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Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Tara Brach (Goodreads Author)

4.24 · Rating details · 11,091 Ratings · 608 Reviews

For many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much--just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work--to make us feel that we are not okay. Beginning to understand how our lives have become ensnared in this trance of unworthiness is our first step toward reconnecting w ...more

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Paperback, 333 pages

Published November 23rd 2004 by Bantam (first published October 1st 2000)

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Sep 28, 2015 Thomas rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, own-physical, psychology

How do we cope with unbearable pain? We drink, we eat, we smoke. We turn to our iPhones or our Facebook feeds or our video games. We lash out at ourselves or others. But what if instead of searching for external solutions, we learned how to cope with our pain - just by being with it? In her book Radical Acceptance, clinical psychologist and teacher of meditation Tara Brach urges us to do just that: accept ourselves and our pain, so we can treat ourselves with the care and kindness we deserve.

Rad ...more

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Jun 01, 2007 Robert rated it it was ok

Not overly impressive, but a nice and helpful book. Brach writes a treatise on how the integration of Buddhist spirituality and meditative practices (most often based in the Theravadan traditions of vipassana and metta) can partner with western psychotherapy to assist in healing and personal development.

Intellectually it is pretty lightweight, which isn’t to say that it doesn’t package and reiterate some helpful ideas in useful ways. My biggest challenge with the book was that I couldn’t really Not overly impressive, but a nice and helpful book. Brach writes a treatise on how the integration of Buddhist spirituality and meditative practices (most often based in the Theravadan traditions of vipassana and metta) can partner with western psychotherapy to assist in healing and personal development.

Intellectually it is pretty lightweight, which isn’t to say that it doesn’t package and reiterate some helpful ideas in useful ways. My biggest challenge with the book was that I couldn’t really figure out what she was trying to do: Is it a dharma book? A self-help book? An instructional book to therapists? Not that there can’t be some overlap, but it read to me as being a shallow bit of all of these without going deeply into any of them. Her “cases” are particularly weak as very quickly the recipe for them become clear (a client/patient is stuck or having some kind of intractable problem, works with Brach to integrate the cultivation of mindfulness and compassion, and presto change-o! All is well. It can also be difficult to read some of these without a touch of eye-rolling since in her descriptions of her patients post-practice often includes descriptions where they are “filled with light” “in touch with the great emptiness of awareness” etc (I’m paraphrasing).

Her breaking down of specific concepts and applying them (somewhat) systematically is helpful and for most of the book, a breezy read (I found the last few chapters that I was losing a bit of patience), and her inclusion of specific exercises and meditations connected to each concept by chapter is helpful. As, to whatever degree it is, the book has some role as a discussion and instructional guide for practitioner/therapists interested in integrating meditative practices and Buddhist spirituality into their work it would have been extremely helpful, and in my mind helped her cause of this as a serious discussion, if she had spent some focused time and energy on the challenges of doing so, some cases that didn’t go so well, places where the two traditions can seem (and maybe or maybe not be) contradictory or incompatible.

Those looking to specifically integrate mindfulness/vipassana connected traditions and practice to psychotherapy practice will find a pleasant snack here, but not a substantive meal. For a more interesting and more exploratory, and less evangelical (although no less passionate), discussion of the integration of psychotherapy (rooted mostly in psychodynamic theory) and Buddhism, try Mark Epstein’s books, “Thoughts Without a Thinker,” “Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart, “ and “Open to Desire.”
...more

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Jun 26, 2008 Adrian Rush rated it really liked it

Shelves: religion-spirituality, non-fiction-general-knowledge

Tara Brach leads a weekly meditation class in the metro D.C. area, and I've been to several of them. Her sessions inspire just as much calm and assuredness as this book does. Tara is sort of like the anti-Dr. Phil. Instead of screaming at you about what an idiot you are, Tara puts a comforting arm around you, like an old friend, and using a combination of psychological techniques and a gentle form of Theravada Buddhism, she shows us how we can stop living with doubt, regret, and fear and lead a ...more

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May 26, 2013 Caterina rated it really liked it

Shelves: favorites, american-author, religion-and-spirituality

This book offers much more than it first seems to. From introducing the Buddhist practice of mindfulness as applied to difficult experiences, it deepens and opens out into practices of radical compassion for oneself and others - radical lovingkindness. Working & practicing my way through this book very slowly over four months' time has been a tremendous gift. Tara Brach begins by teaching a new way of approaching emotionally intolerable situations - being overwhelmed and practically nonfunct This book offers much more than it first seems to. From introducing the Buddhist practice of mindfulness as applied to difficult experiences, it deepens and opens out into practices of radical compassion for oneself and others - radical lovingkindness. Working & practicing my way through this book very slowly over four months' time has been a tremendous gift. Tara Brach begins by teaching a new way of approaching emotionally intolerable situations - being overwhelmed and practically nonfunctional because of physical manifestations of anxiety, fear, desire, melancholy, depression, anger, embarrassment, as well as by a sense of unworthiness, guilt or shame. She delves into situations of interpersonal conflict, loss, grief, and learning to forgive when forgiveness seems impossible.

The practice begins centered in the self and slowly shifts over time to an outward focused, selfless practice of awareness and compassion. It begins by pausing, stepping back, and becoming fully aware of everything that is going on within and around oneself; and then regarding oneself and these experiences gently and without immediate judgment. With clear seeing and "radical acceptance" the situation and my own emotions may still exist but they are no longer completely disabling and in fact it might even be possible to appreciate them. I honestly do not always want to get rid of my sometimes intolerably intense emotions and responses to things because, as an artist, they form the fuel for the power and intensity of my art. But still, it can be hard to live with them in relationships as well as by myself. And - as the practice develops, lo and behold it becomes possible to shift from focus on oneself to focus on others, lovingkindness for others. To learn to live with in peace with myself and others - at least more of the time - is an indescribable blessing.

This is also a lovely book, filled with poetry by Rumi, Rilke and others. Tara Brach is quite vulnerable in sharing her personal stories, which may or may not appeal to everyone, but you do not have to have a story line similar to hers to appreciate the teachings. I have tagged many passages and poems to return to.

I first reviewed this book when I had only read it halfway through (twice) and thought I "got" it - but don't stop when you're halfway through, because the book is structured to deepen and expand as it goes along, building on previous knowledge, and the second half focuses most strongly on the practices of lovingkindness and is very worthwhile. ...more

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Apr 28, 2013 Natalie rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

So I don't usually read self-help books. At all. I kinda hate them. And I don't usually read hippy dippy Buddhist stuff either, because I get too scoffy.

When I started this one, I almost didn't go past the first chapter, because it was not really resonating with me at all. And parts of the book (like the closing chapter on discovering our true essence and realizing we are nothing but awareness..... super hippy dippy) totally fell flat.

But there were a few key sections, and really the overarchi ...more

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Jul 17, 2012 Jack Hart rated it really liked it

Shelves: meditation

One sometimes runs into folks who are suspicious of Buddhism and particularly of the capacity of westerners to find solace in an allegedly Buddhist perspective. I am not a Buddhist, but have found a lot of value in meditation--and in the ethical viewpoint roughly associated with Buddhist practice.

So if the discussion comes to exchanging book titles this is the one I recommend as an introduction to what I'll roughly call a Buddhist approach to suffering. There are better books on meditation. The
One sometimes runs into folks who are suspicious of Buddhism and particularly of the capacity of westerners to find solace in an allegedly Buddhist perspective. I am not a Buddhist, but have found a lot of value in meditation--and in the ethical viewpoint roughly associated with Buddhist practice.

So if the discussion comes to exchanging book titles this is the one I recommend as an introduction to what I'll roughly call a Buddhist approach to suffering. There are better books on meditation. There are better books on the Precepts--the founding concerns of Buddhist ethical life. There are better books on...Buddhist monastic life, lay life, activism, spirituality, sexuality, relation to psychotherapy, the tradition's kooks and heroes and Americanization.

But I don't think there's a better-voiced introductory book on the practical value of cultivating a Buddhist frame of mind in relation to suffering and what she calls "the trances" of everyday life. The first time an American from what is most likely a Christian background picks up a Buddhisty book it's likely to be pretty scary. Tara Brach seems to get that, and to address such seekers in an inviting and heart-opening way.

One of the things I like about this book is the many sources it draws on. It is personal, telling, for example, of joining an ashram and having a falling out with its leader, of a divorce, of difficulties in raising her son. It draws on her professional work, relating stories of exchanges that, as a psychotherapist, she has had with her clients. And most of all it is literary, skillfully so. She retells and interprets stories from the tradition, as well as anecdotes from contemporary American life, all to the end of introducing the outlines of a kind of consciousness she calls "Radical Acceptance."

There is a two star review by Robert who calls the book "pretty lightweight." I think I can see where he's coming from, although the way that I'd put it is that this book is highly syncretic. Robert damns the book's stylistic achievement with faint praise calling it "a breezy read." Here I would disagree. It does go down easy, but the "it" that goes down is a broad, passionate, intelligent, practical introduction to a rich spiritual tradition about which there is a growing curiosity. ...more

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Dec 18, 2011 Kate rated it it was amazing

I think the perceptions of this book are directly related to the suffering and innate self hatred that the reader possesses. When the concept of lovingkindness is absolutely foreign to you then this book can save your life.

Something I absolutely cherish about this book is kind and gentle repetition. I would read a concept and compartmentalize it as something I either had heard before, already knew, or couldn't possibly work. Then she'd reintroduce the same concept with a case study, a personal ...more

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Mar 31, 2008 Martha rated it it was amazing

Kripalu Yoga is primarily a practice of compassion, and this book is it's perfect companion. The foundation of all yoga practice is acceptance, and it begins with ourselves. Feelings of deficiency are common to all of us. Being criticized, making mistakes, and experiencing relationship difficulties, all can make us feel unworthy. Our human suffering and our loneliness keep us from feeling fulfilled. Recognizing how we become trapped by these feelings is the first step in reconnecting with who we ...more

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Aug 18, 2008 Donna Kirk added it

about recognizing, with compassion, your own weaknesses and in the end, finding room to accept them and treat them with love; in effect, healing yourself.

It's like going over to a suffering plant in a garden and tending to it with care, feeding the soil, doing away with pests, giving it compost, sunlight, water; is, metaphorically, how this book suggests we deal with our own fragile, deeply human lives -- that by encouraging our friends and families to take care of themselves the same way, we c ...more

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Aug 12, 2008 Joe Rumbo rated it it was amazing

I've only read the previous edition, but I am here to tell you that Brach brings a message that is welcome tonic to the soul of anyone who has ever felt inadequate or unworthy for any reason. Usually these reasons have to do with culturally defined standards and ideals that no person can ever live up to fully. Brach skillfully weaves these influences together with psychological and Christianity-based explanations of how we live our lives in the 'trance of unworthiness,' and how we can move beyon ...more

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Feb 21, 2009 Lavonne rated it it was amazing

Recommended to Lavonne by: Jennifer

Shelves: toptenspiritual

I have tried twice to read the Power of Now, and could never quite grasp what all the fuss was about. This book, Radical Acceptance, delivered the insights that I was supposed to get from the other book. It is basically talking about the same subjects, but Tara Brach brings a humanity to her approach that is sadly missing in Power of Now.

She has been persuing a spiritual path for many years and speaks with knowledge and compasison. Yet, she admits that when she is continuously approached by a d ...more

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Jun 28, 2014 Amanda rated it it was ok

I tried to read this a second time and while it does have some nice points, it's nothing new to anyone who has ever read a book (or a dozen!) on mindfulness, Buddhism, etc.

Also, I always find it super depressing that people who have meditated for decades, and lead workshops and write entire books on the subject still deal daily with anger, depression, anxiety, etc. I know it's just part of being human and I should radically accept it, but man, does it get me down...

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Jun 22, 2011 Michelle rated it it was ok

If I pause and accept any more radically than I have come to realize I do, my husband will divorce me and my kids will starve.

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Oct 07, 2016 Alex Orr rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction-general, self-improvement

To some degree, I think what you get out of this book depends on what issues you are dealing with and what brought you to the book. Like a lot of folks, I heard about Tara from Tim Ferris's podcast. I enjoyed her episode and picked up the book mostly out of curiosity. I've been meditating for about a year and have been curious about ways to try and practice greater mindfulness in my everyday life. Tara's book does offer some insight into those areas, but the primary focus of the book is more dir To some degree, I think what you get out of this book depends on what issues you are dealing with and what brought you to the book. Like a lot of folks, I heard about Tara from Tim Ferris's podcast. I enjoyed her episode and picked up the book mostly out of curiosity. I've been meditating for about a year and have been curious about ways to try and practice greater mindfulness in my everyday life. Tara's book does offer some insight into those areas, but the primary focus of the book is more directly aimed at those suffering from some rather specific sets of emotional crises. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect and don't have my own neuroses, but reading through the book, I rarely felt like the specific examples really applied to my life. In general, each chapter is based around a couple of extended stories about clients who Tara has worked with. I hate to sound too cynical, but after a while, they all start to blend into a very melodramatic, Freudian miasma of self-hate, childhood trauma, and parental resentment. In the end, almost every case involves Tara talking her client into a sort of hypnotic state and then the client realizing that st some point she was repressing some sort of horrible abuse fostered upon her by her parents when she was a child. Once Tara makes them realize that the abuse is not their fault, and they just need to accept the pain, they are magically cured. Never really having much in the way of self-hate, nor (to the best of my knowledge) ever having been abused by a family member as a child, all of the chapters seemed rather far from my own life. Furthermore, the way they all seemed to follow the same script seemed a bit too hard to believe. That said, if you do struggle with self-hatred due to repressed memories of child abuse, well, maybe this is the exact book you need. My other big qualm is that she never really fleshes out some of the philosophical difficulties with her idea of acceptance. It's all well and good to say that if the violent alcoholic who is forever remorseful about his alcoholism and violent behavior would just accept it and stop blaming himself then...well...what exactly? In Tara's world he'll magically stop being a violent alcoholic. But what if he simply makes peace with it and now behaves the same but without any guilt? For me, there were a few nuggets of wisdom in here, but as a whole, I found her basic notion underdeveloped and her examples to be a bit too perfectly tailored to support her central thesis to be believable. ...more

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Dec 15, 2015 Jenny Whetzel rated it it was amazing

I loved this book! I was taking DBT weekly group meetings where we practiced awareness. I recently stopped going as I "graduated." However, I soon realized I began to lack the precious skills I had learned. I began to read this at a slow pace, thinking that every so often I could refresh my memory and pick up my slack in that department. It helped.

One reason I wanted to read this was because there are many parts in my life which I have difficulty accepting. I have already been working on accept ...more

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Feb 23, 2017 Megan rated it it was amazing

Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.

This book hit home on so many issues for me. Kindness and compassion, for others, but also for ourselves.

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Jun 27, 2008 Catherine Stapleton is currently reading it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: Anyone

As I read this I realized that the belief that there is something wrong with me is quite deep. I went straight to Chapter 7, Opening Our Heart In The Face Of Fear:

"We have to face the pain we have been running from. In fact, we need to learn to rest in it and let its searing power transform us." - Charlotte Joko Beck

This is not a book for someone who is not open to Eastern thought. If you allow yourself to be open to it though, it will open your mind and heart. On page 175, where the author talk ...more

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Jan 18, 2008 Kerstin rated it it was amazing

I read it in German, so I don't know how much difference there is to the original. However, easy read, with lots of essentially helpful aproaches to dealing with problems, hurdles, wounds...Many suggestions to guided meditations. Most important lesson for me was " to really look at things and not to look away, not to deny" but " to embrace, and to accept truth, and then to be able to let go". I felt so true for many occasions in my life, I have worked with the "look at it" approach since I read ...more

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Oct 15, 2010 Kathryn rated it it was ok

Full marks for the gist and low marks for the execution. A little too self-helpy and over-written, yet the idea of bringing radical acceptance/compassion to ourselves and others is pretty much the only hope for emotional sanity in this world. But for content, economy, and grace, I'm finding Ezra Bayda's "Being Zen" to be a huge improvement. Let's just say Bayda's book is going on my shelves when I'm done. Brach's book is going to half.com.

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Nov 23, 2011 Rebecca rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites, to-re-read

This book is really helping me during my current life transition. Everyone should have a copy of this book whether they think they need it or not. Seriously. Bought a copy for my Mom for Christmas and she says it is fantastic. There were days I felt like a loser for being divorced and unemployed but this book taught me to change that negative thinking and to love and accept myself so I can fully love others and improve my life.

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May 21, 2008 Lisa rated it liked it

Shelves: practice

The first few chapters and last few chapters are excellent, with what felt to me like valuable wisdom and interesting/helpful anecdotes. The middle felt formulaic and unrealistic. But the good outweighs the bad and I'll be keeping this one around to return to its teachings on compassion for self and others.

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Feb 18, 2015 Heather Delia rated it did not like it

Shelves: yoga

I disliked this book enough to stop reading it with 75 pages left to go. No compelling reason to finish it. The meditations were nice, if someone were reading them...but you can't read it and meditate at the same time. I found the book to be very repetitive and somewhat annoying.

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Nov 08, 2010 Phillip Moffitt rated it it was amazing

Shelves: new-meditators

This book is an excellent guide to using meditation to deal with the emotional challenges in daily life. Many students have reported to me that this book has help them psychologically and emotionally to deal with some issue in their life.

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May 19, 2016 Sanne Wurzer rated it it was amazing

What a great book! Absolutely a must read for everyone wanting to learn about life and happiness. <3

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May 18, 2016 Ryan Johnson rated it liked it

Not my cup of tea....

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Feb 09, 2018 John Blackman rated it really liked it

This book is primarily a take on Buddhist philosophy and how to use radical acceptance because radical sounds more accepting than just plain old acceptance. Of course one immediately bounces off the wall of accepting ones fate or bad behavior to your own demise or apathy. There is a big qualifier that acceptance isn't about abdicating your own initiative but rather to accept people and yourself where you are only as a point on the path of where you want to go. If you reject or fight a position, This book is primarily a take on Buddhist philosophy and how to use radical acceptance because radical sounds more accepting than just plain old acceptance. Of course one immediately bounces off the wall of accepting ones fate or bad behavior to your own demise or apathy. There is a big qualifier that acceptance isn't about abdicating your own initiative but rather to accept people and yourself where you are only as a point on the path of where you want to go. If you reject or fight a position, you only entrench it. So you must accept it, and create a compelling future. It is so easy to latch onto mental models that have no basis in reality, but make complete sense in our own head.

If you are into eastern philosophy, meditation, self-awareness, or any other similar modes of introspection you are likely to have come across many of the themes in this book. It is a bit wordy and the language is very um... Buddhist. So it will feel like you are in a yoga studio while you're reading it. That's fine by me, I love yoga.

If there is one nugget I took from this book it was simply the power of the pause. Have you ever read just a few sentences of an email and jumped right to crafting a response? Do you recognize the feeling you get when you have already formulated a response before the other person has finished speaking? How about that rage that must express itself on facebook, or when you've been insulted?

Each of those moments is your mind kicking into its limbic system. I have been purposefully training myself to catch those moments and not let them create my future which is often not the one I want. It is hard. The instinct is strong and often doesn't feel abnormal. Meditation and the power of a pause are both great tools to let this emotion flow by like a wave. Let the prefrontal cortex have a chance to take over. A pause allows this time to pass and your more reasoned self to engage. Even if you think you don't need it, try it anyway. Pause a few moments before responding to anything. Give the other party a chance to conclude their argument, show them you are thinking, and give yourself time to work from your better brain.
...more

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Jun 26, 2018 Aria added it

I think there are a lot of great takeaways in this book as long as you are willing to actively apply the ideas into your own life. I am not sure if this book would be better off geared to those already practicing meditation with an understanding of Buddhist principles, however as someone who does not often meditate I did take away some techniques/ideas which I will implement in my own life.

I agree with others who have said the case studies with clients Tara used can be a little bit predictable ...more

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Apr 28, 2018 Olivia rated it really liked it

I started this book a couple years ago and stopped in the middle for an unknown reason. Needless to say it felt more compelling this time.

This is the second book I've read that was written by a therapist and ties in Buddhist philosophy with psychotherapy. As with the other book (this mysterious other book is "Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart" by Mark Epstein), there were some elements that I read that didn't really mesh with my brain and that's okay. Like Epstein, Brach included a lot of st ...more

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Mar 22, 2018 Sara rated it it was amazing

This book truly resinates with me. It's opened my eyes and my heart to heal myself in ways that make sense to me. Meditation has helped me so much already and the next step was accepting my anxiety and depression, which has been hard but this book, among other things, has helped me tremendously. I need to own this.

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Apr 03, 2017 Lindzi A rated it really liked it

Jag känner att jag vill läsa om den när jag slår igen boken efter att ha läst ut den. Jag vill förstå mer - förankra fler lärdomar. Vacker och ofta träffar den rakt i hjärtat. Att den inte får 5 stjärnor beror på mig. Att jag inte fattat allt och börja leva efter vad jag lärt.

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About Tara Brach

Tara Brach

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Tara Brach is a leading western teacher of Buddhist meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening. She has practiced and taught meditation for over 35 years, with an emphasis on vipassana (mindfulness or insight) meditation. Tara is the senior teacher and founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington. A clinical psychologist, Tara is the author of
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Y ...more

Books by Tara Brach

True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart

Radical Self-Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame

Meditations for Emotional Healing: Finding Freedom in the Face of Difficulty

Meditation & Psychotherapy: A Professional Training Course for Integrating Mindfulness Into Clinical Practice

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“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns...We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.” — 124 likes

“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.” — 104 likes

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