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Love Me, Don't Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships

3.90  ·  Rating details ·  391 ratings  ·  45 reviews
Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and  community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life, whether through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood—fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. 
If you suffer
...more
Paperback, 200 pages
Published September 1st 2014 by New Harbinger Publications
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Average rating 3.90  · 
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Mischenko
Nov 20, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Wonderfully written, Michelle Skeen shows not just what we do to hurt our relationships, but what we can do to stop sabotaging relationships due to core beliefs from the past (childhood and beyond.) You may never lose the fear of abandonment or mistrust and negative emotions, but you can help yourself to not fall back into that way of thinking everytime a trigger sets you off. It's a lifelong battle, but the book helps us to stop and be "mindful." We can react in a more positive way and not allo ...more
Mihail Nedkov
Sep 11, 2019 rated it it was ok
Disappointed - a rehash of material from other self-help and therapy books based on ACT, DBT, CFT and Schema Therapy. Brings nothing new, original or worthwhile to the table.

Having said that, it might still be useful to you, if you're not acquainted with the abovementioned therapeutic approaches.

Otherwise, imho, you'd better skip it and look somewhere else.
Diana Banner
Sep 06, 2016 rated it it was amazing
If you've ever struggled with building strong and healthy relationships despite fears, anxieties and roadblocks from your past, you must read Love Me Don't Leave Me. The main focus of this book is for people with a fear of abandonment, but it also goes in depth with other common anxieties that hinder relationships. I couldn't turn the pages of this book fast enough. Author Michelle Skeen, PsyD writes in a voice that at once makes you feel comfortable and understood . She introduces the reader to ...more
Adriana
Dec 25, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2016
A lot to digest and a bunch of useful information that clarified my story a little bit is contained in this book. I read it because I'm very into knowing and understanding myself, which has been a very difficult thing throughout my life. "Love me, Don't leave me" brought to my awareness many of my behavior patterns and helped me understand plenty of the irrational things I do at times. I liked it very much!
Terrence Kelleman
Jun 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This is not a theoretical analysis but a guidebook or manual if you will to overcoming the underlying fears and triggers that tend to change our perception of ourself and all of our interactions in life. Revealing these core beliefs with easy questions that help you identify the core fears active in yourself this helps you see and name your fears which is the first step in diminishing them though awareness and journaling. I really loved this book.
Christine Wang
Jun 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I read this book on and off throughout the period of a few months, sometimes getting distracted, sometimes sitting back to reflect on what I had read. For a long time, I thought I might have abandonment issues as a result of my upbringing and many of my early experiences, but it didn't quite hit me until I did something I regretted. I then thought to seek some help because that behavior had become a recurring pattern, and found this book.

It forced me to confront some self-sabotaging, negative be
...more
Kumari de Silva
Feb 13, 2017 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Disappointed. Very repetitive. As a stand alone book, not super helpful. Reads as if it is a teaser to get me to sign up for working with her, buying additional products from her. Spends far too much page space diagnosing. (Well I suppose we wouldn't have bought the book if we didn't already know we have some fears - sheesh). Writing style felt patronizing. Many of the "tips" and tools aren't reasonable. People don't pop out of nowhere with fear of abandonment. It's born out of having no infrast ...more
Marina (Sonnenbarke)
May 14, 2015 rated it it was ok
Shelves: _psychology
The idea behind the book is not bad, in fact it's really good, but I didn't like how it was developed. There are tons of repetitions in this book, which seem just a way to make the book longer - something quite astounding if one considers that the book is 180 pages long. I mean, 90 pages would have been perfect for such a book (or booklet), but here we just keep reading about the same ideas. Moreover, I found it a bit devaluing of possible significant others at times - like when it says the unst ...more
Roma Giannina
Oct 12, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This book started out a bit simplistic and cheesy---which is always why I steer clear of self help books. But I think if you actually do the diary entries, and PRACTICE each exercise, you definitely will notice yourself changing. I had to let go of my condescending attitude and just be open to the exercises. Now I have some of the exercises and example stories dog eared so that I can come back to them. I was pleasantly surprised with this book. As they say, 'Keep it simple, stupid.'
Ying Ying
Jul 23, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Reading this book feels like talking to your favorite psychiatrist. Michelle helps you identify your problem, which event might trigger the problem and how to handle your behavior.
There are plenty of exercises in the book as well as several examples that can serve as a good basis for your own reflection. The author strongly encourages us to keep a journal and practice mindfulness.
Marina
Aug 01, 2020 rated it did not like it
I am sorry, but this is probably one of the worst book I have probably read... The solution to all your problems is: meditation! or something like that.. and if you haven't heard about MINDFULNESS yet (where have you been the last few years=), let me explain what that great concept is ... seriously, if you have already read a little something about attachment theory, self-awareness, and mindfulness, you can totally skip this book. I don't think it is helpful at all, it is very superficial, does ...more
Emily
Nov 01, 2018 rated it liked it
This was a recommended book, not a choice for myself. I think it's more other things going on in my life than this book itself, but I found it really frustrating that in the first chapters it's a lot of assessment tests to label all the issues with you. And the worst part, is all of them end with "if you rated any of these as a 5 or 6, this is an issue for you, regardless of the overall score". It was sort of like it was trying to make you feel like you have all these problems. I definitely don' ...more
Antti Kapanen
Nov 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
I bought this book as a present to someone who I thought would like it - and did - and ended up reading it myself, too.

Anyone who reads about the psychology of relationships should be familiar with the concepts, but the author packs them very personally and insightfully into a very useful self-help book. This is not the best work for someone looking for a textbook and admittedly the exercises may be quite difficult to carry out on your own.

Reading the book with another persons notes in it made i
...more
Misha Carney
Apr 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
This book was very helpful to me in helping me come to the realization that I was responsible for a lot of my own pain because I just didn’t know how to heal it. My relationships are healthier now and my core beliefs have been greatly shifted.

I completely disagree that you have no control over negative thoughts or core beliefs. however I don’t have to agree with everything in order to benefit from it. I’m so glad I found Th is book.
Natasha Alvandi
Jul 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Dr. Skeen does an excellent job of tackling attachment issues in this book. I’m studying to be a counselor, and I have rarely read a book I would recommend to a client. This is one of them. In fact, I have many friends who would benefit from reading this book. It approaches self-compassion and mindfulness in a very practical way. I like the image of “I am the sky, not the weather” for passing turbulence in one’s life.
Angelica
Feb 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book is helpful for anyone who has fear of abandonment due to lack of trust and or emotional distress from past relationships, especially family relationships where the damage is done at a young age. It teaches you how to think and react differently in order to build and maintain longer lasting, healthier relationships with people you love.
Kristen
Mar 16, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Life changing book for me. Would recommend to anyone who even thinks they may have abandonment issues or want to learn about their core beliefs and how to respond differently to them. It will open up your eyes to ways you have been self destructive and how to change those patterns. I believe my relationships moving forward will be forever changed thanks to this book 🙏🏼❤️
Keith Mitchell
Nov 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great book

Great book very helpful with the process of me becoming aware and understanding alot of feeling and behavioral patterns I have. And giving helpful tools too create change 🖤
Tashi
Jun 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a fantastic book for people with BPD, and their loved ones. It's a very non-judgemental and supportive text that allow you to better understand the condition through practical exercises and anecdotal stories. I would highly recommend to anyone with BPD, it's a very therapeutic read.
Salma Hindy
Jul 03, 2019 rated it really liked it
Great book. Lots of activities and practical tips on a variety of topics: triggers, negative core beliefs, establishing core values, preventing second hand pain, mindfulness and more. Very valuable for someone looking to heal from their childhood triggers/survival mechanisms.
Neena
Sep 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good read

Very relatable, with practical examples. Reader-friendly, regardless of educational background and familiarity with jargon. Recommended for individuals seeking some clarity and systematic reflections
Lillian Chen
Jan 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Let your values drive your behaviours not your core beliefs .. that’s such important point for me to learn from this book .

The tests in the book were not 100% accurate for me .. but some points of the book is worth learning..
David
Jun 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
Great book, very helpful to pretty much everyone. Only giving it 4 stars because the examples and exercises in the second half of the book are pretty basic. Yes, they are rooted in DBT and so are effective, but I felt like they were boiled down a bit too much.
Carmen Ilea
Mar 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
It's a great book for those with abandonment issues, offers lots of practical exercises to overcome the fear of abandonment. I'm using this book for my therapy but it is very easy to understand and I recommend it to everyone facing this fear.
Roxana
Aug 15, 2018 rated it really liked it
The book is clear and easy to read. It helped me put things into perspective, reinforce everything I've learned so far (through books and experience).
Shane Baker
Aug 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
Very applicable to many people and easy to apply.
Justyna
Aug 15, 2019 rated it liked it
Unfortunately didn’t really click with me. It felt that they way it was written, was very rushed.
Maureen
Aug 18, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2019
Don't judge me.
Madalina Dan
Nov 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A great book that offers tips and practical advice along with background history regarding fear of abandonment.

I highly recommend it! It helped me a lot 🤗😊
Rocher Koendjbiharie
There was some useful information in this book.
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Michelle Skeen, PsyD, has a doctorate in clinical psychology. She is author of seven books, all designed to enhance relationships by emphasizing the importance of identifying core values and valued intentions, limited thinking, mindfulness, self-compassion, empathy, and effective communication and conflict resolution skills. Her passion is coaching individuals in creating and maintaining healthy r ...more

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“Let us remember: One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world.” That’s Malala Yousafzai, Pakistani human rights...
24 likes · 6 comments
“Your childhood is in the past, but your current situation is triggering your story and making you feel like you’re back in it. So your natural instinct—your biologically driven need to protect yourself—kicks in, and you are engaged in a behavioral reaction designed to rid you of the painful thoughts and emotions, but instead it makes you feel worse.” 3 likes
“The more intense the emotions that get activated, the more likely it is that you are responding to your parent (or the offending person from your past), not the person you are with at that moment.” 2 likes
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