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Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents
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Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents

4.16  ·  Rating details ·  550 ratings  ·  42 reviews
This important and compassionate new book from the creator of the successful God Allows U-Turns series will help parents and grandparents of the many adult children who continue to make life painful for their loved ones.

Writing from firsthand experience, Allison identifies the lies that kept her, and ultimately her son in bondage—and how she overcame them. Additional real
Paperback, 224 pages
Published February 1st 2008 by Harvest House Publishers
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Average rating 4.16  · 
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 ·  550 ratings  ·  42 reviews

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Aug 05, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I loved this book. It gave me new tools to use with my adult children. And peace with the decisions I make with them also. Three years after reading this book I still reflect on what I read in her book. Allison used her circumstances and her life choices to show us that as parents it is ok to let our Adult Children go and we can learn how to live our own lives. God is enough! He is capable to change the hearts of our children because he loves them more than we do.
Joe McFadden
Aug 23, 2016 rated it really liked it
Boundaries can be hard to set with anyone. And for those who are followers of Jesus it can also seem “un-Christian”. However setting boundaries in life is important. (See previous boundaries post.) It feels like we’re restricting others. However, when we set boundaries, we also allow the other person to live and grow within their own space. But, if we fail to set boundaries, we let others behave badly and we are prone to resentments. That’s not a recipe for serenity!

How does this work when the b
Oct 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Well, seeing as how I'm having issues with one of my adult children, I felt this would be a good book to read. It came recommended in a grandparents support group.

Allison teaches the SANITY Program.There are 6 steps to the system:
1. Stop
2. Assemble
3. Nip
5. Trust
6. Yield

This was some incredible information. It touched home and rather than showing how to fix your child, you get a clearer picture on helping yourself. The general theme is let it go and let God.

Jan 05, 2021 rated it really liked it
Although problems with my adult children are not as severe as the ones mentioned by Allison (drug addiction, prison stints, etc.), I really appreciated her advice and wisdom in helping me to stop coddling my loved ones too much. And to stop my overwhelming guilt when they make wrong choices.

One example of her clear advice: "Keep your heart open and wallet closed."

If you are discouraged, Allison will be your cheerleader. A very, very helpful book.
Angie Pace
Jun 15, 2018 rated it liked it
Insightful, wise & challenging words on appropriate relationships with our adult children.
Sharon Mangelinkx
Dec 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
This book was harsh. The writer lays a lot of blame on the parents for enabling adult children. There is very little mention of genetics and mental illness, which even her own son clearly had. The writer is a born-again Christian so there was a lot of scripture quoting and advice to rely on God, obviously her way of coping with problems that are way beyond what the average person is capable of handling. I could relate to many of the frightening scenarios/stories she talked about, and there were ...more
Nov 06, 2019 rated it it was ok
It’s not that I found this book bad, it just wasn’t what I was needing or expecting based on the sample I read. I had to pick this book up twice to finish it. This book is heavily focused on addiction issues and religious beliefs. I fully believe in Let Go and Let God, and I have faith and beliefs that tie in with some more traditional religious guidelines. This was just heavily heavily focused on topics that were not suited for me. I had a really hard time getting through this one.
Geo Hendrick
Jun 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I liked the book it was very informative, practical and had lots of personal stories plus story's from other people. I was thrilled that I did not need this book because I had already set boundaries with my boys and I kept them. It was freeing to know that I had gone through the experience with out any big mistakes. ...more
Feb 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
This is a book for parents who are overwhelmed with the problems that their adult children have and want their parents to fix. She tells you how to guide your child without allowing them to bankrupt or drag you into their messes.
Aug 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book was written for me. Devoured every page. I highly recommend!
Katrina Coleman
Aug 18, 2018 rated it it was ok
Great content, but overly repetitive.
Nov 06, 2018 rated it really liked it
Has some great thoughts for parents in setting boundaries
Chandra Walters
Jan 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
This is an excellent book for anyone needing guidance in a spiritual way in setting boundaries with adult children.
Louann Lozowski
Dec 01, 2019 rated it really liked it
It did not entirely relate to me but over all it was a book worth reading.
Carrie Green
Feb 05, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Fantastic book!
Charlene Tobin
Apr 30, 2020 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Too much "god" and AA stuff in this book for me! ...more
Lorri Antill
May 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Excellent support. You wont be disappointed with this book.
Nov 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help, parenting
A must read if boundaries are an issue for you. Less biblical than Cloud and Townsend but more so than Whitfield's Boundries in Relationships ...more
Mar 24, 2018 rated it liked it
Some good points a day ideas, but perhaps a bridge too far for me.
Jul 02, 2016 rated it liked it
2.5 stars. This book was "just okay." Frankly, there was too much God talk for my taste. It would've been nice to have a warning that this is a bible-based take on the subject, and a Republican one at that, the author even quoting her hero Bill O'Reilly. I didn't notice any Christian tags at the time of purchase. Maybe feature that aspect more prominently. Besides, it's disingenuous to suggest lack of boundaries is a secular problem that can be solved by moving closer to God. Boundaries are a pr ...more
Apr 04, 2008 rated it it was amazing
There are many, many helpful non-fiction books in this world to choose from, but this is one that every parent MUST read. It's incredibly well-written and interesting, and the examples are excellent. Since I've worked with dysfunctional people and families for twenty years as a social worker, I can testify that Allison knows what she is talking about. She's obviously poured her heart and soul into this book in order to help families, and I've not found better advice out there for people who have ...more
Rhonda Rae Baker
Feb 18, 2009 rated it really liked it
This book is a great encouragement for me. I've been working on these same issues for several years now. With five children there are many levels that I totally related to. I'm happy to say that there are only a couple of situations right now that are pressing and I'm standing strong.

There have been many things that happened within my family which changed me and my children...the tools presented in this book are right on!

After reading the introduction by Carol Kent...I've read her two books abo
Sep 15, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2016
There is coming a time.
Aug 22, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This is my second time through this book...lots of good information I needed to hear even though some of it is difficult to do. One of the biggest things I learned is that helping is doing something for a child he cannot do for himself...enabling is doing something the child can do for himself. It reminded me that I need to step away and allow God to work in the lives of my sons.
Kristi Petersen
Jan 12, 2014 rated it really liked it
There are no easy answers but this book gave me hope that I might regain some sanity in my life and enforce boundaries. Even those with young children should read this book because you'll see where not to go wrong to begin with (ex: doing everything for your child out of love, instead of having them being the person responsible for their own actions. This book helped me tremendously. ...more
Paulette Kerr
May 16, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Amazing...and right on time!!!! Thank you, Allison!

This was a very painful read on just about every page (mostly because I was in one situation after another with my daughter), but very much needed. It was such a huge help (and still is), to the point where I go back and reread some of the pages/chapters. I thank God for this author and this book.
Aug 09, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This book has been and will continue to be helpful to me as I learn how to set boundaries to help my son become an independent, contributing adult. The pages are full of practical truths and encouragement for true change, not only for your adult child, but for yourself.
Aug 30, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A must read

I would recommend this to all parents. Your child does not have to be an adult. Start reading this when they're in middle school, to better prepare you (and to guide them) for the transition from high school to adulthood. Life has to change when they've left the nest.
Beverly Steinhardt
Jun 30, 2016 rated it really liked it
Very practical, down to earth advise on how to stop enabling an Adult Child with drug or alcohol issues. Some of the suggestions are good for other issues as well but the focus is on families with addiction at the heart of the problem
May 06, 2008 rated it it was amazing
This was a great read. Even though I'm not a parent yet I will be someday and it taught me some very critical points to raising a child with an addiction. Taken from a Christian perspective. ...more
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