Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws

by Cheryl Dellasega

You can survive the "kitchen wars"—and live in peace with your family "My sisters-in-law couldn't stand me. I was really hurt when my kids weren't mentioned in their grandmother's obituary because they weren't 'full-blooded' family." "My mom is always giving advice, always telling me to do such and such when she doesn't do it herself. If my husband and I have a fight, she takes his side!" "My sister did call me a week later to apologize but proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with me, my husband, and my children." Sound familiar? There's nothing new or unusual about conflict between mothers, sisters, and other female family members—but that doesn't make it any less painful or destructive. Adding to the hurt of relational abuse within the family is the permanent nature of the you can sever relations with an abusive friend, but you can't stop being the sister/daughter/niece of an abusive relative. Does that mean that there's no way out? In Forced to Be Family, you'll discover how to determine whether a female family member is being abusive, recognize the sources of that abuse, and break the vicious cycle that keeps the abuse alive. You don't have to choose between accepting abuse and "making a scene." This insightful, reassuring guide gives you the strategies and understanding you need to reestablish warm and loving relationships with the women who will always be closest to you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology

272 pages, Hardcover

First published September 26, 2007

About the author

Drawing on decades of firsthand experience navigating the complexities of academic life, Cheryl Dellasega, NP, PhD, brings an insider’s perspective to her fiction debut – illuminating both the ambition and the darker undercurrents of university culture. Her extensive academic background includes a PhD in Health Education & Counseling from Temple University and an MFA from Rosemont College.

She is an award-winning author of ten books and a professor with more than thirty years of experience teaching in higher education. She spent the majority of her career at Pennsylvania State University, where she taught humanities and research in the College of Medicine, before retiring in 2024. In addition to her work in the United States, she has served as a Visiting Professor in Jönköping, Sweden.

A relational aggression expert, Dr. Dellasega is the author of numerous books on issues affecting women, including When Nurses Hurt Nurses, Forced to be Family, Mean Girls Grown Up, The Starving Family, Girl Wars, and Surviving Ophelia. A sought-after expert on the everyday challenges facing women today, she has appeared in such outlets as The Today Show, Good Morning America and E! Investigates: Bullying. Learn more at www.cheryldellasega.com.

Reviews

[Flora]

It's way more fun to read about other people's drama than it is to consider advice on how to be a better sister/mother/daughter/in-law, but this book offers plenty of both.

[Kat]

This book was just okay. I wanted to read this one to see if it would help me since I have a sister who I'm currently not on good terms with (she said some things about my husband and youngest daughter that she had no basis whatsoever to say since my husband has been nothing but kind to her and my daughter is only 4) and I have a sister-in-law who I know doesn't like me and as far as I know for nothing I've ever done to her. So I was hoping this book would help me figure out how to get along with them better. Nope. It seemed as most of the book talked about the types of family relationships that can cause problems with lots of examples of people who fit into categories and their problems. And then finally towards the last few chapters some ways to handle the issues. But nothing worthwhile since one suggestion is talking to the person and I feel in my case that is a lost cause on either end. I'm willing but I know they aren't. So the book was a big waste of my reading time.

[R. C.]

This gossipy, wandering primer on relational aggression between women in family environments was helpful in places. Despite the author's attempt to provide solutions I was left feeling overwhelmed by the many ways in which women can be really, really mean to each other. This title I think is best read if you feel like you must be crazy to be upset by what your female relative is doing. Plenty of validation to be had here and a lot of good phrasing and framing of issues.

[Michelle Plass]

Not a bad book. Some interesting insights into how women who are family relate to one another. I didn't find it particularly helpful besides being able to recognize relational aggression when I see it.

[Adrienna]

I could not get into this book at all.

[Ben]

This is the greatest book in the nation.

[J]

Great stories of women gone bad. Incredibly entertaining.

And reassuring if you find yourself in a similar situation ...

[Robyn]

Totally helped me understand what is wrong with my sister in law! :D