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Unhinged
Danger’s Come A-Knocking….
Someone’s been watching Tana closely, but he’s a lot closer than she realizes. From intimate moments to lazy afternoons on the couch, he’s secretly seen it all - and fallen for her along the way. The problem is that someone else is watching too, and his obsession with Tana is a lot more dangerous. When a man claiming to be her front door enters her dreams to warn her about an imminent threat to her life, Tana initially chalks it up to her weird late-night snacks. But she rethinks things when her earnest visitor insists he’s also ready to protect her - in exchange for one hell of a favor. When Tana trades her best line of defense for an unlikely supernatural ally, the threat lurking beyond her apartment hallway starts getting desperate as the law closes in. Can her inhuman companion save her from the worst of humanity, or is it too late for both of them?
Content Unhinged is a paranormal romance story that involves a human woman getting it on with her front door, which later turns into a guy. This story contains...a lot of stuff that would probably land me on the naughty list with bots from our benevolent overlords if I went into detail in this blurb. Please peek at the look inside for a better idea of what to expect, cool? ;)
Someone’s been watching Tana closely, but he’s a lot closer than she realizes. From intimate moments to lazy afternoons on the couch, he’s secretly seen it all - and fallen for her along the way. The problem is that someone else is watching too, and his obsession with Tana is a lot more dangerous. When a man claiming to be her front door enters her dreams to warn her about an imminent threat to her life, Tana initially chalks it up to her weird late-night snacks. But she rethinks things when her earnest visitor insists he’s also ready to protect her - in exchange for one hell of a favor. When Tana trades her best line of defense for an unlikely supernatural ally, the threat lurking beyond her apartment hallway starts getting desperate as the law closes in. Can her inhuman companion save her from the worst of humanity, or is it too late for both of them?
Content Unhinged is a paranormal romance story that involves a human woman getting it on with her front door, which later turns into a guy. This story contains...a lot of stuff that would probably land me on the naughty list with bots from our benevolent overlords if I went into detail in this blurb. Please peek at the look inside for a better idea of what to expect, cool? ;)
78 pages, Paperback
First published July 10, 2023
2496 people are currently reading
14655 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 8,423 reviews
October 19, 2023
Yes, this is erotic door romance. A woman sleeps with a door shifter. A man who can, and has, turned into her front door. I would suggest reading the content warnings ahead of the story because they are extensive and hilarious.
But let’s back up for a second. This lady’s front door is actually a dryad descended from Zeus. Zeus, on a drunken bender, apparently caught sight of a particularly dashing knotted hole in a tree and decided to have a go at it. That tree then produced magic acorns, some of which were shipped to the US to grow magic dryad oaks, one of which was then felled and turned into a solid oak door. That door is the shifter.
A few concerns based on this premise.
1. Shouldn’t the door dryad be…dead? Would felling a tree and then running it through a saw mill not murder the spirit inside? Apparently not. That’s one resilient door spirit.
2. The door knob is obviously the part of himself he considers his dick. In fact, that’s the part of him that becomes a dick once he shifts. But if he’s a dryad tied to the oakwood, and the door knob is a metal attachment drilled into the wood, the knob shouldn’t technically be part of his body, right? It’s more like a strap-on at that point.
3. The door narrates this entire story, but has no memory of how he became a door. Shouldn’t he remember being an acorn, or at least a tree, first? A male oak tree, I guess, since the door has no confusion regarding his gender. This concern I could excuse, since being sawed down into a door might have traumatized him into repressing those memories.
Anyway, the front door is perfectly happy with his lot, watching the tenant within, Tana, live a peaceful existence while protecting her from the world beyond. He’s madly in love with her. You know, like any door would be. However, he starts to worry when another woman in the apartment building disappears and then the super starts breaking into Tana’s place to steal her underwear.
That’s when Zeus appears to tell him he has one night to pop into Tana’s dreams and convince her to fuck her own front door, which will magically turn him, Princess-and-the-Frog style, into a human capable of better protecting her.
Tana wakes up the next morning and laughs it off as a crazy dream. But something about it sticks with her. Her eyes won’t stop drifting to that sturdy, solid oak door in its frame, and she wonders…what if…?
Then she has sex with her door.
Things escalate from there, but hey, you’ll just have to read for yourself to find out how. Expect a door/man with a bit of a submissive vibe and a praise kink. And of course some more human on door, human on human, and door on human sex. All in a day’s work!
But let’s back up for a second. This lady’s front door is actually a dryad descended from Zeus. Zeus, on a drunken bender, apparently caught sight of a particularly dashing knotted hole in a tree and decided to have a go at it. That tree then produced magic acorns, some of which were shipped to the US to grow magic dryad oaks, one of which was then felled and turned into a solid oak door. That door is the shifter.
A few concerns based on this premise.
1. Shouldn’t the door dryad be…dead? Would felling a tree and then running it through a saw mill not murder the spirit inside? Apparently not. That’s one resilient door spirit.
2. The door knob is obviously the part of himself he considers his dick. In fact, that’s the part of him that becomes a dick once he shifts. But if he’s a dryad tied to the oakwood, and the door knob is a metal attachment drilled into the wood, the knob shouldn’t technically be part of his body, right? It’s more like a strap-on at that point.
3. The door narrates this entire story, but has no memory of how he became a door. Shouldn’t he remember being an acorn, or at least a tree, first? A male oak tree, I guess, since the door has no confusion regarding his gender. This concern I could excuse, since being sawed down into a door might have traumatized him into repressing those memories.
Anyway, the front door is perfectly happy with his lot, watching the tenant within, Tana, live a peaceful existence while protecting her from the world beyond. He’s madly in love with her. You know, like any door would be. However, he starts to worry when another woman in the apartment building disappears and then the super starts breaking into Tana’s place to steal her underwear.
That’s when Zeus appears to tell him he has one night to pop into Tana’s dreams and convince her to fuck her own front door, which will magically turn him, Princess-and-the-Frog style, into a human capable of better protecting her.
Tana wakes up the next morning and laughs it off as a crazy dream. But something about it sticks with her. Her eyes won’t stop drifting to that sturdy, solid oak door in its frame, and she wonders…what if…?
Then she has sex with her door.
Things escalate from there, but hey, you’ll just have to read for yourself to find out how. Expect a door/man with a bit of a submissive vibe and a praise kink. And of course some more human on door, human on human, and door on human sex. All in a day’s work!
Read
August 30, 2023knock knock, who’s there? it’s me, telling you to mind ya biz & forget you ever saw this on my Goodreads thanks! 😏
September 9, 2023
TW: "This story contains door knob insertion"
WHAT- 💀
WHAT- 💀
May 6, 2024
❥12/19/23
3.5/5 ★’s
⁀➷ ❝i've definitely fucking lost it. oh well, it'll make a good story in group therapy when they toss me in an asylum.❞
that’s it. that’s my review. no, i’m kidding…but it really should be😭✋🏼y’all need to get to the end of this review. I EXPOSED🫡
❥ 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑔𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔:
you might literally swoon over a door 🤸🏻♀️🕳️like me.
if this man is a door…i’ll be the doormat and he can step all over me🫦
i’m traumatized. not entirely because of the book, but because of how i felt about it. why did none of you tell me that this door becomes an actual human!!? because when i tell you i was biting my lip and fighting for my life over a man who was once a door makes me question every single thing about myself.
five stages of grief? no, five stages of me…throughout this book.
1. oh…interesting.
2. she did what with a what?
3. 😳
4. oh!?🫦
5. WHY’S HE KINDA-🦋
a fucking door. someone tell me why this door has more game than 99.9% of the actual male population tho…
⁀➷ ❝it's me, i’ll do anything for you.
absolutely anything. i- i'll pay you back for the clothes and cook for you and do the laundry...❞
⁀➷ ❝my beautiful tana, how i’ve missed you. i’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.❞
⁀➷ she was the most beautiful human i’d ever seen, and if i’d been in love with her before, i was entirely smitten now.
⁀➷ ❝you’re safe now, tana. he can’t hurt you while i’m here.❞
like seriously how can a door be more romantic than most men!? pls that’s so embarrassing✋🏼so we have quotes like those…
⁀➷ if i hadn't already been made of wood, i'd be stiff as a board at the sight.
⁀➷ her protector, her guardian, her—my mind wandered into lustful flashes of memory at the way her cunt had squeezed around my knob, the slick, stretched glide of impalement as she backed into me with a moan.
⁀➷ dropping her chest and cheek down to rest on the soft fabric, she tensed at the first cold kiss of my lubricated, wrapped doorknob against her hot cunt.
and then we have quotes like these that make me want to crawl into a hole and die😀
❥ 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈:
basically…wtf did i read and why did i kind of enjoy it? also the smut wasn’t even terrible…the smut where she’s actually fucking the human version of him, just to be SO CLEAR. i’ve cringed more reading cute, fluffy romance books😩✋🏼no joke. even though i enjoyed…i’ll never be able to look at any door the same ever again. i just wanna know the thought process this author had. judgement free zone bae, you wrote it, i oddly enjoyed it. i didn’t think doorsmut would get me out of a reading slump, but here we are😂😂😂read this with your besties for a fun time…
❥ 𝓂𝓎 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁𝓈:
since i can’t show our texts in the groupchat let me just quote all of us anonymously. LMAO ENJOY…
how it started:
➸ ❝i’m just wondering how i ended up reading a door erotic book. when did my life go this way.❞
➸ ❝this door is such a submissive istg. i’d say it’s on its knees but it doesn’t have any.❞
➸ ❝aw this door is kinda sweet. me trying not to get traumatized😀❞
➸ ❝ok i’m more scared of randall than the door.❞
➸ ❝okay but the door > randall. i said what i said😍❞
➸ ❝never. touching. a. door. again.❞
how it ended:
➸ ❝i don’t wanna say it out loud, cuz i can never take it back, so imma just sit here in silence biting my lip because of a door.❞
➸ ❝if my door is this man i’ll fuck it.❞
❝no cuz lowkey same…❞
➸ ❝I LOVE THAT WE ALL WANT THIS DOOR.❞
➸ ❝WHY ARE PEOPLE HATING ON HIM. HE IS DOORLICIOUS.❞
➸ ❝what is happening to me.❞
➸ ❝why am i loving this.❞
okay now i’m exposing really quick.
me: ❝HELP. why am i- why’s he kinda-❞
siff: ❝DON’T.❞
me: ❝UHHHHHH. BUT IT’S TRUE.❞
siff: ❝NO. KEN NO. JUST STOP.❞
me: ❝SIFF HELP.❞
siff: ❝NO. I CANNOT HELP YOU. YOU’RE TOO LONG GONE.❞
*minutes later*
me: ❝i think i’m in love with a door.❞
siff: ❝i’d judge you so hard rn if i wasn’t in the same situation.❞
me: ❝EXCUSE ME? OH SO IT’S HAPPENING TO YOU TOO.❞
siff: ❝i want him. there i said it.❞
in conclusion, our group therapy is tomorrow. pray for us.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
❥ 𝓅𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓌:
⁀➷❝so…what should i call you, then, door guy?❞ yours, i thought, before the question really sunk in. right, a name. humans had those. i didn’t.
if my door turned into the man this door turns into after she fucks it…i might have to reconsider some things🫦
full rtc.maybe…i need to seek some fucking help.
i wish you all could see my groupchat with my girlies😭✋🏼we’re all unhinged.
❥12/18/23
alright let’s fall in love with a door…I GUESS!?
if you thought i was reading this alone…hahahaha no💋reading with my babies siffie and shannie
surprise, surprise…goodreads isn’t working properly and isn’t tagging their accounts🔪
3.5/5 ★’s
⁀➷ ❝i've definitely fucking lost it. oh well, it'll make a good story in group therapy when they toss me in an asylum.❞
that’s it. that’s my review. no, i’m kidding…but it really should be😭✋🏼y’all need to get to the end of this review. I EXPOSED🫡
❥ 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑔𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔:
you might literally swoon over a door 🤸🏻♀️🕳️
if this man is a door…i’ll be the doormat and he can step all over me🫦
i’m traumatized. not entirely because of the book, but because of how i felt about it. why did none of you tell me that this door becomes an actual human!!? because when i tell you i was biting my lip and fighting for my life over a man who was once a door makes me question every single thing about myself.
five stages of grief? no, five stages of me…throughout this book.
1. oh…interesting.
2. she did what with a what?
3. 😳
4. oh!?🫦
5. WHY’S HE KINDA-🦋
a fucking door. someone tell me why this door has more game than 99.9% of the actual male population tho…
⁀➷ ❝it's me, i’ll do anything for you.
absolutely anything. i- i'll pay you back for the clothes and cook for you and do the laundry...❞
⁀➷ ❝my beautiful tana, how i’ve missed you. i’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.❞
⁀➷ she was the most beautiful human i’d ever seen, and if i’d been in love with her before, i was entirely smitten now.
⁀➷ ❝you’re safe now, tana. he can’t hurt you while i’m here.❞
like seriously how can a door be more romantic than most men!? pls that’s so embarrassing✋🏼so we have quotes like those…
⁀➷ if i hadn't already been made of wood, i'd be stiff as a board at the sight.
⁀➷ her protector, her guardian, her—my mind wandered into lustful flashes of memory at the way her cunt had squeezed around my knob, the slick, stretched glide of impalement as she backed into me with a moan.
⁀➷ dropping her chest and cheek down to rest on the soft fabric, she tensed at the first cold kiss of my lubricated, wrapped doorknob against her hot cunt.
and then we have quotes like these that make me want to crawl into a hole and die😀
❥ 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈:
basically…wtf did i read and why did i kind of enjoy it? also the smut wasn’t even terrible…
❥ 𝓂𝓎 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁𝓈:
since i can’t show our texts in the groupchat let me just quote all of us anonymously. LMAO ENJOY…
how it started:
➸ ❝i’m just wondering how i ended up reading a door erotic book. when did my life go this way.❞
➸ ❝this door is such a submissive istg. i’d say it’s on its knees but it doesn’t have any.❞
➸ ❝aw this door is kinda sweet. me trying not to get traumatized😀❞
➸ ❝ok i’m more scared of randall than the door.❞
➸ ❝okay but the door > randall. i said what i said😍❞
➸ ❝never. touching. a. door. again.❞
how it ended:
➸ ❝i don’t wanna say it out loud, cuz i can never take it back, so imma just sit here in silence biting my lip because of a door.❞
➸ ❝if my door is this man i’ll fuck it.❞
❝no cuz lowkey same…❞
➸ ❝I LOVE THAT WE ALL WANT THIS DOOR.❞
➸ ❝WHY ARE PEOPLE HATING ON HIM. HE IS DOORLICIOUS.❞
➸ ❝what is happening to me.❞
➸ ❝why am i loving this.❞
okay now i’m exposing really quick.
me: ❝HELP. why am i- why’s he kinda-❞
siff: ❝DON’T.❞
me: ❝UHHHHHH. BUT IT’S TRUE.❞
siff: ❝NO. KEN NO. JUST STOP.❞
me: ❝SIFF HELP.❞
siff: ❝NO. I CANNOT HELP YOU. YOU’RE TOO LONG GONE.❞
*minutes later*
me: ❝i think i’m in love with a door.❞
siff: ❝i’d judge you so hard rn if i wasn’t in the same situation.❞
me: ❝EXCUSE ME? OH SO IT’S HAPPENING TO YOU TOO.❞
siff: ❝i want him. there i said it.❞
in conclusion, our group therapy is tomorrow. pray for us.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
❥ 𝓅𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓌:
⁀➷❝so…what should i call you, then, door guy?❞ yours, i thought, before the question really sunk in. right, a name. humans had those. i didn’t.
if my door turned into the man this door turns into after she fucks it…i might have to reconsider some things🫦
full rtc.
i wish you all could see my groupchat with my girlies😭✋🏼we’re all unhinged.
❥12/18/23
alright let’s fall in love with a door…I GUESS!?
if you thought i was reading this alone…hahahaha no💋reading with my babies siffie and shannie
surprise, surprise…goodreads isn’t working properly and isn’t tagging their accounts🔪
Read
September 30, 2025got boring once he was no longer a door.
Read
March 10, 2024i'll never be able to look at a door the same after reading this.
September 18, 2023
Yeah I don't wanna talk about it 😭😭
But cause y'all wanted some tea on this, so here it goes (and no it doesn't make sense)- so the door is like a half dryad and it's all cause of Hera *insert scoff here* and in order to return to be set free he needs Tana to *clears throat* "do the deed" to the/his knob.
Did this make sense? No.
Was it enjoyable? Nah, am traumatized and we'll leave it at that.
It's more cringe than one can imagine it to be.
*sobs*
~•~•~
Shhhh.. Nobody sees anything, just keep scrolling 🫣🤫
But cause y'all wanted some tea on this, so here it goes (and no it doesn't make sense)- so the door is like a half dryad and it's all cause of Hera *insert scoff here* and in order to return to be set free he needs Tana to *clears throat* "do the deed" to the/his knob.
Did this make sense? No.
Was it enjoyable? Nah, am traumatized and we'll leave it at that.
It's more cringe than one can imagine it to be.
*sobs*
~•~•~
Shhhh.. Nobody sees anything, just keep scrolling 🫣🤫
May 20, 2025
If you enjoyed this book....please take a COVID test because one of the main symptoms is having NO TASTE
#NoOffense🤘
#NoOffense🤘
September 8, 2023
oh girl, you can tell i’m getting lonely as hell bc why did i read this 😭😭😭
November 25, 2023
adoorable
August 27, 2023
Truly anyone can write and upload something to kindle unlimited and I think that’s kind of beautiful.
May 9, 2024
*bombastic side eye to all the doorknobs from now on*
────���─ ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
Ladies and gentlemen, this novella is proof enough that dreams can come true. Literally.
If you’re going through a difficult situation, maybe you’re luckyor unlucky enough that you have a guardian, and that guardian is the one you least expect. I mean, it could be your door- right in front of your face. Who would’ve thought that? nobody. Then, you have a weird dream that gives you a weirder task to do. You think you’re crazy, but crazier things started to happen so you’re like “screw this, what’s the worst thing that could happen? At least I’ll have a good time.” So, you proceed to f* your doorknob. 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
*speechless*
LMAOOO! Not in a million years I thought I would read something so weird like this😭 Goodreads, what have you done to me? I mean… a door? Doorknob*, sorry. One that came to life after doing the dirty😭🤣 and he’s cute, innocent, and submissive, but wtf? and the fact he becomes human, but monthly, he will become a door again. And guess what? Yes, she’ll have to *do it* again to turn him into a human again, and may they be happy forever and ever. Amen. LMAOO, stoppp!
Listen- I’m not judging the people who enjoyed and loved this, because I plead very guilty of also enjoying and loving some weird and taboo reads. I mean, it’s fictional and reading is subjective. Who cares what I read or what other people read? As long as we enjoy it and have a good time, there’s nothing wrong with it. We are not doing anything wrong, so it’s okay. But in this case, I guess I just couldn’t connect with the novella, neither with the fmc nor with Drysaka the door. Idk hahaha, I couldn’t take it seriously😭💀🤣
BUT, on the other hand… 🤭I’m kind of envious of her, you know😭🤣 over the fact that her dream literally came true LMAO. I mean, can you blame me for wanting to dream about some of my book boyfriends and wishing they’d show up in my living room? THE PERFECT DREAM, BABY. But let’s ignore the whole doorknob thing, okay? 🤣 it's NOT happening.
I just… I can’t take doorknobs seriously now. I’ll just wonder wtf am I touching or if someone is watching me😭 *trauma speaking*
Btw, I read in some reviews something like “what’s next? a pillow?” and OMGGG. I was scrolling down over the recs of this novella and guess what? THE PILLOW ROMANCE STORY IS REAL. Byeee💀🤣
────── ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
Anyways, these 2 stars go for the creativity of the author and for making me laugh while I read this 😭🤣
────── ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
˚⊹ִֶָ 𓂃⋆ pre-read: ⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚
listen- I'm only reading this because of you guys, okay? 🤭🤍and definitely not because my twisted mind is curious and apparently wants to be traumatized
────���─ ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
Ladies and gentlemen, this novella is proof enough that dreams can come true. Literally.
If you’re going through a difficult situation, maybe you’re lucky
*speechless*
LMAOOO! Not in a million years I thought I would read something so weird like this😭 Goodreads, what have you done to me? I mean… a door? Doorknob*, sorry. One that came to life after doing the dirty😭🤣 and he’s cute, innocent, and submissive, but wtf? and the fact he becomes human, but monthly, he will become a door again. And guess what? Yes, she’ll have to *do it* again to turn him into a human again, and may they be happy forever and ever. Amen. LMAOO, stoppp!
Listen- I’m not judging the people who enjoyed and loved this, because I plead very guilty of also enjoying and loving some weird and taboo reads. I mean, it’s fictional and reading is subjective. Who cares what I read or what other people read? As long as we enjoy it and have a good time, there’s nothing wrong with it. We are not doing anything wrong, so it’s okay. But in this case, I guess I just couldn’t connect with the novella, neither with the fmc nor with Drys
BUT, on the other hand… 🤭
I just… I can’t take doorknobs seriously now. I’ll just wonder wtf am I touching or if someone is watching me😭 *trauma speaking*
Btw, I read in some reviews something like “what’s next? a pillow?” and OMGGG. I was scrolling down over the recs of this novella and guess what? THE PILLOW ROMANCE STORY IS REAL. Byeee💀🤣
────── ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
Anyways, these 2 stars go for the creativity of the author and for making me laugh while I read this 😭🤣
────── ⋆⋅🚪⋅⋆ ──────
˚⊹ִֶָ 𓂃⋆ pre-read: ⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚
listen- I'm only reading this because of you guys, okay? 🤭🤍
May 28, 2024
I LOVE DOOR. DO YOU LOVE DOOR? i need a marriage officiator not a therapist
this is what i mean by forced proximity!! the tension! the angst! the sloww burn!! oh shit wait i'm talking about the wrong book..
yea this was sex scene upon sex scene upon bad sex scene. 6 stars for sure!!
I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!
golden retriever mmc? check! shifter romance? check! random zeus appearance? check!
this book is a delight. it has everything you could ever want in a book.
everything like door knob insertion, voyeur (MC to FMC), voyeur (bad guy against FMC), allusion to man-on-woman violence (off page), woman killed after luring (off page prior to story starting, non-explicit), covert breaking and entering (via master key against FMC by bad guy), secret underwear theft (against FMC by bad guy), deliberate food drugging, alcohol use, harassment via text (bad guy against FMC), allusions to an orgy with unprotected sex (non-main character, off page), gun violence (on page), shooting “death” (on page), wood putty use, sex toy use, condom use, working with police, talking with police, erotic humiliation (very light), fetishistic enjoyment of commands, lubricant use, female domination (with aftercare), male submission (aftercare is supplied).
what's not to love?
but anyway, i'm here to talk to you about the love of my life door.
door is LIFE.
door is LOVE.
door is BEAUTY.
door is STRENGTH.
door is the CALM in my CHAOS.
door is HAPPINESS.
door is ALIVE.
door is OAK.
how could you not love him when he says things like this:
“I am made of solid oak, not pressboard, and none of your other doors are like I am. I am your protector-”
or like this
“Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”
plus, we get the whole book in his pov! we're truly so blessed!
“Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.”
“Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back my deadbolt, which slid free with excitement at the touch of her soft cheek.”
“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”
“In a manner of speaking. The man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. In the way you are with your shivering blue stick.”
“And just what the hell do you know about my shivering blue stick, buddy? That’s none of your goddamn business!”
“I scrubbed the back of my neck with a palm, uncomfortable with Tana’s sudden shift in mood. Why was she so unhappy? She always seemed to be in a very good mood when she used her shivering blue stick.”
“If you wish to be alone with your blue stick, why do you leave your door open?”
w h a t t h e f u c k
“If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.”
“Something about being called a good door made my human lungs feel weak and shaky.”
okay, before you judge me, this was not my idea. i blame this entirely on lili. i would also like to mention that i don't love door. door is not life, door is trauma.
i recommend reading this with a friend. reading all the sex scenes out loud with different voices will trauma bond you together for life.
plus we're reading the pillow book next. after we've sought professional help though, so maybe july-ish.
(did i purposely hold this review back by a month so that the moment the unhinged craze died down, you would all be reminded of this wretched, nightmare-fuel book again because my beautiful review graced your screens?
maybe.)
_
☾.°✧౨ৎ tbr-review:
buddy read with stupid. WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAYY TO HELLand therapy woohoo!🎊🥳 this is going to be so a-door-able i can just tell!🥰🥰 don't knock it till you try it?
(ofc an erotic door romance had to be my 100th review on gr😭😭)
part 1 of many questionable reads to come...
this is what i mean by forced proximity!! the tension! the angst! the sloww burn!! oh shit wait i'm talking about the wrong book..
yea this was sex scene upon sex scene upon bad sex scene. 6 stars for sure!!
I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!
golden retriever mmc? check! shifter romance? check! random zeus appearance? check!
this book is a delight. it has everything you could ever want in a book.
everything like door knob insertion, voyeur (MC to FMC), voyeur (bad guy against FMC), allusion to man-on-woman violence (off page), woman killed after luring (off page prior to story starting, non-explicit), covert breaking and entering (via master key against FMC by bad guy), secret underwear theft (against FMC by bad guy), deliberate food drugging, alcohol use, harassment via text (bad guy against FMC), allusions to an orgy with unprotected sex (non-main character, off page), gun violence (on page), shooting “death” (on page), wood putty use, sex toy use, condom use, working with police, talking with police, erotic humiliation (very light), fetishistic enjoyment of commands, lubricant use, female domination (with aftercare), male submission (aftercare is supplied).
what's not to love?
but anyway, i'm here to talk to you about the love of my life door.
door is LIFE.
door is LOVE.
door is BEAUTY.
door is STRENGTH.
door is the CALM in my CHAOS.
door is HAPPINESS.
door is ALIVE.
door is OAK.
how could you not love him when he says things like this:
“I am made of solid oak, not pressboard, and none of your other doors are like I am. I am your protector-”
or like this
“Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”
plus, we get the whole book in his pov! we're truly so blessed!
“Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.”
“Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back my deadbolt, which slid free with excitement at the touch of her soft cheek.”
“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”
“In a manner of speaking. The man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. In the way you are with your shivering blue stick.”
“And just what the hell do you know about my shivering blue stick, buddy? That’s none of your goddamn business!”
“I scrubbed the back of my neck with a palm, uncomfortable with Tana’s sudden shift in mood. Why was she so unhappy? She always seemed to be in a very good mood when she used her shivering blue stick.”
“If you wish to be alone with your blue stick, why do you leave your door open?”
w h a t t h e f u c k
“If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.”
“Something about being called a good door made my human lungs feel weak and shaky.”
okay, before you judge me, this was not my idea. i blame this entirely on lili. i would also like to mention that i don't love door. door is not life, door is trauma.
i recommend reading this with a friend. reading all the sex scenes out loud with different voices will trauma bond you together for life.
plus we're reading the pillow book next. after we've sought professional help though, so maybe july-ish.
(did i purposely hold this review back by a month so that the moment the unhinged craze died down, you would all be reminded of this wretched, nightmare-fuel book again because my beautiful review graced your screens?
maybe.)
_
☾.°✧౨ৎ tbr-review:
buddy read with stupid. WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAYY TO HELL
(ofc an erotic door romance had to be my 100th review on gr😭😭)
part 1 of many questionable reads to come...
May 7, 2024
°•*𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀ˋ°•*
💌05/06/24
if you all saw this in my gr shelf, just pretend you didn't! Reading this with my besties sama and aksh was really so much fun🤭 we kept questioning our life choices every second we read the book further🤯 Those who saw the updates on my booksta, shshshhshsh🤫 I only updated a lil, but you guys will never know what went in between us trio behind the scenes.💀 also ISHI gaslighting us now and then and telling us she's going to marry the door, and we are invited to the wedding?😃🔫 GIRL YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR BRAIN!! GO FOR A THERAPY RIGHT NOW!!😒 (with tana obviously)thank the heavens, I'm literally happy I don't have round door knobs in my home💀 this book should be illegal to be in public's eyes😬
Me literally after reading this book: DOOR, WHAT IS DOOR?! SANITY, WHAT IS SANITY?!
❗❗LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGG, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGGG..... IF YOU EVER GONNA READ THIS BOOK, PREPARE YOURSELVES. READ THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK OF SANITY! (and ofc never looking at your door the same way as before)❗❗
those who have freaking rated this 3 stars and above- all of you jail jail jail!!!😍 (keep your eyes open at night better💀🔪)
full review is never going to come, so never expect, okie goodbye🤡
my ever so innocent besties' reviews are here as well, enjoy🤭
~akshie's review
~sama's review
°•*𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀ˋ°•*
💌05/05/24
*mic drops* Welcome to akshsamafadhee's unofficial trio br part 1🤭 (never really imagined this will be our first book to br😭) Prepare yourselves, this is us deciding to torture ourselves and be unhinged💀 Ig this stuDYING really got to our braincells😌 I'm pretty sure I won't be able to see my door the same way as before after this, so please pray for us to get through this one piece.😃🙏🏻
Edit: ISO & ISHI YOU'RE PAYING FOR MINE, SAMA'S AND ASKH'S THERAPY!!!
Re-edit: WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE WHO RATED 5 STARS (1938) AND 4 STARS (2941)?!?! YOU ALL SHOULD BE IN ASYLUM, NOT OUT HERE!💀
💌05/06/24
if you all saw this in my gr shelf, just pretend you didn't! Reading this with my besties sama and aksh was really so much fun🤭 we kept questioning our life choices every second we read the book further🤯 Those who saw the updates on my booksta, shshshhshsh🤫 I only updated a lil, but you guys will never know what went in between us trio behind the scenes.💀 also ISHI gaslighting us now and then and telling us she's going to marry the door, and we are invited to the wedding?😃🔫 GIRL YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR BRAIN!! GO FOR A THERAPY RIGHT NOW!!😒 (with tana obviously)
Me literally after reading this book: DOOR, WHAT IS DOOR?! SANITY, WHAT IS SANITY?!
❗❗LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGG, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGGG..... IF YOU EVER GONNA READ THIS BOOK, PREPARE YOURSELVES. READ THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK OF SANITY! (and ofc never looking at your door the same way as before)❗❗
those who have freaking rated this 3 stars and above- all of you jail jail jail!!!😍 (keep your eyes open at night better💀🔪)
full review is never going to come, so never expect, okie goodbye🤡
my ever so innocent besties' reviews are here as well, enjoy🤭
~akshie's review
~sama's review
°•*𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀ˋ°•*
💌05/05/24
*mic drops* Welcome to akshsamafadhee's unofficial trio br part 1🤭 (never really imagined this will be our first book to br😭) Prepare yourselves, this is us deciding to torture ourselves and be unhinged💀 Ig this stuDYING really got to our braincells😌 I'm pretty sure I won't be able to see my door the same way as before after this, so please pray for us to get through this one piece.😃🙏🏻
Edit: ISO & ISHI YOU'RE PAYING FOR MINE, SAMA'S AND ASKH'S THERAPY!!!
Re-edit: WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE WHO RATED 5 STARS (1938) AND 4 STARS (2941)?!?! YOU ALL SHOULD BE IN ASYLUM, NOT OUT HERE!💀
October 10, 2023
Why the low rating? Cowards.
*Now my second most popular review - uh, thanks I guess hahahahaahhdhfjfjf*
Well! While I think the author missed a couple of opportunities, like naming the door's human form DORIAN, this was...One hundred percent entertaining. I live-tweeted reading it all day. It was the only thing to put a smile on my face today and I was laughing the entire time I read it.
The door is chivalrous, considerate of Tana's periods, her physical safety, of kissing her without her consent etc. He is a very good door! Oh, and he has a praise kink. And a nice doorknob. I really have no notes.
The revelation of the "lore" of the world and the door's origins had me absolutely belly-laughing. I...This was such a treat.
Sure, I sacrificed several friends' mental tranquility upon the altar of this book, but it was worth it.
*Now my second most popular review - uh, thanks I guess hahahahaahhdhfjfjf*
Well! While I think the author missed a couple of opportunities, like naming the door's human form DORIAN, this was...One hundred percent entertaining. I live-tweeted reading it all day. It was the only thing to put a smile on my face today and I was laughing the entire time I read it.
The door is chivalrous, considerate of Tana's periods, her physical safety, of kissing her without her consent etc. He is a very good door! Oh, and he has a praise kink. And a nice doorknob. I really have no notes.
The revelation of the "lore" of the world and the door's origins had me absolutely belly-laughing. I...This was such a treat.
Sure, I sacrificed several friends' mental tranquility upon the altar of this book, but it was worth it.
September 5, 2023
3/5★
Idk how to feel lol *stares at own door suspiciously*
Idk how to feel lol *stares at own door suspiciously*
October 11, 2024
some authors shouldn’t be allowed to write
February 12, 2024
It’s door smut what do you want from me? Yes “polish my knob” was used. Of course. Also a surprise Greek mythology twist angle. Video review:
https://youtu.be/omAzGqG6myg
https://youtu.be/omAzGqG6myg
November 28, 2023
I can’t decide if her fucking him as human was more cringe and horrifying than her fucking him as a door or not.
we can just ignore the fact that i now have a door knob phobia 🥲
we can just ignore the fact that i now have a door knob phobia 🥲
May 6, 2024
whoever actually enjoys this needs therapy. (ishi.. im side-eyeing you rn) unfortunately, almost every door in my house has a round knob, so I think it’s safe to say i’ll be having nightmares for the rest of my life 🥰 the door was creepy, and tana was even worse. I can’t believe aksh and fadhee kept accusing me of being in love with the door. I AM NOT BTW !! if I hadn’t read the eye socket book with maram and kenzy, this would be the most traumatic book i’ve ever read. it is now a solid second place.
go read bsf akshie’s and fadhee’s reviews 💘 it was fun trauma bonding over this with my girlies <33
review not to come, im sorry.
go read bsf akshie’s and fadhee’s reviews 💘 it was fun trauma bonding over this with my girlies <33
review not to come, im sorry.
September 3, 2023
Curiosity killed the cat and that cat was me🫶🏻
November 28, 2024
⁀➷ 3 unironical stars ☆
“i have no name but yours, tana. i am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. i am your door, and i love you.”
LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOR (literally).
live footage of me reading this book realizing i was giggling and kicking my feet over a door:
cause why was he kinda...?
wtf did i just read...and why did i give it a three stars ?!? i'm so glad my door isn't the type with the round knob lock thingy bcs if it was i would probably run out of my house in horror.
“i am made of solid oak, not pressboard, and none of your other doors are like i am. i am your protector-”
this is probably the one of the weirdest things i’ve ever read but it was so fucking funny and entertaining and i was genuinly howling at some parts. what more do you really need in a book?
okay, but..this was a book. it had a decent high stakes(?) plot. well rounded characters. solid writing. a plot twist. adorable moments. for a 70 page novella, great pacing. properly done ending.good smut WHO SAID THAT I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
so a lot better than some of the books i've read lately. also there was a surprise greek mythology twist, so uhh...? romance was a bit insta love-y, but for a 7o page novella about human x door, what do you expect.
“if i hadn’t already been made of wood, i’d be stiff as a board at the sight.”
so, the plot. SPOILERS !! it’s a sentient door who's madly in love with this girl tana. however he starts to get worried when another woman in the building goes missing and tana's landlord starts acting like a creepy asshole. zeus (yes, the greek mythology one, is anyone surprised) is his dad and allows the door to enter tana's dream to talk to her. he shows up in her dream to warn her about the murderer that's roaming around (and also talks about her vibrator). he tells her that if she has sex with his door form, he'll turn into a human and then can protect her. miss girl actually does it. she fucks the door to transform it?...him? into a human. they go shopping for a new door, during which door guy who's named drys gets jealous. drys is almost murdered by the creepy murder guy so she uses wood putty on its wound. murderer is arrested. which transforms drys back into a door, so she fucks him again to turn him back into a human. so now he's basically a human, but it's like a werewolf situation where he'll turn back into a door for a couple days a month and she needs to ahem do a certain thing in order to turn him back. the door has a major praise kink. oh, and it's all in his pov. very fitting title.
AND THE DOOR. he's named drys. he's a..door..able. AND CHARMING, okay. bro BLUSHED. JUST LOOK AT HIS QUOTES.
“so...what should i call you, then, door guy?”
yours, i thought, before the question really sunk in. right, a name. humans had those. i didn’t.
“your bad days. you’ll have them soon, same as you did last month. the ones where you wear softer clothing and watch sad movies and go to the bathroom a lot and sometimes cry. i don’t like to see you sad and you seem better when you have ice cream.” 🥹🥹🥹
“a pang of sorrow coursed through me at the idea tana was avoiding me, at least as much as someone could “avoid” their own front door.”
she was the most beautiful human i’d ever seen, and if i’d been in love with her before, i was entirely smitten now.
“my beautiful tana, how I’ve missed you. i’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.” (romeo??)
he's so babygirl 🤭🥹
AND NOW some of the less cute quotes !! so i can traumatize you !! NSFW WARNING!!
“something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”
“in a manner of speaking. the man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. in the way you are with your shivering blue stick.” (yes, he's talking about her vibrator.)
“when we perused the delivery app, i’d not-so-subtly steered her away from picking a model similar to my own, with a rounded knob on the interior. i knew it was ridiculous, but it made me a little jealous - i didn’t want a replacement she could fuck, even theoretically.”
“i’m taking your cameo in my recurring nightmare as consent, but if i’m wrong… i dunno, like, jiggle in your frame or something.”
“i’m going to tell you a secret, drys. I have a weakness for big, strong men who do as they’re told. good boys who enjoy working for my praise. it makes me feel safe and protected. do you know anyone like that?”
YEAH 😊😊 should i read the pillow book next?
so. now i have to go wash my brain with bleach. which you'd get from a home improvement store. which is where you buy doors from. Hm. thanks for coming to my ted talk ! <3
🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪
pre-review: what...the...fuck...
rtc (yes. i will write a review for this so i can traumatize you all <3)
--------------------------
pre-read: i'm 7 books behind schedule...send help 🙏🙏
anyway the i can already feel the five star vibes 😊😊 an "erotic door romance" is just what i want to read ! honorable mention to iso for begging me to read this. her glowing five star review is what convinced me to pick this up!! <3
“i have no name but yours, tana. i am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. i am your door, and i love you.”
LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOR (literally).
live footage of me reading this book realizing i was giggling and kicking my feet over a door:
cause why was he kinda...?
wtf did i just read...and why did i give it a three stars ?!? i'm so glad my door isn't the type with the round knob lock thingy bcs if it was i would probably run out of my house in horror.
“i am made of solid oak, not pressboard, and none of your other doors are like i am. i am your protector-”
this is probably the one of the weirdest things i’ve ever read but it was so fucking funny and entertaining and i was genuinly howling at some parts. what more do you really need in a book?
okay, but..this was a book. it had a decent high stakes(?) plot. well rounded characters. solid writing. a plot twist. adorable moments. for a 70 page novella, great pacing. properly done ending.
so a lot better than some of the books i've read lately. also there was a surprise greek mythology twist, so uhh...? romance was a bit insta love-y, but for a 7o page novella about human x door, what do you expect.
“if i hadn’t already been made of wood, i’d be stiff as a board at the sight.”
so, the plot. SPOILERS !! it’s a sentient door who's madly in love with this girl tana. however he starts to get worried when another woman in the building goes missing and tana's landlord starts acting like a creepy asshole. zeus (yes, the greek mythology one, is anyone surprised) is his dad and allows the door to enter tana's dream to talk to her. he shows up in her dream to warn her about the murderer that's roaming around (and also talks about her vibrator). he tells her that if she has sex with his door form, he'll turn into a human and then can protect her. miss girl actually does it. she fucks the door to transform it?...him? into a human. they go shopping for a new door, during which door guy who's named drys gets jealous. drys is almost murdered by the creepy murder guy so she uses wood putty on its wound. murderer is arrested. which transforms drys back into a door, so she fucks him again to turn him back into a human. so now he's basically a human, but it's like a werewolf situation where he'll turn back into a door for a couple days a month and she needs to ahem do a certain thing in order to turn him back. the door has a major praise kink. oh, and it's all in his pov. very fitting title.
AND THE DOOR. he's named drys. he's a..door..able. AND CHARMING, okay. bro BLUSHED. JUST LOOK AT HIS QUOTES.
“so...what should i call you, then, door guy?”
yours, i thought, before the question really sunk in. right, a name. humans had those. i didn’t.
“your bad days. you’ll have them soon, same as you did last month. the ones where you wear softer clothing and watch sad movies and go to the bathroom a lot and sometimes cry. i don’t like to see you sad and you seem better when you have ice cream.” 🥹🥹🥹
“a pang of sorrow coursed through me at the idea tana was avoiding me, at least as much as someone could “avoid” their own front door.”
she was the most beautiful human i’d ever seen, and if i’d been in love with her before, i was entirely smitten now.
“my beautiful tana, how I’ve missed you. i’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.” (romeo??)
he's so babygirl 🤭🥹
AND NOW some of the less cute quotes !! so i can traumatize you !! NSFW WARNING!!
“something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”
“in a manner of speaking. the man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. in the way you are with your shivering blue stick.” (yes, he's talking about her vibrator.)
“when we perused the delivery app, i’d not-so-subtly steered her away from picking a model similar to my own, with a rounded knob on the interior. i knew it was ridiculous, but it made me a little jealous - i didn’t want a replacement she could fuck, even theoretically.”
“i’m taking your cameo in my recurring nightmare as consent, but if i’m wrong… i dunno, like, jiggle in your frame or something.”
“i’m going to tell you a secret, drys. I have a weakness for big, strong men who do as they’re told. good boys who enjoy working for my praise. it makes me feel safe and protected. do you know anyone like that?”
YEAH 😊😊 should i read the pillow book next?
so. now i have to go wash my brain with bleach. which you'd get from a home improvement store. which is where you buy doors from. Hm. thanks for coming to my ted talk ! <3
🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪
pre-review: what...the...fuck...
rtc (yes. i will write a review for this so i can traumatize you all <3)
--------------------------
pre-read: i'm 7 books behind schedule...send help 🙏🙏
anyway the i can already feel the five star vibes 😊😊 an "erotic door romance" is just what i want to read ! honorable mention to iso for begging me to read this. her glowing five star review is what convinced me to pick this up!! <3
September 7, 2023
Lowkey disappointed my door has the wrong kind of knob
May 5, 2024
back on the tl by (un)popular demand: me. and this book. i will own my reading choices! i am a fully independent woman. who feels the need to somehow justify her reading and subsequent rating. my sins have been brought to light, everyone :(
rejoice! if this is your first introduction to the... innocuous world of sentience object romance, it may possibly be the best one you could've hoped for. because look, it's wholesome. not the part where they do things with the doorknob but there are! feelings! this is not an ao3 pwp tag. this is a pwf tag. and you are so in luck because trust me when i say this.. door... man... thing(?) is a better romantic male lead than a lot of the romance i've read when i was sixteen and woefully submerged in the genre that is contemporary romance. he's sweet. like, actually cute. though he is rather strange and i may need the insides of my brain examined afterwards.
at first, i'll admit my curiosity got the better of me. i looked at this and said, hey, this is going to be a one star. like, 100% and then i came out of this a changed woman- slightly traumatised, definitely not going to be venturing further in an adventurous journey into the hellscape that is sentient object romance, but perfectly willing to defend my two star.
i would've explained this better if i could, but this is quite literally a book about a door and a human engaging in various anatomically impossible and uncomfortable acts. the two stars is because... come on, guys. love is love! i support... door... wrongs.... i think....
—
22/12/23 don’t fucking ask me why i read this book
21/04/24 everyone finding this review bc ren and bri dug it up somewhere..... you two..... when i get you....
rejoice! if this is your first introduction to the... innocuous world of sentience object romance, it may possibly be the best one you could've hoped for. because look, it's wholesome. not the part where they do things with the doorknob but there are! feelings! this is not an ao3 pwp tag. this is a pwf tag. and you are so in luck because trust me when i say this.. door... man... thing(?) is a better romantic male lead than a lot of the romance i've read when i was sixteen and woefully submerged in the genre that is contemporary romance. he's sweet. like, actually cute. though he is rather strange and i may need the insides of my brain examined afterwards.
at first, i'll admit my curiosity got the better of me. i looked at this and said, hey, this is going to be a one star. like, 100% and then i came out of this a changed woman- slightly traumatised, definitely not going to be venturing further in an adventurous journey into the hellscape that is sentient object romance, but perfectly willing to defend my two star.
i would've explained this better if i could, but this is quite literally a book about a door and a human engaging in various anatomically impossible and uncomfortable acts. the two stars is because... come on, guys. love is love! i support... door... wrongs.... i think....
—
22/12/23 don’t fucking ask me why i read this book
21/04/24 everyone finding this review bc ren and bri dug it up somewhere..... you two..... when i get you....
December 18, 2023
i prefer the “kiss the frog and it turns into a prince” theory. also i just had a conversation with my door and we agreed on not going there.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ br with my lovelies youssra, kendyl, and shanayaa
we just finished an entire bookyeah yeah only 71 pages, but a book is a book. which is crazy because the slump is dragging us all right now
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ br with my lovelies youssra, kendyl, and shanayaa
we just finished an entire book
September 15, 2024
3 🌟!!! I feel like something's definitely wrong with me and I'm questioning my sanity right now because WHY THE FUCK DID I LIKE A DOOR??? WHY DID THE DOOR HAVE MORE RIZZ???? I feel like I need therapy because this was one of the weirdest and craziest things I have EVER read.Umm..SEND HELP.😭💀🙏🏻
__________________________________________________
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧pre-read- Don't know why I'm putting myself through this torture but oh well let's goooo😭💀🙏🏻
__________________________________________________
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧pre-read- Don't know why I'm putting myself through this torture but oh well let's goooo😭💀🙏🏻
December 19, 2023
Dec 20th:
Raising my rating by one star cause after reading that pillow book I realized this one deserves more.
don’t judge me lmao
Dec 10th:
WELLP *shakes head in regret*
Guess I’m breaking down every damn door in the house. No amount of holly water mixed with ten gallons of bleach could ever wash this off my brain, gotta go get Alzheimer now🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️
——
I can’t believe myself. I told myself I would neverrrrrr💀💀
but curiosity got the best of me and a girl could use a little change rn so here we are.
But you saw nothing here besties😭🤦🏻♀️
Raising my rating by one star cause after reading that pillow book I realized this one deserves more.
don’t judge me lmao
Dec 10th:
WELLP *shakes head in regret*
Guess I’m breaking down every damn door in the house. No amount of holly water mixed with ten gallons of bleach could ever wash this off my brain, gotta go get Alzheimer now🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️
——
I can’t believe myself. I told myself I would neverrrrrr💀💀
but curiosity got the best of me and a girl could use a little change rn so here we are.
But you saw nothing here besties😭🤦🏻♀️
September 4, 2023
I read this for giggles 😭
December 26, 2023
Unfortunately, ori (pillow man) and frisky (snowman with a carrot dick) gave me more than drys (the door) with his knob and all ever could 😔
This is all I could envision during the knob scenes
This br with jess and mara was supposed to happen weeks ago and finally made it out the gc. If only you guys saw our conversations lmao love that we trauma bonded over this together even though I had you guys going 🥰 anyways it’s done and over with and I can now add door porn to my inanimated object list because apparently I’ve read 3 now? The desensitization to it is real 🙃
This is all I could envision during the knob scenes
This br with jess and mara was supposed to happen weeks ago and finally made it out the gc. If only you guys saw our conversations lmao love that we trauma bonded over this together even though I had you guys going 🥰 anyways it’s done and over with and I can now add door porn to my inanimated object list because apparently I’ve read 3 now? The desensitization to it is real 🙃
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