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A Change of Affection: A Gay Man's Incredible Story of Redemption
The powerful, dramatic story of how a successful Hollywood set designer whose identity was deeply rooted in his homosexuality came to be suddenly and utterly transformed by the power of the gospel. When Becket Cook moved from Dallas to Los Angeles after college, he discovered a socially progressive, liberal town that embraced not only his creative side but also his homosexuality. He devoted his time to growing his career as a successful set designer and to finding "the one" man who would fill his heart. As a gay man in the entertainment industry, Cook centered his life around celebrity-filled Hollywood parties and traveled to society hot-spots around the world--until a chance encounter with a pastor at an LA coffee shop one morning changed everything. In A Change of Affection, Becket Cook shares his testimony as someone who was transformed by the power of the gospel. Cook's dramatic conversion to Christianity and subsequent seminary training inform his views on homosexuality--personally, biblically, theologically, and culturally--and in his new book he educates Christians on how to better understand this complex and controversial issue while revealing how to lovingly engage with those who disagree. A Change of Affection is a timely and indispensable resource for anyone who desires to understand more fully one of the most common and difficult stumbling blocks to faithfully following Christ today.
1 pages, Audio CD
First published January 1, 2019
240 people are currently reading
1978 people want to read
About the author
Becket Cook
2 books69 followersBecket Cook was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. After college, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in writing and acting. He wound up becoming a production designer working for magazines such as Harper's Bazaar and Vogue, as well as designing advertising campaigns for brands such as Gap, L'Oréal, Nike, and YSL. He recently received his master's degree from Talbot School of Theology at Biola University. He now spends much of his time in ministry, speaking at churches, universities, and conferences.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 314 reviews
August 1, 2019
I first saw this book in an ad on Instagram. I had just read an article about Amazon pulling books from "ex-gays" (google it!) and thought the timing on this book was interesting. I decided to pre-order it. So, when it was delivered to my kindle on release day, I opened it up to read the first few pages and see what it was like....
And the first two chapters are not what you may think. They aren't a hermeneutical study on homosexuality in the Bible. It's not even the story of the author's sexuality. There's no politics, no talking points or banners waving.
The first two chapters are a love letter to God. The first two chapters shout out loud how great God's love is! How majestic and holy He is--while intimate and loving to each of us. I literally underlined an entire page because the description of who God is and what He does for each of us was so beautiful and dripped with...joy and truth. I can't describe it!
The second part of the book was about Becket's life, his childhood, college days, etc. And even then, altho' his sexuality was a big part of it, there was the real question was "why am I here?"--which every single person wrestles with.
I really loved Becket's voice and clear descriptions and open wonderings.
The final two chapters are Biblical teachings on...nope, not homosexuality. But on three different stories: The so-called Rich Young Ruler who has an encounter with Jesus, Esau giving up his birthright for Jacob's stew and Shadrach, Meschach and Abendego going to the fiery furnace rather than bow to an idol.
In each of these stories, Becket shows us how we are all called to view Jesus as our true prize, true purpose and love. He simply boils it down to this, "I am more than willing to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow him (Matt. 16:24). He’s worth it." He's worth it.
And that's what I read in this book. Becket's mature walk with God and His unashamed, non- judgemental words pushed me to Jesus, to see how worthy Jesus is of my love and devotion.
This book isn't just for someone wondering what God's Word says about homosexuality, altho' I hope people pick it up for that reason. This book, like Jackie Hill Perry and David Bennett's books is all about how GREAT GOD IS!
And the first two chapters are not what you may think. They aren't a hermeneutical study on homosexuality in the Bible. It's not even the story of the author's sexuality. There's no politics, no talking points or banners waving.
The first two chapters are a love letter to God. The first two chapters shout out loud how great God's love is! How majestic and holy He is--while intimate and loving to each of us. I literally underlined an entire page because the description of who God is and what He does for each of us was so beautiful and dripped with...joy and truth. I can't describe it!
The second part of the book was about Becket's life, his childhood, college days, etc. And even then, altho' his sexuality was a big part of it, there was the real question was "why am I here?"--which every single person wrestles with.
I really loved Becket's voice and clear descriptions and open wonderings.
The final two chapters are Biblical teachings on...nope, not homosexuality. But on three different stories: The so-called Rich Young Ruler who has an encounter with Jesus, Esau giving up his birthright for Jacob's stew and Shadrach, Meschach and Abendego going to the fiery furnace rather than bow to an idol.
In each of these stories, Becket shows us how we are all called to view Jesus as our true prize, true purpose and love. He simply boils it down to this, "I am more than willing to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow him (Matt. 16:24). He’s worth it." He's worth it.
And that's what I read in this book. Becket's mature walk with God and His unashamed, non- judgemental words pushed me to Jesus, to see how worthy Jesus is of my love and devotion.
This book isn't just for someone wondering what God's Word says about homosexuality, altho' I hope people pick it up for that reason. This book, like Jackie Hill Perry and David Bennett's books is all about how GREAT GOD IS!
September 8, 2019
This is a book that tells the autobiographical story of a gay man encountering Jesus. The conclusion is consistent with orthodox Christianity, rather than current political correctness, and therefore the book is vilified by those who will only accept one conclusion. From the perspective of orthodox Christianity, I believe the book is excellent. The tone is consistently one of love and acceptance of the person. The first part of the book is the autobiography, while the second half is answers to common questions. I think that both parts are excellent. I greatly appreciate how the author draws analogies with the Apostle Paul, who was happy to give up everything for the sake of Christ – something that every orthodox Christian should be more than willing to do, whether giving up money, fame, family or sexuality. If those of us who call ourselves Jesus followers are not willing to give things up for Jesus, it calls into question how much we are really following Him.
August 7, 2019
This book is homophobic and the story will influence lgbtqia+ people into thinking they should change.
you dont. you're perfectly fine. dont read this book if you stand for love.
you dont. you're perfectly fine. dont read this book if you stand for love.
August 7, 2019
If you search my Amazon profile, you’ll see that I’ve review books -- almost 4 dozen books, now -- in the Christian non-LGBTQ affirming niche. They all share a few similar core messages: homosexuality is sexual brokenness. We can’t find the reason for it, but it’s likely resultant from The Fall in Genesis. The Bible is clear on marriage and homosexuality. Marriage is only between a man and a woman.
Generally, these non-affirming authors believe, because God can do anything, he can fully change one’s homosexual orientation to one that is heterosexual (“God created the universe; he can heal sexual brokenness in an instant. But sometimes he allows various struggles to persist, because we are being sanctified.” (p. 125)) Others believe those who are gay can find sexual satisfaction and high levels of relational and even sexual intimacy in heterosexual marriage, while still others acknowledge, people are indeed LGBTQ and need to lead a life of sacrifice and permanent celibacy.
Author Becket Cook begins “A Change of Affection” with his personal story. Beyond that, the book falls neatly into the oft-repeated pattern described above.
Cook is a Christian who is same-sex attracted. Again, if you read even just a few books within this niche, you will notice there is a recently-established resistance to using the words “gay” and “Christian” together. In Cook’s case, he writes: “I don't identify with that old lifestyle (being gay) anymore. I am now a new creation in Christ. I am a follower of Christ to happens to experience same-sex attraction.” (p. 121)
The inference is that someone who identifies as a “gay Christian” is lower in the spiritual hierarchy than a “same-sex attracted Christian,” they may even be excluded from eternal salvation. Cook makes his hierarchical spiritual understanding quite clear: “Can you be gay and Christian? This one is complex, so let's break it down. First, we must define what it means to be gay. If you mean continuously and unrepentantly engaging in homosexual behavior, then no, you cannot be a gay Christian. But if you mean having a same-sex orientation but not acting on that impulse, then yes, you can be gay and Christian.” (p. 120-121) To be clear, one need not engage or have engaged in any sexual behavior and still identify as a “gay Christian.”
When a book includes the author’s personal story of journeying to God (which many of them do), and this one does, I steer away from commentary or “assessment” on the personal testimony. After all, we each have a unique story; I respect that. However, most authors add directives and expectations that are presented as both scripturally sound and absolutely reflective of God’s directives and expectation for those who are homosexual. After all, the Bible is “utterly clear” on the subject of homosexuality “not just in the so-called clobber passages, in which homosexuality is specifically called out as sin, but also in the entire scope of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation.” (p. 135) That’s the part of the book I focus in on, comment on, and challenge.
I don’t question Cook’s belief and intention to deliver a loving message. But, his book really is just another variation on the other four dozen I’ve read and reviewed. Cook is certainly passionate about his beliefs and admits he is willing to risk ridicule, unpopularity, and job loss to tell people that continuing as a self-identified homosexual has eternal consequences. He is burdened. If he doesn’t tell gay people that their behavior is sin, in fact, it is as though he is acting as an accomplice to their murder. (p. 168) Though he admits he may sometimes be acting the part of the older brother in the Prodigal Son story, “(s)ometimes, while driving through West Hollywood or wherever I see two gay men holding hands, I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking, Come on guys! Don't you know that homosexual behavior is wrong? Don't you see how destructive it is?” (p. 181-182) Though “(p)osting gay-affirming statements on social media might make my friends seem more loving towards the LGBT community, but is actually quite deadly and destructive.” (p. 156)
So, what about this concept that the Bible is “clear” on the subject of homosexuality? Is that really so? Problematically as well, the check-off list for what LGBTQ Christians can/cannot do, how they identify, if and how they can “heal,” if they welcome or not in churches, if they can serve in churches, keeps on changing. If the Bible is so clear, why has the check-off list changed so much over time?
I find this odd. Is God changing, are people not hearing him correctly? Or might it be something else? Are people creating theology and shifting it when each version is found not to work? Most people, pastors and certainly the authors of these four dozen books, don’t seem to realize how the pastoral advice given to gay people has radically shifted over the past seventy years.
Typically, my semi-epic book reviews challenge the author’s theology, studies which are misused (this is quite common) and lack of actual involvement with the people they are rules-making for. I’ve included some of my standard process in this review. But, along with my friend, Stan, who said told me this week, “I just cannot do this anymore. I cannot fight to be heard and never be heard. I am just too tired to engage any longer,” I’ve grown weary too.
This week, I’ve grown a bit more weary than usual. The constant barrage and flow of yet-another book, another sermon or talk, another person who needs to tell and rescue LGBTQ Christians from their orientation has become more personal and painful than usual.
I have a dear friend who lives an exemplary Christian life. Like Cook, he is Talbot seminary-trained. It took decades for him to come out. He didn’t want to do anything to displease God. He’s amongst the kindest, most generous and loving and passionate for Jesus and his Christian faith people I know. In trying to reconnect with family, they have treated him with disdain and shame. If you’re LGBTQ and from the south, and Southern Baptist, in particular, you likely can easily imagine the ugliness and blame they’ve already piled on him in the past. He lovingly tried to re-engage them this week. Not missing a beat, they continued the pile-on and shaming.
Another friend is a wonderful and extremely gifted creator and thinker. He is a very successful businessman. He decided to finally come out to his family. It’s become imperative. He’s been diagnosed with a rare and likely fatal disease and wants to marry his long-time partner. The attempted exchange was disastrous. Even though he tried to approach people privately and arrange for meetings outside the event, family members were angry at him for “disrupting” their event. Some other time, or no time at all, would suit them better. They too dumped blame and shame on him. Where have some Christians learned to master these skills of poor and damaging treatment of LGBTQ Christians?
If you care to learn, I have some insights. Expected or not, appropriate for this space or not, I am going to include a mini-lesson in this review. Those who could most benefit from these informed insights may only read this here, so, join me.
First, is the Bible is “utterly clear” on homosexuality as sin. Do you realize that the word homosexual(s) made its inaugural appearance in the Bible in 1946 Revised Standard Version New Testament (in I Corinthians 6:9-10)? And, further, did you know homosexual(s)/homosexuality was added in five additional places in the Bible as recent as 1971?
That’s likely fairly stunning information to most of you. The passages all referred to sexual acts resulting from excessive behaviors, rape, lust, manipulation, or abuse. There were no categories of heterosexual or homosexual when any section of the Bible was written.
Even as gay people became more obvious within the culture in the early twentieth century, conservative Christians weren’t focused on them at all. Their sights trained on other topics: evolution, alcohol, women, teen sex, Catholics, and communists. They never preached about homosexuality, heck, they never preached about marital sex!
Considering the slow progression of understanding human sexuality, and in particular sexual orientation, even in 1970s, little was understood about those who were gay. There just had to be something intrinsically wrong with those who did emotional, romantic and sexual attractions differently than heterosexual people. Without any scientific or medical support, homosexuality was considered a mental illness right up until 1973.
Recall that I mentioned the word “homosexual” was first introduced into the Bible in 1946? The translation team for the Revised Standard Version of the Bible combined two Greek words as “homosexual.” (They actually did the translation work for I Corinthians in the 1930s. If you want to know more about this, search my website. I’ve been working on original archival research.) The translation team was operating under the same understanding as the wider culture—homosexuality was a mental illness.
More than a decade later, the team’s translation decision to use the word “homosexual” was challenged. As a result of the detailed challenge, the head of the team admitted making an error in using the word “homosexual.” He assured the challenger that the team would correct the translation error in the RSV revision. Unfortunately, RSV-r was not published until 1971. By then, the error had stood, almost unnoticed for twenty-five years.
Even with the word “homosexual” plainly appearing in the RSV, there is no record of the usage of I Corinthians or any other biblical passages used in pastoral counseling to “correct” gay people until the mid-to-late 1970s. The standard pastoral advice given gay people (recorded only a few times in the 1940s) was a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist for professional help. After all, homosexuality was a mental illness, not a moral issue.
During the late 1950s and 1960s, there are scant accounts of some more progressive-leaning Protestant and Quaker ministers attempting to find gracious and inclusive ways to engage gay people, but still, they, just as was the wider culture, were viewing homosexuality through a diseased lens, and not as a sin.
We begin to see an almost unnoticeable shift in conservative spaces in the 1960s with the onset of the field of “biblical counseling.” Dr. Clyde Narramore merged psychology and the Bible, and Dr. William Standish Reed merged medicine and the Bible. Homosexuality still deemed a pathology, could be cured like many other body and mental illnesses—through Christian faith, and better yet, Spirit-filled Christianity was the most effective tool. Christianity could “heal” the mental illness of homosexuality.
There was no consideration for partial healing of homosexuality, it was an all-or-nothing proposition. Entering life-long celibacy was not healing or the desired outcome. After all, imposed celibacy (as required of Catholic priests) was an idea straight from the devil (Martin Luther). Mockery and disdain for the Catholic idea of imposed celibacy had been part of the Protestant narrative for over 450 years since the Reformation.
When in 1973 the American Psychological Association corrected their non-science, non-study-based decades-old wrongful designation of homosexuality as a mental illness, one may have hoped people in the religious world would revisit the placement of the word “homosexual” in the Bible as well. The 1971 RSV-r had just been changed from “homosexual” to “sexual perverts.” “Sexual perverts” was not a category of people, it could be any person who used or abused sex or others sexually, certainly not just homosexuals. Tragically, even as the RSV shifted focus in I Corinthians away from gay people exclusively, three more versions of the Bible whose translation work began in the late1950s (NASB, TLB, and NIV) had all used the RSV as their base text. Each one duplicated RSV wrong translation and The Living Bible added homosexual(s)/homosexuality in five more places. This is not that long ago; I was in high school. The stigmatization of gay people waned in medicine and increased in the religion.
The conservative church newly-focused their concerns on the moral decline of America (abortion, women’s move toward equality (yes, really), homosexuality, drug usage, and pornography). Conservative faith leaders then made one of their gravest errors in the past forty years. Wanting more cultural control and influence, they happily entered a very unholy marriage with conservative politics. Moral wedge issues were used to drive previously unengaged voters to the polls. Homosexuality was one of the top wedge issues. Even with the word right there in the Bible, no anti-gay theology was created.
Christian anti-gay books began popping up at the end of the 1970s. These books were stigma and ideology-based, not theological in nature at all. They were almost exclusively fear-based and warned of the threat and destruction “the homosexual” would bring to marriage, families, the church, and the country. No longer a mental illness, conveniently, homosexuality was now a sin.
By the late 1970s, the first wave of “Becket Cooks” came along. It may be helpful to put this in perspective, the McDonald’s Happy Meal and the change-the-gays theology are about the same age.
Homosexual Colin Cook, a Seventh Day Adventist, offered hope to others. He claimed he was no longer homosexual. His story was carried in denominational journals. The response was overwhelming. If he could change, so could others. The problem was, he never did change. He opened a practice, he created books and videos, his organization spread to almost every state. The promise of change drove the creation of an ex-gay industry. But, it was all based on Cook’s lies, supported by a wrong translation of Greek words that was multiplied and stood uncorrected for too long. When the SDA cut financial support and ties with Colin Cook over his gross immorality, wildly inappropriate counseling techniques, and lying, he claimed a momentary oops, hit the reset button for himself and moved right on over to the now growing evangelical ex-gay market as the no-longer-gay proof. His change story and counseling promises found new markets to serve. Even Focus on the Family used his services.
So, where is Colin Cook today? I had a long conversation with him a few months ago. Even after following the techniques he created and taught, techniques I can only describe as labyrinthian, at 79, he is still gay. Sadly, he has never admitted nor taken responsibility for his deceptive and complicit actions.
Eventually, Cook “disappeared.” By the early 1990s, again, he was caught in unethical counseling practices, but his false promise of change had already taken root and spread throughout the conservative church. Other ex-gays took the limelight and told their stories of change. This set-up was beneficial to the religious right’s bed partner, the conservative political movement. They didn’t want to extend equal rights to LGBTQ people. A constant supply of no-longer-gays proved that sexual orientation was not permanent, it could be changed. And, because gay people could change, they didn’t need “special rights” (aka, their civil rights).
It had been a decade since medical experts and professional health care organizations had dismissed the notion of homosexuality as pathology along with it imagined “causes.” Then in 1983 non-psychology expert Elizabeth Moberly resurrected the discarded mess and couched it churchy language in her 56-page pamphlet “Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic”(1983). She had a way, via Christian counseling, to move people from homosexuality to heterosexuality. She had absolutely no medical or psychological training, she created theories, came up with methods for change, and did counseling for healing of homosexuality using Christian language.
The now fully-discredited Dr. Joseph Nicolosi co-opted Moberly’s theories when he saw one of her former clients in his practice. He expanded on her work without crediting her, she got mad, left the field and Nicolosi pushed his work into the Christian ex-gay world. His writings were used to support much of the work of change orientation Christian ministries. What a disaster that was! After three decades, most of those groups have shut down and many former have publicly apologized for their work.
It was time for a new version of being gay in the conservative church. Enter the 2010s. What’s the church to do with LGBTQ people who were wrestling with their faith, coming out, finding community with other LGBTQ Christians, wanting to stay in church, and unable to change orientation?
The opposite of homosexuality had been heterosexuality (but that wasn’t happening), so, it became “holy-sexuality.” In flowed numerous books by same-sex attracted Christians, admitting they couldn’t change their orientation. They entreated others to join them in holy sexuality or life-long celibacy. Oh, how their 1960s forefathers in biblical counseling, who thought they too spoke for God, would have scoffed at them. Imposed celibacy, ala the Catholic clergy? It was a trick of the devil!
Since the 1940s, goal posts, requirements, and dictates kept changing.
But here is the bottom line: a great moral injustice (the conservative Christian approach to changing or rejecting LGBTQ people) was the result of factual errors (mistranslated words, and viewing homosexuality as a mental illness, then a sin).
What do we/you do with and about all this? It’s gotten pretty complicated. Do you ignore it, remain complicit, and carry on?
The majority of conservative religious leaders certainly have ignored, remained complicit and carried on. The authors whose books (including “A Change of Affection”) I have read and reviewed certainly have done the same.
I’ve read all these books. Not many people can claim that. They are all basically the same. The books are full of the easy, thinly-constructed, sloppy, crowd-pleasing work that continues to bolster the gays-must-change narrative.
I would be so impressed if just one of those authors whose books I’ve read did some decent historical work around social changes in the roles of men and women, or investigated the very young history of anti-gay theology, or even peeked into the history of biblical counseling for LGBTQ people and how that has shifted, and get honest about it all. They may not come to the conclusions I have. Fine, at least do some deeper work. Just a modicum of some foundational historical academics. But they never do the damn work! It’s exhausting. It’s sloppy. It’s damaging.
LGBTQ people and their families already have one foot out the door of churches, a large group of them will end their relationships with God altogether.
Mr. Cook writes that not telling people about their homosexual sin has eternal consequences (p.168). Exclusionary, shaming, man-created teachings he supports also have not only far-reaching eternal consequences, they have earthly consequences too. I am continually disturbed by authors who need evidence of studies to prove that such teachings are doing damage to LGBTQ people.
Christian leaders and pastors, authors, people in the pews, and mostly those who have LGBTQ people in your lives: invest in participating in one of the most important works of justice in the church today—the deconstruction of anti-gay theology.
Search my name on Youtube, I’ve done a 2-part, 5-hour substantial overview that greatly expands on some points I’ve contained in this review, start there.
I am sure Cook is a well-intentioned and lovely man, but this book and all the promotion that goes with it will be weaponized against LGBTQ Christians.
This moral injustice can be corrected, and it will be.
Generally, these non-affirming authors believe, because God can do anything, he can fully change one’s homosexual orientation to one that is heterosexual (“God created the universe; he can heal sexual brokenness in an instant. But sometimes he allows various struggles to persist, because we are being sanctified.” (p. 125)) Others believe those who are gay can find sexual satisfaction and high levels of relational and even sexual intimacy in heterosexual marriage, while still others acknowledge, people are indeed LGBTQ and need to lead a life of sacrifice and permanent celibacy.
Author Becket Cook begins “A Change of Affection” with his personal story. Beyond that, the book falls neatly into the oft-repeated pattern described above.
Cook is a Christian who is same-sex attracted. Again, if you read even just a few books within this niche, you will notice there is a recently-established resistance to using the words “gay” and “Christian” together. In Cook’s case, he writes: “I don't identify with that old lifestyle (being gay) anymore. I am now a new creation in Christ. I am a follower of Christ to happens to experience same-sex attraction.” (p. 121)
The inference is that someone who identifies as a “gay Christian” is lower in the spiritual hierarchy than a “same-sex attracted Christian,” they may even be excluded from eternal salvation. Cook makes his hierarchical spiritual understanding quite clear: “Can you be gay and Christian? This one is complex, so let's break it down. First, we must define what it means to be gay. If you mean continuously and unrepentantly engaging in homosexual behavior, then no, you cannot be a gay Christian. But if you mean having a same-sex orientation but not acting on that impulse, then yes, you can be gay and Christian.” (p. 120-121) To be clear, one need not engage or have engaged in any sexual behavior and still identify as a “gay Christian.”
When a book includes the author’s personal story of journeying to God (which many of them do), and this one does, I steer away from commentary or “assessment” on the personal testimony. After all, we each have a unique story; I respect that. However, most authors add directives and expectations that are presented as both scripturally sound and absolutely reflective of God’s directives and expectation for those who are homosexual. After all, the Bible is “utterly clear” on the subject of homosexuality “not just in the so-called clobber passages, in which homosexuality is specifically called out as sin, but also in the entire scope of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation.” (p. 135) That’s the part of the book I focus in on, comment on, and challenge.
I don’t question Cook’s belief and intention to deliver a loving message. But, his book really is just another variation on the other four dozen I’ve read and reviewed. Cook is certainly passionate about his beliefs and admits he is willing to risk ridicule, unpopularity, and job loss to tell people that continuing as a self-identified homosexual has eternal consequences. He is burdened. If he doesn’t tell gay people that their behavior is sin, in fact, it is as though he is acting as an accomplice to their murder. (p. 168) Though he admits he may sometimes be acting the part of the older brother in the Prodigal Son story, “(s)ometimes, while driving through West Hollywood or wherever I see two gay men holding hands, I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking, Come on guys! Don't you know that homosexual behavior is wrong? Don't you see how destructive it is?” (p. 181-182) Though “(p)osting gay-affirming statements on social media might make my friends seem more loving towards the LGBT community, but is actually quite deadly and destructive.” (p. 156)
So, what about this concept that the Bible is “clear” on the subject of homosexuality? Is that really so? Problematically as well, the check-off list for what LGBTQ Christians can/cannot do, how they identify, if and how they can “heal,” if they welcome or not in churches, if they can serve in churches, keeps on changing. If the Bible is so clear, why has the check-off list changed so much over time?
I find this odd. Is God changing, are people not hearing him correctly? Or might it be something else? Are people creating theology and shifting it when each version is found not to work? Most people, pastors and certainly the authors of these four dozen books, don’t seem to realize how the pastoral advice given to gay people has radically shifted over the past seventy years.
Typically, my semi-epic book reviews challenge the author’s theology, studies which are misused (this is quite common) and lack of actual involvement with the people they are rules-making for. I’ve included some of my standard process in this review. But, along with my friend, Stan, who said told me this week, “I just cannot do this anymore. I cannot fight to be heard and never be heard. I am just too tired to engage any longer,” I’ve grown weary too.
This week, I’ve grown a bit more weary than usual. The constant barrage and flow of yet-another book, another sermon or talk, another person who needs to tell and rescue LGBTQ Christians from their orientation has become more personal and painful than usual.
I have a dear friend who lives an exemplary Christian life. Like Cook, he is Talbot seminary-trained. It took decades for him to come out. He didn’t want to do anything to displease God. He’s amongst the kindest, most generous and loving and passionate for Jesus and his Christian faith people I know. In trying to reconnect with family, they have treated him with disdain and shame. If you’re LGBTQ and from the south, and Southern Baptist, in particular, you likely can easily imagine the ugliness and blame they’ve already piled on him in the past. He lovingly tried to re-engage them this week. Not missing a beat, they continued the pile-on and shaming.
Another friend is a wonderful and extremely gifted creator and thinker. He is a very successful businessman. He decided to finally come out to his family. It’s become imperative. He’s been diagnosed with a rare and likely fatal disease and wants to marry his long-time partner. The attempted exchange was disastrous. Even though he tried to approach people privately and arrange for meetings outside the event, family members were angry at him for “disrupting” their event. Some other time, or no time at all, would suit them better. They too dumped blame and shame on him. Where have some Christians learned to master these skills of poor and damaging treatment of LGBTQ Christians?
If you care to learn, I have some insights. Expected or not, appropriate for this space or not, I am going to include a mini-lesson in this review. Those who could most benefit from these informed insights may only read this here, so, join me.
First, is the Bible is “utterly clear” on homosexuality as sin. Do you realize that the word homosexual(s) made its inaugural appearance in the Bible in 1946 Revised Standard Version New Testament (in I Corinthians 6:9-10)? And, further, did you know homosexual(s)/homosexuality was added in five additional places in the Bible as recent as 1971?
That’s likely fairly stunning information to most of you. The passages all referred to sexual acts resulting from excessive behaviors, rape, lust, manipulation, or abuse. There were no categories of heterosexual or homosexual when any section of the Bible was written.
Even as gay people became more obvious within the culture in the early twentieth century, conservative Christians weren’t focused on them at all. Their sights trained on other topics: evolution, alcohol, women, teen sex, Catholics, and communists. They never preached about homosexuality, heck, they never preached about marital sex!
Considering the slow progression of understanding human sexuality, and in particular sexual orientation, even in 1970s, little was understood about those who were gay. There just had to be something intrinsically wrong with those who did emotional, romantic and sexual attractions differently than heterosexual people. Without any scientific or medical support, homosexuality was considered a mental illness right up until 1973.
Recall that I mentioned the word “homosexual” was first introduced into the Bible in 1946? The translation team for the Revised Standard Version of the Bible combined two Greek words as “homosexual.” (They actually did the translation work for I Corinthians in the 1930s. If you want to know more about this, search my website. I’ve been working on original archival research.) The translation team was operating under the same understanding as the wider culture—homosexuality was a mental illness.
More than a decade later, the team’s translation decision to use the word “homosexual” was challenged. As a result of the detailed challenge, the head of the team admitted making an error in using the word “homosexual.” He assured the challenger that the team would correct the translation error in the RSV revision. Unfortunately, RSV-r was not published until 1971. By then, the error had stood, almost unnoticed for twenty-five years.
Even with the word “homosexual” plainly appearing in the RSV, there is no record of the usage of I Corinthians or any other biblical passages used in pastoral counseling to “correct” gay people until the mid-to-late 1970s. The standard pastoral advice given gay people (recorded only a few times in the 1940s) was a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist for professional help. After all, homosexuality was a mental illness, not a moral issue.
During the late 1950s and 1960s, there are scant accounts of some more progressive-leaning Protestant and Quaker ministers attempting to find gracious and inclusive ways to engage gay people, but still, they, just as was the wider culture, were viewing homosexuality through a diseased lens, and not as a sin.
We begin to see an almost unnoticeable shift in conservative spaces in the 1960s with the onset of the field of “biblical counseling.” Dr. Clyde Narramore merged psychology and the Bible, and Dr. William Standish Reed merged medicine and the Bible. Homosexuality still deemed a pathology, could be cured like many other body and mental illnesses—through Christian faith, and better yet, Spirit-filled Christianity was the most effective tool. Christianity could “heal” the mental illness of homosexuality.
There was no consideration for partial healing of homosexuality, it was an all-or-nothing proposition. Entering life-long celibacy was not healing or the desired outcome. After all, imposed celibacy (as required of Catholic priests) was an idea straight from the devil (Martin Luther). Mockery and disdain for the Catholic idea of imposed celibacy had been part of the Protestant narrative for over 450 years since the Reformation.
When in 1973 the American Psychological Association corrected their non-science, non-study-based decades-old wrongful designation of homosexuality as a mental illness, one may have hoped people in the religious world would revisit the placement of the word “homosexual” in the Bible as well. The 1971 RSV-r had just been changed from “homosexual” to “sexual perverts.” “Sexual perverts” was not a category of people, it could be any person who used or abused sex or others sexually, certainly not just homosexuals. Tragically, even as the RSV shifted focus in I Corinthians away from gay people exclusively, three more versions of the Bible whose translation work began in the late1950s (NASB, TLB, and NIV) had all used the RSV as their base text. Each one duplicated RSV wrong translation and The Living Bible added homosexual(s)/homosexuality in five more places. This is not that long ago; I was in high school. The stigmatization of gay people waned in medicine and increased in the religion.
The conservative church newly-focused their concerns on the moral decline of America (abortion, women’s move toward equality (yes, really), homosexuality, drug usage, and pornography). Conservative faith leaders then made one of their gravest errors in the past forty years. Wanting more cultural control and influence, they happily entered a very unholy marriage with conservative politics. Moral wedge issues were used to drive previously unengaged voters to the polls. Homosexuality was one of the top wedge issues. Even with the word right there in the Bible, no anti-gay theology was created.
Christian anti-gay books began popping up at the end of the 1970s. These books were stigma and ideology-based, not theological in nature at all. They were almost exclusively fear-based and warned of the threat and destruction “the homosexual” would bring to marriage, families, the church, and the country. No longer a mental illness, conveniently, homosexuality was now a sin.
By the late 1970s, the first wave of “Becket Cooks” came along. It may be helpful to put this in perspective, the McDonald’s Happy Meal and the change-the-gays theology are about the same age.
Homosexual Colin Cook, a Seventh Day Adventist, offered hope to others. He claimed he was no longer homosexual. His story was carried in denominational journals. The response was overwhelming. If he could change, so could others. The problem was, he never did change. He opened a practice, he created books and videos, his organization spread to almost every state. The promise of change drove the creation of an ex-gay industry. But, it was all based on Cook’s lies, supported by a wrong translation of Greek words that was multiplied and stood uncorrected for too long. When the SDA cut financial support and ties with Colin Cook over his gross immorality, wildly inappropriate counseling techniques, and lying, he claimed a momentary oops, hit the reset button for himself and moved right on over to the now growing evangelical ex-gay market as the no-longer-gay proof. His change story and counseling promises found new markets to serve. Even Focus on the Family used his services.
So, where is Colin Cook today? I had a long conversation with him a few months ago. Even after following the techniques he created and taught, techniques I can only describe as labyrinthian, at 79, he is still gay. Sadly, he has never admitted nor taken responsibility for his deceptive and complicit actions.
Eventually, Cook “disappeared.” By the early 1990s, again, he was caught in unethical counseling practices, but his false promise of change had already taken root and spread throughout the conservative church. Other ex-gays took the limelight and told their stories of change. This set-up was beneficial to the religious right’s bed partner, the conservative political movement. They didn’t want to extend equal rights to LGBTQ people. A constant supply of no-longer-gays proved that sexual orientation was not permanent, it could be changed. And, because gay people could change, they didn’t need “special rights” (aka, their civil rights).
It had been a decade since medical experts and professional health care organizations had dismissed the notion of homosexuality as pathology along with it imagined “causes.” Then in 1983 non-psychology expert Elizabeth Moberly resurrected the discarded mess and couched it churchy language in her 56-page pamphlet “Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic”(1983). She had a way, via Christian counseling, to move people from homosexuality to heterosexuality. She had absolutely no medical or psychological training, she created theories, came up with methods for change, and did counseling for healing of homosexuality using Christian language.
The now fully-discredited Dr. Joseph Nicolosi co-opted Moberly’s theories when he saw one of her former clients in his practice. He expanded on her work without crediting her, she got mad, left the field and Nicolosi pushed his work into the Christian ex-gay world. His writings were used to support much of the work of change orientation Christian ministries. What a disaster that was! After three decades, most of those groups have shut down and many former have publicly apologized for their work.
It was time for a new version of being gay in the conservative church. Enter the 2010s. What’s the church to do with LGBTQ people who were wrestling with their faith, coming out, finding community with other LGBTQ Christians, wanting to stay in church, and unable to change orientation?
The opposite of homosexuality had been heterosexuality (but that wasn’t happening), so, it became “holy-sexuality.” In flowed numerous books by same-sex attracted Christians, admitting they couldn’t change their orientation. They entreated others to join them in holy sexuality or life-long celibacy. Oh, how their 1960s forefathers in biblical counseling, who thought they too spoke for God, would have scoffed at them. Imposed celibacy, ala the Catholic clergy? It was a trick of the devil!
Since the 1940s, goal posts, requirements, and dictates kept changing.
But here is the bottom line: a great moral injustice (the conservative Christian approach to changing or rejecting LGBTQ people) was the result of factual errors (mistranslated words, and viewing homosexuality as a mental illness, then a sin).
What do we/you do with and about all this? It’s gotten pretty complicated. Do you ignore it, remain complicit, and carry on?
The majority of conservative religious leaders certainly have ignored, remained complicit and carried on. The authors whose books (including “A Change of Affection”) I have read and reviewed certainly have done the same.
I’ve read all these books. Not many people can claim that. They are all basically the same. The books are full of the easy, thinly-constructed, sloppy, crowd-pleasing work that continues to bolster the gays-must-change narrative.
I would be so impressed if just one of those authors whose books I’ve read did some decent historical work around social changes in the roles of men and women, or investigated the very young history of anti-gay theology, or even peeked into the history of biblical counseling for LGBTQ people and how that has shifted, and get honest about it all. They may not come to the conclusions I have. Fine, at least do some deeper work. Just a modicum of some foundational historical academics. But they never do the damn work! It’s exhausting. It’s sloppy. It’s damaging.
LGBTQ people and their families already have one foot out the door of churches, a large group of them will end their relationships with God altogether.
Mr. Cook writes that not telling people about their homosexual sin has eternal consequences (p.168). Exclusionary, shaming, man-created teachings he supports also have not only far-reaching eternal consequences, they have earthly consequences too. I am continually disturbed by authors who need evidence of studies to prove that such teachings are doing damage to LGBTQ people.
Christian leaders and pastors, authors, people in the pews, and mostly those who have LGBTQ people in your lives: invest in participating in one of the most important works of justice in the church today—the deconstruction of anti-gay theology.
Search my name on Youtube, I’ve done a 2-part, 5-hour substantial overview that greatly expands on some points I’ve contained in this review, start there.
I am sure Cook is a well-intentioned and lovely man, but this book and all the promotion that goes with it will be weaponized against LGBTQ Christians.
This moral injustice can be corrected, and it will be.
September 11, 2019
My identity is no longer in my sexuality but in Christ, and I choose to live in a manner that is biblical and glorifying to him. My hope is that, after reading this book, you will be better equipped to navigate the tension between truth and love in a healthy, balanced way. My motivation for writing this book is not to win a debate. It is not so I could be right and you wrong. Love is what motivates me. Love of the father and love for others.
Becket Cook speaks from experience, love and understanding. Cook has lived the Hollywood life style, his identity wrapped up tight in his sexuality. How did he come to the Cross of Jesus? Having coffee at an upswing coffee shop in Hollywood, overhearing a gathering of Christians, praying and doing bible study. For fun, Cook and his friend wanted to stir the pot. Cook was invited to church and after week of sitting on the fence but feeling the pull to go, he went and heard the gospel for the very first time. Romans was taught and his eyes were opened to sin and to the holiness of God.
Cook explains his childhood, a sexual encounter with a friend's father at a young age, and how he was pulled willingly to same sex attraction. The reaction of family and how it put up walls of defense and offense and how he came to accept who he was in his sexuality. After years of living the lifestyle of being known by the elite, meeting new people, experiencing new things, that liked Solomon of the bible, he realized that life is meaningless. This realization made his heart ripe to hear the gospel and to respond. His response is above amazing and it makes me think of my own walk. What do I put my identity in? How do I respond to the gospel. His insight to the gospel makes you think of your own life and walk and how to better respond.
His heart is still for the LGBT community and for the gospel. The gospel is not up for debate but it is up for a response. That is what makes his testimony glorious!
A Special Thank you to Thomas Nelson Books and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
Becket Cook speaks from experience, love and understanding. Cook has lived the Hollywood life style, his identity wrapped up tight in his sexuality. How did he come to the Cross of Jesus? Having coffee at an upswing coffee shop in Hollywood, overhearing a gathering of Christians, praying and doing bible study. For fun, Cook and his friend wanted to stir the pot. Cook was invited to church and after week of sitting on the fence but feeling the pull to go, he went and heard the gospel for the very first time. Romans was taught and his eyes were opened to sin and to the holiness of God.
Cook explains his childhood, a sexual encounter with a friend's father at a young age, and how he was pulled willingly to same sex attraction. The reaction of family and how it put up walls of defense and offense and how he came to accept who he was in his sexuality. After years of living the lifestyle of being known by the elite, meeting new people, experiencing new things, that liked Solomon of the bible, he realized that life is meaningless. This realization made his heart ripe to hear the gospel and to respond. His response is above amazing and it makes me think of my own walk. What do I put my identity in? How do I respond to the gospel. His insight to the gospel makes you think of your own life and walk and how to better respond.
His heart is still for the LGBT community and for the gospel. The gospel is not up for debate but it is up for a response. That is what makes his testimony glorious!
A Special Thank you to Thomas Nelson Books and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
July 24, 2019
"my identity is no longer in my sexuality but in Christ, and I choose to live in a manner that is biblical and glorifying to him." and wow is that hard to say!! in this world, we become taken to worldly things, and that can turn into things we determine as our identity. this man, becket cook, a "follower of Christ who happens to experience same-sex attraction" has decided to deny himself, pick up the cross, and follow Jesus. therefore, he doesn't engage in homosexual behavior because that "meal" isn't worth his birthright, his eternal inheritance. this book is transformational, inspiring, and shows me how powerful the gospel is, and also how to love people who disagree with this controversial, most times painful, issue.
September 19, 2022
This was simply amazing..... a fascinating and encouraging story that I was eager to keep reading! he writes in such a straightforward style as if having a conversation that is heartfelt..A great insight. I enjoyed reading it and gladly recommend it.
August 28, 2019
I really enjoyed this book. The author's outright love for Jesus made it very compelling. I found myself audibly whooping when Cook recounts his conversion to Christianity.
August 11, 2019
From darkness to Light, our God is faithful.
December 28, 2019
Not discrediting this man's experience.... it's just that one person's experience should not be expected to be the norm for everyone in his position. I will say that he is wrong about not being able to be gay and be Christian. That is not in the Bible anywhere. The only thing the Bible tells us about how to be a Christian is in Romans 10:9-10, when the word says to confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that Jesus Christ is the son of God and we will be saved. That's it. Not "clean up your act, change your ways, or change your sexual/gender identity." This is just another version of works mentality that denies the freely given grace of salvation, so I am opposed to this message as the opposite of the message of Christ. This book is just pandering to those Christians who want to feel like they're good people even though they are actually prejudiced against people in the LGBTQ+ community and want to dictate to them how their lives and relationships - including their relationship with God - should be. I only read it because someone I care about asked me to, but I don't recommend it or it's message. For a real breakdown on the problems of the message in the book itself, see the review posted here by Kathy Baldock. They said it all.
August 18, 2019
The very first thing to grab my attention in this book was a line in the forward: "Becket's testimony was powerful because... he genuinely believed he was that loved by a person that great." I loved the author's humble exploration of how he became a gay and the love demonstrated by Christians that drew him into a relationship with Jesus. His insights are deeply helpful in understanding how homosexuality affects the identity of the whole person as well as how believers can best respond to and walk in a relationship with their gay friends.
December 4, 2020
What an incredible read! I was blown away by Becket’s testimony. I first heard about this book from the Alisa Childers podcast. I was in tears after hearing him tell his story.
Becket explained the gospel so beautifully and I learned so much. I’d gladly read a book on theology or an apologetic book by him.
This book gave me such courage to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. To not be ashamed of the gospel. It truly has the power to change lives. (Romans 1:16)
I highly highly recommend this book! Definitely one of my favourites of the year for sure!
Becket explained the gospel so beautifully and I learned so much. I’d gladly read a book on theology or an apologetic book by him.
This book gave me such courage to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. To not be ashamed of the gospel. It truly has the power to change lives. (Romans 1:16)
I highly highly recommend this book! Definitely one of my favourites of the year for sure!
December 28, 2019
Memoirs are my favorite genre to read, and this one did not disappoint! But Becket Cook's book, "A Change of Affection" is much more than a memoir--it's his love story with Jesus and several Bible studies packed into one.
"A Change of Affection" is incredibly well-written, intriguing, captivating, and well-written. I could barely put it down.
This is a book for our time and a must-read for every follower of Christ.
"A Change of Affection" is incredibly well-written, intriguing, captivating, and well-written. I could barely put it down.
This is a book for our time and a must-read for every follower of Christ.
November 23, 2023
I’ve read this book in physical (last Dec!) and audiobook formats - both are good, depending on your preference!
The first section is his own compelling of how God called him to Himself and redeemed his soul; the second half addresses lots of common questions he has faced or been asked. One of my favorite parts is how much scripture he uses throughout the book!
Beckett’s story is both inspiring & deeply convicting. His absolute abandonment of his past and his death to self in pursuit of Christ is inspiring. It should also convict fellow believers to lay aside our own sin and wholly pursue Christ.
I really appreciate Beckett’s call to a life of holiness. His position is refreshing because he truly believes in the reality of sanctification and the “new man” in Christ. He is not a victim of his sin or his past, nor does he act as a ‘sin apologist’.
The first section is his own compelling of how God called him to Himself and redeemed his soul; the second half addresses lots of common questions he has faced or been asked. One of my favorite parts is how much scripture he uses throughout the book!
Beckett’s story is both inspiring & deeply convicting. His absolute abandonment of his past and his death to self in pursuit of Christ is inspiring. It should also convict fellow believers to lay aside our own sin and wholly pursue Christ.
I really appreciate Beckett’s call to a life of holiness. His position is refreshing because he truly believes in the reality of sanctification and the “new man” in Christ. He is not a victim of his sin or his past, nor does he act as a ‘sin apologist’.
March 4, 2023
Becket’s testimony is powerful and encouraging. The layout of the book was nice in that the first half was his story and the second half was his response to the most common questions he has been asked since his conversion to Christianity. He is always pointing back to the Lord and his Word which I think is good when dealing with the difficult topics. To me the takeaway from reading this book is the power of prayer and surrender. God is faithful!
August 1, 2023
I appreciated Beckett Cook's faith, humility, honesty, and sensitive approach to telling his story of leaving the homosexual lifestyle to follow Christ. Now a top recommendation on Christianity and homosexuality.
August 17, 2019
I really enjoyed reading this book. I’d highly recommend it! It’s a quick read being less than 200 pages. I’d love to read another book by this author. The first part of the book is a short biography. The second half is more a Christian living style with illustrations from the bible. His joy and gratefulness to God was contagious, he made me look at myself and my walk with God. I can get complacent and just go through the motions, where’s my daily, joy, love and gratefulness towards Jesus and what He’s done to rescue me. The illustrations he used from the bible and what he drew out of them really spoke to me and just remembering to keep myself accountable and questioning what am I hanging on to, what am I settling for instead of looking to God? He used the bible as his plumb line and doesn’t shy away from the truth, really challenged me and I found it very helpful in trying to navigate this current world with the often intolerance of biblical views.
December 28, 2021
I'm always encouraged by Becket's words!
—
Las estrellas dejan mucho qué desear a la hora de evaluar un libro. La manera en que tú interpretas 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas probablemente será muy distinta a la manera en que yo interpreto 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas.
Aquí va la «traducción» del sistema de estrellas de Ana al español:
⭐️ - Malo
⭐️ ⭐️ - Me costó terminar
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Muy bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Me cambió la vida / No pude soltarlo
Para saber más sobre cómo doy estrellas, puedes escuchar este episodio de mi podcast.
—
Las estrellas dejan mucho qué desear a la hora de evaluar un libro. La manera en que tú interpretas 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas probablemente será muy distinta a la manera en que yo interpreto 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas.
Aquí va la «traducción» del sistema de estrellas de Ana al español:
⭐️ - Malo
⭐️ ⭐️ - Me costó terminar
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Muy bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Me cambió la vida / No pude soltarlo
Para saber más sobre cómo doy estrellas, puedes escuchar este episodio de mi podcast.
April 20, 2019
I received an early copy of this book and loved it! Becket shares his life and the profound way he met Jesus. I was deeply moved and wonderfully surprised by his story. I highly recommend it!
August 3, 2019
Fabulous read! Incredible testimony of God’s transformational love and grace, from the inside-out!!!
December 28, 2022
A much as I admire Becket Cook's conversion to Christianity and his attempt to use this book to evangelize gay men and liberal Christians, it is so highly flawed and inconsequential that I came away thinking that reading it was a confusing waste of time.
The first half is a whole bunch of nothing, beyond his braggadocio and entitlement, jetting off across the world without having any real job. He studied to become a doctor, but after a stint as an unqualified "English teacher in Japan" he ended up an actor and set decorator! The guy was raised as a little rich kid, ignored by his parents, taught at a Jesuit boys' school and out of touch with everyday reality.
Cook was a longtime atheist gay man who worked his way up in Hollywood. The problem is that this extremely short book skips through most of his significant life experiences, brags non-stop about his affluence and popularity, and fails to say one thing about his homosexual physical relationships. You would think he was a virgin who never touched another body because he says nothing about actually engaging in anything physical. His intent may have been to keep it from being salacious, but to write your story about a wild Hollywood lifestyle and fail to mention anything about what you actually did makes the story lack credibility.
The source of his attraction to men seems obvious, beginning after a friend's dad molested him during a sleepover and young Becket's getting turned on by porn with male friends. We are never given any specifics about Cook's growing homosexuality over his school years and college--everything is very vague and there are no facts given beyond a few boys he found attractive. This certainly is not a tell-all.
The book had started with his dramatic conversion to the faith, but even that lacks so many details that it's hard to believe. He goes decades never thinking of God, then runs into some guy at a coffee shop who invites Becket to church and the first time attending Cook goes forward for prayer, without actually accepting anything specific. He cries uncontrollably. Then he wakes up that night "in a daze" saying "I could see everything more clearly." Huh? What happened? Did he actually repent and accept Christ as savior? We don't know beyond implication.
Cook writes, "It's difficult to explain all of what I experienced or understood in that moment." Well at least try! This is your life story, your chance to explain it!
The last portion of the book is given to addressing the many questions he gets about his theology and beliefs. Here's where things really get messy and Cook does a poor job explaining beyond simplistic Bible quoting (he spends a lot of the book quoting others).
In an attempt to say that the Savior identifies with our loneliness, Becket actually writes that, "It's easy to forget that Jesus was single, poor, and homeless." What? Jesus had a huge crew following him around at all times, He certainly was never truly alone. Poor? There is no real statement in the Bible that says He had no money beyond misinterpreting it from, "Though He was rich He became poor for your sake that you through His poverty might become rich." Since we didn't physically become money rich through Him, then it's obvious the Bible isn't saying Jesus became monetarily poor. As a matter of fact there was an apostle that was in charge of Jesus' funds named Judas.
And the homeless part? That's a very liberal interpretation of Jesus saying He "had nowhere to lay His head." Jesus had a mother and family that he could live with, but was essentially a traveling preacher that stayed with followers. Choosing to travel around isn't the same as being "homeless." And as the creator of the universe, He could live where he wanted or conjure up a place to stay. To equate Him with modern homelessness is ridiculous liberal spin.
So based on the author's inadequate summary of Jesus, I question everything Cook interprets in the Bible.
He goes on to question whether a homosexual is "born this way." He says there is no way of knowing whether they are or are not, which is true. But he should have said that there is no evidence that will ever be possible that one would be born that way since you can't measure homosexuality at birth. Even if scientists find a "gene" that is in many gay men it certainly won't be in all and others with the gene will never develop homosexual desires. And you'd have to impossibly control all the outside variables to conclude it was only a gene that caused the same-sex attraction.
At least he admits that as much as Lady Gaga wants to proclaim it, there is zero evidence that gay men are "born this way." But Cook then states clearly: "Homosexual desire or orientation is not a choice. I never consciously chose to be attracted to men." Um, if it's not from birth and not a choice then what is it?
A bit later he writes, "God did not create me gay." Okay, then how did it happen, if he can't blame himself for making the choice or say it's something God created? Another head-scratcher that makes no sense. He should just come out and say that you can choose whether you are attracted to anyone, any gender, and change at any time, that God gives you free will to make those choices.
He also stumbles in trying to explain that, in his view of scripture, you cannot have any same sex physical contact and be a Christian that goes to heaven. "If you mean continuously and unrepentantly engaging in homosexual behavior, then no, you cannot be a gay Christian." Think that will anger some modern believers?
Would he say the same thing about an alcoholic, which is a similar choice made by people that is called a sin in the Bible? Can you go get drunk once a week or every few weeks and still call yourself a Christian that goes to heaven? Using Cook's logic you cannot. He is essentially saying you can't actively sin and be a Christian, which therefore means it's almost impossible to be a follower of Christ that goes to heaven since pretty much all of us sin.
Or how about the other "sins" in the New Testament that are on the list with homosexuality? Thieves, gluttons, swindlers, gossips, etc. So if you constantly talk bad about a person and slander them behind their backs, you can't be a Christian without total repentance and stopping it? That's a very difficult standard to meet.
Ultimately this evangelical author is saying that it's not just grace through faith that gets you into heaven; you must also obey God's commands. And that is the theological point that should have been the focus here--that all believers sin and it is Christ that pays for our sinfulness. Therefore we shouldn't pick and choose which sin we look down upon others for.
He needs to rethink his theology and stop using his life story as evangelizing hype. There is so little substance in this book it does a disservice to those that are really trying to live a faith-filled life and struggling with same-sex attraction. In the end he comes across like a vacuous Christian know-it-all that may be well intentioned thinking he's on fire for the Lord but he's really just blowing a lot of hot air that is adding to the confusion.
The first half is a whole bunch of nothing, beyond his braggadocio and entitlement, jetting off across the world without having any real job. He studied to become a doctor, but after a stint as an unqualified "English teacher in Japan" he ended up an actor and set decorator! The guy was raised as a little rich kid, ignored by his parents, taught at a Jesuit boys' school and out of touch with everyday reality.
Cook was a longtime atheist gay man who worked his way up in Hollywood. The problem is that this extremely short book skips through most of his significant life experiences, brags non-stop about his affluence and popularity, and fails to say one thing about his homosexual physical relationships. You would think he was a virgin who never touched another body because he says nothing about actually engaging in anything physical. His intent may have been to keep it from being salacious, but to write your story about a wild Hollywood lifestyle and fail to mention anything about what you actually did makes the story lack credibility.
The source of his attraction to men seems obvious, beginning after a friend's dad molested him during a sleepover and young Becket's getting turned on by porn with male friends. We are never given any specifics about Cook's growing homosexuality over his school years and college--everything is very vague and there are no facts given beyond a few boys he found attractive. This certainly is not a tell-all.
The book had started with his dramatic conversion to the faith, but even that lacks so many details that it's hard to believe. He goes decades never thinking of God, then runs into some guy at a coffee shop who invites Becket to church and the first time attending Cook goes forward for prayer, without actually accepting anything specific. He cries uncontrollably. Then he wakes up that night "in a daze" saying "I could see everything more clearly." Huh? What happened? Did he actually repent and accept Christ as savior? We don't know beyond implication.
Cook writes, "It's difficult to explain all of what I experienced or understood in that moment." Well at least try! This is your life story, your chance to explain it!
The last portion of the book is given to addressing the many questions he gets about his theology and beliefs. Here's where things really get messy and Cook does a poor job explaining beyond simplistic Bible quoting (he spends a lot of the book quoting others).
In an attempt to say that the Savior identifies with our loneliness, Becket actually writes that, "It's easy to forget that Jesus was single, poor, and homeless." What? Jesus had a huge crew following him around at all times, He certainly was never truly alone. Poor? There is no real statement in the Bible that says He had no money beyond misinterpreting it from, "Though He was rich He became poor for your sake that you through His poverty might become rich." Since we didn't physically become money rich through Him, then it's obvious the Bible isn't saying Jesus became monetarily poor. As a matter of fact there was an apostle that was in charge of Jesus' funds named Judas.
And the homeless part? That's a very liberal interpretation of Jesus saying He "had nowhere to lay His head." Jesus had a mother and family that he could live with, but was essentially a traveling preacher that stayed with followers. Choosing to travel around isn't the same as being "homeless." And as the creator of the universe, He could live where he wanted or conjure up a place to stay. To equate Him with modern homelessness is ridiculous liberal spin.
So based on the author's inadequate summary of Jesus, I question everything Cook interprets in the Bible.
He goes on to question whether a homosexual is "born this way." He says there is no way of knowing whether they are or are not, which is true. But he should have said that there is no evidence that will ever be possible that one would be born that way since you can't measure homosexuality at birth. Even if scientists find a "gene" that is in many gay men it certainly won't be in all and others with the gene will never develop homosexual desires. And you'd have to impossibly control all the outside variables to conclude it was only a gene that caused the same-sex attraction.
At least he admits that as much as Lady Gaga wants to proclaim it, there is zero evidence that gay men are "born this way." But Cook then states clearly: "Homosexual desire or orientation is not a choice. I never consciously chose to be attracted to men." Um, if it's not from birth and not a choice then what is it?
A bit later he writes, "God did not create me gay." Okay, then how did it happen, if he can't blame himself for making the choice or say it's something God created? Another head-scratcher that makes no sense. He should just come out and say that you can choose whether you are attracted to anyone, any gender, and change at any time, that God gives you free will to make those choices.
He also stumbles in trying to explain that, in his view of scripture, you cannot have any same sex physical contact and be a Christian that goes to heaven. "If you mean continuously and unrepentantly engaging in homosexual behavior, then no, you cannot be a gay Christian." Think that will anger some modern believers?
Would he say the same thing about an alcoholic, which is a similar choice made by people that is called a sin in the Bible? Can you go get drunk once a week or every few weeks and still call yourself a Christian that goes to heaven? Using Cook's logic you cannot. He is essentially saying you can't actively sin and be a Christian, which therefore means it's almost impossible to be a follower of Christ that goes to heaven since pretty much all of us sin.
Or how about the other "sins" in the New Testament that are on the list with homosexuality? Thieves, gluttons, swindlers, gossips, etc. So if you constantly talk bad about a person and slander them behind their backs, you can't be a Christian without total repentance and stopping it? That's a very difficult standard to meet.
Ultimately this evangelical author is saying that it's not just grace through faith that gets you into heaven; you must also obey God's commands. And that is the theological point that should have been the focus here--that all believers sin and it is Christ that pays for our sinfulness. Therefore we shouldn't pick and choose which sin we look down upon others for.
He needs to rethink his theology and stop using his life story as evangelizing hype. There is so little substance in this book it does a disservice to those that are really trying to live a faith-filled life and struggling with same-sex attraction. In the end he comes across like a vacuous Christian know-it-all that may be well intentioned thinking he's on fire for the Lord but he's really just blowing a lot of hot air that is adding to the confusion.
April 17, 2022
God is kind. Becket's story didn't really grab me — just not much there that I identify with — but I can always rejoice when God shows extravagant mercy to a sinner — that I can identify with!
Reader was very well suited. I didn't check till afterward, and I half expected that it had been read by the author. That's when you know the right person was chosen for the job.
Reader was very well suited. I didn't check till afterward, and I half expected that it had been read by the author. That's when you know the right person was chosen for the job.
August 9, 2022
The church and the world need Becket's story, and many more like it. And of course what we and they really need is the gospel, but stories matter - and gospel stories matter most of all. This is a gospel story for our day.
One of the takeaways for me is that Becket's story highlights and illustrates the fact that following Christ is, by definition, a radical thing. It's easy to lose sight of that in our church cultures. But it is radical - it is kind of weird and seems extreme to people. There's no real way to avoid that sacrificing something important, without filing off an edge that is meant to stay sharp.
The book captures the collision between the unchanging sexual ethic of the Scriptures and our current cultural intoxication with sexual freedom. It shows that the power of Christ is able to cure us of the latter and empower us for the former.
One of the takeaways for me is that Becket's story highlights and illustrates the fact that following Christ is, by definition, a radical thing. It's easy to lose sight of that in our church cultures. But it is radical - it is kind of weird and seems extreme to people. There's no real way to avoid that sacrificing something important, without filing off an edge that is meant to stay sharp.
The book captures the collision between the unchanging sexual ethic of the Scriptures and our current cultural intoxication with sexual freedom. It shows that the power of Christ is able to cure us of the latter and empower us for the former.
July 1, 2021
Becket's story is incredible. I am inspired by his unrelenting stand for Truth.
November 23, 2022
Wow! So glad I had the opportunity to read such a complex issue. I now have a better understanding on homosexuality and how I, as a Christian, can help those struggling with it come to the Lord in a loving and gracious way. Becket Cook’s story of redemption is incredible and I can’t wait to listen to his podcast!
Every Christian should read this 🙌🏼
Every Christian should read this 🙌🏼
July 25, 2024
What a powerful book! The best gay to straight Christian book on the market. Becket Cook's actual conversion is mind-blowing. You will not be disappointed with this book! Becket has a podcast that I listen to all the time and he is a humble, loving man.
October 8, 2019
I loved this story. I love that the author does not allow his identity to revolve around his struggle with same sex attraction. I love that his love for Jesus is his primary argument throughout the book. Incredibly inspiring story and one that needs to be read and shared.
It doesn’t deal with some of the more modern theological arguments in favor of same-sex relationships. It very simply addresses the issue from the perspective that Scripture is clear on the issue. Because I agree with the author, I was fine with that perspective. However, I doubt it would change anyone’s mind who is of the perspective that Scripture does not condemn modern, monogamous same sex relationships.
The only thoughts with which I disagreed were the Calvinistic ideas, but that was a very minimal percentage of the content.
It doesn’t deal with some of the more modern theological arguments in favor of same-sex relationships. It very simply addresses the issue from the perspective that Scripture is clear on the issue. Because I agree with the author, I was fine with that perspective. However, I doubt it would change anyone’s mind who is of the perspective that Scripture does not condemn modern, monogamous same sex relationships.
The only thoughts with which I disagreed were the Calvinistic ideas, but that was a very minimal percentage of the content.
September 25, 2022
Excellent
I seldom read non-fiction books that so captivated me as this one did. Cook's sin was homosexuality, but he could have been writing about any of us who fail to count the cost of following Christ. It was a heartfelt reminder of just how precious it is to receive the free gift of salvation.
On a more practical level, he lays out Scripture for those who are questioning their sexuality and those who are Christians yet refuse to call a sin a sin. I found this incredibly helpful.
Overall, I found part one to be a very moving account of his conversion which, at one point, brought me to tears and part two to be a helpful and timely guide for those who wish to approach this topic lovingly while remaining Biblical in their approach.
I seldom read non-fiction books that so captivated me as this one did. Cook's sin was homosexuality, but he could have been writing about any of us who fail to count the cost of following Christ. It was a heartfelt reminder of just how precious it is to receive the free gift of salvation.
On a more practical level, he lays out Scripture for those who are questioning their sexuality and those who are Christians yet refuse to call a sin a sin. I found this incredibly helpful.
Overall, I found part one to be a very moving account of his conversion which, at one point, brought me to tears and part two to be a helpful and timely guide for those who wish to approach this topic lovingly while remaining Biblical in their approach.
August 25, 2019
Wonderful
I like the honesty of his whole story. He tells his intimate story of how he came to love men with such honesty and then equally honestly tells us how he was overwhelmed by the love of Jesus. He allowed himself to see the truth of Jesus and then followed Him to the only possible resolution of that love. I recommend to all who want to know what a true love relationship looks like.
I like the honesty of his whole story. He tells his intimate story of how he came to love men with such honesty and then equally honestly tells us how he was overwhelmed by the love of Jesus. He allowed himself to see the truth of Jesus and then followed Him to the only possible resolution of that love. I recommend to all who want to know what a true love relationship looks like.
October 9, 2019
WOW! Everyone should read this book. In this sad and scary age of "wokeness", deconstruction, the changing of one's theology to match a new reality, the false gospel of "being affirming", this is an incredibly authentic, relevant, biblical, must read book!
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