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Portrait of Our Marriage

Martha Emms (Goodreads Author)

3.89 · Rating details · 213 ratings · 34 reviews

Fun • Sexy • Intense • Hot • Compelling • Thought Provoking, and So Real you may find it Shocking, even Disturbing.
Inspired by an episode on Oprah from years ago that dealt with men addicted to porn, a dream, and information from 8 women's lives, Portrait of Our Marriage, is a story you don't want to miss. Nicky, embarks on a journey to find herself and become her own per ...more

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Kindle Edition, 251 pages

Published September 1st 2012

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Aug 27, 2013 Delena Silverfox rated it it was amazing

I finished this book yesterday and had to let myself sit and think about it before writing this review, mainly because it stirred up so many emotions in me that I had to wait for them to settle before I could approach this.

My background is in psychology, and I found Brett's years-long descent into porn addiction to be accurate in how it changes behavior, sexual performance, and how it slowly encroaches and erodes the trust and emotional connection within a relationship. The metamorphosis from ch I finished this book yesterday and had to let myself sit and think about it before writing this review, mainly because it stirred up so many emotions in me that I had to wait for them to settle before I could approach this.

My background is in psychology, and I found Brett's years-long descent into porn addiction to be accurate in how it changes behavior, sexual performance, and how it slowly encroaches and erodes the trust and emotional connection within a relationship. The metamorphosis from charming, open, loving husband to secretive, defensive addict was painful to read, but so true. His emotional manipulation of Nicky was another thing that was painful to read about but so prevalent in certain dysfunctional relationships.

The way he villainized her whenever she confronted him, and how he would compare his severe transgressions to her healthy behavior based on minimal similarity is so typical of this behavior. The reasonable party, who is only trying to find common ground, often falls into the trap of admitting to the addict's accusations, the way Nicky does time and again, and is a phenomenal example of how there is no reasoning with a dysfunctional addict or emotional manipulator. They don't operate with any logic or reason, and anyone who engages with them is set up for failure. Nicky learned this time and again, and her resolve to continue believing in her husband for the sake of their marriage and the years of foundation they built together made me ache.

I don't understand the reviews criticizing the ending. Sometimes a happy ending isn't them living happily ever after. Not when one of them is blind to their own addiction and actively demolishing the relationship. Even if Brett had gone to therapy, I think it would have been too little, too late. Nicky fought for her marriage for too long, tried to be forgiving, understanding, tried to only focus on the positives, and lived with shame. The moment she came to the decision that she did, she started living again. Truly living.

THAT is the best happily-ever-after!

*I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review ...more

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Feb 20, 2013 Sheila rated it really liked it

Shelves: relationships, romance, current_issues, cultural

Looking at memories in a digital photo frame might revive a marriage, and looking at porn on the internet might destroy it. Both come together in Martha Emms’ fictional tale Portrait of our Marriage, which marries graphically sensual romance with the harsh realities and imperfections of life. Just how imperfect can a marriage become before it’s time to call it quits? And where is the line between being selfish and being true to oneself?
Outwardly Nicky has it all. After a somewhat repressed child ...more

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Aug 06, 2014 Lobstergirl rated it did not like it

Recommends it for: Christoph Fischer

Shelves: will-never-read, eczema

Another one of those mystifying books with 294 ratings and a 4.04 average rating. Horrible writing. Unbelievably boring story. The author is writing about how a husband's porn addiction damages a marriage, yet a big chunk of the preview is the wife's own porny description of a sex act. (All the porny sex in these self-published books reads exactly the same. I think they're all just plagiarizing and replagiarizing each other.)

"...his thumbs tweaked and toyed until my nipples were hardened peaks.. ...more

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Feb 17, 2013 Brenda Perlin rated it it was amazing

Maybe there will be a part two. I hope so. I would love to know what happens with the characters in this story. Emms is a terrific writer whose story is straightforward and easy to digest. It was very easy to get into Portrait of Our Marriage right from the start. The characters came to life and I could relate so some of the main characters frustration over her failing marriage. Her story was touching and realistic.

I wish this author all the success in the world. She deserves to become a househo ...more

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Oct 05, 2013 Nicole Russell rated it liked it

This was such an IMPORTANT book! The only reason I didn't rate it higher was because it wasn't the kind of book that I would keep in my 'Treasure Chest' of books... Not something I would want to read again... It's hard to even say it was a book I 'enjoyed' either... But I'm SO glad I read it and would recommend it to ANYONE! It was very well written, and so interesting. This is the kind of book that teaches you something... Leaves an impression on you... Very thought provoking... And SO VERY REA This was such an IMPORTANT book! The only reason I didn't rate it higher was because it wasn't the kind of book that I would keep in my 'Treasure Chest' of books... Not something I would want to read again... It's hard to even say it was a book I 'enjoyed' either... But I'm SO glad I read it and would recommend it to ANYONE! It was very well written, and so interesting. This is the kind of book that teaches you something... Leaves an impression on you... Very thought provoking... And SO VERY REAL! This theme of this book is on the dangers of pornography addiction. Pornography is so socially acceptable in this society... Nobody wants to admit that it could be dangerous... Most people say it's "healthy", and "perfectly normal' to watch pornography... And without getting into my moral beliefs on the subject... I believe whole heartedly that Porn Addiction is just as harmful to peoples lives and relationships as Drugs and Alcohol. The large majority of men and boys have watched pornography... Not all of them are addicted to it of course, but so many people are... And since it's so private, it's really not known how many people suffer from addiction to it. The occasional viewing of porn may not effect someone's life or relationship... But it always starts that way... And eventually you need it... And just like addiction to drugs your priorities shift... The most important priority is getting off on it... The need for it becomes more important than your relationships, your job, taking care of yourself. I'm so glad that the author wrote this book, to share a story of how porn addiction ruined this young woman's marriage... A marriage that seemed perfect to everyone... even to herself. As readers it's so hard to imagine that this man she falls in love with will become the same man who chooses his porn addiction over his family... But as you read through each chapter... Going through the years with her... You see the signs, and start connecting the dots... And it makes sense how it happens... Just like any other addiction... It's devastating. But such an important topic to consider... And it happens to SO MANY people! I would wager that the majority of marriages that split up because of "sexual incompatibility" or because of "loss of interest in intimacy" etc... has something to do with porn addiction. Men who watch a lot of porn begin to have unrealistic expectations of sex... They get off on such sick and twisted scenarios... It becomes a need and regular relationships don't satisfy them anymore. They can't physically get off with regular sex... There has to be these preverted elements to it... Or they have to master-bate while watching porn to get off... It's really twisted but it happens all the time. Or some just need the adventure that they see in porn so it compels them to find it outside of their marriage and leads them to extra marital affairs... This books lays this reality out perfectly. You watch her husband go from the most respectable, kind, family oriented, and loving man to a porn crazed preverted deviant that CAN"T give it up... It's just like drugs... You start a little at a time, and pretty soon the small dose you are taking occasionally looses it's effect... You need more. What gave you your buzz doesn't work anymore... You have to up the ante until you're an addict... Same thing happens with porn.

So the book... It was great. SO well written. I really felt for Niky... I went through it with her... I felt her love for her husband... She loved him SO much, which is why she ignores the problem for so long. She doesn't want to lose him and believes he's a good person... She wants to ignore it, but when it starts effecting their relationships, their sex life, their feelings for each other... That's when she can't put up with it anymore... It's really a devastating story. Just heartbreaking. And it's not a happy ending. No love overcomes in this story... But I felt satisfied with that. There is a point in a relationship where someone's addiction, no matter what it is, has done too much damage... His addiction changed him as a person... It changed them... Their family. She couldn't forget the things he did to her, the things she saw, the way it changed them to the core... She was right to leave. Even though it's heartbreaking.

Not my usual kind of read... But it piqued my interest, and boy am I glad i read it... Like I said, such an important topic... Something we really as a society need to be careful of... And educated about... For the sake of our own children and our future society... As porn has become a click away, so accessible... Our future generations are in trouble. An epidemic... We need to be better educated about it... Do studies about the harms of porn addiction. This is a book that could inspire powerful dialogue that could promote a change of attitude... So grateful for this author and for her courage to write about this subject! Highly recommend! ...more

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Aug 16, 2014 Chris Rose rated it it was amazing

The black and white reworked into a kaleidoscope of complex colour.

Portrait of Our Marriage very cleverly draws the line between what should be acceptable in a relationship and what shouldn’t be. The clever part, though, is how faintly the author traces that line. Let’s face it, don’t we all love to convince ourselves – particularly one another – every other day, in some form, that we have a strong handle on what we perceive to be a perversion? And, in some cases, sexual perversion. It may be th The black and white reworked into a kaleidoscope of complex colour.

Portrait of Our Marriage very cleverly draws the line between what should be acceptable in a relationship and what shouldn’t be. The clever part, though, is how faintly the author traces that line. Let’s face it, don’t we all love to convince ourselves – particularly one another – every other day, in some form, that we have a strong handle on what we perceive to be a perversion? And, in some cases, sexual perversion. It may be the fella who lives down the street, what he’s been up to; it may be someone’s escapades in a soap opera – oh, they’re easy-meat, ’should be hanged, end of !

But again, let’s face it, deep down, we all know that life isn’t so black and white, far from it, and that, were we not so insecure in ourselves, which we all are, we wouldn’t take this black and white view, but have to courage to affront life, for all its complexities. Well, the author of this novel has done just that – and I, personally, have yet to see it done elsewhere, books that approach the subject of porn addiction. She’s done it superbly.

We know from the outset that the marriage has hit the rocks, so I’m giving nothing away there, but, suffice it to say, the wife has it all; Brett, the loving, understanding hunk; the kids et al… except the husband isn’t so understanding when it comes to that little bugbear: porn. Furthermore, he just may not understand that he has an addiction, “may” being the operative word – does he have selective hearing? Selective understanding?

Or, to really throw the cards up in the air, might I suggest that Nicky, the narratorial wife, is a little too highly strung? I may just be playing devil’s advocate here, but my point is that anyone reading this novel, male and female, must, at some point at least, question themselves with regard to how they might behave in a similar situation at home – indeed, some might just be in a similar situation at home…

Of course, it takes more than subject matter for a reader to be posing pertinent questions. The writer must draw that reader in first of all, which the author succeeds in doing with grace.

And this, I might add, is her debut work. What a start. Bravo!
...more

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Mar 02, 2013 Kara rated it it was amazing

Wow... just oh my... not for the faint of heart... makes you wonder about people and their addictions and how much pain they cause... I am not usually one to stray from the HEA romance but I think I actually saw this episode on Oprah years ago.
Martha I think you did this subject well and with brutual honesty. Thank you... this book just might help somebody out there.

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Nov 23, 2012 B.R. Snow rated it it was amazing

What do you do when a relationship based on an intense love heads south and turns into a chaotic mess of mistrust and broken promises? When does one finally summon the courage to say ‘enough is enough’ and walk away? These questions, and more, are the basis for Portrait of our Marriage . This well-crafted story traces the relationship of Nicky and Brett; two well-drawn characters seemingly well-suited for each other and a lifelong marriage and family. Ms. Emms’ book, her first, is a thought-p ...more

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Apr 21, 2013 Jo rated it did not like it

Shelves: no-hea, snoozefest, real-life-in-a-bad-way

For the first time, I think I feel bad about my rating - only because I'm thinking this wasn't...wasn't....in my age group? If I ever read a book that screamed, "40 to 50 year old, divorcee mom," this is it. The writing wasn't bad; it was obvious the writer knew the mechanics and technicalities of writing...but that is only half the battle (if that) with a successful book. The scenes and dialogue were so anti-climactic - For content to be so boring, it literally put me to sleep, there wasn't eve ...more

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Feb 26, 2021 Vicky Whedbee rated it it was amazing

Intense book!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this book and even still had to go back to the beginning when I had finished to see if it was based on a true story. That's how realistically it was written!

I was happy to find it was work of fiction, as parts of it were off the charts the picture of perfection as far as a marriage could be, the parts that became the ultimate demise of the marriage were incredibly painful!

I was glad to know that this poor couple had not actually been throu ...more

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Sep 02, 2013 Wendy Janes rated it really liked it

Nicky is looking back on her relationship with her husband, Brett. Their attraction for each other has always been strong, but over the years her trust in him has been eroded by his escalating addiction to pornography. Can her love for him endure?

The author makes Nicky and Brett’s relationship very believable: from their instant attraction to their developing love, through to the darker days that follow. Their exotic wedding and the birth of their first child illustrate their happy days, but alo ...more

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Jul 12, 2013 Christoph Fischer rated it it was amazing

"Portrait of Our Marriage" by Martha Emma was an unexpectedly emotional and gripping reading experience. Like Nick, the narrator and many of her friends in the book I fell in love with the idea of that perfect and happy marriage, the man of her dreams: dead sexy, considerate and loving.
Like her I led myself to believe that it was her overreacting and would have given her exactly the kind of advice all the friends in the novel gave her.

This fictional memoir is particularly apt in its portrayal o ...more

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Jul 22, 2013 Claire McRoberts rated it did not like it

I've never given a one star rating before, but I have to here because this was literally one of the worst books I've ever read. ("Read" isn't even accurate - I skimmed 75% of it just because I'm incapable of not finishing a book, no matter how terrible it is.) I chose it because it sounded like an interesting idea for a book and goodreads had rated it at a 4.34. Rare miss for goodreads, but man was it a big miss! The dialect is on about a 6th grade level, as is the author's understanding of writ ...more

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Sep 22, 2012 Sass Cadeaux rated it really liked it

This novel has it all. Steamy romance, budding relationship, growth, family values, life lessons and yes ... that unexplainable feeling of being alone while being in the arms of the one you love. The plot was clear and concise. This story from beginning to end had me empathize with each and every character.

It isn’t a story about good verses evil … it’s a story about life. This story takes you out of the norm and places you into forbidden territory. There is a reason why things happen behind clo ...more

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Aug 13, 2015 Judy Churchill rated it liked it

This book is difficult to rate. I was ready to give up after the first quarter of the story. The writing was awkward and the story didn't seem to be going anywhere. After the main character met the man she would marry the pace of the story picked up. I do share the feeling of one reviewer that the author's description of their sex life approached pornography and perhaps it was to lay the foundation for what was to come. When Ms. Emms got to the meat of the story I was mesmerized. She did a wonde ...more

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Nov 03, 2013 Stevie Turner rated it really liked it

Shelves: recommended

I can empathise well with the writer. I too have written a book in a similar vein, finding it very therapeutic, and wonder if Martha (like myself) has based her novel partly on personal experience? Martha, if you're out there in the ether, give us a shout! ...more

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Dec 05, 2012 Tara Niland rated it did not like it

A disappointing read I must say.

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May 18, 2015 Delinda McCann rated it it was amazing

What a bittersweet story of love and addiction. Nicky and Brett were the perfect couple. They were popular in the neighborhood and had some close friends to go camping and skiing with. They loved to snow ski. In fact they met on the ski slope where Brett was a member of the ski patrol and Nicki skied into him.

Martha Emms tells this story beautifully from the moment the couple first met and how they came to fall in love. Nicky was from a repressive background and trying to learn how to live a fu ...more

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May 22, 2015 Summer rated it it was amazing

Portrait of our Marriage, by Martha Emms, is an emotionally graphic, sexually explicit, no-holds-barred portrayal of addiction to pornography. Told from the point of view of the wife of an addict, it is heart-wrenching. The story unfolds, as it so often does in life, slowly and painfully over years, clearly capturing the rationalizing and minimizing that partners often do when they hope beyond hope that a problem isn’t really a problem, or will just go away on its own.

Nicky is madly in love with ...more

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Jul 31, 2014 Sahara Foley rated it it was amazing

Shelves: marriage, reality-romance, fiction-psychological, womens-fiction

First off, I thought the use of a digital picture frame to fill in back story was a pretty unique approach. With each new batch of pictures, we advance through the timeline and are also shown the deterioration of Brett's obsession with porn. I must admit, at the beginning, I thought Nicky was a little overboard with her concerns about the magazines and VHS tapes. Most households have them. When I was younger, my parents had pornographic comics. And of course, us kids found them, and reading them ...more

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Nov 27, 2012 S.R. Mallery rated it it was amazing

***** A FRANK, PULLS-NO-PUNCHES DRAMA

At what point in an adult couple’s relationship does one person’s private, sexual addictions become too intrusive for his/her partner? Who gets to decide what sexual standards/practices a person should engage in? How does one’s upbringing affect his/her sexual acceptance, repugnance, and/or enjoyment? In Martha Emms’ frank, pulls-no-punches “Portrait of Our Marriage,” these important and not often talked about questions are extremely well presented. Not only ...more

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Jun 15, 2015 Susan Day rated it it was amazing

I love the honesty in this book. We all strive for a perfect relationship but it isn’t always possible. If we add the stresses of pornography and Nicky’s struggles to appear normal to everyone outside her marriage, it’s no wonder the marriage is on the rocks. And yet the love and passion the couple share is deep and meaningful, not to mention, beautifully portrayed by the author. I think Nicky’s decision to stay or to go will resonate with many women. She has her memories of her and Brett’s earl ...more

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Apr 29, 2015 Nance R rated it it was amazing

Compelling and Sexy!

This book is an account of a marriage that has gone wrong. In the beginning it was magical. Nicky met her future husband Brett on the ski slopes. They fall in love immediately. Flash forward a couple of decades and they are on the verge of divorce. Why? She discovers a disturbing secret about her husband.

I enjoyed the author’s method of storytelling. Nicky relives the past through a series of photos. They tell the story of her life with Brett. Nicky is remembering the wonderf ...more

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Mar 27, 2015 Yamcrum rated it did not like it

Good idea. Appalling writing. First time I've ever read a highly rated goodreads book that was bad and this was awful - lots of anecdotes that went nowhere, adolescent writing style, horrendously written sex scenes (and from a character that had a problem with her husband's porn addiction - no credibility). Sorry. ...more

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Aug 09, 2013 Simmie rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs

This book I enjoyed. Some parts however went into fine detail about events that I just wanted to skip over as I didn't think they were relevant. I just wanted to get to the heart if the issue and the nitty gritty. It made you think about your own life which are the parts I liked the best, ...more

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Jul 19, 2014 Heidi Sp rated it did not like it

Apparently this book has a lot of graphic sex scenes in it but I wouldn't know because I couldn't even get through the first chapter. The writing is so unbelievably bad she made the EL James look like Shakespeare. ...more

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Dec 02, 2013 Sarah Trumpinski rated it did not like it

Shelves: couldn-t-finish-horrible

This book is horrible. I was intrigued by the topic but didn't even finish it because it was so poorly written. After reading about half of the book I had zero interest in the characters. ...more

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Aug 06, 2014 Lobstergirl rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: Jana Petken

Shelves: will-never-read, eczema

Reviewing the paperback edition as well because I heard it was better. It wasn't. ...more

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Aug 10, 2014 Mii rated it it was amazing

This book was a great read!

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Apr 12, 2020 ACH rated it it was amazing

Outstanding portrayal of a dream marriage that unravels

This book should be read by every woman who is struggling and in terrible pain because she cannot understand what has gone wrong in her marriage. The author zeros in on an exploding issue for women today, namely the impact on marriage when a spouse turns from his wife to the sensuality readily available online. Martha Emms does an outstanding job of tracking a relationship from a mutually satisfying and supportive team, into a slowly deterio ...more

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