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Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior

4.10  ·  Rating details ·  5,621 ratings  ·  237 reviews
The authors of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations show you how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing good behavior.

Discover skills to resolve touchy, controversial, and complex issues at work and at home--now available in this follow-up to the internationally popul
Paperback, 280 pages
Published August 26th 2004 by McGraw-Hill Companies
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4.10  · 
Rating details
 ·  5,621 ratings  ·  237 reviews

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Kristy Tillman
May 28, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: own
If you want to really help people excel in life - this is a must have book on communication. It really deals with so much more than communication and confrontation. The chapter on motivation has given me so much more understanding on how people are motivated and it gave me some really great tools to help others and myself get unstuck.

I also loved this quote on safety "At the foundation of every successful confrontation lies safety. When others feel frightened or nervous or otherwise unsafe, you
Oct 10, 2010 rated it really liked it
I'm not much of a confrontational person because I lose control when emotions and stakes are high. But after reading this book, I really do feel like I could talk to anyone about anything, if I had the time to plan for it. It takes preparation to make a crucial confrontation go well.
What I liked from the book is how the authors encourage you to have your crucial confrontations. So often we shy out of them and endure the unpleasant consequences. It's almost always worth it to have them. Another m
Feb 25, 2018 rated it really liked it
I thought this was a good book overall. I was using this as a review and research material for a concept I am also putting together called "brutiful conversations". This book is essentially about the art of confronting other individuals in as safe a way as possible which allows individuals to articulate some of their challenging thoughts and messages they often want to convey to other colleagues or family members but are unable to do so for a variety of reasons. Not be up able to have these conv ...more
Melissa Bond
Mar 29, 2011 rated it liked it
A very interesting and helpful resource in dealing with those uncomfortable situations that often waste time and leave with hurt feelings. However, it was quite a convoluted way to explain common sense, especially since there was too often little in exact details to handling a situation. To put it simply, imagine reading a book on how to change the oil in a car. If this author wrote that book, you would know all the signs leading up to changing the oil, but none on exactly how to do it. Still, t ...more
Jan 10, 2016 rated it liked it
This is an interesting book with many great suggestions for handling confrontations. The suggestions are well thought out and make a lot of sense. However, for me, they process of preparing and handling personal confrontations is to detailed and lengthy that by the time I get through the process, the person I am involved with will have died of old age. In real life situations where confrontations come up so quickly, are so involved and complicated, the intense evaluation of the situation is subj ...more
Josh Steimle
Jul 01, 2012 rated it liked it
It's been a little while since I read Crucial Conversations, so maybe I'm forgetting things, but it seems to me like this book is more or less more of the same. In that sense, it's good stuff. But if you're looking for something exciting and new that gives you valuable information on top of what you already learned from Crucial Conversations, well, not so much. I'd treat it more as an appendix to the original as opposed to a new volume. I'd give it four stars for the content, but only three sinc ...more
Mina Soare
Clear-cut and well-organised, but how applicable?

This is a often-recommended book: it has everyday scenarios, clear acronyms and a cohesive structure.

As a person who grimly goes alea iacta est into confrontations, the book presents numerous elegant options. They are all applicable, accessible to all and obviously better alternatives to "throw it out there and outrun the others until they run out of steam and they are willing to listen".

So far, the only issue I have found is that it didn't cram
Jul 20, 2015 rated it it was amazing
It is a helpful resource for dealing with uncomfortable situations. I have already experienced success in its application. The principles it uses to guide accountability conversations are wholistic and well grounded, rather than a set of gimmicks or tricks to get people to bend to the desired outcome. The process leads to a win-win situation with both parties becoming better people.
Dhara Parekh
Dec 27, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: academic
I didn't know how much I needed this book until I read it for one of my classes. As someone who has had hard time confronting people all her life, this was a precious little tool to learn those little techniques that could be used to have a proper 'accountability conversation' with someone you need to confront.
Jul 07, 2018 rated it liked it
From beginning to quarter end of the book is very hard to understand, perhaps there were a lot of metaphors? however the end part is easily understandable and relate able.
Dec 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Riveting and sooooo applicable.
Feb 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: wwdb-books-read
Crucial Accountability

“If something comes up, let me know right away.” Then decide together.


Choose What and If

• What - Ask yourself what you really want. You can talk about the content, the pattern, or the relationship. To stay focused, ask what you really want.

• If - Are you talking yourself out of an accountability discussion? Don’t let fear substitute for reason. Think carefully not just about the risks of having the conversation but also about the risks of not ha
Barry Davis
Aug 17, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Subtitled “Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior,” this book is the updated version of “Crucial Conversations.” The authors are the leaders of Vitalsmarts, an innovator in best-practices training products and services.

After describing exactly what “crucial accountability” is, the authors start in Part One by having the reader look in the mirror, determining what should be addressed personally before any discussion takes place. Choosing “what” and “if” f
Angela Lam
Jul 13, 2017 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Managers, Leaders, People interested to improve communication/relationships
This book addresses how to deal with disappointments, and to handle sensitive discussions around broken promises, missed expectations, and bad behaviour. [Vs "Crucial Conversations" deals with disagreements]

The ideas and tips are good, probably one of the better books on communications. Especially since such scenarios are something that all of us face at work and at home, all the time.

But, the writing's style is really convoluted, which makes the book a little hard to read.
E.g. this paragraph i
Mar 24, 2016 rated it did not like it
Perhaps there are some great ideas there but the book as a whole is poorly written. Unorganized.
Tommy Morgan
Jan 22, 2016 rated it really liked it
Good companion to Crucial Conversations, focused specifically on dealing with accountability conversations. Useful read.
Vasyl Pasternak
The book is full of recipes how to behave in tough conversations. Highly recommended to everyone, who works or leads groups
Shhhhh Ahhhhh
Mar 07, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Good book. Not sure I got as much out of this as I could have. I think I probably should have read Crucial Conversations first. That's on my short list now.

My major takeaway from this book was safety. It hasn't really been a consideration of mine but the author goes through great pains to insist that safety be created and maintained for the duration of a confrontation, or else people will retreat to using silence or violence to attempt to make themselves safe. Confrontations happen in one on on
Feb 18, 2018 rated it really liked it
Overall, a good read and definitely a resource I'm keeping at hand.

The work originates from the authors' desire to capture and study what enables individuals to excel in accountability discussions. I especially enjoyed the chapters on emotional/psychological self-awareness ("Mastering Our Stories") and the down-to-earth techniques for stepping out silence to give voice to accountability failures ("Describing the Gap"). As with Crucial Conversations, I deeply enjoyed the authors' humanist approac
Billie Pritchett
Crucial Accountability isn't a bad book, just not to my taste. I thought it would be more helpful than it was, and this could be my failing. The book offers advice about how to deal with problem situations in the workplace where you have to talk with an employee or colleague or superior and get them to understand when they've made a mistake or not followed procedure, etc. What made the book so difficult for me is that the book does not deliver a finite set of principles you can follow. What is g ...more
Aug 20, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Really loved the first couple chapters

Really loved the first couple chapters. Although it seemed too many at times having examples of both work and personal issues helped to frame the concepts well. For me it seemed this book lost a little horsepower after the first few chapters. The concept of accountability comes from an authoritarian view rather than one of mutual benefit. I wish a few more chapters could have been written on personal accountability as I think one needs to master this before
Jan 19, 2018 rated it liked it
This is a dry book, and could do with better storytelling, but then I guess I am just used to The Anatomy of Peace books being better written.

That say there is some good information in this book, and a good approach to how to solve and hold crucial confrontations, just not in an easy to digest format, and I would not have normally read or listened to this book except that my hubby was assigned it at work and it's helpful for us to both read it and be able to discuss it. Not sure I will read the
Steve Campbell
Sep 19, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: church-health
In an engaging and entertaining style, the authors trick their readers into learning how to engage in crucial confrontations that enable them to meet their goals and maintain healthy relationships. The authors begin by defining what they mean by crucial confrontations and then teach us what to do before, during, and after them. The book is loaded with stories and dialogues that illustrate each step of a crucial confrontation. The humor sprinkled throughout makes this book not only an informative ...more
Apr 15, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is an excellent companion books to Crucial Conversations. This book focuses more on conversations where there is a significant difference in what was expected and what the outcome became. Tons of overlap with relationships and families, as well as highly applicable in business and work situations. It sounds strange and masochistic, but I am really excited to have a crucial confrontation situation in my line of work come up in the near future so I can practice the strategies presented in the ...more
Greg Gates
Apr 02, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I like it. Once in awhile you fell like glossing over a paragraph because you "get" the idea the authors are trying to suggest. But this book is on my "periodic read" lists - like How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are some books that need to be reviewed to see how we are doing in changing our lives for the better - this is one of them.
This book is a crucial read for anyone who deals with people, who has ever had a conflict with another person, or who has ever had someone treat them badly.
This was a mandatory read for us as Instructional Coaches, and it was one of the most worthwhile professional reads I've done in a long time.
Highly worth reading.
Jan 19, 2019 rated it liked it
If you discuss the same problem over and over, it's likely there's a more important problem you need to address. Unbundle the problem - what is bothering you most. What story are you telling yourself about the person/issue? Are you going to silence or violence? Broken promises - the game between expectation and reality.
My boss recommended this book to me and having finally finished reading it I can see why. I'm totally the type of person who can benefit from this book as I really do dislike having 'accountability' conversations, I'd rather do extra work (and gripe about that) than flag that someone hasn't done as expected. Hopefully I can learn from this book and improve these skills!
Mar 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Really very good. I've heard rave reviews about the book both from my pastor and in the business setting, so perhaps I was thinking there was some incredible new thing I would learn. I think that I probably new and tried to practice a good 75% of this already. The goodness of the book is in the deliberate thought process that will lead me effective crucial confrontations 95% of the time.
Rick Yvanovich
It's critical to have those crucial conversations and ensure that people take accountability for things.
Avoiding / delaying the critical conversations and allowing non-accountability can only result in less than desirable results.
fortunately like many things there is a formula and a better habit to adopt.
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Kerry is a prolific writer who has coauthored numerous articles and award-winning training programs. Kerry taught at Brigham Young University’s Marriott School of Management and then cofounded Interact Performance Systems, where he worked for ten years as vice president of research and development. Kerry is coauthor of the New York Times bestsellers Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial ...more
“If the story is unflattering and the feeling is anger, adrenaline kicks in. Under the influence of adrenaline, blood leaves our brains to help support our genetically engineered response of “fight or flight,” and we end up thinking with the brain of a reptile. We say and do dim-witted things.” 2 likes
“consequence of the original act and helps unbundle the problem.” 0 likes
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