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Living with the Dominator

4.45  ·  Rating details ·  328 ratings  ·  33 reviews
This book explains violent and abusive behaviour and places it in a social context. It can help readers of any age and sexual orientation to change their own behaviour and to recognise when they are being controlled. "I can honestly say that without reading this book (9 times no less !) I don't think that I would be here today, relaxed in my own home with my children that ...more
Paperback, 118 pages
Published May 3rd 2008 by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform (first published March 1st 2008)
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Average rating 4.45  · 
Rating details
 ·  328 ratings  ·  33 reviews


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Jane
Mar 09, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: work-related
This book is a very insightful look at Domestic Abuse, Perpetrators and their victims. I am fortunate enough to have never experienced abuse but this book opened my eyes to the signs in another person. This book will be of great support to me in my job. This book should be a mandatory read for all young people as it teaches what a healthy relationship should look like!!! Spend the couple of hours to read this book, your eyes will be well and truly opened.
Ruth
Feb 28, 2016 added it
I wish that I had been given a copy of this book in my teens. As it is, I've been in relationships with all the different abusers described here. The warning signs chapter is particularly useful, as often these are the little things we let pass, but which can indicate bigger problems to come. ...more
Stacie Danielle
I may be unfairly rating this book a 3 star but I think that’s because I was reading this from a slightly different perspective. From an unbiased perspective, this is an incredibly important and useful book and should be read by all women starting from college age so that they can avoid relationships with abusive men. I recognise a lot of characteristics of abusive men in this book that were present in men I have dated in the past- and I found that disturbing.

However I am very much not in a vio
...more
Colin Mackay
Jun 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
This book was recommended to me by a friend who had been in an abusive relationship. It gave them the inner strength to recognise all the tell tale signs, and to have the courage to make a full break from the relationship. Although it is written mainly for the female audience, I have found that its contents can equally apply to men who find themselves in abusive and harmful relationships. The book is short enough that it can be read in one sitting if desired, but the greater benefit to the reade ...more
Sabreena
Good book and very easy to understand. Probably a bit dated now in terms of statics and but very relevant and useful. Rating is also because there are a few spelling /punctuation mistakes. Would read a follow on if there was another one.
Michelle
Oct 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book should really be given to high school students, both male and female as I believe the dominator's tendencies can cover both sexes.So informative and makes sense of the most bizarre behaviour by breaking it up into sections.Also where these behaviours come from.A good accompaniment to the freedom group too. ...more
James Koppert
Dec 27, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The Freedom Programme was a course devised by the author and from what she learnt she wrote this book for those who can't attend so more (mainly women) can protect themselves from abuse. The chapters begin with a sentence of a statistic that will shock and chill you which shows domestic violence is a huge blight and consern in this country. Once the sentence shocks you the chapter describes a different type of abusor, his tactics, why he thinks like that and where he gets his thoughts from. What ...more
* Booksessed * Bec
I did the Freedom programme during a work placement at a refuge. I think it has good and bad points to be honest. It is really good for showing victims the different tactics used by perpetrators as well as the effects on victims and children. The weekly groups also help give a mutual support system to the survivors.
However... it is quite outdated and although learning about all the tactics was useful, I felt that the content could have included work on the self and the survivors identity as wel
...more
Aimée
Apr 22, 2021 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Reading through this was tough for me, both as the daughter of an abuser and as a survivor of an abuser.

The book is good in that it is concise and informative. There are many elements of abusive dynamics that people rarely consider, and the links to wider society and how abusers' beliefs can become internalised in everyone were really interesting to me. It places a lot of abuse survivors' issues into context and highlights warning behaviours so you can protect yourself in the future. There are a
...more
Tal S
May 15, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: other
"I am the author Pat Craven. When I was a Probation Officer I ran courses for male 'perpetrators’ of violence against women and children. For two years I sat among groups of men who had injured, raped or killed their victims. I realised that abusive men use a range of tactics to control women.

I listened to everything they said and became determined to impart this information to the people who had no understanding of such violence. This included other ‘professionals’ and the women and girls whose
...more
Maxine
Dec 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An absolute must read for women as well as men. It was enlightening and well balanced in its comparisons. I think this should be given to teenagers young women especially in order to educate their understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. At 34 I was still bewildered to find that certain common place scenarios that had become the norm in my life were actually not what I should expect and that the majority of my life (obvious in most parts less so in others) has been literally dominated by t ...more
Phoebe
Aug 22, 2018 rated it it was amazing
A book with the potential to save lives. 'Living with the Dominator' is concise but insightful, accessible to anyone who wants to learn more about toxic relationships, and grounded in Craven's experiences as a probation officer. Should be available in every library, perhaps even set reading in social studies classes at school. In an ideal world it would be required reading for any professional who deals with domestic violence as part of their job, from police officers to social workers. ...more
Rosanna Holden
Nov 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommend by sons councilor

This book has put the past 12years in to context, I feel that I have been so story but so weak!
This book is more than a book, it’s therapy!
I think even if you haven’t been through anything like it you could relate to it and would helpful in future, amazing work
Emma
Mar 05, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very informative. I wish I'd read this years ago. It describes the warning signs of abusive men and the behaviours they use to control women. Basically it all stems from the fact they hate women and view us as second class citizens who are too stupid and weak to look after ourselves. These men conflate physical strength with superiority and use violence when we stand up to them. ...more
Prosocial Decisions
Really enjoyed this book, such a great read great perspective. Good for work environment for knowing how to tread carefully with vulnerable clients and Very good for social learning and being able to empathise with others and to forewarn young adolescents in relationships
Nina
Feb 18, 2019 rated it it was ok
Shelves: self-help
Strong premise and I can definitely imagine this helping to identify signs of an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, much of the book seems like a list of rather specific anecdotes with limited reference to the psychology of the "man" and how it affects his actions. ...more
Kim Shevill
Nov 21, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very informative

Having recently left an abusive relationship, this book has helped me to recognise and confirm the type of abuse inflicted upon me. Worth a read of you're not sure if it's abuse or not.
...more
clare price
Feb 06, 2021 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Essential reading for everyone

Everyone should read this book it clearly describes the beliefs and actions of the abuser. Knowledge is power, if you know what the warning signs are you can walk away before you’re in too deep.
Nathalie
Jul 13, 2017 rated it really liked it
This book is very clear, great- can also apply to teens, former flat/house mates, frenemies & would be helpful if bilingual/translated as well.. if you like happy to assist with translating thanks
Zelda Elizabeth
Aug 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Love the freedom programme it really helped me understand and process what id been through! amazing book to help detect signs of a perpatrator of domestic violence.
Swati Prakash
Sep 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Exactly as d

A must read for every person involved in court, police, social care or any support services for victims of domestic abuse and especially for all women early on in life.
Natalie
Oct 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Every woman should read this

This book is so educational that it really is a must for every woman whether they have been in an abusive relationship or not.
Michelle
Hard ti rate/review, not having experienced it. Read for research.
Heather
Mar 01, 2020 rated it really liked it
An eye opening, yet derogatory read.
Shannon sutherain
Amazing insite

If your in an abusive relationship this gives a massive in-site 100% recommend. As someone who has suffered this book has helped alot
Jenifer  Lavery
Aug 07, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Read this book

No seriously read this book, even if your lucky enough to have a good one, someone you know might not and by reading this book you might be able to help them
Kamarun Kalam
Aug 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Brilliantly written informal hard hitting and to the point for survivors of abuse to understand it was not their fault. Clients who suffered Domestic abuse male and female found this useful
Asia
Feb 12, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Been there

The book points clearly at the early signs of abuse. Shame it doesn't give you ideas how to deal with abusive partners.
...more
Kelly
Jul 16, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A book discussing domestic violence in relationships, but can apply to any relationship. Good enough to own.
Kimberley
Feb 27, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Read this book for work purposes in preparation of facilitating Pat Craven's course. Very informative for professionals and the public alike. ...more
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