اضراب الشخصية الحدية من كل الجهات، من اول التشخيص حتي العلاج.
#كوكب_الكتب
#العراف

https://youtu.be/wUpJ-P2ZDQg
Profile Image for Joyce.
Author 2 books2 followers
June 24, 2015
This book explained BPD and even explained a bit about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the treatment of choice for Borderline Personality Disorder. It's the treatment that helped me recover. I like how, included in each chapter, were examples of what it's like living with BPD. There are even some great exercises to try to help you cope with your emotions.
Profile Image for Josiah.
376 reviews25 followers
July 17, 2012
Written by two of the experts at the forefront of research on BPD, this book is written for the average person who has questions about Borderline Personality Disorder.

Contents: What is BPD? BPD: Is what they say really true? What causes BPD? Will I have BPD forever? The course of BPD. Problems that often go along with BPD. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm. How do I find help for BPD? Dialectical behavior therapy. Mentalization-based treatment. Dealing with suicidal thoughts. Coping with your emotions.

Especially convenient are the tables for diagnostic symptoms (pg 18), common myths (pg 39), different types of self-harm (pg 98), reasons for self-harm and what to do (pg 111), questions to ask a mental health treatment provider (pg 130), questions to ask about medication (pg 189-190), pros & cons of medication (pg 192), symptom monitoring log (pg 195),

As they say several times in the book, no one can self-diagnose this problem. You MUST see a professional psychologist, psychiatrist, or mental health therapist!

Writing: B
Vocabulary: B
Level: Intermediate
Rating: PG13 (mental health issues, suicide, anger, abandonement)
Profile Image for abrightwoman.
15 reviews2 followers
May 23, 2021

ما كان من الصعب بالنسبة لي اني اقرا كتاب يتكلم عن مشكله اعاني منها حبيت جداً هذا الكتاب لانه بسيط و دقيق و مرتب كوني اعاني من هذي المشكلة حبيت هذا الكتاب اللي يعرفني على المشكله اللي عاني منها وفي طيات هذا الكتاب كلام جداً محترم للي يعانون من اضطراب الشخصية الحدية ولا يوصمهم بالعار ولا بالأشمئزاز حبيت جداً اعتبر هذا الكتاب مذكره تعريف للحدية و فعلاً اعتبره دليل للبقاء
Profile Image for Ash Gamble.
14 reviews
July 27, 2020
Compassionate and neutral. They didn’t villianize bpd. Some of this info is probably old but I appreciated getting some information and learning a bit more.
Profile Image for May Ling.
1,071 reviews287 followers
January 1, 2020
Summary: It's oriented more toward BPD people who cause self-harm or have truly self-destructive behaviors. There are other books that address the full spectrum. Still, there are some helpful tips enough that I would throw it in the mix if you're dealing with a BPD person.

Read this on hoopla and don't quite have my settings correct for page numbers. Here they are:
225 pages left - "The powerful emotions and sensitivity of people with BPD can be exciting and intense. People with BPD can be dramatic and charismatic, and they are often quite caring and understanding. Nevertheless, caring for someone with BPD is like trying to hold onto the sun: the emotional intensity of a person with BPD can singe and char relationships."

218 pages left - They go through the idea that there are clinical disorders and personality disorders. Most people think of crazy as the former. The latter, though is also something to be addressed. It has to do with the way people act, regulate their emotions, etc.

215 pages left (why isn't this definition sooner, IMO) - "BPD is a disorder of instability and problems with emotions. People with BPD are unstable in their emotions, their thinking, their relationships, their identity, and their behavior." It goes on from there with why that might be.

I have no idea how they think this is only 1-2% of the population. I think this may be higher among those that do not seek help. I'd like to see more thorough studies done on populational cross sections.

213 pages left - there's a checklist of the traits. This is similar to what you'd find online.

201 left - They talk about the idea that BPD are thought to be manipulative, but in fact, it's just them reacting to what has worked. When they exhibit extreme behaviors, they get a reaction. They may not be thinking through the reaction and how self-harm is bad or hurting others is not ok.

200 left - They are not at risk of hurting others, even if portrayed this way. [Ok... this one, I why I docked a star. If you think the emotional damage that BPD does to loved ones is not a form of hurt, then we've got to agree to dissagree]

197 left - BPD is not hereditary. The next few pages talk about risk factors. They then say a few pages after: "...the family members of people with BPD work incredibly hard to help that person in anyway they can. These families are doing the best they can to help a loved one who just happened to be born more sensitive and emotional than some other people."
I love and hate this. There is a different book I'd recommend if you are a child with BPD. B/c the issue here is that by definition a BPD person during an episode is typically denying a child's reality. And one of the major things they do in this case is to make you feel guilty that it is your job to parent them. so this whole being sensitive b/c they are emotional is great! Helping families and being there for loved ones is important. But there is a form of self-harm children of BPD do that last a lifetime and permeates into bad relationships due to lack of boundaries. This book doesn't address that.

194-3 left - They talk about the bias to attribute BPD to women. That's not true.

190 left - tests with twins demonstrate the idea that it might be hereditary vs. nurture.

187 left - describe lower dopamene levels related to the DD4 gene. It relates to mood and pleasure. (actually it relates to a lot more than that, but whatevs)
The talk on hormones continues on the next few pages in a way that makes me think there has been little work done in the right way. I mean, all these hormones are also related to exercise, sleep, etc. I would have liked to see a more thorough discussion here. At any rate

185 left - "If you have BPD, you probably experience intense emotions that sometimes change quite rapidly and at other times stick around for an agonizingly long time. You may have trouble bringing yourself down once you feel a strong emotion. So it's probably not surprising that researchers have found differences in the amygdalas of people with BPD..."

BPD and PTSD people both have a smaller hippocampus.

183 left - reaction to minor stressors set you off beyond normal. There is an exaggerated cortisol response for BPD people.

181 left - childhood mistreatment might be a part of it.

179 left - he doesn't believe it's a kind of PTSD

177 left - problems with attachment due parenting

160 left - "The other point we want to make is that some people are simply born more emotionally intense than others. They feel things more strongly and experience their emotions more intensely. This is just hte way they are, a part of their personality. And because it is a part of their personality, this is probably not going to change."

135 left - he goes into suicidal behaviors.
133 left - he goes into the idea that BPD people are not manipulative so much as they are reacting to the pattern of how people react to their extremely behaviors (in this context self-harm).

124 left - "People with BPD often struggle with major relationship problems and conflicts. They also have difficulty being assertive or skillfully asking others for what they want." Again, he's in the context of self-harm.

115 left - he talks about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a means of treatment.

101/95 left He talks about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (talking it out) This helps BPD accept themselves and their actions.

99--98 There are 3 items he lists: Emotional Sensitivity, Emotional Reactivity, Slow return to Emotional Baseline - This is what BPD people struggle with. They then talk about the invalidating environment.

88 left - emotional regulation skills consists of: Managing your emotions effectively, Observing or accepting your emotions, Chaging (increasing or decreasing) your emotional experience, Making yourself less vulnerable to emotions by increasing pleasant events in your life, taking care of yourself, and meeting your physical/emotional needs

Distress Tolerence Skills - Wow... didn't know this was a thing. Very cool.

82 left - Mentalization Based Treatment - this is developed to improve a sense of self. Helps you understand the connection between your mental states and your behaviors. Also helps you understand that mental states are separate from behavior.

77 left - The idea is that as a child you should talk kids through their emotions so they can learn to mentalize correctly. If they are sad, have them talk through. this helps them to put a name on their feelings and then think about actions and behaviors separately.
76 left - if you mis-mirror emotions for a child it's super confusing and can also be bad.
Then he says that BPD people often have problems with this.

32 left - "Being a very emotional person is not hte problem, though. The problem is the way in which some people with BPD cope with their emotions."

If you are a person with BPD, this is a great book for you. It doesn't go too hard and is pretty compassionate. If you are doing with someone dealing with a BPD personality, I think the major issue with this book is given it's softness, it does not do enough to speak to the idea that NONE of these behaviors are OK and you are essentially choosing to tolerate them. Like it is NOT ok for BPD person to do a series of things to others b/c they lack emotional control. They need to seek help. If they don't, then you are simply embedding in the behavior.

My issue is given the personalities I have met with BPD, I can't see them reading this book and seeking help unless they are all the way to 10 suicidal. The stuff in between though is pretty painful to thier lives and those of others. I think there are others that might be better. You really should only read this book if you are a person dealing with BPD if you have the emotional strength to actually help such a person. If you're a victim, spouse, or child, this book is a starting place, but just realize that you are not the intended audience at all.












22 reviews1 follower
September 21, 2017
I found out about BPD years ago, so there was a lot of familiar information here, but I wish someone had given me this when I was diagnosed. It's written with a very understanding voice, and succinctly covers a lot of important areas at once. Only real criticism is the usual US-centricism, when it comes to getting help.
Profile Image for Zach.
483 reviews1 follower
June 5, 2021
It was very informational, but I think this book was intended for someone with BPD rather than what I was looking for.

It was very repetitive at times, and it used very weird and unnecessary metaphors at times. Also, the intro went on forever and told me how interesting the book was going to be while the rest of the book proved otherwise.
Profile Image for Melissa.
711 reviews19 followers
May 25, 2013
It was an okay book, good for people who need an overview. I found the parts about DBT and Marsha Linehan especially helpful. :)
Profile Image for إيمان الحراكي.
98 reviews1 follower
Read
February 4, 2023
كتاب اضطراب الشخصية الحدية : د.ألكيسندر ل شابمان -د.كيم ل كراتز
ترجمة : الجميلة لبابة مناف اللحام
٢٧٥ صفحة ورقي
دار الفكر - مكتبة مداد ☘️
الكتاب مقسم الى قسمين فيهما ١٢ فصل في نهاية كل فصل خلاصة تساعد على استرجاع المعلومات والتركيز عليها ، كما هناك أمثلة وجداول للتوضيح
- الكتاب غني بالمعلومات بأسلوب سلس وواضح
- اللهم شفاء لكل مريض ، من لديه اضطراب نفسي لايعاني وحده بل يعاني كل من حوله وخاصة محبيه
- إن مفتاح تقدم الأمراض نحو علاجها ، طبية كانت
أم نفسية ، هو نشر المعلومات .
- لا يمكنك تشخيص نفسك ...لابد أن تزور مختصا ، لانه لاشك أنك لاتملك الأدوات أو المهارات أو النظرة الموضوعية الضرورية للقيام بالتشخيص
- الحدية هي عدم الاستقرار ......والخروج عن السيطرة في عدة مجالات في الحياة
- الحدية اضطراب عاطفي
- فوضى المشاعر ، قلق ، صعوبة تحكم بالغضب ، سلوكيات انتحار ، الاندفاع ، صعوبة تنظيم الهوية والذات وغيرها أعراض للحدية
- امكانية التعافي بتقديم اساليب العلاج الصحيحة
- هل تورث الحدية؟
- الجينات ، الدماغ ، الشخصية ، وتجارب الحياة ، البيئة ، التربية قد تسبب اضطراب الشخصية الحدية
- هناك عوامل تسىرع العلاج واخرى تعيقه
- أسباب الانتحار أو ايذاء الذات
قد يحاول البعض الانتحار من أجل جعل الآخرين أفضل حالا !!!
- اللجوء للايذاء المتعمد لايصال رسالة ما للأخرين
- العلاج السلوكي الجدلي هدفه وجود حياة تستحق العيش ووقف السلوك الانتحاري
- العلاج المعتمد على التعقل هو علاج تحليل نفسي لمساعدة المراجعين على فهم أن سلوكيات كل فرد تنبع من بعض الخبرات الداخلية او ترتبط بها
- العلاج الدوائي يساعد في بعض المشاكل لكن لا يؤدي إلى الشفاء التام، كما أن لكل دواء اثار جانبية يجب الفكير بها قبل ان تقرر أخذ الدواء
- تعلم مايمكن قبوله ومايمكن تغييره يساعد جدا في العلاج
- أفضل طريقة للتعامل مع مشاعرك عندما تكون منزعجا هو تركيز انتباهك على شيء آخر
- استخدم خيالك 👍 ، استمع للموسيقا ..........، قم بماتحبه للتخفيف من معاناتك
Profile Image for Wala'a.
79 reviews
September 13, 2022
الإضرابات النفسية معقدة ومخيفة للناس التي لاتمتلك ادنى فكرة عنها و قد نعتقد أن الأمراض النفسية خاصة بمن يعيش في المشافي النفسية
لكن الموضوع أكبر بكثير تلك الاضطرابات قد يعاني منها أشخاص نحبهم و يشكلون جزء مهم في حياتنا تخيل أن شريك حياتك والدك أمك طفلك يعاني او حتى انت يعاني من احد تلك الاضطرابات … سيكون ذالك مؤلم طبعا لكنه اكثر اسلاما لمن يعانيه و لا يعرف ادنى طريقة للتحكم به او معالجته هنا تكون الطامة الكبرى …
أول طريق للعلاج هو تشخيص المرض
و الخطوة الثانية و الاهم هو تقبل فكرة المرض النفسي و اعتباره كسائر الامراض
لا على أنه وسمة عار …

Profile Image for Jenny Demonic.
132 reviews14 followers
June 23, 2017
A very broad and generic overview, but enormously beneficial for those not well-versed in the lingo and new to the world of BPD.
That said, some of the examples became so simple it was like being talked down to. Other examples seemed to fold back in on themselves until they became overdrawn and forgetful.
Putting the weakness aside, this was still a very helpful starting point.
4 reviews
March 26, 2022
This book really helped me understand a loved one recently diagnosed with BPD and how to support him. Very insightful into treatments & medication in a way the lay person can understand. I also liked it because unlike other books I’ve read did not put the blame on the person with BPD but explained reasons why the person may have developed this mental illness.
Profile Image for Sarah.
60 reviews4 followers
May 7, 2019
Of all the books I've read since my BPD diagnosis, by far the most helpful. Much, much better than "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" for me.
Profile Image for Leo.
7 reviews
November 13, 2020
Centred around those who are struggling with this illness, rather their loved ones. Used respectful language. Found the last chapters less captivating but otherwise an interesting reading.
Profile Image for Seerat.
3 reviews
April 6, 2023
Okay so I picked up this book to help understand one of the most stigmatized diagnosis in medicine and to help someone I care about. I like how this book lays out the experience of someone with BPB and calls out the reason stigma exists (and what the harmful beliefs around this mental illness are). This book was a great educational reference/ introduction. I should amend that it’s been almost 20 years since it was published and since then the DSM has also been updated (and hopefully updated again soon) so it is a little dated now( but nothing major). All in all, it’s helped me have a much healthier relationship with someone I care about who struggles with BPD. Also as Med student, this helped me educate others (including my own teachers) about what BPD stereotypes are harmful and how they contribute to stigma. It also gave concrete DBT/ coping skills and advice. Helpful! A great intro.
Profile Image for Kassie.
245 reviews10 followers
December 28, 2019
Real rating 4.5 stars.

This was a very informative book. It made a point to talk about how bpd is an illness, and the person who has it is not at fault just for having it. It also did a great job on explaining why people become suicidal and why the term “cry for attention” is a bad term. Beyond that, it did a good job explaining why bpd could come into being.

I wish I’d had this book several years ago. I think it would have been a good resource to have when I was still unsure of my symptoms. As it is now, it’s not super helpful (although the explanation for why bpd happens was incredibly helpful) but it could be to someone else struggling out there.

I knocked off half a star for some boring writing and also some annoying anti self-dx stuff.
Profile Image for Adelaide.
92 reviews
August 1, 2022
This book is split into two parts. The first part was informative which was good but felt at times it was a little harsh on people with BPD and a little patronising.

The second part was practical advice, and this was the best part. Really useful and practical. Spoke about therapy, medication, suicidal thoughts and coping with emotions.

Overall this is a good book for people with BPD or think they may have it. It's a great starting point to knowing more and the information is well researched.
5 reviews
August 12, 2023
So helpful!

I've struggled with BPD for YEARS, and I finally felt understood in this book. I felt like it was an accurate description of what I feel and experience. Not only did it walk me through what BPD is, but it also taught me valuable coping mechanisms and taught me about ways to deal with BPD. It gave me some hope. Absolutely recommend for anyone with BPD, or anyone who has a loved one with BPD.
Profile Image for Anita.
945 reviews1 follower
February 16, 2018
i read this book to fulfil the goal read a book written by two authors. i have read better guides as far as explaining what borderline personality is. however this book is the first one that included stratagies for getting better that went beyond traditional therapy or medication. a little heavy on suside prevention, but considering the target audience may be appropriate.
Profile Image for Omar AbdulRahman.
158 reviews14 followers
April 20, 2022
كتاب متكامل، لا يترك تفصيلة عن اضطراب الشخصية الحدية (Borderline Personality Disorder) إلا ويتحدث عنه ويشرحه.
مناسب لأي شخص تم تشخيصه بالاضطراب، ولكل من يعرف شخصًا تم تشخيصه بهذا الاضطراب ويود أن يعلم المزيد عن هذا المرض وكيف يشعر المريض به.
أنصح به في هاتين الحالتين فقط (أو إذا كان هذا تخصص دراستك بالطبع)، عدا ذلك لا أشع�� أنه سيكون الأكثر فائدة لكونه متخصصًا في مرض واحد فقط دونا عن غيره.
Profile Image for Eliza Beth.
6 reviews
November 20, 2020
Very helpful, and the first resource I have come across in my healing journey so far that makes me feel it was written for those suffering with BPD symptoms, rather than how to deal with someone else living with BPD.
Profile Image for Meteorite_cufflink.
99 reviews2 followers
January 17, 2021
A concise overview of the medical/diagnostic history of BDP, insight on the factors that contribute in people developing the disorder and in-depth information on DBT en MBT, two forms of treatment. Would've been four stars if the book had been updated recently, which it hadn't.
Profile Image for Kennedy Stroh.
3 reviews
February 8, 2023
If you, or someone you love has BPD this book has a lot of helpful information. I enjoyed the experts from other people lives who struggled with BPD. Discusses the myths about this disorder/attachment wound & really brings to light what it means.
Profile Image for abby.
18 reviews
August 8, 2023
the first part was very good, but the second part soured me on the book entirely. especially the last chapter with its weird “just breathe 🙂” bullshit and promoting distraction as a coping mechanism when people with BPD are notoriously avoidant.
Profile Image for Stephanie.
Author 12 books11 followers
June 24, 2017
Incredibly simplified (too much so for clinicians or students) but seemingly would make an excellent guide for newly diagnosed patients.
Profile Image for Annika Seitz.
10 reviews
May 13, 2018
Helpful for clinicians who treat clients with this disorder, as well! Much less stigmatizing than “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”
Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.