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Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck
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Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck

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3.17  ·  Rating details ·  1,433 ratings  ·  279 reviews

We live in a world that's very different from the one in which Emily Post came of age. Many of us who are nice (but who also sometimes say "f*ck") are frequently at a loss for guidelines about how to be a good person who deals effectively with the increasing onslaught of rudeness we all encounter.
To lead us out of the miasma of modern mannerlessness, science-based and bit
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Paperback, 304 pages
Published June 3rd 2014 by St. Martin's Griffin
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Stephen I'm wondering if you decided to finish the other seven hours of the book... I just heard the author in an interview and she was quite a high energy…moreI'm wondering if you decided to finish the other seven hours of the book... I just heard the author in an interview and she was quite a high energy speaker. The book sounds interesting, but if it's eight hours of complaining, I've definitely got better things to do with my time. I'm a HS teacher and have noticed social norms around manners to be in steady decline. I would love to know if my attempts to teach and model good manners is nothing more than a fool's errand and going against the new norm.(less)

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3.17  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,433 ratings  ·  279 reviews


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Diane
Jul 22, 2014 rated it did not like it
Skimming this, and I'm sorry, but the advice for women getting unwanted attention is WRONG - no one should have to "call up a little empathy for a guy who's trying to chat you up" (130). A woman who is engrossed in her book, with or without headphones in, clearly doesn't want to be bothered, and no man is ENTITLED to talk to her. Having been stalked several times, this is terrible advice, because it just encourages bad behavior, and makes them think there is a relationship there. Clearly stating ...more
Mel
Jun 29, 2014 rated it really liked it

After using every tactic in our arsenal to solve the problem of 6-8 piles of dog excrement that dotted our manicured front lawn like landmines, greeting my husband and I each morning when we opened the front door, I purchased this book. Now then; I have a background in psychology and philosophy...I am armed with the ivory-tower basics of people and behavior. When I say every tactic, I mean from numerous "psychotherapeutic approaches that addressed dysfunctional emotions, maladaptive behaviors an
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Laura (Kyahgirl)
1/5; 1 star; DNF

I know there are people who get outraged at a review for a book that was abandoned but I really do want to comment on this book. There were some really goods points.
First, the narrator, Carrington MacDuffie, was great. I've never listened to her before. Her voice reminds me of a famous Canadian singer, Anne Murray, who has an awesome speaking voice, so that was a bonus.
A point the author made several times, that I can get behind, is that the Internet is not a fearsome dangerous
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Leigh
Jan 12, 2015 rated it did not like it
Okay, I would be lying if I said this book did not help me, though it probably didn't help in the way the author intended. I picked it up as an Audible Deal of the Day in the spirit of new year's reinvention, and because I love the title. My boyfriend is terrified that one day my vigilante subway/pedestrian justice crusade will get me knifed...or at least punched in the face. Well, thank you, Amy Alkon for holding up a mirror to my bad behavior. Seeing (listening to) someone else succumb to a co ...more
Yukari Watanabe/渡辺由佳里
I liked the title of the book and I was looking forward to reading it. But, I was very disappointed.

I don't find this book funny or witty at all. Alkon seems to be a very angry person who is easily get upset about any small things. The best way to deal with the issues Alkon talks about in this book is you just don't let things upset you. Many of the things she talks about are small things.

Also, Alkon's advices, especially about using social media, are terrible. You should never, never do what s
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Tara
May 28, 2014 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2014, did-not-finish
This book entertained me initially, with ideas like the "rudest thing you can do with your phone is use it to call someone", until I got to the dating chapter. I don't know where to begin with how offbase the "advice" was in this chapter. NO, if a stranger is screaming obscenities in your face on public transit because you didn't want to talk to him, it is NOT your fault, no matter how "friendly" or "rude" you were in rejecting the initial advance. Maybe the asshole screaming obscenities needs a ...more
Lori
Mar 10, 2016 rated it really liked it
Nothing in this book would be necessary to state if parents, teachers, neighbors and police were still considered to be authorities over children and teenagers. In the formative years of their childhood they would have learned how to be polite. Most would have learned the techniques before the age of 6. Some would have needed more direction and correction however the lessons once learned would have remained with most of them throughout their lives.

The chapter in this book about cell phones shou
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Mugren Ohaly
Oct 21, 2014 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2014
I don't like her tone or how she writes, and her "humor" is juvenile and condescending. Amy Alkon is the last person on earth who should be giving advice about anything!
Barbara
Aug 06, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Spectacular!

This is the kind of brilliantly witty guidebook that I wish I’d had decades back, so I could have been savoring the opportunity to reread again and again. This book is a classic—not only of great wit, but of solid, scientifically-based information about how people how people can, with a little intelligent (and fun!) prompting, interact beautifully with one another in the modern world. Through everything, Amy’s basic human decency shines through—albeit a decency that’s shot through wi
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Bastian Greshake Tzovaras
Some stuff is actually quite ok, but I strongly disagree on the heteronormative recommendations for dating, those are just plain stupid and kinda ruined it for me. For the rest it really boils down to "don't be an asshole", but if I wanted to read more about that I'd probably go for Kant…
Q Richmond iii
Aug 06, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: good-read
Good book. really insightful. Made me reflect on some ways ive unknowingly treated people and reconsider. Everybody should read just for that reflection. worth the time definitely.
Leftbanker
Dec 04, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: just-horrible
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

Was that so difficult? No one is going to be hurt by a word, so if you’re going to put it in the title of your book, just put the word there instead of some Victorian England side-stepping of it like F*ck. It’s so childish.

Who doesn’t say fuck? Grow up, people. I live in a society (Spain) that doesn’t pretend to come apart at the seams when someone drops a bit of profanity on network TV, and where you see
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CatBookMom
Some quite educational insights into communicating with others by various means. And she has useful suggestions for how to defuse your own mood before trying to deal with the idiot who just broke in line, keeps yelling on their phone, dropped red wine on your new white dress, yada.

I'm an old fogey who picks up the phone and calls with my own voice and expects to speak to others in their own voices. I really love email, but I'm still putting off becoming attached to a smartphone. I kinda liked m
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Marie
Aug 16, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: fun-facts, nonfic
My mom sometimes reads my book reviews. Mom, if you're reading this: please don't be offended with this book title! :)

Bad news first: I only give this book 2 of 5 stars. There were a few gems of wisdom within, but there were a lot more times where I thought to myself, "this woman is absolutely insane. She's going to mess with the wrong person someday and get skivved in an alley."

I'm definitely willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Ms. Alkon lives in LA. Perhaps people do need be more exerti
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Blair
Apr 02, 2015 rated it it was ok
Shelves: audible, read-in-2015
WARNING!! Bad manners incoming.

I think Alkon had some really great points, and some of the research was interesting. I hated this book though. Truly did not like it. I'm not sure if it's bad manners to give an honest review about a book one didn't enjoy (some of the examples offered as good manners in this threw me, so I'm very unsure of my footing now), but here goes.

0. One star for the title. That was the best part of the book.

1. I am going to assume that the facts are correct in this, but I d
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S
Jan 09, 2015 rated it it was ok
Skimming the reviews, I'm seeing a lot of objections raised that are identical to my own regarding this book. Overall, there's some good, sometimes funny stuff in it. But then you get to the victim-blaming bits that may be well intentioned, but are really just squicky. And while landing a man might be someone's prime objective, so following grandma's dating advice to a T might get them a man (not sure the quality there...), Alcon's support of outdated dating advice is quite off-putting. The reas ...more
Adam Kice
Feb 20, 2015 rated it did not like it
This book had some humorous moments, but seriously lacks foundation for the bulk of the "digital etiquette" items provided. Also, the promotion of passive-aggressive responses to behaviors you don't appreciate are a shameful demonstration of self-importance and self-righteousness. Newsflash, the world is only here to ensure that you aren't annoyed.

The most profound moment in the book came very early. The suggestion that empathy is the root of manners was actually insightful. It was also far mor
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Ingrid
Jan 02, 2015 rated it did not like it
I picked up this audiobook for two reasons: 1) it was cheap (audible.com daily deal), and 2) I thought starting out the new year trying to figure out how to be a better person in this world was a good thing and this book actually started off seeming to give me some good advice (shut up and listen). I didn't know who Amy Alkon is ... I'm not one for pop culture and bloggers but, hey, I'm up for someone who can put a comic spin on to a serious subject to get a point across. In some regard, Ms Alko ...more
Lynn
Jan 18, 2015 rated it liked it
More like 3.5 star rating.
This book truly addresses potential ways in handling various social situations, whether in person or online. How to remain courteous even while your instinctual reaction might be more prone toward pure outrage at those who are acting seemingly rude or thoughtless. The way we phrase our responses can go a long way in getting results.
As the author points out, “we humans are conflict-avoidant beings” we simply hate confrontations.
Yet, “sometimes people with the very best
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Maggie Meredith
Sep 04, 2014 rated it really liked it
This book provides useful tips, in a funny manner, for dealing with the rude world we live in. I'm too much of an introvert to try some of her tactics, but I like her ideas. This book also talks about how we react to rudeness and some of dealing with it is learning to let some things go or ignore them if it's not really involving you or causing a problem, it's just annoying. This is a good reminder for me!
Cait
Sep 25, 2014 marked it as abandoned
Too many things in this book were starting to irritate me, particularly when I got to the section on relationships and dating. Even though she was backing up her points with scientific/psychological research, I still couldn't go along with many of her points, especially regarding the woman on the train who "overreacted" when guys kept hitting on her when she's been going out of her way to prevent such an occurrence.
Anika
Apr 12, 2018 rated it it was ok
This book is an easy ready and a necessity for me - a humanoid cyborg with poor social programming. While I appreciated that the author justifies many of her recommendations with science, there are some portions of this book that seemed to miss the mark (but again, recall that I am by no means the arbiter of social conduct). Specifically, the dating advice seemed, well, outdated - and somewhat patronizing. Women are instructed to be nice to men that annoy them in order not to bruise a man's frag ...more
eb
Awful. Sexist, victim-blaming bullshit marketed as science-based manners / politeness training. Treating people well is a two way street; NO it is not a female train passenger’s fault that some entitled prick of a man-child screamed “suck my dick” and “if I had a gun, I’d shoot you” at her because she declined to talk to him in a bitchy way. If she had been more polite, he would have A. Done the same thing or B. Forced and cajoled her into a conversation she did not want to have. Why? TERRIBLE M ...more
Sean Goh
Jul 23, 2017 rated it it was ok
A very odd book, with sporadic funny moments and a lot more snarky ones. For someone who emphasises empathy so much in her book the author comes across as surprisingly petty and overly eager to publicly shame people, even as in the communication chapter she speaks of how having an audience makes pointing out flaws that much more ego-crushing.
Still, she does make a handful of good points, when you get past the odd advice like not doing things face to face to avoid making things awkward, which ju
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Bethany
Mar 13, 2018 rated it it was ok
Amy Alkon is part of the problem, not the solution. She attempts to guide you through reactions to a variety of incivility encountered in daily modern life, explaining why people do this and how to be outraged about it to manipulate them into more acceptable behaviors. I feel that many of her suggestions are a worse, over exaggerated incivility out of proportion to the original crime. This book should have been titled, “How to act butt-hurt over dumb shit.”
Laurie
Jun 17, 2014 rated it it was ok
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book; perhaps just to see if the author agreed with me about behaviors today that I find incredibly rude...and she did on many counts so I guess I got that much from it. Actually, more than that, I was hoping for some really good suggestions on dealing with the rudeness, but I found that the way she handled some of the situations made her at times just as rude...I'm more for taking a higher road. She did acknowledge in some ways that in some instances, peop ...more
Jen Visser
Mar 28, 2015 rated it really liked it
This book really made me think, which means it was mostly a success in my opinion. Like other reviewers I didn't agree with several of the perspectives, but I did appreciate many and I appreciated the academic references behind the way we behave the way we do. If I did disagree with the author she still provided me with a starting point to further investigate the studies and form my own opinion from my findings.

I picked the book up because the title grabbed me, honestly. Who doesn't appreciate t
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Shuva
Dec 24, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I LOVED this book! So many great examples on many difficult and common-sense situations for everyone, from bars/restaurants, airplanes and complex relationships/friendships. Amy's stye is very fun to read, an easy read without feeling too lecture-y. I found myself laughing out loud a few times. Pg. 32 on how to end a friendship proved especially useful to me very recently. I recognized myself in several situations described in this book - and especially loved the last chapter. A great book from ...more
Kris Patrick
Oct 10, 2014 rated it liked it
It is good to learn that face-to-face confrontation isn't always the best policy when confronting rudeness. Nice to know that a carefully worded note or email is often times more appropriate. The chapter on Dating should double as a Terms and Conditions legal document requiring a checkmark of agreement for anyone signing up on Match.com.
Gabrielle
Jul 22, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: borrowed
Funny! There were some situations and pieces of advice that didn't resonate with me, but mostly I think she is a brave and witty person working to make the world a bit smoother for everyone. "Stand up to the rude. Expose the rude. Treat strangers like neighbors" (p. 12).
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Amy Alkon does “applied behavioral science,” translating scientific research into highly practical advice.

Her new book, published in January 2018 by St. Martin's Press, is the "science-help" book on how to transform to live with confidence: UNF*CKOLOGY: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence."

Alkon writes The Science Advice Goddess, an award-winning, syndicated column that runs in newsp
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“We’re rude because we live in societies too big for our brains.” 1 likes
“one of the fastest ways to change how you feel is to change how you behave.” 0 likes
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