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Waking Up White: And Finding Myself in the Story of Race

Debby Irving (Goodreads Author)

4.04 · Rating details · 7,941 ratings · 1,334 reviews

Waking Up White is the book Irving wishes someone had handed her decades ago. By sharing her sometimes cringe-worthy struggle to understand racism and racial tensions, she offers a fresh perspective on bias, stereotypes, manners, and tolerance. As Irving unpacks her own long-held beliefs about colorblindness, being a good person, and wanting to help people of color, she re ...more

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ebook, 288 pages

Published January 16th 2014 by Elephant Room Press (first published January 9th 2014)

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Apr 17, 2017 HBalikov rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I did not come to this book enthusiastically. If it hadn't been a book group read, I would likely have passed it by as another, "I had my epiphany and now I am a better person," read.

I think that the following is a fair quotation of what Ms. Irving is hoping to accomplish with her own journey and reflections: "How can racism possibly be dismantled until white people, lots and lots of white people, understand it as an unfair system, get in touch with the subtle stories and stereotypes that play i I did not come to this book enthusiastically. If it hadn't been a book group read, I would likely have passed it by as another, "I had my epiphany and now I am a better person," read.

I think that the following is a fair quotation of what Ms. Irving is hoping to accomplish with her own journey and reflections: "How can racism possibly be dismantled until white people, lots and lots of white people, understand it as an unfair system, get in touch with the subtle stories and stereotypes that play in their heads, and see themselves not as good or bad but as players in the system? Until white people embrace the problem, the elephant in the room---and all the nasty tension and mistrust that goes with it---will endure. And the feedback efforts of people of color will fall on ignorant ears at best, or be misconstrued as too whiney or too angry at worst."

Now, having read this book, I am grateful for her effort in putting me in a position to exfoliate layers of feelings about race, about talking about race, about facing issues in the workplace, about how my friends regard race, about social encounters, about affirmative actions, about social justice, that I could not reach on my own.

She may not be the greatest writer but she is a great guide as she takes you along on her journey and is as forthcoming (as is seemingly possible) about her internal conflicts and public missteps. The book chronicles (in over 40 short chapters) her family dynamics as a child, growing up in a predominantly white community and what in her own educational and career decisions led her to this self-examination. Though there may have been a few of her experiences where I wondered if there were alternate explanations for her conclusions, almost every chapter required by its nature that I pause and consider my personal experiences in light of hers.

Irving's journey isn't simply one woman's soul searching. She is very clear about how she acted/reacted to certain situations, but she also talks in depth about the mentors, facilitators, teachers, authors and others that she had access to during this process.

What I liked least were the questions at the end of each chapter. I think that they may be intended for use in a group seminar or other similar experience. I found them more distracting than helpful.

Again, I am glad that I didn’t have the room to wiggle out of reading this book. Although it made me squirm at times, I believe it has been a transformative experience. Thus, for that reason alone, it has my highest rating.

...more

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Feb 27, 2017 Diane Yannick rated it really liked it

Rather than blaming Debby Irving for being an entitled white woman, I'd like to thank her for opening the eyes of this entitled white reader. She didn't worry about how she presented herself; she just put herself out there for examination. Some readers tired of her liberal guilt but I chose to join her, having my own little mostly private break down about what I didn't know. BTW, I didn't even know the word micro-aggression and I've been guilty of many.

I had no idea that the GI bill was for whit ...more

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Dec 20, 2017 Trish rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: america, family, nonfiction, race, memoir, necessary

Until a couple of years ago I didn’t really think about race. I didn’t have to, being part of the majority white population of the United States. When I realized that without my attention we were not managing race well in this country, e.g., the shootings of unarmed black men moving away from the shooters, I realized I needed to understand what the heck was being perpetrated upon the non-white population in the name of my safety.

This book is written by a woman who experienced a similar kind of e Until a couple of years ago I didn’t really think about race. I didn’t have to, being part of the majority white population of the United States. When I realized that without my attention we were not managing race well in this country, e.g., the shootings of unarmed black men moving away from the shooters, I realized I needed to understand what the heck was being perpetrated upon the non-white population in the name of my safety.

This book is written by a woman who experienced a similar kind of epiphany. Irving grew up wealthy in a suburb of Boston, “the most racist city in America,” according to SNL comedian Michael Che. She’d never confronted the fact that white was a race, too. I had, having lived some years in a non-white majority country, but even I had trouble defining what white meant in America. When I heard a joke about “the whitest thing I’ve ever done,” I started wondering what that would be, and why.

The point is that we all have something to learn about race, no matter the stage of our awakening. One takeaway from Irvings’s lessons was that race is always on the mind of minorities and part of their conversations with one another, but is rarely spoken of in white households. White households may even hold back when their attention is drawn to race, thinking it is rude to speak of it. They claim to be ‘colorblind,’ or ‘do not see race.’

It turns out minorities would prefer you do see race. Because it’s there, and because it is affecting them. We’re actually not all the same. We may have similar aspirations and dreams as humans, but we do not share the same backstory, home lives, food, cultural habits, etc. We’re different, and we need to accommodate differences of opinion and direction in our towns and cities, schools and public facilities.

Irving raises the idea of America’s ‘melting pot.’ It is a concept we need to look at again as our population changes, and speak about with our neighbors, and our government. What does that really mean, and is it good? Or can retaining some diversity of thought and culture make us stronger, better, wider in outlook?

Irving talks about diversity workshops she’s attended and ones she’s organized in Boston. She shares her learning from these sessions, and warns us that people of color are very tired of educating white people about racial sensitivity and fairness. They want white people to do what they have had to do their entire lives: catch up. And that means putting in the time to educate oneself through reading, listening, workshops, and classes if necessary. We may then recognize and work to eliminate racism in ourselves or in others.

The thing is, when we explore race together, we are gong to make mistakes. We are leaving our comfort zone. The first time we speak a foreign language with a native speaker captures some of the discomfort we will feel. It can be humiliating, and we will make mistakes. If the journey is undertaken with real intent and a proper degree of acceptance of our own abilities and limitations, we will often experience breakthrough and native speakers may find themselves intrigued and willing to help.

If this book at times sounded like a primer for every generalization ever made about race, it is still helpful for that. Wherever you are in your understanding of race you will find something here to learn. Irving’s frankness helps to clarify areas about which we were curious but unless we have friends of color, we had no one to ask. It looks at ways we can learn to feel more comfortable with color, speak of it, benefit from the diversity of it, but also how to face our own fallibility.

“I’ve come to feel that the straightforward airing of experiences and beliefs is a necessary, albeit uncomfortable, pathway to interpersonal and intercultural understanding and healing. Intimate human connection and enduring trust are the rewards of courageous conversation. The trick for me has been learning to stay in the conversation long enough to get to the other side, where niceness gives way to authenticity, understanding, and trust, the ingredients necessary for social stability.”

I will try to stay in the conversation long enough, and I hope black citizens also stay in the conversation. I understand the exhaustion, truly. So you don’t have to answer whites all by yourself, and maybe not every time it comes up. But if we’re going to get through this, we’re gonna have to engage. Maybe if whites come at least halfway it won’t be so bad.

Irving’s journey was kind of inspiring, and makes me want to try something like that in my own town. I also live in a suburb of Boston and only in the past two to three years have people of color moved into our neighborhoods. I‘d like to know why it took so long, and I’d like to make some new friends. It is a change too long in coming.

“If there’s a place for tolerance in racial healing, perhaps if has to do with tolerating my own feelings of discomfort that arise when a person, of any color, expresses an emotion not welcome in the culture of niceness. It also has to do with tolerating my own feelings of shame, humiliation, regret, anger, and fear so I can engage, not run. For me, tolerance is not about others; it’s about accepting my own uncomfortable emotions as I adjust to a changing view of myself as imperfect and vulnerable. As human.”

...more

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Aug 21, 2014 Sandra rated it did not like it

Shelves: first-reads

* I received this book through the Good Reads First Reads giveaway *

As a Cultural Anthropologist I did not enjoy this book. The author generalized ethnic groups frequently (providing a very ethnocentric view of "people of colour"), was repetitive, and I felt overly simplified a lot of complex issues (probably to appeal to a general audience - not anthropologists and sociologists). The author's writing style was also a problem for me - I felt the story rambled, went off on tangents, came off as s ...more

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Mar 07, 2014 Angie Reisetter rated it really liked it

Shelves: firstreads

I got this from FirstReads, and when I won, I wasn't sure whether to be excited or not. This is one of those kinds of books that could easily be terrible, but I wanted to take the risk because it could also be super interesting.

It ended up being super interesting. There are a lot of things about this author's experience that are extremely different from mine. In fact, there are several things she describes having done that I recognize as things that make me avoid women like that. They drive me c ...more

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Jun 26, 2014 Melinda rated it it was amazing

"I thought white was the raceless race--just plain, normal, the one against which all others were measured.

What I've learned is that thinking myself raceless allowed for a distorted frame of reference built on faulty beliefs."

Irving creates an incredible read, I couldn't put this book down. Irving has a wonderful relaxed writing style leaving the reader feeling as if they are chatting with a long time friend. The examples she shares will touch a cord with her audience in one way or a ...more

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Apr 10, 2017 Margaret Olsen rated it it was ok

This might be appropriate for a very introductory level book for people who believe we live in a post-racial society or that they "don't see color." I thought it was incredibly boring, self-indulgent, and repetitive. I'm glad she's doing the work of becoming aware of racism in our society, but she commits the error of immediately turning that around and making it about herself again. White people who want to understand racism better would be better off reading books by people of color, like "Ain ...more

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Sep 25, 2015 Shelly added it

Shelves: nonfiction

I've been wrestling with how to review this book. There have been several false starts on a review that sound too close to "Oh, I already know all this stuff already." I don't, not all of it, and in skimming through the book I have indeed picked up some insights I hadn't contemplated before. I think what I find annoying about this book is the "gee-whizness" of it - I guess I don't enjoy reading about someone else's epiphany when it's one I can't relate to.

So, although this sounds snarkier than I ...more

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Jul 28, 2014 Ira Therebel rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: first-reads, biography-memoirs, non-fiction, race

Debbie Irving has been working to create diversity and inclusiveness for decades. In this book she goes through her biography from perspective of her trying to understand her whiteness, the privilege and racial differences. We see her childhood where she was absolutely unaware, the times when she for the first time felt something is wrong, and all the moments that kept on opening her eyes

Now, it is not that I disagree with the main message of the book, I just didn't really like the way the book Debbie Irving has been working to create diversity and inclusiveness for decades. In this book she goes through her biography from perspective of her trying to understand her whiteness, the privilege and racial differences. We see her childhood where she was absolutely unaware, the times when she for the first time felt something is wrong, and all the moments that kept on opening her eyes

Now, it is not that I disagree with the main message of the book, I just didn't really like the way the book was written and structured itself. It feels a bit too dumbed down. For somebody who read some beginner sociology books regarding race most of those things are nothing new. It also seems to be to repetitive. It seems like she comes to the same conclusions and discoveries over and over again. And I like repetitiveness in some subjects that are hard to understand but here it just made it hard for me to read this book as I just wanted to jump over it. There are indeed some great parts where I think she did a great job bringing examples or good analogies (as for example comparing racism with bullying, where doing nothing basically makes one a bystander), but those are far and between.

I am also not sure if people for whom this subject is new will like a book a lot. I have a feeling that people who do not understand the privilege of being white and are a bit refusing to understand it would not be able to go through the book. While the beginning does a great job of showing these kind of audience why white privilege doesn't mean one is a bad person or always doing well in life there are a few moments later in the book that just seem to scream "white guilt". Yeah, I hate this word too, but there is no other way I could describe it, so obviously it would be the first thing entering the mind of somebody who often uses it as a defense argument. (My best example would be the part in the book where she feels bad when a black woman is offended she calls Obama just by his last name, even though this is a common way to call any president)

So all in all it seems like a book with a good message, I am just not sure how useful it would be. So I will rate it as "ok".

*I got this book for free through giveaways in exchange for an honest review* ...more

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Jun 28, 2015 Susanne rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir, racial-issues

One of the great benefits of a Book Club is that it can lead you to books you might never have picked up otherwise. I doubt I would ever have stumbled upon this if my book group weren't reading it, and then I would have missed a real eye-opener. You don't have to identify closely with this author (I certainly wasn't raised in upper-class privilege!) to be challenged and surprised at the truth of many of her assertions. I had never considered that the mere fact of the color of my skin brought me ...more

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Mar 07, 2014 Kate rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: goodreads-wins, favorites

Bravo! Waking Up White, and Finding Myself in the Story of Race was such an exceptional book that I do not believe I can adequately describe how impressive this book was to read. I have had the opportunity to take several college courses on multicultural issues, and I wish this book had been one of the required texts. A lot of people do not adequately understand the role of white privilege, racism, or the interplay between socioeconomic status and race. I am very appreciative of the author's hon ...more

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May 09, 2016 Marti rated it really liked it

The journey is real... I appreciate Irving's willingness to put herself out there and make herself vulnerable to us, the reader, for the sake of encouraging conversations about race. This is a conversation that is long overdue, but all of us have become experts at avoiding it to ensure the comfort of the majority. ...more

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Jan 26, 2014 Kathryn Rosenberg rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Irving's book, "Waking Up White" chronicles her transformation from being a person who never considered race to being a racial justice educator. It's an eye-opening and candid narrative, one we should all read -- particularly those of us who are white. Even those of us who strive to be anti-racist likely haven't yet figured out how to convert our yearning for diversity into a a deep understanding of race in the United States. This book will get you started. Read it, recommend it, and discuss it. ...more

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Jan 14, 2018 Mehrsa rated it it was amazing

I wish everyone could read this. Just like Tim Wise's "White Like Me," this book gives whiteness shape and form and thus shows people the contours of racism. Though I have not experienced the world as a white person and do see race everywhere, this book made me aware of a few other aspects of "white culture" that I had previously written off as just "the way the world is." For example, that talking about race is uncomfortable for white people because of a preference to just not talk about diffic ...more

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Jan 09, 2017 Hina Ansari rated it liked it

Any book that embarks on discussing race relations, especially from the vantage point of whiteness, has a difficult jumping off point. In Waking Up White, the author outright admits that she was awoken to her elevated status over those that are not white and that is what prompted her to pen this story. The idea is commendable. The execution, at times, was difficult to stomach for a variety of reasons. Each chapter was a few pages in length, espousing some new anecdote where the author shows that Any book that embarks on discussing race relations, especially from the vantage point of whiteness, has a difficult jumping off point. In Waking Up White, the author outright admits that she was awoken to her elevated status over those that are not white and that is what prompted her to pen this story. The idea is commendable. The execution, at times, was difficult to stomach for a variety of reasons. Each chapter was a few pages in length, espousing some new anecdote where the author shows that she isn’t a bad person and sees the need to correct her actions.

After the mind-numbing outcome of the 2016 election, the rallying cry of which ‘if you’re not white, get out of the country’ won people over, it is hard to read anything about race relations, from a white person, and be able to see anything other than a patronizing tone to all said. The divide between those born with white privileges and everyone else is growing larger and larger. While this review should not take into account the current political climate, it is impossible not to see current events and wonder at the author’s intent. The book was published in 2014. I wonder what the author would say in this new time, with Black Lives Matters and a Neo Nazi in the White House.

None of my above comments are made to dissuade you, a fellow reader, from taking the time to read this book. It does take courage to write about a topic that you literally know nothing about. The sheer arrogance it would take to decide that you’re an elevated and aware person over others is in and of itself astounding. The naivety displayed throughout the novel was somewhat refreshing in the sense that certain white people really don’t realize that what they see as normal is a privilege. For example, going into a store and being treated like a human being is not something everyone gets to enjoy. The entire world has been, from the author’s research, set to ensure white people are considered better than others. The more I read, the more frustrated I became. The author was lauding her accomplishments at being an aware white person, but at the end of the day, she can slide out of the role of equality and be white once again. The rest of us must wear our race for all to see.

While the book was clearly written by someone who is not a professional author, and despite the fact that the author acted as though she was a better person (once again highlighting her difference and better-ness for being awoken to race), there are still a lot of good anecdotes for non-whites to learn from. The book highlighted all sorts of opportunities that white people have had that has clearly shaped the current world. A story the author told, in her true vocation as a second-grade teacher, about a young African American boy giving up a lot because he knew he’d end up in jail because that’s what happened to African American people was telling. It speaks to what we all see happening and hope won’t happen more. To see things from the white perspective should help those of us that are not in the dominant culture to see what they see. I often reflect on how the government is run around Christian holidays, yet if you’re of any other faith, then you’re required to use your own time to celebrate. These are little things that continue to reinforce how white privilege has maintained a stranglehold for white people to get everything that they want, while obstructing anyone not white from getting even a fraction of the same advantages.

Throughout the book I found myself wanting to shred the book to little pieces. How is it possible that white people are unaware of how easy their lives are? I look at the outcome of the 2016 US election and I remember that it is quite easy. Any effort to level the playing field is meet with swift action by those in politics who are only put in place to further the white supremacy that is being maintained. I was disappointed that the author didn’t note slavery, at all, in her discussion. To me, that one element, the entire concept of buying and selling human beings who were not white, is the cause of so much of what is happening today. It is so easy to say that Civil Rights have been enacted or there is no slavery, but those ideas and thoughts still live on in white supremacists and are furthered by people like Donald Trump and Paul Ryan. The only concern they hold is to ensure that white people get everything and whatever is left can be had by the non-whites.

You might wonder why I would give this book a halfway decent rating despite having more complaints than anything to say about the book. The fact of the matter is, this woman, despite her own privilege, was at least able to not only see it, but phrase the circumstances of her awakening in a way that other white people might be able to understand. She has an entire discussion on white culture. Most white people would argue they don’t have a culture, possibly based on the fact that they don’t wear ‘funny’ clothes or speak another language, which are racist comments by themselves. White people do have a culture, their culture is to take over wherever they go and make those people like them. This desire for everyone to be the same is the crux of the issue, for me. Instead of standing out, white people want everyone to be the same, worship the same God, follow the rules they’ve created. There was a wonderful anecdote from the author about Native Americans who were stolen from their homes, forced to be colonized, and then sent back. They neither belonged in the white world nor in their own. This is what white culture does. It destroys everything in a pursuit of ‘progress,’ but that progress is only a benefit to those who are white. ...more

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Jan 22, 2020 Amanda rated it really liked it

This is a good starting point for anyone looking to examine white privilege, if you look at it as the (white) author’s personal memoir of her own specific experience, rather than an educational how-to or resource guide. She uses examples from her own learning, and I’m sure there are books that cover more in-depth the topics like systemic racism, micro-aggressions, and how to talk about race. There are sources and further reading suggestions in the back that are worth some time.

A lot of this was ...more

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Apr 22, 2014 NiaDwynwen Thomas rated it it was amazing

A helpful book for fairly WASP-y do-gooder types like me. Its the memoir of one woman's experience "waking up" to consciousness about racism and her own whiteness, including her journey toward internal transformation and eventually activism. Written with a honest, tender tone that makes this often shame-inducing subject approachable and applicable. Also, each chapter has handy journal questions, which I quite liked.
...more

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Mar 12, 2017 Maurice Ruffin rated it it was amazing

This book is like a companion piece to Michelle Alexander's The New Jim Crow. Whereas Crow focuses on the processes that lead to mass incarceration becoming a replacement for slavery and Jim Crow. Waking Up takes a more personal approach. The author, a white women, is fearless about interrogating her own racial blind spots and working shed light on them. A must read for anyone who would like to learn and grow. ...more

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Aug 01, 2016 Leah Weiser rated it did not like it

I have never read the word "I" more in a book, even in other memoirs. For something supposedly about learning about other people, this was one of the most amazingly self absorbed books I have ever read. ...more

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Oct 28, 2020 Moonkiszt rated it it was amazing

Shelves: a-mighty-act-of-persuasion, learned_me, social-system-failure, adults-authors-explaining-stuff, civil-rights, historical-north-american, indigenous-peoples, inequity-abuse-persecution, we-the-people-patriots-freedoms-see, its-all-about-choices

The title is what caught me on this one. I cringed. But seriously, it was me. I was the first to tell you – since the 70’s – I’ve been colorblind so you have nothing to worry about. Truly.

When everyone started throwing around the term “white privilege” my hackles were raised. My inner dialog answered every instance of that occurring in my daily feed (pre-FB and post-FB). Me and my kiddos sure didn’t get to feel any of that supposed benefit. We were fighting the fight just as hard as anyone else ...more

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Mar 05, 2020 Carol Storm rated it liked it

I was torn on how to rate this book. Some of the ideas are disturbing and genuinely brilliant, but the author presents them in a simplistic manner. For example, here are Debby Irving's definitions of "White Culture."

Conflict avoidance
Valuing formal education over life experience
Right to comfort/Entitlement
Sense of Urgency
Competitiveness
Emotional restraint
Judgmentalness
Either/Or Thinking
Belief in One Right Way
Defensiveness
Being Status Oriented

As I was reading this list, I saw my whole life flash ...more

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Jun 21, 2020 Katrina rated it really liked it

Shelves: blm

"While slavery and Jim Crow laws provided white people with tangible evidence of racism and clear-cut demands for its undoing today's racism remains hidden beneath the surface in individual hearts and minds. Today's work to dismantle racism begins in the personal realm."

This is a good basic book for someone who is just beginning their own personal journey into researching racism in today's world. Unfortunately the people who need to read this type of book most likely would not reach for it.

I tho ...more

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Sep 11, 2017 Delmer rated it it was amazing

I enjoyed this book immensely. Many of you who are reading this review may ask yourself "how can I be a better advocate for people of color?", or you may be saying to yourself, "I'm not racist", or "this couldn't possibly be relevant to me". Trust me, it is. In a frank and honest way, the author describes in a real life way what she has learned about race in the US, along with questions to ask yourself about race after each chapter. If you want to start the journey of opening your mind to a new ...more

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Nov 03, 2015 Janelle rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, read-for-work, re-read

Waking Up White chronicles author Debby Irving's journey to awareness of her white privilege and action to become an ally. My selection of this book stemmed from a desire to talk about race and racism more easily. In the book's introduction, Irving says that the "widespread phenomenon of white people wanting to guard themselves against appearing stupid, racist, or radical has resulted in an epidemic of silence from people who care deeply about justice and love for their fellow human beings" (xii Waking Up White chronicles author Debby Irving's journey to awareness of her white privilege and action to become an ally. My selection of this book stemmed from a desire to talk about race and racism more easily. In the book's introduction, Irving says that the "widespread phenomenon of white people wanting to guard themselves against appearing stupid, racist, or radical has resulted in an epidemic of silence from people who care deeply about justice and love for their fellow human beings" (xii). I'm definitely there in the silent zone... or maybe toward the edge of the silent zone. Because of my background, I'm certainly not comfortable talking about race - but I'm also increasingly uncomfortable NOT talking about race. So here we go.

It would be easy to criticize Irving for her ignorance of her own privilege, much of which derives from her social class. Class intersects with whiteness but it not the same thing, of course (a distinction which she rushes over). I grew up white and middle class (acknowledging that a big swath of Americans identify as "middle class") yet did not find many aspects of her upbringing familiar - vacation house in Maine, ski club, country club, sailing, unpaid internship after college, network of family friends who could direct her toward a job, etc... These are certainly elements of white privilege but they are not privileges afforded to all white Americans. Yet, Irving does a good job of drawing out privileges which many white Americans think are available to all but in fact are only (or mainly) available to white Americans, like Social Security, the GI Bill, loans, etc.

The first half of the book felt awkward to me as Irving raked over her very privileged first decades. Things became more interesting to me about midway, when she sought to learn a different way of interacting with others. I empathized with statements like this one:

...every workshop I went to left me feeling increasingly aware of how easy it was to say something offensive, ironically serving only to ramp up my fears of putting my foot in my mouth and humiliating myself.... I found myself caught in a cycle of seeking wisdom only to become increasingly anxious. The more I became aware of the ways in which I might say the wrong thing and of how fed up many people of color were with white ignorance, the more I sought wisdom." (126)

But from where does this wisdom come? It's not the job of people of color to educate whites about their own privilege, but many whites just won't discuss it. What to do?

The book becomes more helpful when Irving describes many of the interpersonal exchanges she's had, either in workshops or in real life. I also found the reflection questions at the end of each (short) chapter provocative and can envision book groups really diving into these.

I experienced a lot of discomfort in reading this, mostly thinking back to situations where I probably really stepped in it without meaning to. I second guess myself a lot and that's not pleasant. I might have put this book aside or just moved through it more slowly if I hadn't promised someone I'd have it read by the end of this holiday weekend. But one of my biggest takeaways is this: if Debby Irving can change, then so can I. The part of her author bio that says she "works with other white people to transform confusion into curiosity and anxiety into action" (back cover) really resonates with me. I would like my confusion to become curiosity and my anxiety to become action.

(first read Nov 2015, reread Jan 2016) ...more

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Jan 29, 2014 Jessica rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, people-and-society

Changing rating to 2.5 stars after a couple of month of thinking about it and after reading Sullivan's Good White People which pretty much supported my initial reaction to the end of Irving's book where she provides examples of ways to engage in solidarity, such as always leaving the house dressed nicely just like black people are required to do. I was originally taken aback because that seemed to be reifying respectability politics, but since the audience for this is white people, I let it sli ...more

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Sep 10, 2017 Jeff Crosby rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Rare are the occasions when, upon completing a book, I find myself uttering the words, "I will never think about this topic/issue/problem/reality in the same way...ever...again."

Rarer still are the times when I close and book and truly believe (and earnestly hope) that I will never BE the same because of what I encountered.

That was my distinct - and sober - sense as I turned the final page of Debby Irving's "Waking Up White, and Finding Myself in the Story of Race."

The author's upbringing in 196 ...more

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Aug 05, 2017 Sue rated it really liked it · review of another edition

First this: Waking Up White: And Finding Myself in the Story of Race is a great title.

Debby Irving is a privileged white woman who tells of her personal journey into trying to understand race. She recounts many details of this journey, and offers them as discussion questions. I read it along with a group, and almost everyone reported that they had difficulty identifying with the author’s personal experience – EXCEPT we all learned from it. She moved from an upbringing in which one simply never d ...more

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Jan 31, 2016 Tuscany Bernier rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites

This is, first of all, most likely going to be in my top 5 favorite books of the year. It was well-written for its intended audience.

Growing up in an all-white small town, I remember thinking I was sooooooo on top of cultural things because I had one half-black friend. I moved to a bigger town and realized how little I actually knew about race relations. I wanted to improve my experiences and relationships with people of color but really didn't know how.

This author really had a similar backgrou ...more

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Jul 22, 2019 David Baer rated it really liked it

Early in the book I was not sure if I could finish it, because I had trouble with the way the author was conflating socioeconomic privilege with racial privilege. Mind you, she explicitly called attention to this as a potentially valid criticism, claiming it was necessary to preserve the clarity of her message: in the end I agree with that decision. Still and all, it was pretty grating at times to hear all about her upper-middle-class life as a WASP kid in Winchester Massachusetts.

"as I moved a

"as I moved about in a world where CEOs were just dads and board chairs were just friends and family..."

(me gritting my teeth hard but gradually getting over it).

It was disappointing to read how the GI bill in the 1940s and 1950s was so inequitably applied that it largely excluded black people from getting college tuition and low-interest home loans. Typically white perspective: I had no idea. .(Also, I came to the US from Canada. But still.) Similarly, I had no idea that the old trope "there goes the neighborhood" was an organized, real thing: unethical real-estate agents would engage in something called "blockbusting", playing on white fears to get them to sell low and flee to white neighborhoods while turning around and selling high to black families who would see their values decline as the neighborhood became blacker. In light of this, Irving writes

"I thought about hypocritical my belief in small government was, now that I understood how well big government had served me through programs and policies such as those contained in the GI bill."

As someone said about George W Bush (could apply to any privileged person, which is to say me too, to a certain extent) "he was born on third base and thought he hit a triple". Irving writes

"I received a whole lot of intangible benefits... I developed an unshakeable faith that anyone could make it with hard work... and in the thrill that comes with high expectations."

Lot of excellent quotes that summarize chapter ideas, such as

"If the people with less power... try to convey the way the dynamic dis-empowers them, they risk being seen as ungrateful, paranoid, weak, irrational, and unworthy."

What a great quote to reflect on in a week when 45 has engaged in a tweet war with "the squad", telling them to "go back where they came from" because they have the audacity to be critical. And 59% of Americans (88% of Republicans), according to a poll I saw today, AGREE with these sentiments. Which just goes to show the truth of what Irving wrote early in the book,

"Racism wasn't about this person or that, this upset or that, this community or that; racism is, and always has been, the way America has sorted and ranked its people in a bitterly divisive, humanity-robbing system."

I flatter myself as having been pretty self-aware of systemic racism, white privilege, etc. But this book shines a light on an assumption that is hard to recognize and let go of: the assumption that as a white person I don't have a racial identity. Insidiously this leads to an assumption that it is somehow the proper role for black and brown people to continually help me understand how to avoid causing offense.

"I still felt race was something that belonged to people of color, and I wanted a rule book."

On the old "I don't see color" crap:

"Color-blindness, a philosophy that denies the way lives play out differently along racial lines, actually maintains the very cycle of silence, ignorance, and denial that needs to be broken for racism to be dismantled."

"People don't choose arbitrarily to be angry. People become angry for a reason, and they deserve to be heard." (When people of color air frustration only to be ignored or judged, anger is a legitimate result)

I don't have a lot of friends in general (awkward to say, sorry) and no black or brown friends. Having read this book I think I don't necessarily have to worry about expanding my circle of friends to include black and brown: they don't need my help to build understanding. They understand what's up, just fine thank you. I would be better off helping white friends and acquaintances understand what I have understood, however dimly. ...more

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Jul 26, 2014 Barbara Ann rated it it was amazing

Shelves: arcs, nonfiction

“Whiteness, it turns out, is but a pigment of the imagination.” - Debby Irving ,

Debby Irving has written an enlightening, boldly honest, and refreshing narrative that describes her awakening to her own whiteness and her personal transformative journey to understand the complexity of systematic racism that is still perpetuated in society. In the preface of the book, Irving reminds readers how important it is to dismantle racial barriers and inequalities that have become entrenched in America’s “Whiteness, it turns out, is but a pigment of the imagination.” - Debby Irving ,

Debby Irving has written an enlightening, boldly honest, and refreshing narrative that describes her awakening to her own whiteness and her personal transformative journey to understand the complexity of systematic racism that is still perpetuated in society. In the preface of the book, Irving reminds readers how important it is to dismantle racial barriers and inequalities that have become entrenched in America’s historically white dominated culture:

“Racism crushes spirits, incites divisiveness, and justifies the estrangement of entire groups of individuals who, like all humans, come into the world full of goodness, with a desire to connect, and with boundless capacity to learn and grow. Unless adults understand racism, they will, as I did, unknowingly teach it to their children.”

In the first part of the book, Irving defines herself as 100% New England WASP and then spends a great amount of time describing her roots, family values, and the affluent lifestyle she had growing up. Her self-awareness of her background and ancestry were the first steps in a “racial learning journey” that required her to step out of her comfort zone and closely examine the beliefs she internalized growing up in a monocultural cocoon of whiteness. One of the major points she emphasizes in the book is that “Understanding whiteness, regardless of socio-economic class and ancestry is the key to understanding racism.” While my background differs significantly from hers, I could still relate to her naiveté and the outrage and shock she experienced when she discovered the “invisible skin of white privilege” had afforded her so many more opportunities than those of people of color.

What I appreciated most about this book is that Irving delves beyond the simplistic definition of racism as prejudice or discrimination against people because of their race and provides insight into the social construct of racism. She uses examples from history, describes the results of race-related sociological experiments, and includes anecdotes from her own life to support her claims. I admire Irving for her unabashed honesty in describing some painfully humiliating experiences in her journey toward understanding.

The last section of the book describes some steps we can all take toward creating an inclusive, multicultural environment and how we can move beyond the anxiety and ineptness we may feel when we try to talk about race. Another major point that resonated with me is how easy it is to judge another person’s experience from our own ethnocentric vantage point as opposed to taking the effort to imagine what it may be like to walk in someone else’s shoes.

The book offers lots of opportunities for self-reflection through the discussion questions posed at the end of each chapter, which encourages readers to become thoughtful and active participants in the reading process. I certainly learned a lot about my own white ethnicity and how it has impacted my understanding of racial differences and the divide that continues to separate us.

Source: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest and fair review.
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About Debby Irving

Debby Irving

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Debby (Kittredge) Irving has worked since the 1980s to foster diversity, inclusiveness, and community-building. As general manager of Boston’s Dance Umbrella and later First Night, she developed both a passion for cross-cultural collaborations and an awareness of the complexities inherent in cross-cultural relationships. She has worked in public and private schools as a classroom teacher, board me ...more

Books by Debby Irving

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“If there’s a place for tolerance in racial healing, perhaps it has to do with tolerating my own feelings of discomfort that arise when a person, of any color, expresses emotion not welcome in the culture of niceness. It also has to do with tolerating my own feelings of shame, humiliation, regret, anger, and fear so I can engage, not run. For me, tolerance is not about others, it’s about accepting my own uncomfortable emotions as I adjust to a changing view of myself as imperfect and vulnerable. As human.” — 21 likes

“The story emerging for me, however, tells a tale of black and brown people being held down so long that white folks have come to believe they got there on their own. The removal of legal barriers that once separated the races has done little to change the distorted belief system that lives on in the hearts and minds of millions of individuals. At this point, the only thing needed for racism to continue is for good people to do nothing.” — 4 likes

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