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As for Me and My House: Crafting Your Marriage to Last
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As for Me and My House: Crafting Your Marriage to Last

4.08  ·  Rating details ·  265 Ratings  ·  48 Reviews
Walter Wangerin, Jr. practically gives advice in the various stages of marriage in "As For Me and My House." Defining when marriage begins, how to start off the journey in a positive way, working through cultural ideals which are false, problems, adultery, forgiveness, and healing, all steps are covered in this guide.
ebook, 288 pages
Published February 1st 1990 by Thomas Nelson Publishers (first published April 30th 1987)
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Linnea Peckham
Sep 12, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm not a bit "advice book" reader, and marriage/relationship books are the worst of the worst. So many, especially those written "from a Christian perspective," so emphasize gender differences/roles/complementarity that my stubbornly tomboyish self just can't take it. Not just because they're annoying, but because they by and large do not apply to (and certainly don't help or encourage) me, my husband, or our marriage. BUT I've read/taught some of Wangerin's fiction, love it, and have seen his ...more
Jan 27, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is one of very few books I've read that deepens my understanding of relationships rather than just offering "tips and tricks." I feel like I need to read it at least a few more times before it all starts to sink in. It highlighted for me some of my own true weaknesses (versus easy-to-admit, pat weaknesses that don't get to the root of the matter). Another book that made me feel the same way is Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Ph.D.
Dec 27, 2007 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book gets very high marks for its accurate depiction of what marriage is really like - written in narrative rather than self-help-book style. Should be required reading for couples getting married to help them know what to expect and to not feel so alone when they go through some typical stages. However, one HUGE caveat to what would otherwise be whole hearted recommendation is Wangerin's advice on adultery - to stop, repent, and keep it a secret from your spouse. Now, it's true he gives al ...more
Jul 11, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Written in the late 1980s by a Lutheran pastor, this book is full of marriage advice, as well as the author's reflections on his own marriage. I found it very helpful and realistic, unlike much of the self-help writing that seems to be unrealistic and overly ideological. I thought that he did a good job of balancing traditional Christian ideas with his own experience to provide solid advice.
Susan Wizinsky
Sep 22, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Love this book. I bought and read it the day after I married. I'm re-reading it 15 years later.
Andrea Norton
It's pretty clear by now that I've read a lot of relationship books. They're my guilty pleasure when it comes to reading. I don't read them seeking help or advice - I read them because they absolutely fascinate me.

However, they all tend to say the same thing, just in their own ways. Be nice to your spouse. Honor each other. Care for each other. Learn how to fight correctly. Don't cheat. On and on it goes...

...but, As For Me And My House is an exception to that. Wangerin takes it a step further
Dec 30, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I found "As For Me and My House" quite moving. More than anything I've read, this book explained what marriage is for (beyond procreation and financial stability) and how to make it work. Wangerin writes beautifully, and uses a theological framework for what is truly a practical book. He uses examples from his own marriage, many of which are self-critical. These stories avoid the ring of false humility, which seems to haunt the storytelling of some pastors.
Wangerin, who is writing about marriage
Jul 25, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: misc-non-fiction
This is a truly a unique and refreshing book. I picked it up on the recommendation of a trusted friend, but still braced myself for what I expected to be a legalistic/patriarchal view of marriage when I discovered it was written 25 years ago by a Christian man who's probably old enough to be my grandfather. I'm glad I muddled through. Wangerin is an uncommonly thoughtful person and a gifted writer, which is a wonderful combination.

The book walks through the various practices that contribute to
Eric Zandona
Mar 15, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
This book is mostly a waist of time for anyone who is self-aware and knows how to have difficult conversations and come to resolutions with their spouse/fiancee. Most of the anecdotes are a pain to read because the fights they have are highly dysfunctional. While I'm glad they tend to repair the damage it would be better serve the reader to see what successful communication based on love and understanding on ones-self and your partner looks like. Our culture is full of example of examples of cou ...more
Jul 13, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: newly married or engaged couples
Wow! Excellent book! I think every newly married couple, and every couple embarking on marriage, should read this. I bet even some couples who have been married for years and still struggle with difficulties in their relationship could benefit from some of the wonderful advice. He focuses the middle section of the book on forgiveness, and the last section on six tasks that a couple needs to work on together for the marriage to survive: (1) building a foundation of truthfulness and dependability; ...more
Jul 21, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Well, I didn't finish it; it was due at the library. I really haven't read a book about marriage before, so I found the initial parts interesting to consider--different personalities and nature complementing each other, celebrating differences, surprises in terms of behavior after marriage. Nothing earthshattering. Maybe this kind of stuff was covered in Men Are from Mars and that type of book, I don't know. But about a third of the way through it became even more old-fashioned and scripture-bas ...more
Renee Reynolds
Jul 09, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to me and my husband by a pastor colleague who described it as his favorite marriage book, this book was a joy to read. Wangerin's gift of prose, pastoral insights, and personal accounts combine to create a book on marriage that is unique and a gift to marriages, both new and old. At times eloquent, at times practical, the book celebrated the joys of marriage, outlined the tasks of marriage, and even addressed the dysfunctions of some marriages (in depth chapters on adultery and abus ...more
Joshua Bailey-green
I don't think there's much on marriage in our day that is more radical than Wangerin's beautiful take on marriage. Wangerin describes marriage as more than a rational consumer choice made to satisfy my needs, but rather as a Spirit-appointed vocation in which we are supremely challenged and aided to be like God in our indiscriminate love of a person who changes along with us, often in ways unexpected, over the course of a life. This is a beautiful - and rare - take on the goodness of marriage, a ...more
I'm rarely interest in marriage books, finding them either to vague to be helpful or too prescriptive to be realistic, but I really appreciated this one! Honest stories from the authors own marriage give reality to a well written combination of biblical theory and practical counsel. I could benefit from returning to this again, and think it would be a great recommend to couples who have been married a year or two and are realizing that marriage may not be quite what they thought. I'm hoping Than ...more
Dec 29, 2015 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is a peculiar book. Wangerin is a master writer, his stories beautiful, his prose enchanting. I love his books. This book was a struggle for me. I went in and out of liking it and disliking it. It was a bit jolting for me to go in and out of prose and self-help, story and then marriage pointers. All of his insights were engaging, but for me it made for bumpy reading. If you like Wangerin you will still enjoy this book. If you don't know Wangerin's work and just pick this up as a marriage bo ...more
Dec 15, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This is recommended reading from the priest who will be performing our wedding ceremony - it's right around the corner now!!

This book wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be when it was initially recommended to me. However, there were parts of it that I disagree with - but all things I am confident I won't have to think about in my marriage anyway.

All in all, an okay book for something that was assigned reading...
Allen Steele
Jan 19, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
very helpful with practical advice on certain martial behaviors. I am not married as of yet, but I plan on using this book as a guide. The "sex chapter" oh wow! lots to discuss. The giving chapter very awsome with parallels to God & his recommend fiancé gave it to me..she's a blessing
Jennifer Grosser
Jan 27, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Beautifully written with wise insights. The flowery prose won't be everyone's cup of tea, particularly if one is looking for a step by step, more barebones how-to for marriage. However, as someone who personally connects with and learns better via story, this book was a beautiful way to encourage other couples on the road to a lasting, happy marriage.
Jan 03, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is overall a great book on marriage that I would highly recommend! My one caveat is that his advice on abusive situations is inadequate and possibly even dangerous. He also focuses on physical abuse does not really even address emotional abuse. It is too bad that an otherwise insightful book has such a large and detrimental blind spot.
A good book on marriage, written by a very poetic author and interspersed with his memories....sort of like a marriage memoir. There are some great statements overall on the purpose of marriage and great encouragement, but I felt it dragged a little in the middle. The personal stories are the most memorable parts of this book, along with the emphasis on forgiveness.

Aug 11, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Wonderfully written. I was expecting this to drag, but the stories of Wangerin's relationship with his wife were vulnerable and not overly optimistic. I appreciated that the message was not, "marriage is hard, but all you need is Jesus." I was expecting that too. Thankfully, the message was more "marriage is hard. Be graceful."
Bethany Hanna
Nov 06, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The author really opens up his life to you in this book. His marriage and their struggles and path is the illustration. Very brave book. Very useful. You feel less lonely knowing you aren't the only person having to work through some of these trials.

Ultimately, you will see a new focus and desire to follow in their footsteps to put God first in your household.

I enjoyed reading it.
Matthew Mitchell
The best book there is on the WORK of marriage. I wish I'd had known about it two decades ago (we had to learn how to do it on our own!).

Dense but beautiful writing. And the word "insightful" doesn't cover it by half. A must read for people who want to do the necessary work of building a safe, happy, and holy marriage.
Nate and I began reading this book together when we were engaged. We never quite finished it, but I did enjoy it. Wangerin's strong writing and storytelling came out, as expected, but it also showed his "pastoral" side.
Jun 17, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I liked that it was stories from the author's own life. Even though sometimes he gave specific advice or rules of thumb, I most enjoyed that it just brought up various topics to think about on my own that I might not have spent any time on.
Mar 03, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A fantastic book despite the really terrible title and cover picture. Realistic about marriage and inspiring about it's possibility. Beautiful prose and vulnerable narrative from the author. Best marriage book I've read...and I get the feeling I'll re-read many times over the next few years
Feb 07, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: newly engaged couples, newlyweds, married couples
I found this book extremely helpful in preparing for marriage, and have found it just as helpful after being married. It's very different from most other how-to-have-a-great-marriage books, in that it's well-written along with being thought-provoking.
Mar 23, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is by far the best book I have read on marriage! Love this!
Sharon Archer
Jul 18, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: faith
Cindy Krommes, you recommended this book to me about 25? years ago. How I wish it hadn't gathered dust on my to-read pile so long....
Nov 04, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My husband thinks this is the best marriage book we have read. I might agree with him... still debating... :-)
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Walter Wangerin Jr. is widely recognized as one of the most gifted writers writing today on the issues of faith and spirituality. Starting with the renowned Book of the Dun Cow, Wangerin's writing career has encompassed most every genre: fiction, essay, short story, children's story, meditation, and biblical exposition. His writing voice is immediately recognizable, and his fans number in the mill ...more
More about Walter Wangerin Jr....
“And the strongest trust is built by the smallest actions, the keeping of the little promises. It is the constant truthfulness, the continued dependability, the remembrance of minor things, which most inspire confidence and faith.” 7 likes
“Have you noticed the words which Old Testament people use when someone important calls them by name? They don't say "What?" or "Yes?" They answer with the curious sentence, "Here I am". So much is in that sentence: readiness to respond, a willing servitude, an offering of oneself to the other.” 6 likes
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