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352 pages, Hardcover
First published May 21, 2013
"Oh, who gives a fuck," Jeff said. "The point is they're hot and they're here. I hope they're already drunk when we get to the party. I hope they are ready for a piece of this." He groped his crotch obnoxiously.
"Girls like to talk about themselves. If you can't think of anything to say, just ask some dumb question about nothing, and if you're lucky she'll go off and you won't have to say anything else for another ten minutes and she'll think you're a great listener."
"Wait, this is all over some girl? Don't be such a fucking vagina, dude! I mean, dude! You go to the beach for a month and you turn into a human tampon!"
"He had clearly entangled himself in that dire pussy-web he'd warned me about on our first night here."
"And by the way, Kristle's a total slut, so I hope you haven't caught anything from her yet."
"Okay, she's not a slut," I said testily. "Just a skank."
"I like the parts about hos, even if they always come to a bad end. Eat a fucking apple, you're a ho. Open a box, you're a ho. Some guy looks at you: turn to stone, ho. See you later, ho. It's always the same. The best one is Lilith--also a ho, but a different kind of ho. She went and got her own little thing going, and for that she gets to be an eternal demon queen, lucky her. No one likes a ho. Except when they do, which, obviously, is most of the time. Doesn't make a difference; she always gets hers eventually."
"Is that really in the Bible?"
"No. Some of it. Well, the ho with the apple at least."
"I never thought of her as a ho."
"Think again."
"God," DeeDee said, reaching for an ashtray and stubbing out her cigarette. I couldn't take my eyes off her. "Kristle can be so ridiculous. But who knows what I'd do without her. Total ho, by the way--not that I'm judging; I actually like hos myself. Maybe I am one--I barely know what counts anymore. Being blond certainly never helped anyone's case."
"If you were housewives you could just sit around all day with your feet in footbaths full of Epsom salts."
Stay-at-home moms also lag behind employed moms in terms of their daily positive emotions: They are less likely to say they smiled or laughed a lot, learned something interesting, and experienced enjoyment and happiness "yesterday." Additionally, they are less likely than employed moms to rate their lives highly enough to be considered "thriving." - Gallup.com
"She got all interested in this weird crap that she wouldn't have been able to tell you about before. She's reading all this poetry; she has a Tumblr, although I avoided looking at it. She won't shut up about this thing called the SCUM Manifesto..."
In the Gallup study, stay-at-home moms found other ways to cope with depression by continuing education, blogging and joining the gym to have some social time with others. - CBS Atlantica
"Then one day I'm getting ready for school and she knocks on my door with a bag packed and she tells me she's going to live at something called Women's Land, where no one ever has to talk to men."
"Her eyes were burning: green with gold rings around the pupils. I tried to look away but I found that I could not. I instantly had a raging boner."
"He had clearly entangled himself in that dire pussy-web he'd warned me about on our first night here."
"I wondered if the earth was flat--and if so, where did the water go when it tumbled off the edge? [...] I believe you can't be sure of anything until you've seen it with your own two eyes. And maybe it's just the limitations of photography, but I've seen those pictures of the earth from outer space and it looks flat as a quarter to me."
"This morning at the beach was different. I felt the muscles in my shoulder pumping with blood. I felt ocean in my eyelashes and a heaviness in my dick."
"You wearing some kind of special cologne or something?" he asked. "You're working some crazy voodoo on those bitches."
"We're getting you laid tonight, bro." Jeff was saying. "I mean, we're getting both of us laid tonight. It's gonna change your life, dude. Dad was hell of right about this place. It's unbelievable, dude. Where the fuck did all these girls come from? I mean, dude. I mean, dude! That fuckin' Kristle, dude."
"I hope they're already drunk when we get to the party. I hope they are ready for a piece of this." He groped his crotch obnoxiously.
"Did you meet Fiesta yet?" "Who's Fiesta?" "Just some ho."
[Love interest on 'hos in the bible'] "I like the parts about hos, even if they always come to a bad end. Eat a fucking apple, you're a ho. Open a box, you're a ho. Some guy looks at you: turn to stone, ho. See you later, ho. It's always the same. The best one is Lilith--also a ho, but a different kind of ho. She went and got her own little thing going, and for that she gets to be an eternal demon queen, lucky her. No one likes a ho. Except when they do, which, obviously, is most of the time. Doesn't make a difference; she always gets hers eventually."
"Total ho, by the way--not that I'm judging; I actually like hos myself. Maybe I am one--I barely know what counts anymore. Being blond certainly never helped anyone's case."
"Man, I just want to go to bed," I said. I was exhausted. I wanted to jerk off and fall asleep.
I consider myself a sociable person, but sometimes I feel best being sociable with myself. I guess that's why I enjoy masturbation.
This morning at the beach was different. I felt the muscles in my shoulders pumping with blood. I felt ocean in my eyelashes and a heaviness in my dick. I felt strong and solid, more myself--the best version of myself, I mean--than I had in a while.
And although Sasha had remained obviously into me in the weeks following the party--texting me nonstop and leaving long and pointless handwritten notes in my locker--I'd quickly decided that she was annoying and not even all that hot.
I wondered if the earth was flat-and if so, where did the water go when it tumbled off the edge?
I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm ninety-nine percent convinced that the world is not flat. But I believe you can't be sure of anything until you've seen it with your own two eyes. And maybe it's just the limitations of photography, but I've seen those pictures of earth from outer space and it looks flat as a quarter to me.
Sebastian always advised me to ask questions when in doubt. "Girls like to talk about themselves. If you can't think of anything to say, just ask some dumb question about nothing, and if you're lucky she'll go off and you won't have to say anything else for another ten minutes and she'll think you're a great listener.
I actually thought about calling Sebastian for advice, but I could practically hear his voice: Wait, this is all over some girl? Don't be such a fucking vagina, dude! I mean, dude! You go to the beach for a month and you turn into a human tampon!
"You sleep with some girl once, and before you know it you're like trapped in her crazy pussy-web," he said, nodding sagely to himself.
"You wearing some kind of special cologne or something?" he asked. "You're working some crazy voodoo on those bitches."
"I've never read the Bible," I said. "I didn't know anyone actually read it."
"Well I did," she said. "Three times. It seems like it's going to be a real drag, and some parts really suck, but it actually has some good sections. I like the parts about hos, even if they always come to a bad end. Eat a fucking apple, you're a ho. Open a box, you're a ho. Some guy looks at you: turn to stone, ho. See you later, ho. It's always the same. The best one is Lilith-also a ho, but a different kind of ho. She went and got her own little thing going, and for that she gets to be an eternal demon queen, lucky her. No one likes a ho. Except when they do, which, obviously, is most of the time. Doesn't make a difference; she always gets hers eventually."
The women think we're tacky, but we're not interested in the opinions of women anymore. We learned long ago how unimportant the opinions of women are.
Kristle tried to do it with me." I said. DeeDee didn't flinch. "I know," she said. "She told me. Typical ho.
"So why are we staying?" I looked from Dad to Mom. "If we're supposed to leave?" Everyone just sort of shrugged. "Are we all going to die?" I asked.
"Pfft," my mom whistled, waving me off. "People make such a big deal about death. It's just a passage."
"Dude," he said. "This summer we're gonna get you laid, bro. It'll do you some good."
"I don't see what we has to do with it," I said. "Isn't getting laid like something you generally do on your own?"
"There's your first mistake," Jeff said. "You don't even have the basic mechanics right."
—September Girls by Bennet Madison
I had decided to take a walk, and now I was alone at the edge of the water as it came and went. The sun was hot and high in the sky and it felt good.
It felt good to be alone, especially after the previous day's cramped and endless journey. I consider myself a sociable person, but sometimes I feel best being sociable with myself. I guess that's why I enjoy masturbation.
—September Girls by Bennet Madison
This morning at the beach was different. I felt the muscles in my shoulders pumping with blood. I felt ocean in my eyelashes and a heaviness in my dick.
—September Girls by Bennet Madison
Her eyes were burning: green with gold rings around the pupils. I tried to look away but I found that I could not. I instantly had a raging boner.
—September Girls by Bennet Madison
Kristle was in my room and she was naked. I thought I was dreaming at first, but I rubbed my eyes and sat up in bed, she was standing motionless, arms at her sides, her body hard and glowing like a statue made of moon rock.
[..]
And she crawled into bed on top of me, her nipples scraping my bare chest..
—September Girls by Bennet Madison
"It's hard to explain," I said. She hadn't asked for an explanation, but I figured I owed her one anyway. "Say there's this thing you want, this thing that seems more important than everything, this thing you've been waiting for because it will make you into something else. And then you don't want to change. Because you'll miss the person you were before."