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The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year
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The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year

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3.48  ·  Rating details ·  2,153 ratings  ·  296 reviews
There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she finds herself staring at her screaming, smelly "bundle of joy" and wishing someone had told her that her house would reek of vomit, or that she shouldn’t buy the cute onesies with a thousand impossible buttons, or that she might cry more than the baby.

Best-selling humor author Dawn Dais, mother to a one-year-old and au
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Paperback, 264 pages
Published June 4th 2013 by Seal Press
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Average rating 3.48  · 
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 ·  2,153 ratings  ·  296 reviews


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Jessica
May 25, 2014 rated it it was ok
VACCINES AND AUTISM IS FALSE. IT'S A FALSE FUCKING LINK. YOU LOSE STARS FOR THAT BULLSHIT. GODDAMN, YOU'RE A PUBLISHED WRITER AND YOU STILL THINK IT'S OKAY TO GIVE EQUAL TIME TO PEOPLE BELIEVING LIES. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

two stars for otherwise funny and relatable writing, but you lose two for LETTING PEOPLE LIE ABOUT AUTISM LINKING TO VACCINATIONS.
Laura
Mar 02, 2017 rated it did not like it
Shelves: parenting
Everything was going fine until we got to the chapter on vaccines.

I'm instantly rating down any book that suggests vaccines are anything but incredibly important, life-saving tools that DON'T HAVE ANY LINK TO AUTISM. The author eventually does say she vaccinated her kid, but only after going on about how vaccines are really uncertain and your best bet is to talk to your friends and research on Google. NOPE.

In this age of Trump and all his yahoo anti-vaxxers, I'm doubling down on science.

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Sim Kern
Mar 06, 2017 rated it did not like it
I thought this book was kinda cute until I got to the chapter about vaccination. You know what's not cute? Legitimizing the deadly ignorance of anti-vaxers.
Lloyd
Jun 11, 2014 rated it did not like it
Shelves: abandoned
We're expecting our 3rd child in 7 weeks, so I wanted to get the new born parental juices flowing again. I made it a quarter through the book. Nothing could have led me to run back to the arms of the classics faster.
* Swearing isn't funny in itself, though what did I expect with the title.
* Echo chamber of a half dozen 30 something mothers.
* Doesn't lead with her parenting philosophies, tones and styles that resonate with the author.
* There are many almost insights drowned in this "I'm an exper
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Jessica
Apr 25, 2018 rated it did not like it
Vaccines should not be optional.

Also, it is more like The Shit That Everyone Has Already Told You As Soon As You Got Pregnant.
Ciara
pretty meh. with a rather misleading title. i don't think there was anything in here that was anything i wasn't forewarned of one way or another. a more accurate title might be "the shit that people try to warn you about but that you just can't understand until you actually have a baby". like, everyone tells you, "sleep now because you'll never be sleeping again!" not only is that not really true in a some cases (i don't want to brag, but i must say that i get plenty of sleep most nights), but i ...more
Amanda
Feb 08, 2019 rated it really liked it
I could have written this book. Every word (except the vaccines chapter because OMG GET OVER YOURSELF AND JUST VAX YOUR KIDS JESUS PLEASE). It's not so useful for knowledge, but supremely important for solidarity.
Elizabeth Shaw
Mar 11, 2018 rated it it was ok
I was really expecting this book to be a lot more enjoyable than it was. There are a couple of points I'd like to make on how it disappointed me. For one, I thought the humor was pretty forced. There were a lot of jokes that just weren't really funny, the kind of jokes I am subject to often as a new mom and just kind of pretend to laugh at and move on with my day. Also, I read this when my son was 4 months old. And honestly, I found it very discouraging. I am so glad I didn't read it before I ac ...more
Jessica
Jan 15, 2019 rated it it was ok
Funny book until I got to the chapter about vaccinations. Talk to your friends and do your own research, seriously?
Abby
Jun 08, 2013 rated it liked it
This book has the distinction of being the first book I finally finished in about six months, as I was pregnant and something about that condition (and a new smart phone) makes it virtually impossible for me to focus on anything longer than two pages of a pregnancy discussion board debate topic. I have done this with all three pregnancies. My mind cannot handle books, and I know when I am coming out of the post partum haze when I finally start reading something about genocide in a foreign countr ...more
Leonard
Jan 14, 2014 rated it it was ok
Since I'm a 65 year old male you probably won't be too shocked and surprised when I tell you that I don't actually read very many books about having a baby. However I thought this one looked promising and it did have some original humor in it. However much of the humor was forced and unnatural. Each one of the thankfully brief chapters begins with an illustration and some listed statements that are supposed to be funny (some are) and that did trigger my interest into checking the book out of the ...more
Stephanie
Oct 13, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Coming from a brand new mom, this is, HANDS DOWN, the best parenting book I've read so far. It is so completely honest, relatable, and even funny. I seriously felt like I could have written much of this book myself because I was nodding my head and thinking "me too!" throughout most of it.

My favorite thing about this book is the author's total honesty and fearless nature in that she touches on subjects that are often left out of parenting books such as baby blues / postpartum depression and a h
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Brittany Jerlinga
Aug 22, 2017 rated it it was ok
Some really helpful advice, but the author is whiny and overly negative about everything from husbands/partners to children's books.

She also has little to no appreciation for science. The chapter on vaccines SHOULD read: get them.

There's no "other side" to this. Not getting them in the doctor prescribed order is selfish, ignorant, and quite frankly, stupid.

She's out of her league and it is dangerous to give advice when she doesn't know what she's talking about in regards to anything beyond ba
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Becca
Jan 16, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: motherhood
The “sh!t that nobody tells you” is mostly not a revelation. For example:
Babies are messy, you’ll have to clean up a lot of bodily fluids, baby gear is expensive, baby books are mostly not riveting reading for adults, teething and sleep training are difficult for both baby & parents, having a baby will be hard on your body and your marriage/relationship, you won’t have any free time after baby arrives... etc.

A supposedly funny book that was a real downer. Also, she’s sympathetic to antivaxers.
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cassie
Jul 28, 2013 rated it really liked it
Mandatory reading for new (or about to be) first-time moms.
Neha Sardesai
Some good advice, quite a lot of complaining.

This book does offer some advice that makes you feel like you’re not a failure of a mother and you’re just figuring things out one step at a time like e everyone else... but I’m not a fan of all the complaining. I understand the title says shit no one tells you, but maybe put a more positive spin on things that are already making me feel low!
Mallory
Dec 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Spot on! A wonderful reminder during these first few weeks of new parenthood that we’re doing the best we can. The breastfeeding chapter was a lifesaver during a time when I was feeling very low about not being able to nurse my baby due to an inadequate milk supply. Would highly recommend to any new parents.
Cary
Jan 25, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: parenting
As a soon-to-be mom, I appreciate all the “real talk” about how hard it will be, mainly in hopes that I’m prepared for the worst but it won’t be *that* bad. This book got me partially wondering if anything isn’t sucky about motherhood, and partially thinking the author just likes to complain about how hard it was.

I will say they final chapter helped a little bit to end on a slightly more positive note, but Im still not sure if I would recommend this book to other soon-to-be moms or not.

I also wa
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Lizzie
Apr 11, 2020 rated it did not like it
I agree with a lot of the other reviews. This is full of shit that you have already heard from most people. It feels more like venting, but I guess some mothers might find comfort knowing they are not alone in their struggles.
Ya Ya
Jan 09, 2019 rated it really liked it
Basically listened to this every night when i was going crazy struggling to breastfeed my then newborn baby. It was so painfully relatable and funny - i cried and laughed at every chapter *besides the vaccination chapter - please vaccinate your children.
Mary Weber
Mar 15, 2013 rated it it was amazing
If I could have given this 10 stars, I'd have given it 11! If you have given birth, do not walk, run to the nearest bookstore June 4th, 2013 to get this book! I literally stayed up all night reading this, laughing myself hoarse! I have not laughed this hard in a very long time (maybe that is because I have a beautifully passionate 7 year old daughter and her equally handsome and "active" 2-1/2 brother wreaking havoc most days)!

This book made me laugh out loud as Dawn takes us on an adventure of
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Jillian
Apr 25, 2015 rated it it was amazing
"There is an Anne Rice quote I read long before I had a child, but one I always knew represented what I wanted to give my children someday: 'He moved with a grace and dignity that only comes from having once been cherished.' Cherish your children and cherish who you are with them. Feel free to admire exactly how much ass you have to kick between breakfast time and bath time to keep these kids cherished. And never feel like you are alone out there." I really enjoyed this book. I didn't learn anyt ...more
Whitney
Apr 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
I thought this was a wonderfully lighthearted read on the parenting aspects that can leave us a little heavy hearted. I am always in favor of looking at stressful or challenging situations with humor and that’s what you get from this book. Many references make me sad, like Babies R us since they decided to close their doors practically the same day I found out I was pregnant and I found many of the birthing and breastfeeding classes covering the subjects the author said are rarely talked about. ...more
Jill
Mar 28, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2013-books-read
Freakin' hilarious, with a lot of good information! This book covers a wide range of topics on raising a newborn. It includes countless stories from Dawn as well as other mothers that left me literally laughing out loud. They were able to capture the reality that raising a baby is not easy and yet comfort new moms that what they are going through is absolutely normal and that they will get through all of the challenges. This was an easy, laid-back read, and I would highly recommended it to all w ...more
Victoria Horochowski
Dec 28, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
Although this book was hilarious and informative I found it to be a bit dark and negative. I’m the first of my friend group to become pregnant so I haven’t discussed a lot of the Baby’s first year stuff with anyone yet. This book definitely made me nervous about what’s to come! I personally am a lot more positive in general and I’ve been really enjoying my pregnancy so I’m sure my experience will be different.. but if there are hard times I’ll be able to know that it’s not just me and that other ...more
Ira
Apr 06, 2018 rated it did not like it
I cringe every time I remember that I spent $18 to listen to this in audiobook format. A wasted $18 to listen to a woman complain about motherhood the WHOLE TIME. Her humor just wasn’t funny to me. I wanted to listen to a pregnancy book that was light hearted and funny but I maybe chuckled only twice throughout the entirety of the book. If you want to read or listen to a book about a Mom complaining the whole time about being a parent, this is for you.
Shelly
Aug 05, 2018 rated it it was ok
Entertaining enough read but I didn't gain anything from it. The book is mostly the author's personal experience, so interesting from that point of view but doesn't really give a lot of advice other than being a mother is horrible and you will only like your baby when its sleeping.
The vaccine part sat uneasily with me it just plays into false antivax fears and I was quite gobsmacked that she could say that mother's instincts are better than science in that regard.
Ali
Feb 04, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
Well, the book is written for moms but who cares; I liked it :) I liked the funny/scary/serious tone of the author and the performance on the audio-book was superb!

I strongly recommend it to every expecting parent. (including dads)

I should add that this book is not an instruction manual for handling a baby. Don't expect to learn much. It's just good for sympathizing.
Devon
Apr 27, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction, april14
This was ok until I hit the anti-vaccination pro-Babywise crap. Also the part about using cry-it-out at four months. No bueno.
Carmen
Jan 19, 2020 rated it liked it
I give this book 3 stars because I did take away a few helpful things from it. Unfortunately, for the second time ever, I judged this book by the cover. By the title, I was mislead into thinking it was actually about baby's first year and all the things I would need to know (or at least some helpful tips). However it was more about her story and her family's issues, as well as a whole lot of bitching. It was extremely difficult to tell if she was being sarcastic, funny, or just a jerk. I won't c ...more
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Dawn Dais is a freelance writer, designer, and filmmaker from Sacramento, CA. Her two previous books, The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women and The Noncyclist's Guide to the Century and Other Road Races, were published by Seal Press, have topped Amazon.com best-seller lists, and have been featured by countless TV and print media sources. Her uniquely sarcastic yet inspiring tone has entertained ...more

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“I am not the only parent in the history of the planet to have their asses handed to them by something they could fit in a purse.” 1 likes
“As it stands now we are all told that breastfeeding is the ONLY option for feeding your child, if you actually love that child and ever want them to have more than a third-grade level reading ability. If you don’t breastfeed your baby you might as well just drop it off immediately at your local prison, because that is where it’s going to end up anyway, with such a horrible start to its life. Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural and the best and only socially acceptable way to nourish your baby. It is the most natural thing on the planet, you see. Fast-forward to a severely sleep-deprived, hormone-riddled new mom whose baby is not latching on correctly. If maybe perhaps she had been warned that breastfeeding would not necessarily be easy-peasy, then maybe perhaps she wouldn’t have to add “severe guilt” and “feelings of extreme failure as a woman and mother” to her already long list of postpartum difficulties. So say it with me now: “Breastfeeding is really f’n hard.” Repeat it to yourself, even as you attend classes and read books.” 0 likes
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