The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Viewer Guide

by Gary Chapman

A New York Times Bestseller
A CBA Bestseller

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? Dr. Gary Chapman reveals how different people express love in different ways. What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse. But here, at last, is the key to understanding each other's needs. Learn the right language, and soon you'll know the profound satisfaction of being able to express your love and - feeling truly loved in return.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Religion

16 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2006

About the author

Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit this continual #1 New York Times bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner.
Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his 5 Love Languages® series to specifically reach out to teens, singles, men, and children.
He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including Anger, The Family You’ve Always Wanted, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language, Parenting Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. He coauthored The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.
Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 400 stations. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Dr. Chapman and his wife have two adult children and two grandchildren, and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Reviews

[Kaylee · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, I don't read these types of books so was almost dreading it - thought it would be extremely dull and take forever to get through. Was definitely not the case. I read the whole thing in two quick sessions.
Second, I'm not in a relationship. So why did I read this? A friend had read it and raved about it and about how everyone should read it to learn about love languages and how it applies to every relationship, whether it's the love of a significant other or a friend.
I cannot agree more. Regardless of anything else, this book really makes you think. What's your love language? What's this person's, and that person's? How can you make the people in your life feel loved? Even yourself, if you're missing out - what should you do in order to change that?
I also enjoy the way he goes about giving the information. He does so with telling stories about past sessions with couples and includes his own experiences in a storytelling kind of way. It isn't just some drawl of how-to.
The only downside I have to it is his end parting of trying to get you to embrace God and Jesus. Religion is throughout (he quotes the Bible) but it's important to him and moves the story along so I get it. But minor detail that doesn't take away from anything. I am just not remotely religious is all.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book to everyone.

[Emalia Tack · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dr. Chapman has combined his personal life, his career as a marriage counselor and countless conversations with couples to put together the principles of the Five Love Languages. Traditionally meant for people in marriage to learn how to communicate in ways the other will understand and perceive as love, these principles can be extrapolated and used really in any relationship.

I found the content helpful but far too lengthy and repetitive, most pages could be boiled down to about a third of what was written. There were many anecdotes which makes sense considering the topic and his background but it's not my preferred method of explanation since so many of the details are superfluous. I also found his use of religious quotes random and seemingly unhelpful in furthering his explanations. Overall, this book is a classic but you could probably get the same out of a good web-page or online quiz.

Really a revolutionary set of principles though, a must know for communication skills!

[Heather Chapman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book upon a recommendation from a friend. Like most self-help (?) books, it was hard to read for longer than 30 minutes at a time, but it was insightful and thought provoking. I've been analyzing my 'love language' in the week since. No luck yet... but I think I know my husband's. There's no question that the advice given in this book is helpful, and I'm willing to try it in my relationships with others.

[Lori Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guess I am behind on this relationship book, it had come out in 1995 and reissued in 2006. Wouldn't have picked it up if I hadn't heard my two adult children talk about it and my son was knowledgeable, "Mom, can't be in a long term relationship and not have heard about this!" It IS a worthwhile read and opened up some interesting conversations with my husband. Since we are stuck together during this pandemic, might as well work on relationship!

[Tracy Jackson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This philosophy is well-written, comprehensible, and offered me many ah-ha moments in how to better express love - not my way - in the language that my husband will appreciate it.

The anecdotes were helpful, however, I found myself skimming them because there was so much detail that I couldn’t relate to. Also, at times, there was repetition of ideas that had been well-explained before, so skimmed those paragraphs aw well.

I loved the “your turn” interactive reflection activities, and the book summaries. I read this in kindle format, but will be buying the book as well.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this little self-improvement (?) book after hearing Gretchen Rubin and Liz Craft discuss it on the Happier podcast. Their discussion was a huge aha moment for me. So much of their conversation maybe we want to bang my head against a wall and no wonder my marriage didn't work. Ted was 0 for 5. I also felt it would be useful in discussing loving behaviors and feelings with Zach & Griffin.

For those of you not familiar with the basic concept (and this book is old so I may be the last person on the planet to discover it), the entire point is to figure out how your partner (or non-romantic loved one) receives love and to learn to "speak it" to them in the way they can hear it.

The writing style is pure schlock with hokey religious hoo ha backed up by 1950's marriage and gender norms. But if you can get past that and interpret the concepts as they apply to your own relationships, I think it has a lot to offer.

[Neeraj Sadarjoshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nice read. Great tips and a reimagined perspective on expressing one's love for his / her partner.

[Esme · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of important and useful information
Revealing secrets to good relationships, Gary Chapman unfolds the information we need to know about our significant other in The Five Love Languages. As a young reader of this nonfiction book, most likely written for the an older generation who has a spouse, I found this book very interesting.
Written in a short and easy way to read, it gave you the right information in one go and in shorter than usual chapters, but of course full of revealing information. Giving us many different ways to greater our relationships with others, Chapman doesn't fail to deeply explain the five different types of people we can be dealing with. The different ways to understand these people and made you realize the little things that you might have not realized about your significant other before.
As I am not, and probably won't be for many years to come, married I would still recommend this book to others. Chapman made it easy for everyone to understand and doesn't just help you with your spouse or significant other but with any other close people you have in your life.
I can say that one example is my mom. I now understand what to do to show my love. It can be a simple and small thing I do,like wash the dishes without her telling me to, but for her and her love language, which is Acts of Service, it means much more.
Another great aspect of this book is the Chapman made sure to include some questions for the reader to answer at the end of a chapter to make he or she reflect on the information recently given to them. If anyone is still confused on what love language their spouse is, the book also came with questions at the end that gives you a direct answer to what you need to know.
This book is great for anyone that is looking to openly demonstrate as much love as they can to another. It gives you accurate information at the palm of your hand in a easy to read book full of wonderful information to your service.
Let the book give you information you need or might need in the future and learn from it. Let it teach you things you might not know. Given my young age and spouse-less side it can be hard to believe me. But we won't know until you try. Enjoy!

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gary Chapman writes of five love languages, including quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. He talks about the feeling of falling in love verses finding real emotional love. Most people speak one of the five love languages and these are the primary ways that a person could feel love. Relationships begin to waver when couples are unable to speak each others primary love language. The book and suggestions found inside it have the capacity to change relationships for the better.

My husband and I took the love language quiz, finding that our top two love languages are quality time and acts of service (scoring highly on both). This was not surprising to us, but it is useful to know. I would suggest this for all couples.

[Adrienna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe I read this book over 10 years ago and was not only 16 pages via paperback. The five love languages was an amazing book! I strongly believe that most people are aware of this read. I was glad to discover my love language: physical touch. Now, my mate is also physical touch which no words are expressed, we just love to be touched in some form or fashion. I also use words of affirmation since I can see he likes compliments and to feel valued (which I believe is his other language, second). I like this as well when I took the test years prior.

I have tried to read other books in this series, and seeking not only for research but to find helpful insight while dealing with people or loved ones.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.
Positives: Quick read. Helpful to understand an important area that may cause a loved one to not feel loved. I thought the explanation on the difference between "falling in love" and choosing love was important.
Negatives: Overall I didn't feel like it was as in-depth as I would have liked. More examples on how to speak the different love languages and how to discern someone's love language would have been helpful. Also I'm realizing that what "speaks love" to a person can change over time and in different circumstances, which is not at all the premise of this book. I think the most important things are communication and observation, along with realizing that different things communicate love to different people.

[Libby Householder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life! How incredible to understand yourself and others even if you aren't the best of friends or even friends at all. I always knew that some people like each other and don't like others. However, I was completely unaware of the impact that one's own love language (both expressed and received) plays a vital role in relationships. Who knew?!!

[Miss M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is an excellent book and I highly recommended for everyone to read. The book provides an insight into how one feels live depending on their behavior. This is a must to be able to understand and express love not only to your partner but to all your loved ones. It provides a way for you to make sure that you are expressing love the right way.

[Misschel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before you quit...read this. Are you engaged?....read this. Have you been married more than once?....read this. Have you been married from 1 to 100 years?....read this.

This was light and easy reading. A totally different approach to helping? Saving? Spicing up? Your marriage. Even if things are perfect...read it. Learn to speak your mates love language 🥰

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clearly late to the party on this conceptual framework, I found it quite useful. Reading the book did require me to ignore the traditional values and religious overlay utilized by the author.

As I approach 36 years of marriage I look forward to applying a few of these concepts. It is never too late to increase our investments in our relationships.

[Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy to follow read that everyone has "love language" of the way wives and husbands want to be treated. Eg. "Gifts" or "quality time" etc. Not really any academic or scientific research behind this, appears just authors idea? Did make sense, but some chapters became repetitive.

[⭐️MidnightSun⭐️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. There is something to be learn from reading it. Pay attention to your mate. Learn their likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what makes them smile. Pay attention to their actions and always communicate.

[Alina Ramona · Rating 5 out of 5]

dupa ce trece indragosteala, lumea are nevoie de anumite dovezi de afectiune pentru a se simte fericit. Fiecare are o nevoie primara dintre: cuvinte, atingeri, timp petrecut impreuna, munca care sa le usureze viata sau cadouri.

[Stevie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely love this GEM of a tool for my marriage, myself, and my relationships and interactions with others. Such a page turner, I couldn't put it down. I've ordered several other books by Gary Chapman. Such a blessing!

[Willie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing framework for keeping the love tank full.

[ALAGBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

3/15 used by Greg and Sandra W in small group. Along with Mark Gungor's "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage " seminar.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who is in a relationship or thinking about being in a relationship should read this book!

[Cindy West · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found it incredibly hard to put down. It really me think about where I fit.

[Sarena Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, took notes and even went back a few times when I really appreciated a section. Would definitely recommend reading to any of my married friends.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting theories and would be helpful if needed.

[June · Rating 4 out of 5]

Intuitive to read, fun to practice.

[CYNDY REICHGELT · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book - prompted some great conversations about the ways we show Love. Self reflective as well as interesting perspectives on how others receive us.

[Sabine Bjermeland]

Amazing

[Rebecca Bingham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an easy read with great advice for couples. I love the way he teaches these lessons from different angles.

[Limida03 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is literally life changing. I never would have thought that psychology and love can be explained so easy and in a way that is so applicable!