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Braineater Jones

3.78  ·  Rating details ·  417 ratings  ·  135 reviews
No memory. No pulse. No clue.

The undead private eye everybody calls “Braineater Jones” has an axe to grind. Somebody plugged him and dumped his corpse in a swimming pool.

Worse yet, his memory’s gone. He has no idea who killed him or why.

But he’s damn sure going to find out.

With a smartass severed head as a partner, Jones hangs up his shingle in the city’s undead quarter.
Paperback, First Print Edition, 220 pages
Published October 14th 2013 by Red Adept Publishing, LLC (first published October 9th 2013)
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Jun 29, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
So you think you have problems?
Let me tell you about problems:
How would you feel if you woke up dead? Not the nicest way to start your day. But it gets worse...
How would you feel, on the first day of your unlife, if you had amnesia? That's right, you can't remember a thing about yourself. Not even your name. Sounds like fun, right? But that's not all...
How would you feel if your body wants to go into rigor mortis the moment you lie down?
What, you think that's it? It's not!
How would you feel if
Zombie Noir. That's what I'm calling it, since there's nothing else that quite fits this original novel.

Braineater wakes up dead in a pool. With me so far? He's on a mission to find out who he was, why he's dead and a number of other things. (Seriously, he has a numbered list of questions to which he's trying to find answers.) To accomplish this, he needs to keep drinking alcohol, because that's what keeps Braineaters like him fresh. Will he get the answers he seeks? You'll have to read this, (o
✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)
Actual rating: 3.21245684975 stars.

When all you have to say about a book you already mentioned in your pre-review…

Okay, let’s see then, what other fascinating facts could I possibly tell you about this story? Well, I guess I could start at the beginning and stuff. So Braineater Jones is about a guy called Braineater Jones. So far so good? Yay and stuff, let’s keep going. Braineater Jones is not his real name (and thank fish for that), by the way, and the poor guy has no bloody shrimping clue wha
Bark  |  Ladies Of Horror Fiction
This review and the rest of the crap I write can be seen @ my blog Bark's Book Nonsense . Stop by and say hey.

I listened to a copy of the audiobook provided by the author for the Horror Aficionados Sponsored Group Listen. Please feel free to join us!

It’s the 1930’s and a man wakes up in a pool with a big hole in his chest and no memory of what transpired the night before. But he’s not exactly a man anymore . . .

He manages to track down more of his “kind” and learns that he needs booze to keep
**I received a copy of the audiobook in exchange for a honest review.**

zombies and noir isn't really my thing but I like the cover so what the heck, i'll give it a try. WHOA! I'm sure glad I did. this book was so much fun! the narrator was great. the characters were so much fun! zombie, Nazi's, talking decapitated heads and hoodoo! i'll definitely stayed tuned to see what Mr.Kozeniewski comes out with next.
May 15, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-have
Braineater Jones is a bizarro neo-noir hardboiled detective novel involving zombies, deadhead bars, bootleggers, Nazis, pick-a-body-Part hookers, bodiless heads (ala Burrough's Chessmen of Mars), guys preserved in jars, voodoo, slumdwellers, cyborgs, and private eyes.

It starts with a guy walking up at the bottom of a pool with a pretty little hole in his chest and takes off from there into the most twisted world you ever imagined in your wildest conspiracy theories.

You probably have never read
Nev Murray
Mar 26, 2015 rated it it was amazing
A copy of Braineater Jones was sent to Confessions of a Reviewer by the author Stephen Kozeniewski in exchange for an honest review. This is said review.

Another new one on me. Never heard of Stephen Kozeniewski before he sent me this through Confessions, for a review. I love it when new authors (to me) take the time to contact me and push their stuff for a review. You sometimes get stuff that, to be honest, I put down after a page or two. Sometimes you get stuff like this. Looks a bit bizarre an
Shana Festa
Nov 21, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: zombies
So, admittedly, I didn’t read the synopsis, look at the cover or even have an inkling what this book was about when I started to read it. I was assigned this novel and judging by the title, I expected it to be comical. Three percent through … I said, “Stop. What am I reading?”

Now, don’t take that as a bad sign, I asked this question with a smile on my face. After all, I was expecting a typical zombie novel with a slight Shawn of the Dead or Zombieland slant to it.

Braineater Jones is far from typ
Aug 19, 2015 rated it it was amazing
At the time I purchased this book, I had really had it with the whole zombie 'thing.' I had seen SO many movies and read SO many books that were all pretty much the same, that I had sworn off the lot - and was avoiding dystopian as well, since so many authors seem to believe that zombies and dystopian go hand-in-hand. I was absolutely sure that there was no one who was going to be able to come up with something new and fresh, something exciting and out of the ordinary...

That's when I stumbled u
This book was so much fun! Was skeptical but curious at first. Set in the 1930's, it's about a guy who wakes up as a zombie, and who goes on to be a PI and have many funny adventures. Not really horror, like my usual, but more dark humor and just plain entertaining ...more
Ms. Nikki
Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life. Braineater isn't his real name, it's what un-dead people like him are called when they don't have enough liquor in them to keep them fresh. Without the alcohol they start to deteriorate, fleshy bits start to slip right off, and are soon likely to go for your brains. So, he's kinda like those people you find at the morgue with a toe-tag named John Doe.
I'm getting sidetracked.
Jones keeps a journal full of questions he needs a
Sci-Fi & Scary
Oct 11, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: request-author
This is one of the first audio books I have listened to where the narrator went utterly cheesy with the voices . It could have failed horribly but it was actually the perfect choice. Steve Rimpici had me cracking up, and yet somehow managed to still get me invested in the story.

Braineater Jones was an entertaining listen both for the story and the narration. While the basic idea of a dead guy walking and investigating what happened to him has been done before (Down Solo), the twists that the aut
Oct 08, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: kindle
Braineater Jones reminds me a lot of myself, he needs a drink or two to really get going and we seem to have the same warped sense of humor.
What would you do if you woke up face-down in a swimming pool? That is an odd sentence. In more ways than one.
Sorry, I checked out for a minute. I was daydreaming about Braineater Jones.
Stephen Kozeniewski created this marvelous character whom even my husband has been talking about, and he won't read a book to save his life! I talked about Braineater Jone
Read 11/11/14 - 11/19/14
4 Stars - Highly Recommended to fans of zombie fic and crime noir; entertaining smash-up of both genres
Pages: 234
Publisher: Red Adept Publishing
Released: Oct 2014

Pulpy crime noir is not normal TNBBC fare by any means. Our most loyal and beloved readers know this, as do the many authors who've passed pitch letters for that genre our way. But pulpy crime noir involving... zombies? Uh, heck yeaaaah, pass that bad boy over here!

The last time I read anything of this ilk was ba
Kit (Metaphors and Moonlight)
4 Stars

Full Review:
*I received a free ecopy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*

Most of the zombies I read about are the mindless, infected, and/or shambling kind. But I much prefer my non-human creatures to be main characters in books rather than monsters to be killed, so having a zombie protagonist this time made me all excited, and for good reason because this was such a unique, creative take on the creatures!

See, in this version, they’re still fully functioning, but
A Voracious Reader (a.k.a. Carol)
*Book source ~ Many thanks to Red Adept Publishing for providing a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

It’s 1934 and a man wakes up naked, floating in a pool and he can’t remember who he is. Oh, and he’s dead. No, it’s not the beginning of a joke. Braineater Jones is the walking dead and he needs to figure out who he is, what happened to him and who killed him before he ends up dead dead. Or as he puts it, double dog dead.

I liked the premise for this story and the execution doesn’t dis
Jun 27, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: zombies
Braineater Jones is so steeped in the hard-boiled detective genre of the mid-twentieth century it pays homage to, you might say it is saturated. The tone, the characters, the dialogue, it all feels so pulpy in its approach, the addition of zombies doesn't seem like so far a stretch.

Jones is a zombie, and he's pretty sure that's a recent development despite suffering from amnesia. With foul play involved, he embarks to solve his own murder, taking on a zombified severed head named Alcibe as his s
Amanda Shelley-Masters
I really enjoyed this story, Stephen Kozeniewski is a fabulous writer with a unique perspective on the mind of the undead. I was hooked from the first line "I woke up dead this morning." the story is witty, catchy and extremely hard to put down.

Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life, now he must also solve his own murder.

But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff dri
So, Noir may not be my thing. I generally enjoyed this book but it wasn't something I felt the need to devour. It has the added elements of zombies, not a favorite but not something I loathe. This book turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. Extremely creative concept, who who would have thought to combine the two genres?

Braineater is a very likeable fellow, for a zombie. I really enjoyed his narrative, terrific engaging character. I found myself routing for him all the way. Who can resist a
Jason Pettus
Nov 24, 2015 rated it liked it
(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography []. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)

Writing a genre thriller is already a risky thing to get right, but doubly so when one attempts to write it in a winking, jokey style; take Steve Kozeniewski's Braineater Jones, for example, which is essentially a zombie story told in the style of a pulpy detective noir, with our Sam Spade stand-in being a
Sarah Compton
Oct 06, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I received this book for free for an honest review. It's happened before, and usually I dread it because the books are horrible. Luckily, this was far from the case with Braineater Jones.

Let's start off by saying this isn't a typical zombie book. The genre has been done to death (pun intended). These zombies talk, feel, have a community, and solve mysteries. This is really very much a private dick/noir story and the detective just happens to be a zombie. It's a fresh take on zombies and is fun e
Oct 21, 2016 rated it liked it
Thanks to the author for providing me with a copy of the audio version.

Initially when the HA group was offering copies from the author I didn't add my name because, frankly, even though I'm a big fan of noir I'm pretty much done with zombies. But when the author made additional copies available I figured I would give it a try. Surprisingly it was the zombie aspects that made this interesting, the noir angle has twists but was really pretty standard fare. I liked that the author set the story dur
K. D.
Sep 28, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
*Thanks to Stephen Kozeniewski and horror aficionados for providing a copy of the audiobook in exchange for an honest review*

Braineater Jones is about a zombie with amnesia, who desperately wants to find the person that murdered him.

It features a sarcastic private investigator, a big time boss who happens to be a fetus in a pickle jar, undead prostitutes that can switch body parts, talking heads, and so much more.

I didn't expect to like this book, but I was completely blown away by how enterta
Sep 24, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Overall - 4 stars
Story - 4 stars
Narration - 4 stars

That was fun! Imagine a hard-boiled detective novel set in 1934. Then add in zombies, bootleggers, severed heads that talk, nazis, and every other crazy thing you can think of, and you have this book. This story is crazy, funny, and a little dark but in a lighthearted way.

I think this book would make a great movie if Tim Burton directed it. (I kept thinking about the waiting room scenes in Beetlejuice)
Donna Fitzpatrick
A decidedly different take on a "zombie" novel. I really like Stephen K's sense on humor that comes through in the characters of the books of his I've read so far. If you like your horror novels with a very unique spin on the genre, do yourself a favor and check this author out. ...more
4.75. Audiobook. This was so much fun!
More review to come...
Patrick D'Orazio
Jan 12, 2014 rated it really liked it
Braineater Jones introduces the reader to the eponymous character while he floats face down in a swimming pool with the dawning realization that he has been shot and worse yet, has died from his injury. Not having a clue what happened to him, he realizes that he is in a mansion and does a quick search, finding a few clues to his possible existence.
Fleeing from a couple of men who he believes have returned to the scene of their crime, this newly created zombie finds himself in the Welcome Mat pa
Oct 21, 2013 rated it really liked it
This story is narrated by Braineater Jones, we get to see his undead life through his eyes as we join him on his mission to find answers to his growing list of questions. Who is he? Who murdered him and why? Kozeniewski has invented his own brand of zombies in this story. There is no explaining who will reanimate after death and who will not. To keep their undead selves functioning and their “brain wheels” turning they must have liquor. This is a real problem during Prohibition since without alc ...more
Ivan Amberlake
Mar 26, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: zombies, read-in-2014
A guy wakes up floating facedown in a swimming pool with no memory of who he is, where he is, how he died and a number of other questions. Now a zombie, he has to quench his hunger for human flesh with booze that can only be obtained in the only speakeasy in Ganesh City. He gets acquainted with a few people there and starts his own investigation.
The book starts off as a cross between a zombie novel and a detective story spiced with humor. The combination of these makes Braineater Jones a funny,
Feb 10, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Jumbees, dames and a talking head

This is NOT the tale I expected.

It is 1934 and Braineater Jones "wakes" up face down in a swimming pool. He has no memory of his previous life or how he became one of the undead.

The undead live in the bad part of town, don't immediately become eaters of the breathers and still want a sex life (ewww).

I loved the strong characterization, the pulpish cover of the book, the many differences from a classic zombie story.

There are many moments that triggered my gag refl
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Stephen Kozeniewski lives in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. During his time as a Field Artillery officer he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where, due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor’s is in German.

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134 likes · 82 comments
“Fine,” I said. “So our girl, the hero of our story—” “Heroine,” he said. “No, I haven’t got any,” I said.” 2 likes
“Mine’s Alcibé,” he said. “I didn’t ask for your life story!” I shouted and turned the head around so he was facing away from me.” 1 likes
More quotes…