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Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart
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Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart

4.28  ·  Rating details ·  89 ratings  ·  12 reviews
In his ground-breaking work, author Paul Kivel helps men confront the political, social, and personal forces that generate and reward misogyny, hatred, anger, and violent behavior.

Sexual harassment, child abuse, incest, rape, murder, war--it's impossible today to hear a news report and not be informed of violent acts perpetrated by men. Acknowledging that there are no easy
Paperback, 328 pages
Published October 7th 1998 by Hazelden Publishing (first published January 1st 1992)
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Nov 01, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: own, 2020
I came to Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart hoping to learn, as a man, how to Do the Work and stop the violence that tears our lives apart. Paul Kivel sure sounded like he had all the answers in this "groundbreaking work"! Which was much more groundbreaking in the nineties and, honestly, I wish had taken the world by storm and all of us men had read it then because the world would be a better place right now. For me, though, an Indian man in 2020 who's read bell hoo ...more
Jul 12, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed, own
This is one of the best books on masculinity that I have read so far. Although Kivel is specifically addressing the impact of men’s violence, he encompasses so many aspects of what it means to be a man. He directly challenges popular notions of violent masculinity by speaking to categories like fatherhood, spirituality, being a partner, power, substance use and race. Kivel carefully cultivates the conversation by using a combination of memoir, personal reflections and exercises and sociological ...more
May 05, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Paul Kivel, cofounder of the Oakland Men's Project, gives all men (and those concerned about them) a tremendous gift in the form of this inspirational book.

Men's Work draws on Kivel's decades of experience in the movement to end male violence, along with his life experiences as a father, son, partner, and friend, to speak about the trauma and feelings of powerlessness men experience to in our capitalist, patriarchal society. He describes how men reproduce this system by hurting women, trans folk
Aug 27, 2009 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: those raised as men&boys, anyone who teaches teenagers
Challenging book that pushes self-examination and taking that education and teaching it.

"Men's work:" undoing male violence. Topics include male and female socialization; expressing emotions; violence, sexual, physical, and addiction; sexuality and creating equitable, shared relationships; interacting with kids (parenting and teaching); and race and class intersections.

It challenged my internalized sexisms. At times it was hard to read the forgiveness and understanding that Kivel holds out to ab
Reynaldo Valldejuli
Aug 25, 2014 rated it it was amazing
If you are on a personal journey to remove violence from your life and to deal with violence from your past then this is the book for you. It will force you to face your fears and learn from them. It has had the single greatest positive impact on my life dealing with DV from my parents and the steps I need to take to rid myself of the anger I hold on to and removing any violence I may have within.
Nov 05, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Men thinking about being men
I actually have a little cache of quotes from the book in my PDA.

I can really, really identify with this book.

It is always hard to talk about being a man and what it means. The many sided craziness that is everything and the end to everything. Many male feminists don't seem to get it. This book does. It then offer suggestions around some or just concilliation for others.
Jan 17, 2008 rated it really liked it
really important to me
Apr 06, 2008 rated it really liked it
A primer, composed of lots of brief chapters on a variety of topics, that draws on he author's experience in working with a community of men. ...more
Jul 20, 2016 rated it liked it
I guess it's a start but it falls into the same traps that justify the abuse it's trying to address ...more
Jan 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Should be required reading for all men, or at the very least all men who care about ending violence and oppression.
May 18, 2016 rated it liked it
Mar 28, 2008 rated it it was amazing
This book is crucial to the max and I recomend it to all of my guy friends
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Paul Kivel (b. 1948), social justice educator, activist, and writer, has been a leader in violence prevention for more than 45 years. He is a trainer and speaker on men's issues, racism and diversity, challenges of youth, teen dating and family violence, raising boys to manhood, and the impact of class and power on daily life. Paul has developed highly effective participatory and interactive metho ...more

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