Divorceless Marriage: Put It First, Make It Last

by Randy L. Bott

New. Always send with delivery confirmation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage

Hardcover

First published July 28, 1998

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Bott was one of my very favorite professors at BYU, so of course I liked his book. I know am biased. This is a good, practical, general book about how to be happy in marriage. Good stuff.

[Keith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid advice from a marriage counselor. Much of it is directed to newlyweds. However, we still found most of it to be meaningful.

Read aloud and discussed with my wife over the course of two months.

Contents
1. Introduction
2. Setting the ground rules
3. Avoiding bad habits
4. “I know what you’re thinking”
5. Problems: stumbling blocks or stepping stones?
6. Attacking the problem, not your mate
7. Being true to each other (Sexual fidelity)
8. Solving problems without arguing
9. Being “other” oriented
10. Giving attention to little things
11. Privacy about private matters
12. Seeking professional help when problems get the upper hand
13. Agreeing to disagree without being disagreeable
14. Building on the common
15. Recognizing beauty and strength in diversity
16. Non-compete clause in marriage
17. Not allowing children to come between you
18. Putting priorities on time and resources
Some couples have the following priorities
- spouse
- children
- personal development
- spiritual life
- profession or career or job
19. Avoiding the wandering Eye (I) Syndrome
20. Renewing the honeymoon regularly
21. Continuing the courtship
22. Re-establishing trust (Forgiving each other for being human)
23. Take the best - leave the rest (Learning form others)
24. Avoiding extremes
25. Agreeing upon the leadership of the home (Division of labor)
26. Altering destructive family traditions
27. Managing debt without having it destroy your marriage
28. Celebrating the successes
Index

[Miriam]

Setting Ground Rules
1. No matter what, we will talk through the problem and find a mutually agreeable solution
2. If a conflict arises, or a decision affecting both of us has to be made, we will consult with each other before making a decision
3. Money matters will be discussed in private and without pressure from outside sources
4. Any one or any thing that tries to divide us or pit us against each other is to be held in mutual distrust.
5. Keeping each other informed is of paramount importance
6. Raised voices and physical violence will never be used to make your point or get your way

[Jocelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty basic things but always good to be reminded. Remember to do the little things, have mini honeymoons, don’t compete, don’t be selfish (‘I can’t have it my way, so you can’t have it your way), don’t use extremes (‘you always...’), manage debt, have priorities- spouse before others.

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't let the title scare you away! This is a must read for ALL married couples! I read the book before Richard and I were married, as a single woman, but now we are reading one chapter a night! I found it on sale at the BYU Bookstore and I am so glad I bought it!
The author is a LDS man, and a well known Religious professor at BYU. His writing is ENCOURAGING! It isn't about divorce, it is about how to have the HAPPIEST marriage! We have enjoyed reading and talking about the chapters at night, it is a great read.
My one recommendation is ALWAYS read books like these BEFORE the fights start, BEFORE the mean words and vicious attacks happen in your marriage, start reading helpful advice books before those things trickle in!

[Ryceejo · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was too basic and simple, in an almost condescending way. It does not provide very deep, insightful suggestions. For instance, on the chapter about avoiding debt he suggests, "Taking shorter showers or turning off the water while you soap up, can cut down on your gas bill." First of all that was incorrect comma use. I cannot imagine readers so clueless that they desperately need the OBVIOUS advice he gives. But I could be mistaken.

This book was definitely not a complete waste of time, however. Bott has some excellent perceptions and I did underline at least one sentence in each chapter. Overall, it is worth skimming in one sitting and seeing what kind of perspectives a man who has had a successful marriage can offer.

[Sharesa Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book, if anyone out there is wanting to read a book on how to have a happier marriage this is the one! The author is LDS, but he doesn't really mention that in the book and he uses a lot of examples. Creed and I aren't having any problems, I just know the author and found the book on sale, and I LOVE it!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this author--he was also a great professor of religion at BYU. The book is more about a happy marriage and not about divorce. The title is a little misleading. I wish the actual title would have been: Put It First, Make It Last.

[Danica · Rating 4 out of 5]

My dad gave us this book for Christmas, and overall I really liked it. There were many times I said, "Man, I need to do that better" while reading. Some things didn't apply, but I think it's always smart to read marriage-strengthening books.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of this is pretty basic, but it is a good book to read overall. I think there is something that any couple can gain from it.

[Seth Jenson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good ideas and messages, but very sloppy and poorly constructed! Randy Bott needs to hire a better editor. Or perhaps pay his college intern a little more.

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lot of his own opinion in it. Some of the things didn't work with us - but it worked with his relationship.