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Forgiving Our Fathers And Mothers

4.25  ·  Rating details ·  224 ratings  ·  46 reviews
“If our families are to flourish, we will need to learn and practice ways of forgiving those who have had the greatest impact upon us: our mothers and fathers.”

Many of us struggle with the deep pain of a broken relationship with a parent. In a unique style that seamlessly moves between analysis, biblical interpretation, and memoir, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers offers
Paperback, 240 pages
Published January 14th 2014 by Thomas Nelson Publishers
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Carre Gardner
Sep 19, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Although this is a book primarily about forgiving our parents, its lessons are for anyone who has been wounded deeply by the very people who were supposed to love and protect us the most. Fields goes far beyond the dry duty and Scriptural "shoulds" of forgiveness. Instead, she tells her story like a love song, peeling back the layers of the process to expose the beauty of forgiveness for the sake of the one who extends it. Fields tells the story of her and her siblings' forgiveness of a father w ...more
Katelyn Beaty
Aug 24, 2013 rated it really liked it
Every one of us leaves childhood wounded, in large or small ways, by our parents. We are born into family systems that bring with them blessings and curses, usually both. How do we forgive our parents, who themselves carry wounds from their own childhoods? This is the question Leslie Leyland Fields asks in this spiritually rich meditation on forgiving people who so often don't think they need to be forgiven. She traces her own journey with her father as well as the experiences of several other C ...more
Callie Glorioso-Mays
Jul 11, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: books-by-redbuds
Months ago when I browsed the options at BookLook Bloggers, I noticed that one of the books I could review was written by Leslie Leyland Fields, a fellow member of the Redbud Writers Guild.

I knew Leslie only through our interactions in the Redbud Facebook group, but what I observed of her life intrigued me. Leslie is a successful author and speaker. She lives with her family on an island in Alaska – from the pictures she posts on Facebook, it looks as though she lives amidst breathtaking beauty.
Meenal Sinha
Feb 07, 2019 rated it did not like it
Did not agree with me. It is very depressing. I did not see many techniques or words which would comfort my heart instead there was a bunch of details about bad things done by many a parent to their children.

Sep 19, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Everyone is birthed by human parents. All human parents make mistakes. This book details beautifully the journey of reconciliation. It is a must read for those doing the work of recognizing our own flaws and humanity while forgiving our parents for theirs. This type of inner healing produces growth in maturity and restoration in relationships between all generations. A fantastic read by Leslie Leyland Fields!
Jul 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: inspiration
Yes this book is for forgiving our parents, but anyone who has been hurt (all of us) will find wisdom in this book using stories of those hurt and who have forgiven and through stories of Jonah and Joseph of Eygpt. Many things to contemplate.
Michele Morin
Aug 09, 2014 rated it it was amazing
My introduction to Leslie Leyland Fields came through a poem — a Christmas poem so beloved that I hand copied it onto a large sticky-note and carried it forward in my planner from year to year. Every December 1, before careening headlong into the drama, I am reminded with exquisite, alliterative sibilants to “Let the stable still astonish.”

Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers (FOFAM) acknowledges that everyone has a less-than-ideal upbringing, and, consequently, is at risk for providing a less-than
Eric Dickey
Apr 07, 2014 rated it it was amazing
One of the hardest things to do is to forgive the people who have hurt you, and when the people who have hurt you happen to be one or both of your parents, then it can be almost impossible to forgive. However, as followers of Christ, we are called to, no, commanded to forgive those who have sinned against us. When it comes to our parents, we are called not only to forgive, but to honor them as well. It is with this in mind that Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers: Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hat ...more
Sep 03, 2013 rated it it was amazing
My initial response to Forgiving Our Fathers And Mothers is simply this: it taught me a lot not only about forgiveness, but also how I view myself as a parent. I learned a lot about forgiving myself. Perhaps this is because I didn't go into it with deep-seated hurts from my parents; I have been blessed in my relationships with them. But still I found so much truth in these pages for my relationships with my parents, my friends, my family, myself. Forgiveness is essential to our lives. In the int ...more
Mar 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Crazy to think this book took me 3 years to finish.
It's definitely not the kind of book that you race through. Chances are, if you are interested in reading this book, you will be challenged by it. You might be tempted to skip the study questions, but don't. There's not much else I have to say about this book except that it is worthy of your time.
Misty Nordyke
Dec 23, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I absolutely wished this book had been written years ago!
I really needed to read this book!
I have been struggling with forgiveness of my father for years and have had all kinds of issues
with his abandonment. It affected the way I have dealt with men my whole life.
It affected the way I related to my husband and father - in - law.

I have tried to be the good daughter and over and over again I would let my father in my life to be hurt over and over and over. I finally had had enough and I remov
Dorothy Greco
Jan 23, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers arrived in my mailbox the day I arrived at an impasse with one of my parents. It's essentially the same roadblock I've been running into for my entire adult life. I was primed to read this and finished it in three days. Not only is Leyland Fields a great writer, she has tremendous integrity on topic. Raised by a father who struggled with mental illness and was mostly absent, Leyland Fields does not exhort her readers to forgive from a detached, academic perspect ...more
Author Groupie
After listening to Leslie Leyland Fields share with the audience her own dysfunctional childhood at the 2014 Hearts at Home conference, I ordered her book, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers. Reading this book in a twenty-four hour span, I ended up highlighting ninety-nine passages in this 213 page work.

Fields relays her own childhood traumas as well as others she has encountered in life as well as research. In addition the Gold Medallion-nominated co-author, Dr. Jill Hubbard, a clinical psychol
Judith Ingram
Jul 01, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Leslie Leyland Fields's book is a practical and compelling guide to surrendering our painful childhood wounds to the healing work of forgiveness. The author explores the biblical and emotional ramifications of forgiving hurtful parents by offering keen insights and examples from her own struggles to forgive a distant and rejecting father. Her journey can be summed up in the subtitle of her book: "Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate."

The author grapples with questions shared by most adult survivor
Jun 23, 2013 rated it it was amazing

I would recommend this book for all adult children to read. I thought it was well written and is very easy to understand. I gave this book 5/5 stars. I liked the author stressing that everyone is human and we all make mistakes. Sometimes you read these kinds of books and they say forgive no matter what. This book shows you how to look at each situation with your parents from an adult point of view. By doing this you find true forgiveness easier when you realize they were just as human as you are
Sherie Kirkpatrick
Aug 14, 2014 rated it really liked it
Lots of stories of how this forgiveness looks in real life. I liked the duel perspective of the author and therapist perspectives, it added clarity when considering how to handle difficult relationships. I would have added the 5th star if there had been more about how to deal with the forgiveness/reconciliation issue as pertains to a parent who has walked away from you on more than one occasion which I think more of us deal with than it is reported. There was a bit of information but I hungered ...more
Carole Duff
Jul 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing
“You can’t grow up and be full adults until you can forgive your parents.” Thus, begins Leslie Leyland Fields’ forgiveness stories, her own and others’ along with commentary and study questions by Dr. Jill Hubbard. The keys to forgiveness are willingness, telling the truth, seeing our parents as people, owning up to our own wrongs, loving mercy, modeling ourselves after the father in the parable of the prodigal son, focusing on gift-love rather than need-love, letting go of anger and bitterness, ...more
Chris Diehl
Feb 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I took my time reading and working through the questions and it was a very fruitful process. Leylands is a beautiful and humble writer and her stories about her own father and other friends' ways of dealing with difficult parents were encouraging. Those stories helped me feel understood and hopeful and spurred on to act with love and forgiveness, with healthy boundaries, towards those who have hurt me. ...more
Jun 26, 2018 rated it really liked it
I'm becoming a big fan of Leslie Leyland Fields. Here she writes in poetic and practical ways about the various losses we suffer as children of flawed parents. Aknowledging, grieving, forgiving and redeeming are the things God offers to us in our brokenness. It can be messy, but it frees us up to bless this world we're in and the families we are tied to.
This book helped me think through some things. I appreciate the insights at the end of each chapter offered by Dr. Jill Hubbard.
Mar 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I read it a while ago but the writing spurred me in in my own journey of forgiveness. No one loves perfectly, no one forgives perfectly. We are all imperfect people giving out of ourselves for the good of ourselves, the one who hurt us, and for the God who asks us to forgive as we have been forgiven.
Diane Lybbert
Jun 22, 2017 rated it really liked it
As I struggle with 'mother-issues' I found this book very helpful, encouraging, and practical. Using a combination of actual peoples' experiences and Biblical insight, Fields opens up the channel to forgiveness and understanding for those who have wronged us. I highly recommend this book. ...more
Mar 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
Great book to start off if you want to reflect on forgiveness, whether its your parents or someone else. The stories the author mentions helps one realize that you are not alone in the process of forgiveness.
Cindy Kelly
Mar 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Loved this book. Quotes in chapter 8 really resonated with me. Would refer this to anyone.
May 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing
No preaching here--told from the life story of someone who has done the journey and seen the blessing. A better--and more challenging--read than I'd anticipated. ...more
Nov 18, 2020 rated it liked it
Nothing new here but very good reminder about the importance of forgiveness.
Apr 20, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: library
If you're a parent you know how hard parenting is, right?

As a parent you probably wish your kids would cut you some slack, right?

Then why is it that we hang on to the hurts done to us by our parents?
Why does this book exist?

The quote on the back cover probably says it all, "If our families are to flourish, we will need to learn and practice ways of forgiving those who have had the greatest impact upon us: our mothers and fathers." The author even asks the question, "Do we need another book on fo
Mar 10, 2014 rated it really liked it
The most important human relationship is that of parents to their children. To know the love of your mother and father, will set you up to be able to love well and live well. Unfortunately our parents also have the greatest capacity to wound us. Neglect, rejection, abuse destroys a child. Bitterness against parents for past wrongs, poisons adulthood.

Leslie Leyland Fields tells the story of her own estranged relationship with her father, a man who showed little interest in relating to her and who
James Pate
Apr 05, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Leslie Leyland Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard. Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers: Finding Freedom From Hurt and Hate. Nashville: W. Publishing Group (an imprint of Thomas Nelson), 2014.

I decided to read this book because I am interested in the topic of forgiveness in general. As the title suggests, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers focuses on the forgiveness of one’s parents for such acts as abuse or neglect. The book tells people’s stories and refers to biblical examples and movies, and Dr. Jill H
Miamikel SS
Apr 25, 2014 rated it really liked it
Have you ever thought about forgiveness and said "I did nothing wrong, someone else did!" Have you asked yourself "Why read yet another book on forgiveness? How exactly do I move past the hurt? What do you mean make amends?" Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers by Leslie Leyland Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard will not only shed light on that very idea, but give you the tools for incredible leaps towards closing the forgiveness gap.

This book is so refreshing in it's wonderful inclusion of faith and scr
Jun 30, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Even with the most excellent of parents, we all end up wounded and lacking in certain relational areas. Some of us endure abuse and neglect at the hands of those who are supposed to protect and provide for us - our parents. Using her own story as a framework, Leslie Fields explores the hurts we feel, the forgiveness we can seek, and the ways we can heal regardless of our parents' responses to us. Dr. Hubbard presents her knowledge of developmental and relational psychology at the end of each cha ...more
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When you see her, Leslie may be wearing a silk dress and fishnets or wearing Xtra-Tuff boots and mending fishing nets, depending on whether she’s at her fishcamp in the Alaska wilderness or on a speaking tour “Outside.” She’s happy in both places talking about the books, places and topics that move her most.

She's the multi-award winning author of 12 books, with her 12th forthcoming in April, 2020

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