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Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of marital infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent cheating and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.
You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.”
Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.”
Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
425 pages, Paperback
First published December 31, 2002
844 people are currently reading
1990 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 95 reviews
July 29, 2016
This book is religious, heteronormative propaganda. I read it at the same time I read Redefining Our Relationships by Wendy O Matik, which was much better, even for people who don't want to be in an open relationship because it discusses ambiguity within relationships/friendships between men and women as being healthy and normal, not something to fear or repress. Monogamy might be a goal or an ideal to strive for, but within long term relationships it is usually not the reality. Jealousy and possessiveness are part of the problem - just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you own them or get to control their body as if it is your property. The whole idea that having an "emotional affair" is cheating/infidelity is like committing a thought crime or something. I mean, ok, people get crushes, they fall in and out of love with their friends, whatever - but if we really love them, don't we want our partners to be happy and feel free enough to connect with others who love and care for them? If that can happen with respect and compassion for the relationship, then really, is there a problem? Society tells us that love outside of a primary relationship is threatening, but is that necessarily true? I think we need to question this.
January 14, 2008
Best book I have read on recovering from the trauma of infidelity. Shirley Glass was a clinical psychologist who was one of the top infidelity experts in the country (regretably she died of breast cancer in the fall of 2006). In her book she debunks common myths such as "Only people who are unhappily married have affairs," and "A relationship is only an affair when sexual intercourse is involved."
As a therapist, I have found this book invaluable and so have my clients. I have met Dr. Glass in person and took a 20 hour intensive workshop from her a few years ago. I can't recommend her book and her approach highly enough.
As a therapist, I have found this book invaluable and so have my clients. I have met Dr. Glass in person and took a 20 hour intensive workshop from her a few years ago. I can't recommend her book and her approach highly enough.
March 28, 2009
If you're dealing with an infidelity, no matter what side you're on, this is one of the best books out there. There are so many books out there on this topic; the market is literally flooded with them (speaks to the amount of cheating that must go on, doesn't it?). It's difficult to really know what will have concrete advice and explanations. This books is good for the "betrayed," because it doesn't blame the victim, it helps the person heal whether you're staying together or not, and it helps give a feeling of vindication. For the unfaithful, it explains how situations can unintentionally lead to a situation where cheating is more likely, explains emotional affairs for those that just do not get it and think it's only cheating when you've done all there is to do, and gives steps on how to protect yourself against faltering. If both parties are willing, this book is a great tool to read along with your partner, to work through the trust issues, to work through any other issues that may have contributed to the cheating behavior, and provide a healthy way to work through the affair(s) together and provide some healing. But it's just as important on an individual basis to read, and even if you've moved on from the relationship, it is one of the best books out there on infidelity. Everyone says they'd walk away when it happens to them, but it's not always that simple if you find yourself there - this book can help you deal with a situation you may have never thought you'd find yourself, and ease some of the pain that is on both sides.
January 8, 2011
Why I read It
On a blog I was reading someone highlighted some passages of the book and it sounded interesting. Now remember I originally went to school to become a therapist and thus my interesting probably varies quite a bit from yours. So I emailed the writer and he sent me the reference. Luckily my local library system had a copy.
The Good
A very experienced marriage therapist, whose specialty is infidelity, shares what she has learned over the years with numerous case studies and examples.
The Bad
Can be a little dry if you are not interested in the topic and/or not in a relationship of any sort.
The Ugly (my opinion)
This book was brilliant. Full of fun facts and numerous examples, you cannot help but find ways to not only protect your marriage, but improve it. Straight off the bat she dismisses the common myth that a loving partner and a good marriage will prevent affairs. I think a lot of people rely on that to protect them. Just as she also states that there are no low maintenance relationships. I like what one man said about personal (affair) deterrents. “On a good day, when things are going well, I am committed to my wife. On a day when things are just okay, I am committed to my marriage. And on a day when things aren’t so great, I satisfy myself by being committed to my commitment. This book is suited for anyone who wants to improve their marriage. And if you do not think your marriage needs improvement, or is invincible towards an affair; then you are at the most risk for an affair within your
relationship.
Interesting Trivia
Dr. Glass is the mother of Ira Glass of NPR’s This American Life. The book opens with a quote from her son, “You know you’re in trouble when the word ‘just’ appears before the word ‘friends’.”
On a blog I was reading someone highlighted some passages of the book and it sounded interesting. Now remember I originally went to school to become a therapist and thus my interesting probably varies quite a bit from yours. So I emailed the writer and he sent me the reference. Luckily my local library system had a copy.
The Good
A very experienced marriage therapist, whose specialty is infidelity, shares what she has learned over the years with numerous case studies and examples.
The Bad
Can be a little dry if you are not interested in the topic and/or not in a relationship of any sort.
The Ugly (my opinion)
This book was brilliant. Full of fun facts and numerous examples, you cannot help but find ways to not only protect your marriage, but improve it. Straight off the bat she dismisses the common myth that a loving partner and a good marriage will prevent affairs. I think a lot of people rely on that to protect them. Just as she also states that there are no low maintenance relationships. I like what one man said about personal (affair) deterrents. “On a good day, when things are going well, I am committed to my wife. On a day when things are just okay, I am committed to my marriage. And on a day when things aren’t so great, I satisfy myself by being committed to my commitment. This book is suited for anyone who wants to improve their marriage. And if you do not think your marriage needs improvement, or is invincible towards an affair; then you are at the most risk for an affair within your
relationship.
Interesting Trivia
Dr. Glass is the mother of Ira Glass of NPR’s This American Life. The book opens with a quote from her son, “You know you’re in trouble when the word ‘just’ appears before the word ‘friends’.”
March 19, 2020
I am a polyamorous relationship anarchist who has repeatedly been the other woman in an affair, starting with emotional and incestuous abuse by my father. Despite completely disrespecting the institution of marriage and monogamy from a historical, sociological, political, and psychological lens, I still hated how my trauma and my values would mix together to lead me to engage in actions that were hurtful towards monogamous and strict polyamorous people. I thought it was time I grit my teeth and learn how the heck these people’s minds and hearts work, so I didn’t accidentally hurt the monogamous and strict polyamorous people in my life who I love and care about again. Well I have certainly learned a lot! This was very helpful. The trauma based approach was great. Also helped me understand how much I never want to be monogamous or put my sense of reality, security, worth, or life-path in a single other little human being! Book is very long!
January 1, 2026
As someone who has historically regarded infidelity as the ultimate "unforgivable sin", I found this to be a helpful resource for expanding and reframing the context of affairs in married couples - whether couples choose to stay together after infidelity or not.
Five stars were withheld because the author seems to encourage partners to snoop on each other if they suspect infidelity and that felt icky to me... Whether the author meant to e
convey that message or not is unknown. This is definitely worth reading, but take it with a grain of salt!
Five stars were withheld because the author seems to encourage partners to snoop on each other if they suspect infidelity and that felt icky to me... Whether the author meant to e
convey that message or not is unknown. This is definitely worth reading, but take it with a grain of salt!
September 26, 2015
This book is nowhere near the authority on emotional affairs that it sets out to be. While it has a few good points, they all seem to be borrowed from other affair authors---Subotnik, Abrahms-Spring, and more. This book also has a clear bias towards men being more likely to have affairs which is unfair and short sighted. The cliche of the boss having an affair with his secretary repeats several times throughout the book and is a tired and outdated example of what affairs look like. Don't waste your time with this book when there are so many other insightful affair authors out there.
September 16, 2020
Wow. What an eye-opener. I hadn't thought much about infidelity much because it seemed to me like something that only despicable people do in the occasional movie or book. Blown away by the statistic that MOST marriages suffer some kind of infidelity- 60%. Also, most marriages survive infidelity and most infidelities are not intentionally done- they were not sought out by at least one partner. It's hard for me to believe, but at the same time, an is such a private thing- if a couple wants it to work out, it feels like a breach of trust (putting up a wall, using the book's analogy) to tell the world about it, which also makes recovering from an infidelity- whether you are the betrayer or the betrayed- an extremely lonely experience- which only adds to the trauma. So ironic, considering most married people we know probably have experience with it to some extent, at least according to the statistic.
One thing she mentions is something that plays a part in affairs happening is whether the person committing it has a sense that they are common or not. I wonder if, perhaps, people were more open about infidelities, if it would encourage more people to commit them, or if knowing how awful the aftermath is for everyone involved, if it could prevent more?
I appreciated that she not only tries to help the betrayed, and the betrayer, but also the 3rd party (the betrayee? ;) ) with this book.
I think everyone should read this before getting married, and will definitely encourage my kids to read it once they are engaged or old enough to be dating seriously.
One thing she mentions is something that plays a part in affairs happening is whether the person committing it has a sense that they are common or not. I wonder if, perhaps, people were more open about infidelities, if it would encourage more people to commit them, or if knowing how awful the aftermath is for everyone involved, if it could prevent more?
I appreciated that she not only tries to help the betrayed, and the betrayer, but also the 3rd party (the betrayee? ;) ) with this book.
I think everyone should read this before getting married, and will definitely encourage my kids to read it once they are engaged or old enough to be dating seriously.
March 17, 2021
I'm writing as a couples therapist. This book does give some great resources and mindsets to rebuild trust and how to have difficult conversation after an affair. She does bring up many areas and themes I see in my office.
However I find some of the research dated, in two ways. One in a heavy focus on workplace affairs. The second is a very gendered dichotomy between men are from Mars and women are from Venus mentality. I find this type of focus loses out of what individuals actually go through and found Esther Perel's book "State of Affairs" to be a much more rich book. (At the same time it seems obvious Perel read this book as part of her research.)
I prefer Perel's book because while I understand Glass's terms of Windows and Walls in relationships, I fear she it creating a narrative of isolating the relationship from the support it needs to survive in these days. Glass does try to highlight the need for "friends of the relationship" which is deeply needed. Her intent is to make a marriage with too porous of boundaries more secure, but the writing and suggestions point to the potential of a rigid/isolating boundaries.
As with most self-help books read and pick up what helps and reflect on areas that don't seem to fit for you. This book is still a great resource for therapists and couples needing structure in their conversations after an affair.
However I find some of the research dated, in two ways. One in a heavy focus on workplace affairs. The second is a very gendered dichotomy between men are from Mars and women are from Venus mentality. I find this type of focus loses out of what individuals actually go through and found Esther Perel's book "State of Affairs" to be a much more rich book. (At the same time it seems obvious Perel read this book as part of her research.)
I prefer Perel's book because while I understand Glass's terms of Windows and Walls in relationships, I fear she it creating a narrative of isolating the relationship from the support it needs to survive in these days. Glass does try to highlight the need for "friends of the relationship" which is deeply needed. Her intent is to make a marriage with too porous of boundaries more secure, but the writing and suggestions point to the potential of a rigid/isolating boundaries.
As with most self-help books read and pick up what helps and reflect on areas that don't seem to fit for you. This book is still a great resource for therapists and couples needing structure in their conversations after an affair.
July 10, 2022
When situations happen in life (good or bad), I reach for a book. They are my source of wisdom, comfort, entertainment, companionship and so on. They are a tried-and-true entity in my life that have always and will always be there when I need them most. When “shit went south” recently I immediately knew what to do, find the perfect book to get me through it. This is the book my research led me to, and it was exactly what I needed.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone involved in the horrible experience that is infidelity. The authors do an amazing job of walking the reader through all aspects of the situation. It explains what all parties involved are experiencing and what their next steps should be depending on which path they take.
Five stars to the perfect book for a terrible situation.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone involved in the horrible experience that is infidelity. The authors do an amazing job of walking the reader through all aspects of the situation. It explains what all parties involved are experiencing and what their next steps should be depending on which path they take.
Five stars to the perfect book for a terrible situation.
July 3, 2009
This is an invaluable reference book for our increasingly sexualized society. Glass, who sadly died of cancer the year the book was published, notes that most affairs involve co-workers. They are unplanned, yet the couple gradually moves from friends to lovers. As married men and women have more opportunities to spend time with members of the opposite sex, this trend will continue. Certainly people who work closely at church are vulnerable if proper boundaries aren't established.
But transparency is a great deterrent: "When we share our hidden feelings about another person with our spouse, the intensity and fascination of that secret are greatly diminished," Glass writes.
Glass, who was married 48 years herself, explodes myths about why people have affairs, such as to find someone better looking, to find someone less inhibited about sex, or even that it was an unhappy marriage. In reality, adultery happens because there is opportunity when an emotional attachment forms. As politician after politician has shown (Gov. Sanford of South Carolina being the current poster boy), a person unwilling to give up his paramour completely will have a difficult time restoring the marriage.
This book is full of practical advice on how to recover from infidelity and explores virtually every scenario for how things go wrong. Both parties must work at restoration, and both share in the blame. Glass includes common sense approaches to falling in love with a mate again and practical steps to prevent relapses.
Another factor in why so many couples engage in extramarital sex is because so many engage in premarital sex.
But transparency is a great deterrent: "When we share our hidden feelings about another person with our spouse, the intensity and fascination of that secret are greatly diminished," Glass writes.
Glass, who was married 48 years herself, explodes myths about why people have affairs, such as to find someone better looking, to find someone less inhibited about sex, or even that it was an unhappy marriage. In reality, adultery happens because there is opportunity when an emotional attachment forms. As politician after politician has shown (Gov. Sanford of South Carolina being the current poster boy), a person unwilling to give up his paramour completely will have a difficult time restoring the marriage.
This book is full of practical advice on how to recover from infidelity and explores virtually every scenario for how things go wrong. Both parties must work at restoration, and both share in the blame. Glass includes common sense approaches to falling in love with a mate again and practical steps to prevent relapses.
Another factor in why so many couples engage in extramarital sex is because so many engage in premarital sex.
July 16, 2019
EXCELLENT. Well researched and super readable. Dr. Glass is incredibly wise and generally nonjudgmental (there are a few times where some judgy langauge slips in, but it’s usually in the context of someone else’s point of view). The book is a tad outdated in that it doesn’t address cell phones or social media dangers (could DEFINITELY use a new updated edition that adds chapters speaking to these specifically!) but all of the advice and insight is still applicable.
She leans towards making your marriage work (at least giving it your best shot), but admits this bias and does make clear that there are times when you absolutely SHOULD leave a marriage.
She writes with compassion and understanding for all three players in the triangle, helping people understand WHY infidelity happens without excusing it. She also talks about how to PREVENT it and HEAL from it. Really a book that anyone in a triangle (or just married and wanting to learn how to prevent infidelity) can benefit from. Easy to read and understand.
She leans towards making your marriage work (at least giving it your best shot), but admits this bias and does make clear that there are times when you absolutely SHOULD leave a marriage.
She writes with compassion and understanding for all three players in the triangle, helping people understand WHY infidelity happens without excusing it. She also talks about how to PREVENT it and HEAL from it. Really a book that anyone in a triangle (or just married and wanting to learn how to prevent infidelity) can benefit from. Easy to read and understand.
December 27, 2016
Tough book to read for someone who has been betrayed. Makes me sick to my stomach to here how things unfold in detail. I am hoping it can help me recover.
Good info but wish has more Christian influence as this is what I think is needed to give a person a view outside self and this world.
For example the section on forgiveness makes use of only human power which I think in my case will not be enough to make full forgiveness or recovery.
Last chapters are best info for me as they give practical info on how to move on and when to. They also deal with issues of how to handle kids when involved. Some of this could be better again not to beat a drum too much if God was not left out of the equation.
Good info but wish has more Christian influence as this is what I think is needed to give a person a view outside self and this world.
For example the section on forgiveness makes use of only human power which I think in my case will not be enough to make full forgiveness or recovery.
Last chapters are best info for me as they give practical info on how to move on and when to. They also deal with issues of how to handle kids when involved. Some of this could be better again not to beat a drum too much if God was not left out of the equation.
December 2, 2013
I am not currently in a relationship, but if I were this book would be way too long to read before things blew up. It could be a lot shorter. Out of the several books I've read on affairs, this one by far is the most into keeping the married couple together. The focus is more on "regular" people who accidentally slipped into affairs instead of going into personality disorders or inherently dysfunctional relationships/people. So if you want a book from that angle, check this one out.
October 18, 2008
If you purchase only one book on the subject be sure it is this one. Very comprehesive, free of jargon and inclusinve of almost anything you can think of on the matter of affairs. A book expecially for the professionals looking to learn about the nature and treatmeent of afairs without taking a week-long course. A gem.
February 26, 2010
Another book that I hope none of you will ever need. This book showed me what could have been going through his head and how the whole thing grew from friends to "not just friends". It opened my eyes and suggested questions that I may or may not want answered so we can move past it.
The first couple of chapters really struck a little too close to home, but I'm glad that I read the whole book.
The first couple of chapters really struck a little too close to home, but I'm glad that I read the whole book.
July 10, 2019
Many good and comprehensive reviews have already been posted so I will keep mine briefe. The boosk is usefull if a bit dry. Clever if way to hetronormative.
If you have the patience and wish to study the subject of infidelity form uts a good read but there are other books on the subject wich are shorter or just better writen.
If you have the patience and wish to study the subject of infidelity form uts a good read but there are other books on the subject wich are shorter or just better writen.
August 20, 2018
This book has some excellent point and take aways, but it feels one-sided. You can tell that Shirley Glass tried to examine every possible relationship scenario, but it is just not possible, so it was hard for me to identify with this book.
September 18, 2018
Thorough, well researched and written. Despite being almost 400 pages its fairly easy reading, and Dr. Glass does a phenomenal job of using analogies to make the concepts clear. This was a good read for anybody in a relationship, not just those working through infidelities.
Want to read
July 2, 2009...what therapists read for fun...
January 26, 2019
Extremely helpful with understanding Boundaries
Life after infidelity can be devastating, with the help of this book, I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Life after infidelity can be devastating, with the help of this book, I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel!
February 21, 2021
I will highly recommend to my clients (couples) dealing with infidelity. It explains all sides of an affair and breaks down what an emotional affair is in terms of betrayal. Great read!
October 26, 2024
This book feels dated. It might be solid for people in very traditional, normative marriages. For more progressive relationships, however, it can be painful and frustrating to read.
To be fair, I live in a bit of a progressive bubble in Portland, Oregon, but it felt like this was describing what a relationship and affair would look like in an episode of the 1950s-era TV show Mad Men (e.g., the stoic working husband—who only cares about sexual intimacy and shouldn’t have any deep friendships with women—is caught by his stay-at-home wife—who only cares about emotional intimacy—after she hires a private detective to watch him sneaking off with his secretary at lunch).
Some of the book is quite solid, but much of the advice around communication and skillful handling of emotions feels like it’s written for someone who’s never done any personal growth work before. So, this book might be great for people who are beginners in that realm; but, if you’re already familiar with concepts like Nonviolent Communication, much of what the author describes might feel very surface level.
P.S. I'm only 10% of the way into Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs," and I find it to be *substantially* more interesting.
To be fair, I live in a bit of a progressive bubble in Portland, Oregon, but it felt like this was describing what a relationship and affair would look like in an episode of the 1950s-era TV show Mad Men (e.g., the stoic working husband—who only cares about sexual intimacy and shouldn’t have any deep friendships with women—is caught by his stay-at-home wife—who only cares about emotional intimacy—after she hires a private detective to watch him sneaking off with his secretary at lunch).
Some of the book is quite solid, but much of the advice around communication and skillful handling of emotions feels like it’s written for someone who’s never done any personal growth work before. So, this book might be great for people who are beginners in that realm; but, if you’re already familiar with concepts like Nonviolent Communication, much of what the author describes might feel very surface level.
P.S. I'm only 10% of the way into Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs," and I find it to be *substantially* more interesting.
February 23, 2019
Picked this up after someone recommended it in a reddit relationship thread. The book aims to be useful to many different audiences - the betrayed, the betrayer, the "other woman/man/person", the therapist, even couples who are fine so far. Of course, it assumes monogamy is your end goal, which isn't the case for everyone.
The beginning sections were the most interesting to me, since Dr. Glass goes over statistics and "prevention myths". I learned a lot about how to pre-emptively protect boundaries, and the typical scenarios that happen.
I will say that the book felt outdated at times- references to VHSes, printing out "internet" articles to share, and acting like online dating is a novelty. A consequence of it being written when it was, of course. As another reviewer noted, there was also a subtle thread of heteronormativity / classic gender roles, which added to the "outdated" feeling.
Overall, there were some great insights and commentary on relationship dynamics.
The beginning sections were the most interesting to me, since Dr. Glass goes over statistics and "prevention myths". I learned a lot about how to pre-emptively protect boundaries, and the typical scenarios that happen.
I will say that the book felt outdated at times- references to VHSes, printing out "internet" articles to share, and acting like online dating is a novelty. A consequence of it being written when it was, of course. As another reviewer noted, there was also a subtle thread of heteronormativity / classic gender roles, which added to the "outdated" feeling.
Overall, there were some great insights and commentary on relationship dynamics.
January 11, 2023
Sticky topic (the idea that stayed with me) That in order to build a strong relationship, you have to build walls around your relationship, not walls between you, especially if this leads to doors to the outside.
Overall, a very good book, I feel like the beginning should be required reading for all newly committed couples, especially those of us immersed in temptation and opportunity. At times, the book became too prescriptive, spouting how to and conventional advice that dated the book. However, the sections that have not aged well almost serve to underline the brilliance of the parts that are Dr. Glass' original work. The wisdom that grew from her own assessment have aged well because they were not bound by the conventional wisdom of the time, in fact much of it bucked conventional knowledge, and still does.
Like the idea that: relationship is a third entity, you can put energy into you, me and/or the relationship
Overall, a very good book, I feel like the beginning should be required reading for all newly committed couples, especially those of us immersed in temptation and opportunity. At times, the book became too prescriptive, spouting how to and conventional advice that dated the book. However, the sections that have not aged well almost serve to underline the brilliance of the parts that are Dr. Glass' original work. The wisdom that grew from her own assessment have aged well because they were not bound by the conventional wisdom of the time, in fact much of it bucked conventional knowledge, and still does.
Like the idea that: relationship is a third entity, you can put energy into you, me and/or the relationship
March 30, 2024
I often recommend this book to couples when there has been infidelity. Many sexual affairs start with no intentions for it to become sexual, they genuinely planned to stay 'just friends'. But when emotions are shared with someone outside of the primary relationship and the primary partner is locked out of that authentic and deep sharing, an intimate bond begins. When your partner is the one you are battling dirty dishes and screaming kids with, and the 'friend' is relaxed, interested in you and there are no problems to solve between you- it can be alluring to think they are a better option. I don't subscribe to the idea that people can't have healthy friendships with people they might find attractive without cheating or crossing boundaries. But I have shared some notes and concepts from this book with my relationship counselling clients, and it has really opened their eyes up to what it takes to have trust and agreed upon boundaries in their relationship.
November 26, 2022
This book was impressive in the breadth of its content. It leads readers through everything from the moment of discovery to the years of healing after either healing the marriage or divorcing and living alone. This seems like a great resource for people outside the field. At the same time, it's necessary to update it for modern times considering new cultural developments such as online dating and the spectrum of gender and sexuality. As a practitioner searching for a resource to help couples in therapy, I approached this book looking for more education and insight into how to become an effective couples therapist, and it didn't quite live up to what I was looking for. But I learned a lot, and it is a solid resource for people seeking practical wisdom and guidance through a remarkably complex and difficult situation.
May 6, 2024
I have had this on my list for years and I would definitely recommend this to clients where one spouse has had an affair along with Esther Perel’s The State of Affairs which is my other go-to. This one is more self-help and would probably be more helpful to read right away after betrayal is discovered. It is 20+ years old but I think has aged relatively well. It is definitely written for heterosexual couples, perhaps with a slant toward couples with a religious background. It definitely takes a strong stance on what is right and wrong and gives clear ideas and boundaries on how to heal which I think most people would agree with and find helpful but if you define marital commitment more loosely it may not be a good fit.
June 9, 2025
Soon to celebrate 25 years of marriage, and knowing of marriages that have dealt with infidelity, I read it after hearing about it on a podcast. I read it for education rather than in response to experiencing a betrayal.
That said, I think anyone would benefit from it. In fact, after I shared some of its insights with my husband, he and I decided to listen to the first few chapters together. The chapters on boundaries and walls v windows were super helpful. It sparked good conversations that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. The first few chapters alone are helpful for anyone in a committed relationship that wants to keep their marriage strong and be intentional about their choices. Highly recommend!
That said, I think anyone would benefit from it. In fact, after I shared some of its insights with my husband, he and I decided to listen to the first few chapters together. The chapters on boundaries and walls v windows were super helpful. It sparked good conversations that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. The first few chapters alone are helpful for anyone in a committed relationship that wants to keep their marriage strong and be intentional about their choices. Highly recommend!
July 22, 2017
A helpful, constructive approach to the many considerations in marriage after infidelity. There is very little judgment in this book. Glass includes research from her field as well as her own personal practice examples. There are questionnaires, activities, and exercises to do alone and as a couple; these help to get conversations started that may be long overdue. She gives practical advice and guidelines for communication and by no means does she promise outcomes or offer absolute judgment. In fact, her book is most helpful alongside therapy. But it's a good start and very reassuring to the individual feeling adrift in the wake of catastrophic discovery.
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