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The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment
by
Todd Kashdan (Goodreads Author),
Robert Biswas-Diener
In The Upside of Your Dark Side, two pioneering researchers in the field of psychology show that while mindfulness, kindness, and positivity can take us far, they cannot take us all the way. Sometimes, they can even hold us back. Emotions such as anger, anxiety, guilt, and sadness might feel uncomfortable, but it turns out that they are also incredibly useful. For instance
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Community Reviews
(showing 1-30)
I think overall for the average person this is a decent reminder that we should not forget about the entire experience of human life. The lows are important as are the highs. Yet the authors tend to review the negative emotions ( and really they only discuss basic things like anger, anxiety, depression and guilt) as surface emotions. Their discussion of depression is really about feeling sad, and there is a big difference. When they discuss anxiety they are talking about nerves, not true anxiety
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Perhaps this may have been a 4 star book if it didn't take me 8 months to finish. It contained some good 'against the grain' facts on the benefits of our darker side. I enjoyed it repeatedly pointing out the fact that it's abnormal to be, or to strive to be, happy all the time. People pursuing this are as insane as economists and politicians who are of the belief that we can have continuing economic growth in a world of finite resources.
A hallmark of good book, especially in psychology, is one that sparks the lightbulb moment of "hm, I never thought about it like that". A hallmark of a great book is one that shifts your worldview. The Upside of Your Darkside is one of the few books that belongs in this club.
Bookstores are overflowing with self-help books claiming to have the secret to a good life. What sets the Upside apart? Two things- 1) the authors move away from the obsessive pursuit of happiness, and 2) they don't pick th ...more
Okay. Quite the title, isn’t it?! Long but perfect, as that’s exactly what this book is about.
I must report that reading this book has resulted in a slight shift in my ideas about happiness, and that’s a good thing. Happiness doesn’t always have to be about refocusing on positive things; happiness can also be acceptance of negative feelings and behaviors as sometimes necessary for change. Interesting.
I must report that reading this book has resulted in a slight shift in my ideas about happiness, and that’s a good thing. Happiness doesn’t always have to be about refocusing on positive things; happiness can also be acceptance of negative feelings and behaviors as sometimes necessary for change. Interesting.
http://ensuingchapters.com/2014/10/16...
So, I’m not exactly the target audience for this book, as I long ago embraced my Upside of Your Dark Sidedark side, but I’m glad that Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, a pair of psychologists and professors at George Mason and Portland State Universities respectively, are promoting widespread awareness.
And no, this isn’t a Darth Vader-style enticement to evil, but rather a commitment to intellectual and emotional honesty. Embracing the dark side is being an anti- ...more
So, I’m not exactly the target audience for this book, as I long ago embraced my Upside of Your Dark Sidedark side, but I’m glad that Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, a pair of psychologists and professors at George Mason and Portland State Universities respectively, are promoting widespread awareness.
And no, this isn’t a Darth Vader-style enticement to evil, but rather a commitment to intellectual and emotional honesty. Embracing the dark side is being an anti- ...more
I think if I'd read less in this genre it may have been a 4 star book, but for me, there's nothing really new in here. However it's well written and does have real value in providing an alternative to the happy clappy eternal joyfulness approach to happiness, which can leave you feeling more of a failure by the end of a book than when you started... The book provides a plethora of examples where the darker side of one's personality does have tangible benefits and can improve the way we function
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Let me be clear. I LOVE Todd Kashdan's work. He is an amazing researcher. He does interesting and important research. He writes scientific articles that are actually enjoyable to read. I love his writing on Psychology Today. I periodically peruse the list of academic publications on his website. I'm even using on of the measures he developed in my PhD. But, I didn't enjoy this book. The first four chapters of this book have great information and I was totally into the topic (I have written simil
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These guys stamp out the idea that you should steer clear of negative emotions. A real eye-opener. I was dedicated to straight positivity before reading this, I don't think I can look at the idea the same now. Great read. Highly recommended.
This book is essentially a giant asterisk on all of modern pop, TED-talk psychology: Yes, being happy will make you more productive, but it will also make you slightly more racist. Yes, being anxious can be harmful to your health, but it can also energize you to action to cover details you'd otherwise let slip by. In other words, moderation is key and when we try to optimize our personalities, characters, or habits we risk destabilizing the aspects of life that make life worth living.
It's a good ...more
It's a good ...more
In ‘The Updside of Your Dark Side’ Todd Kashdan (Ph.D.) and Robert Biswas-Diener (Dr. Philos.), combine forces and draw on a wealth of research to unravel the gross misrepresentation of ‘bad’ emotions and how they serve us.
At first the presentation and purpose of their writing might appear to be an attack on some of the strongholds of the Positive Psychology movement, it soon becomes apparent this is not at all the intention. Rather than accepting the modern view that some emotions can be ‘bad’ ...more
At first the presentation and purpose of their writing might appear to be an attack on some of the strongholds of the Positive Psychology movement, it soon becomes apparent this is not at all the intention. Rather than accepting the modern view that some emotions can be ‘bad’ ...more
This book delves into the topic of why the exclusive pursuit of happiness and positive emotions can be counter-productive. The main theses tends to be very commonsensical, and the authors do an okay job explaining and rationalizing their ideas.
The thing I hate about this book, and all other pop-psych books, is the "science" they use to back up their claims. I know I'm biased as a physical scientist, where I can run an experiment and get a concrete answer; much like a math problem that has a veri ...more
The thing I hate about this book, and all other pop-psych books, is the "science" they use to back up their claims. I know I'm biased as a physical scientist, where I can run an experiment and get a concrete answer; much like a math problem that has a veri ...more
This book is really a primer how to use psychology to dominate others. "Everyone, without exception, manipulates others. Doing so effectively is a matter of dosage and timing." I was hoping for more evidence-based justification that it is healthy to present yourself fully and openly, not to merely use your dark side to your personal advantage. Kashdan uses Napoleon, Jack Welch, and Henry Ford as exemplars and thus clearly suffers from survivor bias as well as blatant selection bias. A whole chap
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Drs. Kashdan and Biswas-Diener have written a pop psychology book that prominently emphasizes two important psychological concepts - that ancient Delphic maxim, "Know thyself," and an even more modern maxim, "Own thyself." The essence of their book is that someone should understand and not suppress his negative emotions - emotions such as grief, shame, anger, etc.
Perpetual cheerfulness does obscure what's going on inside and out and can lead to mistakes, miscalculations and misjudgments. Opening ...more
Perpetual cheerfulness does obscure what's going on inside and out and can lead to mistakes, miscalculations and misjudgments. Opening ...more
May 20, 2016
Jessica
added it
Awesome! This book offered tons of insight into the presumed "darker side" of personality. Some very valuable yet non-traditional wisdom is offered but the general theme of the book is that being uncomfortable may lead to a more "whole life" experience. Experiencing Negativity, boredom, anger, depression and the other myriad of "negative emotions" has a tremendous value/upside and it is when we feel these emotions we should be most interested as they offer the most opportunity for growth as huma
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Being narcissistic, having some psychopathic traits and allowing mindlessness (opposite of mindfulness) while making decisions seems important factors for a healthy life after reading the blinkist-version of this book.
Pop psych describing the benefits accruing from emotions usually avoided, emphasizing the value inherent in all emotional states: wholeness verses happiness.
A must read to all the readers out there who conflate the idea of pursuiting happiness by avoiding negative emotions. Compelling.
I found this book counterintuitive. The idea of dark triad of personality seems outlandish and outrageous at the beginning. As the book progresses, the underneath logic became more and more lucid. How many times have you heard, "Mr. Nice Guy always finishes last"? Well, if you are Mr-Nice-Guy-Always and you are sick and tried of it, this book might help you. We at times need to be stubborn or manipulative, for the greater good. I think this is the morale of the book. But, Be hold! Be careful wha
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Great social psychology book that presented the flip side of a lot of happiness research I've read. This was fascinating and well-liked by my book club, and the takeaways at the end of each chapter made an easy summary for those who didn't have time to read the whole thing. My only complaint would be that I found the principles a little difficult to put into action, since so many run counter to happiness research.
Doesn't quite live up to its premise.
Really interesting look at why our "negative" emotions are also an important part of our lives.
The Upside of Your Dark Side by Biswas Diener
The upside? The book is very good…the dark side? Perhaps it encourages some- or is it only me? - To misbehave
I guess this book ends at just about the right time, as I need to get over the fact that I broke my phone- and we all know what it means to be without one nowadays- had to downgrade and whereas a couple of days ago I had received all I needed from that technological extension of myself, now I receive nothing from the prosthetic replacement that ...more
The upside? The book is very good…the dark side? Perhaps it encourages some- or is it only me? - To misbehave
I guess this book ends at just about the right time, as I need to get over the fact that I broke my phone- and we all know what it means to be without one nowadays- had to downgrade and whereas a couple of days ago I had received all I needed from that technological extension of myself, now I receive nothing from the prosthetic replacement that ...more
I came across an interview with Kashdan which was interesting - it sounded like he was researching and synthesizing along the same lines of thought I'd been intuitively developing (emotions as information). So I thought maybe I'd pickup some new terms or concept from this book, that he'd elaborate on the simple concept of no emotion really being bad or good.
He doesn't, really. It's a strong premise, that people are really hurting themselves by relentlessly pursuing 'happiness' in order to avoid ...more
He doesn't, really. It's a strong premise, that people are really hurting themselves by relentlessly pursuing 'happiness' in order to avoid ...more
I usually don't read self-help books. I decided to give this one a try because my husband heard the author on the radio and figured it might help me at work. I was having problems with some pushy coworkers.
Overall the book was good; there were some good parts to take away and some parts that made me want to throw the book away. I liked how the author said that we need to embrace all of our emotions to be complete. To deny our uglier emotions we are lying to ourselves. We cannot be truly happy u ...more
Overall the book was good; there were some good parts to take away and some parts that made me want to throw the book away. I liked how the author said that we need to embrace all of our emotions to be complete. To deny our uglier emotions we are lying to ourselves. We cannot be truly happy u ...more
In many respects, the emergence of Positive Psychology has saved psychology – both research and practice. The focus on flourishing and on maximizing human potential was well-needed after decades of focus on “fixing what’s broken”. This rise of a renewed focus on the positive resulted in a wealth of new studies and a myriad of new practices with great positive impact on human life. Yet outside of the research community, this “science of happiness” is often confused with an unrealistic (and malada
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This is truly one of the best non-fiction books I have ever read. It is full of interesting scientific facts, is written in a very accessible language and is also humorous in places. This book explores what it means to be a whole person. How we need to embrace all the aspects of our personality to ensure we use even the darker sides of ourselves – the manipulator, the anxious the fearful and even the narcissist as strength not only to ourselves but to the world. That to have a range of emotions
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I liked the concepts presented in this book but thought the whole could have been boiled down into a much smaller format such as a magazine article. It's low on practical advice, heavy on describing research studies [which doesn't make particularly engaging reading] and didn't deliver much of a punch. I do agree with the authors that your negative/dark side is there for a reason and there is much to gain from using that energy rather than dismissing it for purely "positive" thinking. You can't b
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I just couldn't get much into this book. I skimmed it, twice. But did pick up a few interesting tidbits here and there:
page viii: "...managing unclear expectations, struggling with self-motivation, and balancing the use of social support with private reflection...the leading predictor of success in elite military training programs is the same quality that distinguishes those best equipped to resolve marital conflict, to achieve favorable deal terms in business negotiations, and to bestow the gif ...more
page viii: "...managing unclear expectations, struggling with self-motivation, and balancing the use of social support with private reflection...the leading predictor of success in elite military training programs is the same quality that distinguishes those best equipped to resolve marital conflict, to achieve favorable deal terms in business negotiations, and to bestow the gif ...more
This book was interesting as it brought in elements of what some researchers many consider as common traits of personality. What this book gets into is when stress is on what elements of your character come out and what benefits so of those less talked about parts offer us. For example, disinterest may protect us from being overloaded with anxiety on a matter. Then is it really disinterest or avoidance?
While I thought this book was interesting I didn't find that it tapped the literature out the ...more
While I thought this book was interesting I didn't find that it tapped the literature out the ...more
2.5 stars, rounded up. A curious mix of self-help, science lite, and how-to-succeed-in-business manual. The premise is compelling - the idea that our dark emotions are as necessary and informative as our positive ones. The problem is that the authors are clearly aiming for the popular market and have "dumbed it down" to such a degree that what they are saying has no scientific weight. Analogies and case studies may help humanize the problem but saying "we all get sad sometimes" doesn't really pr
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Dr. Todd B. Kashdan's broad mission is to increase the amount of well-being in this world as a professor, scientist, writer, and consultant. He uses cutting edge science to help people function optimally in life and business. He has given keynotes and workshops to organizations as diverse as the United States Armed Forces, General Mills, Merck, Hormel, Gensler, BBDO, and The Gap.
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“Ambiguous tasks are a good place to observe how personality traits bubble to the surface. Although few of us are elite soldiers, we’ve all experienced the kind of psychological distress these trainees encounter on their training run: managing unclear expectations, struggling with self-motivation, and balancing the use of social support with private reflection. These issues are endemic not only to the workplace, but also to relationships, health, and every aspect of life in which we seek to thrive and succeed. Not surprisingly, the leading predictor of success in elite military training programs is the same quality that distinguishes those best equipped to resolve marital conflict, to achieve favorable deal terms in business negotiations, and to bestow the gifts of good parenting on their children: the ability to tolerate psychological discomfort.”
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“There is a not so hidden prejudice against negative states, and the consequence of avoiding these states is that you inadvertently stunt your growth, maturity, adventure, and meaning and purpose in life.”
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