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Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them
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Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them

4.12  ·  Rating details ·  163 ratings  ·  24 reviews
"Constructive wallowing" seems like an oxymoron. Constructive is a good thing, but wallowing is bad. Right?

But wait a minute; is it really so terrible to give ourselves a time-out to feel our feelings? Or is it possible that wallowing is an act of loving kindness, right when we need it most?

Almost everyone loves the idea of self-compassion -- the notion that maybe in spite
Paperback, 256 pages
Published May 13th 2014 by Viva Editions
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4.12  · 
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 ·  163 ratings  ·  24 reviews

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May 03, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I got this copy from Library Things Early Reviewer program. I have a couple of critiques about it, but since Goodreads doesn't believe in half stars, I'll go ahead and give it 5. It's too good for a 4.

I am a licensed therapist and I use a method called ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This book fits nicely with my way of thinking. Which is to say, accept all of your feelings and feel them fully - then behave according to your values and not necessarily your feelings. This seems simple but
Jan 17, 2014 rated it it was amazing
"When I invite people to explore their more difficult feelings, they often start by saying, "I don't want to be a baby about it." You'd think being a baby was the worst thing in the world. The International Association for the Advancement of Babies (IAAB) is more than a little annoyed about this, by the way."

In her debut book, Tina Gilbertson brings her gentle caring and self-advocacy to the page, along with the understated humor that I've been reading over the past few years on her blog, Tina's
Beatriz Canas Mendes
Pessoalmente, isto é uma lição que me estava a fazer falta ouvir, ou ler. Eu chafurdo, mas não costumo fazer de propósito para sentir toda a carga emocional que se quer soltar. Fico-me pelo suficiente. "Vá, agora já chega, que tenho de me levantar da cama/ir trabalhar/ir ao ginásio/ler/estudar!" Quem nunca disse isto a si próprio atire a primeira pedra. Então, por vezes sinto que enterro os problemas lá no fundinho, para lidar com eles mais tarde, preferencialmente nunca!


Em suma, o livro é
Jul 17, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I've seeked a lot of advice in the field of personal development on how to feel better when feeling down - from ancient philosophers, like the Stoics, to Tony Robbins. Their advice worked. But only in the short-term because the message in their advice was this - don't allow yourself to wallow in your emotions, especially the "bad" ones. It's well-intended but it's also harmful because they're pretty much advising you to bottle in your true feelings. Thank goodness I read this book. It taught me ...more
Dee Eisel
Oct 15, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: new-age
I enjoyed this book. Some of the concepts seem somewhat obvious when she writes them, but when I honestly interrogated my actions I realized I wasn't doing it.
It's made a bit of a difference with my PMDD, so for someone who wasn't hampered by that disease I can imagine it would be very useful indeed! It's definitely worth the read for anyone considering their emotional reactions to events.
Michael de Percy
Dec 06, 2017 rated it it was ok
Shelves: reviewed
This book is written in large print with large line-spacing and uses graphics to fill the pages. The result is a large book that would otherwise be rather small. It is more of a manual with tests and activities. I learnt a good deal from this book about having one's emotions, and it supplements Stoic philosophy neatly in that it provides a way to "have" one's emotions without necessarily acting on them. For the Stoics, we have our emotions but it is our behaviour that is good or bad, rather than ...more
Sahar Sabati
Jul 19, 2014 rated it liked it
One’s conception of life is of big importance as to how we deal with mistakes. If life on Earth is but one chance to do everything we have to do before disappearing for good, then of course mistakes are unacceptable. But if one understands life on Earth as the beginning of an eternal path on which we hone our virtues to perfection, then mistakes become a great learning tool.

Even with such an attitude, there are some mistakes that really get us down, sometimes for years, if not for a lifetime. Th
Jul 17, 2018 rated it really liked it
The title of this book really caught my eye and it was for a great price at a bookstore so I couldn’t resist.

I love the idea of constructive wallowing and the TRUTH technique. This book is great for anyone who was told to “get over things” by others. The reader will be inspired to be more compassionate to themselves and feel better by embracing their emotions. I also enjoyed the writer’s humor which did not make this a boring medical self help book.

Only real con is that it took me forever to f
Bret Legg
Sep 16, 2018 rated it really liked it
As a pastoral counselor who works with people who have gone through trauma, I understand the importance of honestly facing and dealing with emotions. This author makes a great case for opening one’s self up to emotions. She also give some good practical advice for how to do that. Though I don’t necessarily agree with her assessment on the relationship of thoughts and emotions, I found this to be a helpful book over all.
Mar 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
Would recommend for emotional regulation, self-criticism/perfectionism, and difficult life transitions. Her writing style is admittedly not for everyone, but her feelings-friendly approach is healthy and helpful in a society that doesn’t value “negative” emotions.
16.4.2019: Works for me! At least I'm better having all feelings when they come instead of denying them and thus storing them in my body. I also have other methods like EFT, Rosen therapy, meditation, yoga and visualizations techniques and some more to clear my mind, body and energies. Its hard to separate what is the benefit of this book's instructions, but I definitely think the advice of this book is good!
Sep 17, 2016 rated it really liked it
Tried the T-R-U-T-H techniques which I found to be quite useful. I like that Tina written this book with compassion and understanding that I can relate. Learnt quite a lot about feelings and emotions and most importantly, to show compassion to ourselves first to avoid snowballing.
Jul 15, 2014 rated it it was amazing
My MIdwestern self learned early to keep a stiff upper lip. I suppose it has its advantages, but it did mean that negative feelings and reactions were suppressed- to the point that I cracked a number of teeth by clenching my teeth so often and hard.

This seems like a better way. It encourages you to really feel your feelings, rather than suppressing them- and I've only been trying to do the exercises a short time, but in that time, I have become more relaxed and happier. Felt and acknowledged, th
Steve Layman
Feb 14, 2017 rated it really liked it
I'd be lying if I said I didn't narrate most of this book in my head through the voice of Diane Chambers from Cheers.
Nov 27, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This book was very helpful for me. By reading it and doing some of the exercises (particularly the truth technique) I learned how to identify and handle my emotions in a constructive way. This has really improved my life and my relationships.

I’ve found the claim that “wallowing” in painful emotions is healthy and productive to be true. I credit this book with opening up the world of emotions for me and setting me free from old, damaging coping mechanisms. This new understanding has also helped m
Emmaline MacBeath
Aug 04, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
SUMMARY: This book contains the advice that when strong emotions come up, instead of trying to ignore them or feel bad about them--just have them! Gilbertson takes you through steps of how you can wallow in your emotions and then to let them go instead of bottling up emotions over time and letting them take over your life.

REVIEW: I found this book to be very helpful. Gilbertson helps you get more in touch with what feelings actually are and why having them is a good thing. I like her TRUTH steps
Dec 17, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Very therapeutic! If you have ever had a conflict with another human or been hurt by another human (and if you haven't -- WOW!), Gilbertson's book will give you permission to feel the pain, embrace it, forgive yourself and anyone else who needs forgiving, and move on either to repair relationships or find new, more satisfying ones. Wallowing, according to Gilbertson, gives you permission to be healthy!
Apr 25, 2015 rated it really liked it
A wonderful read with great explanations of how stuffing emotions can actually increase our suffering! Very helpful advice on how to focus on our feelings allowing them to pass without letting them take over. I would highly recommend this book and will probably revisit it again in the future.
Apr 29, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2014
Awesome book that helped me get in touch with feelings I'd been hanging onto for a while. She promises that if you feel your feelings, they wil run thier course. She's right. Feelings aren't scary. They're the roadmap to healing.
Apr 24, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: audible, audiobook
Closer to a 3.5.. good content overall but could get a little repetitive. Also, may have just been how it sounded in the audiobook, but it seemed to have too many quotes at the beginning of each chapter. This is likely something my eyes would have skipped over in a printed book.
Sep 09, 2014 rated it liked it
Read about half of this book and really liked the premise. Maybe I'll come back to it later.
Jean Brazil
May 24, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction
Not so much.
Jun 29, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book for learning self-compassion and acceptance of your own emotional truth. Highly recommended.
Monica Canavan
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Oct 14, 2018
rated it it was amazing
Jun 17, 2019
Stewart Gove
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Sep 09, 2016
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Apr 05, 2016
rated it it was amazing
Apr 28, 2014
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May 06, 2019
Nicole Lehman
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May 25, 2018
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“T: Tell yourself the situation (in one sentence). R: Realize what you’re feeling. (Use feeling words.) U: Uncover self-criticism. (Look for “should” language, e.g., “I shouldn’t feel this way.”) T: Try to understand yourself. (Why might a good person feel this way?) H: Have the feeling. (And let it matter to you. Be kind.)” 0 likes
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