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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder
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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder

4.03  ·  Rating details ·  4,602 Ratings  ·  340 Reviews
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Coping When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder is a self-help guide that helps the family members and friends of individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) understand this self-destructive disorder and learn what they can do to cope with it and take care of themselves. It is designed to help them understand how ...more
Hardcover, 258 pages
Published July 1st 1998 by New Harbinger Pubns Inc (first published 1998)
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May 15, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who deals with difficult people
Shelves: self-help
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a surprisingly common problem, and it often coexists with alcoholism and/or drug addiction. We all know people with BPD, although we may not know that scientific label. People with BPD can be maddeningly difficult to deal with, irrational, manipulative, and often, downright mean. After I divorced my wife, who suffered from BPD (OK, the whole family suffered from her BPD), this book became my bible, my lifeline. My therapist recommended it, and I'll be for ...more
Aug 16, 2009 rated it did not like it
My heart stopped when I found this book on my now Ex boyfriend's bookshelf. He came home from work to find me reading it and the expression on his face was absolute shame and horror. It disappeared the next day when he left for work, but the damage was already done.

I DESPISED this book. It presents BPD as a burden on the lives of those people "unfortunate" enough to care for someone who has it. It focuses on "surviving the ordeal" rather than helping them find ways to cope with the fallout while
The little question above me: "What did I think"?

At THIS time in my life ---reading this book was often more 'reflection' and 'memory' (of some challenging painful daily years) .....Active duty?/! --- than it is today. Yet ---emotions are/were felt, and from time-to-time, I still bump up against "situations" (so to speak).

Borderline was just a 'very new' word years ago ---just being tossed around ---at the time when I might have benefited from more understanding and support.

After reading "Wal
Jul 06, 2013 rated it did not like it
Grossly insensitive and inaccurate.

(If you are someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I highly recommend trashing this crap and never looking back. Or at least never reading the online reviews - here or elsewhere. You will find a boatload of people thanking God that they do not have to "deal with" anyone who has BPD, when they actually mean the examples Stop Walking on Eggshells uses to demonize all sufferers. It coins the term 'borderline' as something that stands for manipulative, abus
Jan 21, 2012 rated it did not like it
For a more thorough overview please read Seeking Myself's review, I agree with their critiques of the book completely.

This book may be useful for dealing with people with difficult or abusive behaviour, but it unfortunately conflates that behaviour with BPD and gives a very inaccurate picture of the disorder. It also encourages people to self-diagnose friends and family with BPD. The author even admits that she wrote the book because of a relationship with someone that she thought had BPD despit
Dave O'Neal
Mar 11, 2009 rated it liked it
As the child of a borderline mother, I found this particularly helpful in understanding the point of view of borderlines and for gaining some useful tactics on how to deal with them--the "spolier" here being that there's no particularly satisfying way, just some ways that work to a degree and others that you learn not even to try.
The authors are optomistic about borderlines being able to crawl out of their mental prison, once they recognize they've got a problem--and therein lies the problem fo
Vrinda Pendred
Aug 09, 2011 rated it did not like it
This book is basically a guide to how to extricate yourself from friends and family and lovers who have BPD...and never speak to them again, because they are awful destructive people with no feelings to respect. It is one of the most offensive, disgusting, prejudiced books I've ever read and I'm shocked it's allowed in print. Not once does it ever suggest maybe you could HELP the person because it terrifies them too.
Jul 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book helped to free me from an extremely painful relationship with a Borderline/Narcissist. It finally put a name on what the person was and what they were doing to me. My world is a better place because of this book.
Louise Rebecca
Jun 24, 2014 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book was recommended to me by a psychiatrist in hospital. So, I ordered it.
This book presents borderlines as manipulative, angry, self-absorbed monsters who need to be controlled. It stigmatizes. It's like those internet pages you stumble across when researching BPD. 'People with BPD are selfish, don't get into a relationship with them, they're just manipulative evil people who don't want to change.'
It never helped me understand BPD. It just confirmed my worse fears about myself. My family
Loy Machedo
Sep 23, 2013 rated it it was amazing

The Background of how I came to read this book
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger

When one of my friends admitted to me his wife had a Borderline Personality Disorder, I quizzically wondered what in the world did he mean that. His wife looked perfectly normal to me and they did look like a happy couple - at least on the outside. However, after he shared with me a few intimate details -
It was a hard decision for me to give this three stars, because for me it was really more of a two. I think, though, that that's because as a psychologist, I already know quite a bit about borderline personality disorder and about the need to maintain one's boundaries. I was hoping this book would give me some new information and insight into ways to deal with difficult people, but for the most part, it didn't. That's me, though, and lots of other people seem to have found it helpful so I didn't ...more
Another abnormal psych book that fails to use evidence as the basis for diagnoses. If the individual does x, then they have BPD. If they do the complete opposite of x, they still might have BPD. It's clearly a catch all. You can imagine diagnosing various people in your life with BPD. There are many stories. If one doesn't fit, just jump ahead to another one.

At times the authors succeed in painting a more cohesive picture of actual patterns, the biggest theme being one involving desperation to
Jason Conrad
Dec 10, 2015 rated it did not like it
Words to describe this book: vile, insensitive, and shameful. This book is victim-blaming at its absolute finest. People with this disorder already have difficulties with criticism, regulating emotions, self-esteem, and the way people view them. Writing a book that attacks them for that is definitely a great idea, right? This is rubbish and shames people for having a disorder that is beyond their control. Also, how selfish can the authors get? "Taking Back your life" ? Let's not even consider th ...more
Elizabeth Good
May 16, 2016 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Most of these type of books treat the person who has BPD as if they had a contagious disease and these books view them as not worthy of love, commitment, and support. BPD sufferers are not throwaway human beings. THEY need help. Yes those who love them need support as well, however, I found this book to be as annoying as most of the others I've read- irrelevant to my particular situation. I don't want to read samples of situations that don't apply to my circumstances. It's not helpful.
The forma
Thomas Edmund
Aug 27, 2014 rated it really liked it
A piece I read related to work Stop Walking on Eggshells provides guidance for people in relationships with someone diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The book is comfortably written, the main thrust of the advice being how to take care of oneself when in a difficult relationship.

Its a decent informative read, lost one star on the incredibly unrealistic 'scripts' to use in tricky conversations. Written in perfect therapy speak the recommended dialogues read nothing like anyone speak
Feb 02, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I read this book because it was recommended to me by a psychiatrist friend of mine in hopes that it could help me understand and deal with a family member. My friend has heard a only a few "stories" and suspected my family member may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Well, after reading the book, I believe my family member does have BPD. I had never heard of BPD before, and I don't think my family member has been officially diagnosed...and if she has, she's not telling anyone.

This book did h
Jul 10, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
This is my second or third time reading this book. It was originally recommended by my brother's girlfriend-at-the-time, who had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I find this book very helpful. It acknowledges the difficulty of dealing with mental illness that can be disguised or hidden, and it doesn't judge, but also doesn't excuse. It talks about distortions and altered reality and over-reactions and lies, and all the things that start to seem "normal" when you deal with some
Apr 24, 2015 rated it did not like it
Recommends it for: No one. Ever.
Recommended to shawnee by: stupid internet
The blame game doesn't work in any relationship - even ones involving BPD. Best advice to establish and maintain a healthy balance in your relationship? Don't read "Stop Walking on Eggshells".

The Stop Walking on Eggshells books by Kreger are, in my opinion, some of the worst "resources" someone with BPD or a loved one could read. It basically invalidates people with BPD and validates every loved ones actions - not healthy. The book encourages them to challenge the person with BPD, rather than un
Jess Lilja
Jun 19, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is great if you have a family member suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. So many of the BPD focus on the people who have the illness and how family members can bend over backwards to help them while suffering the most abuse, but this book is supportive, offers helpful advice, and is easy to read. And, if like me, you just need to take a break for a while, this book lets you know that not only is it okay, it's sometimes the right thing to do.
Mar 16, 2016 rated it did not like it
This book had a terrible outlook on BPD that makes most everyone in the community cringe. it is not accurate, not helpful, and just makes the gap between people with BPD and their loved ones without it even bigger.

Might I recommend talking to your loved one with BPD about your issues in mediation therapy? at least that has a chance of actually helping.

Or, don't even do that. Just don't read this book. It is truly toxic and garbage. It is not a resource, and it never will be.
(I'm pretty sure) I don't know anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I found this book helpful anyway. A lot of the stuff about the fact that you can't "fix" the other person (and also about boundary-setting, and trigger vs. cause) is broadly applicable.


I will caveat, however, that I'm not stoked about some of their language choices.

(1) They often alternate using "he" and "she" for generic examples, rather than going for a singular they or "he or she" (and whenever they do say "he
Hannah Holton (Hill)
Nov 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I received a lot of clarity from this book. It's almost like it was written for my family, as it describes our exact situation with our BP loved one. Very helpful. Highly recommend.
Rachel Nabors
Oct 21, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed
I'm not 100% sure if I or the people I love are afflicted by Borderline Personality Disorder, although I have the deepest of suspicions to that effect. I started reading this book because I was worried about a parent. But as I got deeper and deeper into it, I found myself stopping every few pages to try imagining how what I'd just read applied to my grandparents, my parent, and then myself. I learned so much from that. Even if the people I love are not afflicted with BPD, I now feel I have more ...more
Apr 24, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Read this trying to make sense of a past relationship that started and stopped over a dozen times in a few months. Roller coaster only begins to describe what was going on and not only did the relationship end poorly, I struggled trying to understand what had happened. One moment the world was fine, and the next everything was wrong and couldn't be fixed. I was alternately the best thing that had ever happened or the most colossal screwup. There was no in between and the switch could happen over ...more
Mar 28, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: mental-health
If you have anyone anywhere in your life travels who has Borderline Personality Disorder, you should read this book. It is an eye opener that validates so many assumed ideas about one who can cause havoc within relationships, but who is ultimately empty inside, despite the devastation they can cause. The lies and distortion campaigns against people they claim to love can be so devastating. On my list of menta health care, this one is a necessary read if you live your life in proximity to one who ...more
Nov 09, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psycho
I don't want to go into personal detail, but this book has been an eye opener in many ways, not only about the mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, but about self-destructive, manipulative, aggressive, abusive behaviors and co-dependency in general.

The message is clear: You can't fix the other person, so don't go around playing God.

The author is compassionate, towards both the ill person and their relatives. It doesn't point fingers, it offers concrete help. I don't usually li
Jan 09, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Finally figured out this is what my mom suffers from, and the discovery was such a revelation that I devoured this book in a day. Very helpful, with a good combination of personal anecdotes, expert information, and tips for dealing with people with BPD.
Nov 12, 2010 rated it did not like it
NOT helpful. Actually more harmful than anything. Not approved by Dr. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Guayec Perdomo
Dec 07, 2014 rated it it was amazing
wish i had read this a year ago. but better late than never. great help.
Feb 05, 2010 rated it it was ok
I took my life back and stopped reading it.
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“While others might feel manipulative, I feel powerless. Sometimes I just hurt so bad from the mean things that people do to me, real or perceived, or I’m so desperately feeling abandoned, that I withdraw and pout and go silent. At some point people get pissed off and fed up with that crap and they go away and then I’m left with nothing all over again.” 7 likes
“The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to consistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well.” 6 likes
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