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The Problem is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior

John Burke

3.64 · Rating details · 143 Ratings · 19 Reviews

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74 pages

Published June 2012

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Dec 27, 2012 Iryn rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: the-problem-is-you-how-to-get-out-o

The Problem is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
This is a very handy and practical book. And surely I have learnt a lot. You know there are some things you know in your subconscious and which you find difficult to give a voice to because you think it is UNIQUELY YOU – when somebody else speaks about it – it sort of ‘jolts’ you out and if you really want, creates a way out or PIN YOU DOWN AND POINT OUT THE WAY! This is what I encountered in reading the book. The Problem is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
This is a very handy and practical book. And surely I have learnt a lot. You know there are some things you know in your subconscious and which you find difficult to give a voice to because you think it is UNIQUELY YOU – when somebody else speaks about it – it sort of ‘jolts’ you out and if you really want, creates a way out or PIN YOU DOWN AND POINT OUT THE WAY! This is what I encountered in reading the book. The author also has endeavored to give clear examples to buttress the points so that the reader is not at a loss of what he is trying to communicate. That is definitely good.
But the writing style is like one giving a speech. And I had to ask myself if it was a transliteration of a spoken lecture. There is the manner of writing a book and also making of speech – it therefore lend the style a redundant nature, but the amount of redundancy built into the text is done, I think, so that valuable information will not be missed. I think the author should note this, incorporate and look into this factor in a further edition, to chap off and avoid unnecessary repetition that almost gives one the idea as if you are writing a term paper work.
Nonetheless, the objective of the book is clear and as I earlier said is practical and I recommend it to anyone who wants to search DEEP into situations you may be facing. Personally, I have learnt a thing or two.
The author elaborates on a number of issues but importantly as one reads along, he is made to confront some people in society who think they are to suffer for their inability to help their loved ones – or who ‘think’ that the onus of a deliverer falls on them and so punishes themselves as being failures and are gutted with feelings of guilt when they finds out their inadequacy to solve the ‘many’ said problems of others, will clearly see from another perspective and learn to appraise situations without taking the blame for it upon himself.
And one big lesson for me here is when it tells the reader that he must remember that disappointment and setbacks are part of life, and when you have dealt with them and not push them off as not existing, you will come out stronger and feeling better. In such a way, one will deal with fear of the unknown which even helps to keep you from living life in an adventurous frame of life instead of just living life as it comes to you. ...more

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Feb 23, 2013 Chelsea rated it it was amazing

Shelves: kindle-is-the-new-way

This book...probably turned my life around, in a good way. I was being told by my husband that i was such a negative person. And i would deny it, and say its just been a bad week, and continue to try and explain myself but always getting stuck and breaking down because i honestly didn't know what was my problem. I just happen to run over this title...its pretty blunt, and i like blunt. And it tollllld me. Fact is, that i was pretty damn nagtive, it kinda slapped me in the face when this whole bo ...more

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Nov 08, 2012 Christina Mathers rated it really liked it

Shelves: self-help

Let’s just face it, the truth hurts sometimes. Sometimes we fail and like to blame it on others, when we truly know it is our own fault. This book helps us overcome our self-defeating behavior. Have you ever felt that no matter what you did, nothing ever happens the way it was supposed to? How about every time you try to make a bad situation better, only to make it worse? Maybe you are not, but are you like me, where you try to make sure that everyone is happy? You do everything you can to make ...more

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May 03, 2014 Stacie Wyatt rated it it was amazing

I read the Problem is You by John Burke, in exchange for review from Library Thing. The book was part of a giveaway, in exchange for a review. The book was published by Empowerment Nation. The book was a quick read.

The book discusses how to conquer self-defeating behavior, which I have plenty of. I will talk my way out of some situations because I am afraid of the outcome. I also can rationalize and project with the best of them. When you feel like a failure, you do things that will not make yo
I read the Problem is You by John Burke, in exchange for review from Library Thing. The book was part of a giveaway, in exchange for a review. The book was published by Empowerment Nation. The book was a quick read.

The book discusses how to conquer self-defeating behavior, which I have plenty of. I will talk my way out of some situations because I am afraid of the outcome. I also can rationalize and project with the best of them. When you feel like a failure, you do things that will not make you a success, like procrastinate. Life is still moving forward, while you are stuck in the past.

Some of my self-defeating behaviors include eating; procrastination; blaming others; obsession with perfection; taking things out of proportion; keeping grudges; trying to please people; wanting to be right; and lack of willingness, yet I still have the same problems once I am done. Life still moves forward and I am left further behind.

The book is available on Amazon.com

The book discusses self-defeating behavior; characteristics of self-defeating behavior; origins of incorrect beliefs; recognizing and minimizing self-defeating behavior; and creating a path to success (5 chapters, 36 pages). The book will teach you how to change your attitude from negative to positive, provided you are willing to change. The book discusses how self-defeating behaviors may start from behaviors and actions, not going according to plan. We expect a particular outcome, but get something else. We go into depression, anger, frustration, hurt, instead of refocusing and trying again. Just because something failed, does not mean that is the end. We can start over again.

We don't have to please everyone. We don't have to sacrifice morals and values. We don't have to feel like a total failure because something did not go as planned. . We can not control what other people do and say. We do not have to live our lives for someone else. We can say no. In doing this, we develop a more mature, positive attitude towards life, especially our self. I read this book in a few hours. Loved the book.
...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Charlie rated it it was ok

The Problem Is You written by John Burke is a self-help book about self-defeating behavior. It contained information that I found not only useful, it was very educating. It had a few tips and helpful steps on how to not be self-defeating. While it was very informative, it read like something a well educated student would turn in for a term paper. It was hard to stay focused because it was very clinical, it didn’t draw you in and make you say “Hey these are great tips”. It was more of a “I need t ...more

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Nov 03, 2012 Ramplo rated it liked it

Shelves: arc-review

Quick & Dirty:

-If I was basing my review solely on how the book is marketed, I'd give this book a 2 at best. HOWEVER if you ignore the title and view this as a reference book it'd deserve closer to a 4. I'm meeting half way and saying 3.

-Advice sections are very small and scattered for a self-help book.

-There is a lot of information provided about many facets of self-defeating behavior...Important to avoid "medical school syndrome" when reading it.

Long & Wordy:
To read more about what I t ...more

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Feb 10, 2013 Crystal Hutchinson rated it liked it

Shelves: 2013

1) How did the book help you?
I'm going to try to be less fatalistic in my decision making and goal setting.I also plan to take responsibility for my failures, and not blame others for them.

2) What did you learn from the book?
"A. Feeling that you deserve the expected results". Yes! Society embraces the concept of "I deserve this" attitude. Learning how to not dwell on my mistakes and ignore my "I deserve this" voice in my head will lead me to a happier life.

3) On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the ...more

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Nov 05, 2012 Cassie rated it it was amazing

I have been this person. A struggle I was facing last year. A part of me still reverts back to this side of me, only because it is so easy to tear yourself down. I always remind myself, you are you, forget what other people think. Easier said than done. But seeing the list of characteristics that John listed. Really put things into perspective and this book helped me to build my self up, so that I am a stronger person. I did not need to read this book, to find that out, but sometimes it takes so ...more

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May 17, 2016 Paula rated it it was ok

Shelves: wellness

The points in this book are presented in rapid-fire fashion: Here are the behaviors indicative of a particular self-defeating behavior, and here are the actions you can take to change them. If only it were so simple, I probably wouldn't need to read this in the first place. If you're okay with 64 pages of a To-Do list to a better you, then you'll probably like this book. I would have preferred more discussion of each topic to truly cement the ideas instead of having them wash over me in short, b ...more

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Apr 08, 2016 Kamy rated it it was ok

I'm still in my own way. This book did not help. In general, it belabored superficial advice. I kept wanting the author to get to the darn point but had to wade through boring and obvious narrative to get to a boring and obvious conclusion. There are way better books in this genre. He does ask some good questions along the way, so the process of self-exploration this book occasionally inspires may be useful. If it helps some people, that's wonderful.

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Feb 01, 2013 Kyrana Jones rated it it was ok · review of another edition

The Problem Is You written by John Burke identifies some patterns and character traits that may contribute to a lack of success. However, it does not offer concrete steps or actions the reader might employ to turn around their circumstances. The tone is more like a newsletter or blog rather than an actual book and appears to be a superficial view of the topic.

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Jan 08, 2015 Melania Straka rated it liked it · review of another edition

Not what I expected

The author gives some vague guidance,especially the first part of the book. The only think I really found good was how to recognize and deal with the procrastination.

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Dec 30, 2014 Daron Yondem rated it liked it

Shelves: short-read, to-learn

The books is not just short but superficial as well. I'm not sure if I would have read it If I knew how superficial the content was.

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May 25, 2013 Rachel rated it really liked it

Shelves: own

This is an audiobook that is easy to follow. The principles are valuable and should be practiced daily in order to experience results.

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Nov 05, 2016 Gordon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Interesting book

I would like to recommend this book to read by anyone

Into rested in improving their way in their life

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Jun 13, 2013 Tim Kirkland rated it it was ok

Good information just expected more

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May 07, 2013 Jennilyn (Thiboult) Nevins rated it liked it

Shelves: audiobooks, personal-growth

Really quick little read to get your mind thinking about the ways that you may be a "self-defeatist."

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Apr 20, 2015 Carlos Vasquez rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Excellent

I like it because it confronts an issue that most of the time we don't want to face, definitely a must read to conquer your fears

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Nov 02, 2015 Ronald Arevalo rated it liked it · review of another edition

Lectura interesante

Me gustó la necesidad de identificar nuestras debilidades y poder cambiar lo que nos impide avanzar. El momento de actuar es hoy

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“So long as we have done something to the best of our knowledge and our ability, if the results we think we deserved don’t happen as they should have, we should understand that it is the norm of things on this planet.” — 2 likes

“Aceptar la responsabilidad por su vida significa tener el poder de cambiarla.” — 0 likes

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The Problem is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior

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