Beyond the Mommy Years: How to Live Happily Ever After...After the Kids Leave Home

by Carin Rubenstein

Full of research-based tips and real-world wisdom, this book is a guide for mothers on how to thrive as they transition to their empty nest years.

Thirty million mothers between 40 and 60 years old are about to face childless households for the first time in decades. For some women, it is a lonely and confusing time; but for the vast majority, it's a journey of joy and discovery. Through intensive and wide-ranging original research, author Carin Rubenstein reveals how and why some mothers thrive and others do not. She breaks the post-motherhood launch down into three stages--grief, relief, and joy. If a woman makes it through to the final stage, friendships blossom, work thrives, and she develops a renewed sense of confidence and well-being. While in many instances, increased time together hastens the end of a struggling marriage, most women discover their relationships improve when children leave. Beyond the Mommy Years offers fascinating research, helpful advice, and amusing anecdotes to the millions facing this uncertain but potentially enriching stage of life.

"An encouraging counterarguement to the idea that an empty nest leads to an empty life." -- Library Journal

"Carin Rubenstein, PhD., nails it: Any woman worried about her post-car pool life should read this book." -- Sally Koslow, mother of two sons in their twenties, and author of Little Pink Slips

" Beyond the Mommy Years bridges the knowledge void felt by so many moms after their children leave for college...A thoughtful discussion of the positive changes that lie ahead for mothers after our children are launched. While parenting never ends, this book provides moms with the tools to live a rich and full life." -- Linda Perlman Gordon & Susan Morris Shaffer, co-authors of Mom, Can I Move Back in with You ?

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

352 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Judy]

So often, we know exactly that we want to get married and have children, but we don't know what to do after the children are grown. This book gives a good overview of what large numbers of women are doing at this stage plus averages and standards and opportunities for this period of life. What I took away from it was that, in their fifties, women are more at peace with themselves and their worlds that at any other time in their lives.

[Jamie Wratchford]

Not at all what I expected. From pretty much the second chapter onward, the author's message is pretty much, "this is all about you, this is awesome, reconnect with your hubby, be selfish, you deserve to focus on yourself." While that's all well and good, this did nothing to help me deal with the feelings of loss and moving on, which are very real. The author basically intimated that if one were to feel that for more than a few days, one should see a therapist and begin taking anti-depressants straight away. Overall, disappointed in the author's message.

[Diane]

The title of the last chapter of this book easily sums it up ... Coming Into Your Own (Again). The book as a whole talks about that idea. For me it was a realistic summation of possibilities that are fast approaching in our home. I liked the book and think it was reassuring I don't appear to becoming a sobbing empty nester but instead seem to be heading towards thriving and surviving with the upcoming changes just becoming one more phase in my life. I think it is a good book for stay-at-home moms to read as their teenagers are on the verge of leaving and becoming independent adults.

[Sharon]

A wonderful look at the changes that occur after the children leave home. With less time required to take care of the kids, most of us can spend more time on our careers or our marriages. More important, there is more time to spend on ourselves and to evaluate what is important to us. Based on interviews and research, this is a good resource and surprisingly easy read. Highly recommend if you are at or almost at this stage of life.

[Phil]

I'm still in the early stages of this process of emptying my nest, so not all this advice applied to me personally. Suffice it to say that I hope I've raised kids who will be more self-sufficient than the average American young person who now receives financial support from their parents until they are 26 years old! Good grief, I was married years already at that age.

[Jody Phillips]

Fun read for the right aged audience. My favorite concept from this book is "...mothers will know their children for much longer as independent adults than they will have known them as dependent children..."
However, if she were to write, "it's all about you" one more time I think I will barf.

[Elliedakota]

Fairly decent and enjoyable, if you can get beyond the author's jealously snarky attitude toward the leisure-class wealthy. It was nice to get affirmation that I am not the only one excited to have new opportunities and more time to explore them.

[Carol]

Getting ready for the next stage of living. I think I'm going to like it!!

[Marianne]

Very interesting - and read at a point in my life - about to turn 50 with one daughter who's left the nest and the other in college- where I feel I am on the cusp of a new and better life!

[Beth]

Going to be so sad to be "beyond the mommy years." Hayley you can't leave me (sad face)! But I figure, at least, I better start thinking about it and getting prepared.