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234 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 27, 2014










"LOVE. YOU VICIOUS BITCH OF A PUPPET MASTER."
“Dear new guy downstairs,
Truly sorry about the noise, we’ll try to keep it down in the future. However, we’d like to ask that in the future, you would be so kind as to come to us directly if you have a problem. You know, like a grownup. and we’d really appreciate it if you would not call the fucking landlord. There’s no need to go all Pussy McTattletale.
Much love,
The guys on top”
“I told Jairo you had a boyfriend because he was going on and on about your magic hands and your golden cock and how sparkly butterflies come out your ass when you take a dump.”
“I’m a nice guy, Doug. Everybody likes me. I’m not used to people yelling in my ear. But it’s funny. Yesterday I get a call from the landlord, Anna. She’s bitching at me because I’m disturbing Doug. I say who the fuck is Doug? She says the guy downstairs.”
“Then today, I get a call from Jairo. He’s bitching at me because of something Doug said. So I say who the fuck is Doug? He says the guy that lives downstairs.”
“So then I’m having breakfast with my boyfriend, Stewart.” Doug went still. “Nothing ever affects Stewart’s good mood. He’s my laidback, corn-fed country boy. But suddenly he’s acting all anxious and twitchy and weird. So I ask what’s up. And he tells me he spent the night with Doug. Can you guess what I said?”
Doug sighed. “I’m guessing...who the fuck is Doug?”
"Love. You vicious bitch of a puppet master."
“He’s for you, that longing said. Take him.”


"I can’t go back to the table right now,” Doug said. Stewart’s brow furrowed. “Why?”
Doug shrugged. “Because you’re still standing here. And I couldn’t walk away from you if I tried.”
Stewart let out a breath. He held Doug’s eyes. “So stop trying."

“Am I drunk?” Stewart leaned his shoulder against the bar, thick arms crossed in front of his chest. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you’re sounding a bit...British tonight.”
“I am a bit British. But I’m not drunk. Not yet, anyway.”

“You don’t really want to be the meat in that nasty boy sandwich, do you?”