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Siete reglas de oro para vivir en pareja

4.21  ·  Rating details ·  13,399 ratings  ·  1,010 reviews
El doctor Gottman ha revolucionado la concepción de la pareja tras realizar una investigación científica sin precedentes: durante varios años ha estudiado los hábitos de los matrimonios en su «laboratorio del amor» y ha obtenido un éxito del 91% en sus predicciones sobre el futuro de las parejas. Este libro es la culminación de su trabajo, que se resume en siete reglas de ...more
Kindle Edition, 288 pages
Published September 13th 2012 by DEBOLS!LLO (first published January 1st 1999)
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4.21  · 
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 ·  13,399 ratings  ·  1,010 reviews


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Billie Pritchett
John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides in detail the ways in which a person could have a healthy marriage and by extension the principles also generally apply to romantic relationships in general and perhaps even just friendships. I'll put this principles in my own words to make them more perspicuous; you can read the book if you want his words.

The first principle is to increase your knowledge about each other. You ought to be able to know, for example, who your signif
...more
Adam
Aug 20, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If you can get past Gottman's ego in the first few chapters, you'll find some very sensible and useful advice from his extensive study of couples. Some of it seems obvious, some not, but all the content worthwhile to review at some level, probably every 5 years or so. There are even questionnaire/exercises in each chapter.

Some key points (from memory)
Be friends; invest time daily in knowing what/who's bothering or exciting the other; don't necessarily try to "fix" unresolvable conflicts (you don
...more
Mike
Jun 21, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I wanted to dislike this book. The title looks like a bald-faced rip-off of Stephen Covey and the author seems to think he's the only person who has ever had a profound thought about marriage. Gottman proclaims that his ideas are different, but there are many similarities between his prescriptions and those of the therapists he disdains. Still, my full head of righteous indignation was wasted, because Gottman won me over by the end.

First, some background. Early in my own marriage I took a serie
...more
Dana
Mar 07, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: good-reads
An excellent book that I think married and single people who would like to one day marry should read! John Gottman and Nan Silver studied marriages for over twenty years, following the same couples. They observed how the couples talked to each other...the every day chit chat, the serious conversations and even the fights. What they curiously observed is that fighting is not what breaks marriages up. In fact, fighting can be good for marriages in some ways.

What they did find is that in the couple
...more
John Brown
Jan 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Back in April of this year, Dr. Liz Hale, a licensed clinical psychologist, started her remarks to a local audience of more than 100 mental health professionals by saying, “Dear fellow colleagues, you are in danger of having an affair.”

Her point was that every marriage, even those of the marriage gurus, is vulnerable to infidelity–be it sexual or emotional. Individuals have to actively curb all the subtle and often innocent beginnings that lead to unfaithfulness.

“We make the mistake of thinking
...more
Jared
Jun 04, 2008 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
My favorite quote in the whole book: “Working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club” (p. 261).

Overall, one of the better books I've seen on fostering a happy marriage. A very useful read for any couple seeking to improve their conflict resolution skills or just strengthen their relationship. Gottman's principles are supported by some of the best research anywhere on marital relations, although he's obviously very proud of
...more
Rachelle
Mar 12, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I probably should rank this book higher. I think the principles are sound and obviously well researched. I imagine that everything he says in here is true. It's just not the kind of marriage book that inspires me. It is too much of "do this and don't do this" rather than providing inspiration and perspective on marriage. For example one chapter talks about chores that he does/she does and contains a list of chores that you can go through with your spouse to determine what is fair. Stuff like tha ...more
Najla Al-bluwi
Jul 18, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
الكتاب عبارة عن خلاصة لمجموعة من الأبحاث والتجارب العملية التي قام بها المؤلف على مجموعة من الأزواج المتطوعين داخل معمله الذي أطلق عليه اسم معمل الحب. ومن هذه التجارب التي سردها استخلص ٧ مبادئ لانجاح الزواج. يحتوي الكتاب على الكثير من التمارين التي يستطيع الأزواج القيام بها معا.
Lacey Louwagie
Although part of me thinks I shouldn't read so many books about marriage before I'm married (it can be depressing to sift through all the potential problems that are being addressed in these self-help books), I'm also drawn to them because it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the reality of marriage, and I've always been someone for whom research has provided much reassurance and comfort. So, although I might be putting the cart before the horse, I really like to get things right!

As far as
...more
Edward
Mar 13, 2009 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Why is it considered normal to consult a manual and put work into maintaining a car, but not a relationship?

This book can be pretty cheesey a lot of the time, but it contains lots of exercises, is easy to read, and is based on principles and evidence that is highly regarded in the field (which surprised me).

From his experimental "love lab", Gottman observed tons of couples that worked and didn't. His findings inform the book. Some nuggets:
- most arguments cannot be resolved
- biggest predictors o
...more
Lena
Sep 16, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Dr. John Gottman became famous for his work in Seattle's "Love Lab," a research apartment wired with cameras he used to observe how volunteer couples communicated with one another. Through his observations, Gottman discovered patterns of communication that correlate with lasting relationships.

Among Gottman’s observations was that the frequency of a couple’s fights had less to do with relationship success than other factors including whether or not they had compatible styles of dealing with conf
...more
r.b
Jun 27, 2015 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2015, social-work
If I could I would give this book 1.5 stars, but I will round up to 2.

I got curious about this book when my supervisor mentioned that she wants to go to one of Gottman's trainings as he is a relationship expert.

I nearly quit reading when I got to the recommendation to tell my partner 'poor baby' when said partner has gotten in trouble for being late to work. I was astounded by this suggestion. I really expected to read a - "just kidding" - somewhere in the text. As a therapist and also speakin
...more
Lindsay
Jun 14, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: social-science
I first read about Gottman's marriage research in Maclom Gladwell's Blink. Since I am interested in all things social science, I picked up this book at the library. The content is interesting and applicable, even if some/much of it feels common sense. The biggest downfall of the book is Gottman's egoistic prose. (He has been at the forefront of research in his field - and I would have believed him the first time he mentioned it.)
Lars
Jan 03, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I haven't read a lot of marital counselling books, yet I feel good about claiming that this one is the best one out there. This has been one of the most enlightening and thought-provoking books I've ever read. The best part is: It's simple and practical. He doesn't dwell on complext theories of romantic love and its components--he focuses on what's been shown to make marriages work.
Mehrsa
Jan 15, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Hands down the best most practical marriage advice book I've ever read. I will be reading it again and giving it away. I've read Gottman's work before, but this book is essential to anyone whose marriage isn't perfect.
Shady Elyaski
Dec 13, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Please read that book if you are in a relationship! If you really think you are really good at it, you are not! Your relationship might die if you don't work on it. So please make yourself a favor and learn how you can get better.
Amy
Jun 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is not just a book for professionals, its for anyone who wants to make their marriage stronger. Its easy to use, and easy to buy into. John and Julie Gottman have spent over 40 years researching, writing about, and working with couples, and they are the hallmark of what they do - creating marriages that last and sustain. I am teaching the Gottman Method tomorrow, and I enjoyed this read and learned a lot. But this is one of those books a person grows with, just because.

This is also my June
...more
J.D. Knutson
I think the takeaway is that Austin and I are incredibly compatible!
PhilorChelsy
Jan 29, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: chelsys-readings
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Hawley
Mar 04, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Matt's reading this for class, and though it's a secular book, he says it's really pretty fantastic. He was right. It's based on years of in-depth scientific research and doesn't just theorize potential trendy ways to re-phrase things and thereby "improve communication" in a marriage. It's not gimmicky, but it does have different exercises you can do with your spouse to help you to figure out some of the roots of things... I mostly skipped those, but found the book affirming of my marriage (whic ...more
Karen
Oct 25, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is immensely practical as a guide to what matters about how couples treat each other, and why these things matter so much.

For me, it illuminated a repeated conflict in my marriage so that I finally understood what was wrong with what I'd been doing.

Also, we both loved the phrase, "thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood" (they're a no-no, btw) and now whenever one of us seems to be sulking or nursing a grudge, the other one will ask, "Are you having thoughts of.....?"
...more
Aubrey
Jan 24, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Lots of good and helpful insight. I have been wanting to read this since I first read about John Gottman in Malcolm Gladwell's Blink. With 98% accuracy, Gottman can predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them interact for just fifteen minutes.
My favorite quote about successful couples: "In their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They h
...more
Kate
Jan 16, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The author thinks rather highly of himself and his research, but as annoying as his attitude is, he does make some excellent points. I've been married for almost eleven years, and while I consider my marriage to be quite healthy, I definitely found this book to be helpful and informative.
Ayelet Waldman
Mar 02, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This man is a genius. He can predict divorce with a 93% accuracy rate in FIVE MINUTES.
Sumit
Jan 26, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I had mixed feelings about this book. I had expected great things, given all of the glowing reviews of Gottman's work I've heard from various friends over the years. While there were some pearls of wisdom in this book and some valuable perspective (more on this later), the good aspects were often overshadowed by its flaws, from Gottman's endless self-aggrandizement to the rampant use of sexist generalizations throughout the text.

My most significant complaint, though, is about how he conflates h
...more
Andrea Norton
Before 2016, I would never be caught reading a self-help book, let alone one on relationships. However, I decided to make 2016 about reading things I normally wouldn't read, things out of my comfort zone, and the best sellers in those areas.

Note: I do not read marriage books for help or advice. Because of that, I have a very different way of looking at the Seven Principles than the usual reader would. I am reading marriage books because they truly are out of my comfort zone.

With nonfiction, I
...more
Cameo Tarver
Mar 08, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book provided me powerful insights on my relationship with my fiance. I would love to read it again in a couple years once we have been married for sometime because I felt like there were some items that I personally couldn't relate to not having been married yet or having children yet. We did many of these exercises together and learned even more about each other. The only thing I didn't like about this book is the amount of time the author spent talking about himself. He was obviously try ...more
Kelly Long
Nov 16, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
This is a great book for anyone in any relationship/ marriage. It has good exercises to strengthen your marriage and to learn more about each other and how to best handle conflict. I wish I had read this book when it was first published many years ago.
On a side note, I've been subscribed to the Gottman Institute Marriage Minute email for quite a while and I highly recommend that too.
Danica Holdaway
Mar 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Hands down the best, most useful marriage book I’ve read. It doesn’t say “listen, then repeat back to them and it will fix everything.” It helps you figure out why you disagree and what to do when the issues aren’t solvable. This book articulated a lot of things for me. Love, love, love.
Deanne
I'm not a fan of marriage books. But this kept popping up in various ways so I decided to give it a try. I liked that he pretty much defies traditional relationship therapy practices which I have always found irksome and off the mark. Finally someone articulated the vague sense of absurdity I felt about the "old style." Gottham was a little overconfident in his ability to predict a marriage failure in just a few minutes of hearing a couple's conversation, and his descriptions of fail predictors ...more
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John Mordecai Gottman is an American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability. He is also an award-winning speaker, author, and a professor emeritus in psychology.
“Once you understand this, you will be ready to accept one of the most surprising truths about marriage: Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.” 11 likes
“Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.” 9 likes
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