Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and Domestic Violence

by David Island, John P. De Cecco, Patrick Letellier

Domestic violence in gay male relationships is the third largest health problem for gay men in America today. Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them breaks the silence surrounding gay male domestic violence and exposes this hidden yet prevalent and destructive problem. The authors paint a vivid picture of gay men's domestic violence, bringing its brutality to life by including personal narratives, written by one of the authors, by clearly defining what it is and what it is not through lists of violent acts and criminal code categories, and by thoroughly examining and analyzing the criminal, mental health, medical, political, and interpersonal issues involved. Some of the important topics covered provide practical steps and suggestions for victims who want to leave and stay away from their violent partners and for friends who want to help battered gay men. A visionary, wide-ranging governmental and private plan of action is introduced, including lists of necessary laws and policies, as well as outlines of strong education, training, and advertising problems needed in various sectors of society.

Genres: Nonfiction

326 pages, ebook

First published October 7, 1991

Reviews

[Kate Lowell · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's kind of a 3.75. The book was written in 1991, in a very different cultural environment than we have now.

Pros of the book is that it sets out very clearly what is and isn't abuse, something which hasn't changed in all the years that abuse has existed. It's very readable, doesn't overwhelm you with statistics, and has made use of what research existed at the time, with some extrapolation from research on battered women. The real-life episodes from the battered man were well-chosen, and do a good job of illustrating the point that the person being battered sometimes will fight back, or stand up for themselves, but that does not mean they aren't being battered. The explanation of the escape plan was very well laid out, in steps that would be easy to follow.

Cons are that the author hops up on his soapbox frequently, to the detriment of the reliability of the text, though it's very obvious when he's doing this, so not much harm done. He makes assumptions and extrapolates from data, or states "We know..." without ever supporting where the knowledge comes from. Examples from more than one story would have been good, though in the time that this book was being written, it was likely difficult to find others will to share that deeply.

Overall, there's a lot of information in here that's still extremely useful. I would love to see an updated edition, with all the new information and studies that have since come out about the issue.

[Al · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't agree with all of it