Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love

by Scott P. Sells

Every teenager rebels against authority at some point--talks back, breaks curfew, or disobeys. But literally millions of teens take their rebellion to a point where it disrupts their families and endangers their own futures or even their lives. If one of these teens is yours, you've probably lived through years of conflicting advice and pat solutions that don't last. Finally, this breakthrough guide from a master therapist will show you the seven steps to positive, permanent change for you and your

1. Learn the real reasons for teen misbehavior.
2. Make an ironclad contract to stop that behavior.
3. Troubleshoot future problems.
4. End button-pushing.
5. Stop the "seven aces" -- from disrespect to threats of violence.
6. Mobilize outside help.
7. Reclaim lost love within the family.

Clear, compassionate, and packed with real-life solutions to real-life problems, Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager gives parents the tools they need to turn their families' lives around for good.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology

368 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2001

Reviews

[Fiona Dimas-Herd]

My suggestion to all parents I work with is always to read as wide a variety of books as possible - and this is one I reccommend. Scott Sells works from the premise that teens are happier when they know the boundaries. This is true however I would like to suggest that this is balanced with a parenting approach based on unconditional love Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason and that when this is the basis you are working from your teen is less likely to become uncontrollable.

One of the most important details relating to Sells' book is that it generally relates to teens that have no underlying causes to their behaviors.

I ran a program for youth at risk. Many of these teens had suffered abondonment, neglect, adverse effects of broken families, a lack of responsible adult role models of both sexes. When an adolescent is suffering in some way or has experienced trauma the way the tend to communicate is via acting out. It is important at these times to distinguish this behavior as a plea for help! It is often preferable to involve a professional as you are not just dealing with behaviors but underlying problems which must be resolved.

Remember your teen is not their behavior. Love them unconditionally and use the whole range of resources: books, family, counsellors, doctors, community to assist them to grow up to be happy, healthy, responsible adults!

[Go2therock]

Wow.

Ten things I loved about this book:

1) CREATIVITY - who doesn't need more of that when it comes to parenting?
2) The concept of written contracts IN DETAIL.
3) His instructions to create a Plan A AND a Plan B.
4) He doesn't just encourage us, he offers LOADS of ideas for what we can do in various circumstances of challenge.
5) He clearly loves and gets parents.
6) He clearly loves and gets kids.
7) There are no reaches too far - and he brings them up. However, he does so with caution, care, and should you find yourself having to do so, commitment.
8) He encourages us to bring humor to this out-of-control relationship.
9) He reminds us of our strength and value as parents.
10) He reminds us that LOVE is an action for which we are the responsible examples.

I haven't yet written up our contracts - to be done this week - but I have already applied some of what I've found within these pages. It works, people.

P.S. He repeatedly reminds us not to share what we're reading with our kids, but simply to apply our changes. Wise counsel.

[Robin]

Books on raising babies are more effective. I didn't care for this book. Call me and I will give it to you.

[John Stinebaugh]

An excellent resource for parents and caregivers everywhere.

[Ligia Rus]

Cartea conține foarte multe instrumente concrete, pentru părinții depășiți de adolescența copiilor lor, prin care ești învățat, pas cu pas, ce să faci în situațiile în care adolescentul tău e scăpat de sub control.

Totuși aș atrage atenția asupra perspectivei autorului în ce privește intențiile adolescentului față de părinte. În carte sunt inserate pe alocuri niște explicații ale intențiilor și motivațiilor adolescenților care sunt în măsură să întoarcă inima părintelui împotriva copiilor săi (și, din experiența mea cu adolescenții, ele nu sunt adevărate).

Recomand această carte părinților de adolescenți cu adevărat scăpați de sub control (ex. adolescenți delincvenți, cu consum de substanțe, etc). Măsurile recomandate sunt foarte drastice.

[Sandra]

This book was given to me to read from a Youth Centre that works with families on an individual basis for a few months. So far the book has great ideas for dealing with teens. My son has been somewhat out of control and so far all the suggestions in this book have made our interaction way better.

[John Lipton]

...so far, so good...

[Sarah Ryburn]

research for work. good stuff.

[Kimberly K]

My teen is not out of control. I'm polishing my parenting skills and am enjoying the concepts in this book as well as a renewed relationship with my daughter.

[Mylene Remy]

Extremely repetitive

[Charlotte Moran]

Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager is a compassionate and practical guide for parents who find themselves struggling with serious behavioral challenges and wondering how they can restore stability within their families.

What makes the book particularly meaningful is that it looks beyond the behavior itself. Defiance, disrespect, aggression, truancy, substance abuse, and other difficult behaviors can leave parents feeling frustrated and powerless, but the book encourages them to understand what may be happening beneath the surface and respond with greater structure and purpose.

The emphasis on reestablishing parental authority is balanced by something even more important: reclaiming love within the family. This makes the book feel less like a manual for controlling teenagers and more like a guide for rebuilding a relationship that may have become strained through years of conflict.

The practical strategies are another strength. Parents facing overwhelming situations often need specific steps they can follow rather than general advice. The focus on identifying the causes of misbehavior, establishing clear expectations, addressing manipulation and disrespect, preparing for future problems, and knowing when to bring in outside support gives readers concrete direction.

Perhaps the most encouraging message is that a difficult period does not necessarily have to define the future of a family. Even when communication has broken down and parents feel they have lost control, there can still be a path toward healthier boundaries, renewed trust, and restored connection.

Overall, Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager offers hope to parents navigating some of the most emotionally difficult years of family life. It acknowledges the seriousness of challenging teenage behavior while reminding parents that setting boundaries and rebuilding love do not have to be opposing goals.

[Robert Bogue]

Parents pour so much time and energy into their children. They become the focus of their lives. From an evolutionary sense, it makes sense to have humans wired to take care of their children. It increases survival of the species. It might even explain the crazy cat lady who has 27 cats – and no children. Imagine the pain of a parent who has an out-of-control teenager. A child that you’ve poured resources in time, money, and emotion into for thirteen or more years who is out of control. This is the situation that sits square in the sights of Dr. Scott Sells’ work, Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love.

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[Shevonne]

This is the only book I have read that actually provides examples, and different options for serious issues. I've read so many parenting books on teens that just act like using I Statements will make everything great again. This isn't the case when your kid is out of control.

[Alexandru]

Concluzia mea: autorul și scrierea sa nu primesc notă de trecere. Se găsesc puține lucruri utile în interiorul acestei cărți, în special anumite citări de studii sau de filme artistice, dar cam atât.

Este cea mai slabă carte pe care am citit-o în toată viața mea. Sper să nu mai am această neșansă. Îmi voi lua și măsuri de precauție pe viitor.

1,7/5 ⭐

[Fishface]

This is an excellent one. Does not give you a lot of mealymouthed, useless advice about time-outs and building your child's self-esteem; tells you how to take charge and make it stick, while repairing the relationship between the parent(s) and the teenager. Especially helpful in that it encourages prents to call in the troops -- other relatives, neighbors, the kid's disreputable friends and your own misbehaving child -- to help.