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Missing Gretyl - You Only Love Twice

4.06  ·  Rating details ·  136 ratings  ·  92 reviews

Buckle up for a comedic roller coaster ride, with bad wigs, waxing disasters, holiday scams, a deluded hitman, lust, arson and murder.

Albert Trollop takes refuge at his allotment and the betting office, while his wife, Gretyl, lives for the shopping channels, car boot sales and local gossip.

Paperback, 286 pages
Published June 17th 2013 by Grosvenor House Publishing Limited (first published May 18th 2013)
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Average rating 4.06  · 
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Jul 21, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Jules by: Sarah
I’m not normally a fan of comedy. Mainly because I don’t find it funny. My husband finds it entertaining how unfunny I find comedy, almost as if I’m immune to it, while he’s laughing his head off. It’s not that I’m a miserable person, quite the opposite, in fact. I just don’t happen to find much comedy funny, except for Jimmy Carr, I do like him. I probably shouldn’t, but I do. Whatever the reason for me not finding comedy very funny, I’m pleased to announce this book temporarily cured me of it, ...more
The Incredible Pipster
Mar 31, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Well, where to begin?

I must confess that I consider myself to be a comedy snob, and I fully expected to hate this book.


Because it was recommended to me by my wife who tried to sell it to me as being right up my street because it’s like “Only Fools & Horses” [Magnificent] and “Keeping Up Appearances” [So terrible it should never have been commissioned]. This sales pitch caused me to conclude that it would most likely be vacuous tripe with some “loveable” East End stereotypes who can’t outwar
Feb 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I usually read crime thrillers and was completely out of my comfort zone with this book . Thank goodness I tried something different I absolutely loved it and laughed out loud in lots of places. The names of the characters were hilarious. I think there is definitely scope for a follow up and I have some unanswered questions for the author !!!!!.
Rachel Bustin
Nov 01, 2014 rated it it was amazing
The book is about Gretyl Trollop and her long suffering husband Albert, and the Soddall family. Their lives intertwine later on in the book and it was fun discovering how that happened! But for now I'll tell you a little bit about the plot.

Gretyl and Albert live in a block of flats in the East End, London, and Albert has a little garden allotment that is his escape from Gretyl. Gretyl spends her time going to car boots, collecting frogs, wearing wigs, complaining, acting like she has no money a
M.A. Comley
Feb 18, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Not sure where to start with this one to be honest. The truth is if you're in need of a book that will have you in stitches on every page you need to read this book.

Simon's writing is flawless and very engaging. I don't tend to step outside my comfort zone much, I'm a thriller reader through and through, but at a stressful time in my life I was in need of something light-hearted to read and this was it.

The Soddall family (yes, that really is the main family's name) they live in the East End of
Barrie Lawrence
Apr 01, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Why is there not a page saying "Also by Simon Page" (no pun intended). If Simon has not written any books before, this first one is a quite outstanding achievement, and I certainly hope, with much confidence, that he will write more. The characters are, to me, somewhat caricatured, which emphasises the character traits, cultural hallmarks and qualities (or otherwise) that Simon would bring to our attention. Now, that makes it sound stuffy, doesn't it! But NO! NO! NO! - this book is alive with fu ...more
Jan 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I loved this book! It deserves a fantastic 4.5 stars. It's wickedly funny and just what I needed after reading a few gritty thrillers. Gretyl is larger than life, seemingly selfish, loud and isn't above scamming others to get what she wants! The character development is fantastic, both for Gretyl and Albert (her quiet husband who disappears to his allotment every day for a bit of peace) and Dave and Sharon Soddall. Both families have many hilarious moments! The book also deals with the issues of ...more
Ellie Shepherd
Mar 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely brilliant from start to finish!
I had seen many people mention how funny this book was and as I rarely read anything other than psychological thrillers and police procedurals, I was hesitant to read/listen to it because I struggle to find comedy "funny" be it in books or on TV; whereas my husband would belly laugh, I would raise a half smile and think it's "too daft to laugh at".
I decided to take the plunge with Missing Gretyl on audible and what can I say....It was hilarious and sad i
Mar 28, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2019
I loved this book. Although the main character Gretyl was a lot times despicable and unlikable her exploits were hilarious and I felt so sorry for her downtrodden husband and the others she came into contact with. I wouldn’t want to live next door to her but she does have a heart of gold and is there is never a dull moment.
Kelly Furniss
Jan 31, 2016 rated it really liked it
Picked for one of my book clubs, I would like to rate this at 4.5 stars. This book is a big refreshing change that had me laughing so much!.
One of our main characters Gretyl is mutton dressed as lamb, a wig for every occasion, sunglasses and dangly jewellery. She will do anything for a bargain and trawls the local car boot sales often thinking up schemes to get a few quid off as she collects everything! and also loves a good gossip with anybody that will listen. Meanwhile, her long suffering Hus
Michelle  Driscoll
Feb 20, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I normally read thrillers so this was a very different to my usual genre. It was brilliant though and had me smiling and laughing throughout. Gretyl's dress sense is something else, she collects various items from car boot sales and online shopping channels, complains all the time and pretends she has no money to get things for free. In the meantime her husband Albert escapes to his allotment or to the betting shop for some peace. You also get to meet the Soddall family who are trying to make a ...more
Judith Walker
Mar 22, 2015 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed reading this book after giving it a second try. I struggled with it first time round and gave up around 20% in. Couldn't relate to the characters and wasn't particularly enjoying the writing style. I then read a few reviews where others had commented about slow start but that the book was very good by the end. Decided to give it another try & have to say it's a slow burner but worth reading. Characters came to life & images of Gretyl's waxing experience will stay with me for a while! G ...more
Dec 06, 2015 rated it really liked it
This is a lovely story that contains some lively and interesting characters. The book is a comedy and while maybe the humour wasn’t fully to my taste and didn’t make me LOL but I did smile a lot. I enjoyed this book that explores the flaws in people’s characters and teaches you not to judge a book by the cover (i.e the characters). Sometimes you have to come close to losing what you value most so that you can remember why you love someone – this book does this well. The author has a great imagin ...more
Treena Beavers
Mar 23, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arcs-first-reads
Great Fun !

Lots of little chapters made it ideal to read travelling to/from work, much to the amusement of other commuters watching me giggle away to myself.

I Loved Gretyl's Character, I'm sure I've passed her haggling with stall holders at our local car boots.

I could see this book being made into a film/tv show very easily, it has a good old fashioned humour about it similar to Faulty Towers.

Received this book in exchange for honest review.
Janet Gogerty
Jan 11, 2016 rated it really liked it
I enjoy subtle comedy so I was not sure if I would enjoy this novel and it is certainly different from anything I have read before. Health warning; do not read this while you are eating, but do read this great comedy story that turns out to be heart warming, with more than one poignant tale lurking underneath. A plot worthy of another great British tradition, 'crime thriller noir', brings together all the characters as it gathers pace. ...more
Mar 18, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: fiction
i absolutely loved this book. it is funny, sweet, got a great storyline and i LOVED the characters. to start with i thought Gretyl was horrid but as the story evolved she really started to grow on me and by the end i loved her. it really was a joy to read this book and cant recommend it highly enough. will certainly be reading more by the author.
Apr 21, 2019 rated it really liked it
I had the audio version for this book and it was a fun and entertaining listen - it took me a bit to get into it as I found the narrator’s ‘overacting’ a little irritating at first but after a bit I started to relax and just enjoyed the ride.
A lovely, humorous antidote to all the grim stuff I usually read and just right when you’re in the mood for something a little lighter.
Mar 30, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This book was very funny , a cross between only fools and horses / the royale family. It was a refreshing change for me as I usually read horror or crime . 5 stars from me
Martin Willoughby
Excellent comic romp with the utterly unlikeable Gretyl and her long-suffering husband Albert. They survive death, murder attempts and being swindled. By the end you almost like her.
Mar 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
Oh my goodness, this was a rather uncomfortable read for me. It made me squirm and cringe and made me feel all sorts of ugh whilst reading it, especially at the start as it is rather heavy on these elements, but, like needing to gawp at a car crash, I couldn't help but carry on, so kudos to the author and his writing for that definitely.
Imagine a cast of the most obnoxious characters doing cringeworthy things and you get this book. OK, that sounds like a strange way to describe a book I actually
Apr 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
Gretyl is no doubt a marmite character. She’s obnoxious and manipulative, yet you can’t help but laugh at her lack of emotional intelligence as she creates havoc wherever she goes. Her long suffering husband, Albert is much more likeable and has created a coping strategy to manage Gretyl’s self absorbed persona after many years of marriage.

Running alongside the narrative of Gretyl’s aspiration to socially climb is the Sodall families equally sad existence where Sharon and her lump of a husband,
Apr 14, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: audible, 2019, tbc
A very British farce.
Every time I read a humorous book I hope that this is going to be the one that makes me laugh out loud, that leaves me with a stitch in my side and a desperate need to share it with others. Unfortunately I am yet to find such a book, maybe it doesn't exist, maybe it's just me. I can imagine that others would find Missing Gretyl hilarious - lovers of farce and situation comedy in particular, it just wasn't right for me.

I guess, by the end of the book, I had found a soft spot
Mar 25, 2017 rated it really liked it
I love it when a book surprises me and I really enjoy reading it even though it is so different from my usual book choices. I picked this book as one of my choices in The Book Club on Facebook 2017 Book Challenge for the category "A book set in a location near to where you live..." As an East London/Essex girl this book ticked all of the boxes and I was lucky to receive an e-copy from the author in an online giveaway.

Comedy is not usually my thing and my reading choices tend to be much darker. O
Melanie Lewis
Mar 28, 2017 rated it really liked it
As a general rule I never read comedy because it's just not funny. Also, I prefer murder and mayhem, so I'm definitely out of my comfort zone here. Whilst I never actually laughed out loud, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Si Page has succeeded where many before have fallen; I was amused, genuinely amused. How he manages to turn the revolting, repugnant Gretyl into a character that you end up caring deeply about, I have no idea. But it must be a sign of a very clever writer. I enjoyed the ...more
Mar 19, 2017 rated it really liked it
4.5 stars from me for this great British comedy. I’ve seen it likened to a cross between Keeping Up Appearances and Only Fools & Horses and have to say I agree, but with a touch of Carry On/Fawlty Towers thrown in for good measure too! I found myself giggling at so many things along the way, and all I will say is that the ‘waxing incident’ will stay with me for a long time!!!

The problem with comedies sometimes is that the characters just aren’t quite believable, they become caricatures rather th
Mar 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I love, love, love this book ❤ I just don't know where to start with my review. Gretyl is as mad as a box of frogs, eccentric and so so funny. Not to mention frustratingly irritating. She gets through life by being rude and obnoxious yet she has an endearing side to her that comes out occasionally. Her long suffering husband Albert is the sweetest man who has remained by her side through thick and thin. I laughed and cried and laughed some more. It's so difficult to write a review without giving ...more
Mar 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
What a brilliantly funny book this is! I read it in a day and really enjoyed the antics of the characters. It had me laughing out loud many times, especially when I tried to imagine Gretyl as a Stepford wife in Poncey Bridge. I hope there will be a sequel to continue the adventures of Gretyl & co.
Selina Trafford
Feb 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Gretyl is a tour de force he hilarious antics will make you laugh, cringe antics and maybe even cry. At the start of the book you really dislike her but then as the story progresses you kind of learn to appreciate her outlook and joy do vie. The story is about a cantankerous old lady gretyl who bullies her way through life, her poor husband banishes himself for much of the to his allotment shed where he dreams of days and friends long past. It all comes to a head when Gretyl inherits a house and ...more
Audio book review

A fun story that comes to life with this narrator. It has thoughtful moments. Gretyls husband usually being the one who brings those moments about. Not Gretyl herself, who is a rather annoying and irritating! All part of the story mind!
To me this is an updated fun book with a reminder of Tom Sharpe back in the day.
Def worth listening to or reading.
Rebecca McCann
Mar 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
not my usual genre and probley the first comedy book I have read but throughly enjoyed it. Can't wait for more from Si ...more
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Si Page was born in Romford, Essex in 1970 and grew up with a love of football, films, frolicking and females (the priority of the four 'F's reversed during his teenage years).

After attending three different senior schools, Si decided that it was a waste of time turning up for his GCE exams and bunked off to head for the workplace as a carpet fitter where he found the YTS scheme waiting with no mo

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