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Cocktail #1

Wallbanger

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Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Humor (2013)
The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she's gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor's nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy's athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly...

In a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight...

384 pages, Paperback

First published November 27, 2012

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About the author

Alice Clayton

20 books15.5k followers
ALICE CLAYTON worked in the cosmetics industry for over a decade before picking up a pen (read laptop).

She enjoys gardening but not weeding, baking but not cleaning up, and finally convinced her long-time boyfriend to marry her.

Now, about that Bernese Mountain dog.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 14,821 reviews
Profile Image for Richa.
50 reviews1,162 followers
December 4, 2013
BANG BANG BANG!


Oh God............


BANG BANG BANG!!


Oh God................


BANG BANG BANG!!!


OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOOOODDDD!!!!!!!


THE WALLS ARE SHAKING, PICTURES ARE FALLING DOWN!!!! RUN FOR COVER PEOPLE!!! GRAB YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK, SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR DRESS AND HIDE UNDER THE TABLE!! I THINK WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BUT Wait A Sec...........Not an earthquake...........nope, definitely not an earthquake.......One, only one wall is shaking.....LIKE SOMEONE'S BANGING ON IT!!!!

Let's take a closer look, Shall we?

“OH, GOD.”

Thump.

“Oh, God.”

Thump thump.

What the…

“Oh, God, that’s so good!”

“Mmmm…Yeah, baby. Right there. Just like that…Don’t stop, don’t stop!”


OH! OH! OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mystery solved, readers!


Meet NOT The Wallbanger.....




BUT THE WALLBANGER!!!!!!!!!!!



Name : Simon Wallbanger Parker

Age : 28 years

Occupation : Freelance photographer

Interests : Pleasing the ladies by doing it in a rattling-the headboard-shaking-the-wall-making-a-woman-meow-and-giggle style with maybe some spanking thrown in!!! He can definitely bang it home, ladies!!!



Definitely a wallbanger!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------




Notice Something MISSING???

That's right!!! The BIG 'O'



Meet 'O'. This Orgasm (O) is the....

Property of: Caroline Pink Nightie Girl Reynolds, a 26 year old interior designer.

Missing since: Last Six Months

Culprit: Cory Weinstein. The machine-gun fucker who’d hijacked the O

Description of the event by the victim: This was the worst kind of sex. This was machine-gun style: fast, fast, fast. This was thirty seconds on the tits, sixty seconds on something that was about an inch above where he should have been, and then in. And out. And in. And out. And in. And out.

But at least it was over quick, right? Hell, no. This horribleness went on for months. Well, no. But for almost thirty minutes. Of in. And out. And in. And out. My poor hoohah felt like it had been sandblasted.




Remedies Tried: Jason Bourne, Matt Damon, George Clooney.....

ALL OF THEM HAVE FAILED!!!!!!

WHAT TO DO NOW??????????????


Let's look for someone closer to home........



Simon Wallbanger meet Caroline. Caroline meet Simon Wallbanger!!!!


Problem solved!!!! YAYYY!!


But, NO WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?


“Why are you such a manwhoring asshole?” I asked.

“Why are you such a cockblocking priss?” he asked




NOOOOOOOOOO...........NOW, HOW WILL WE EVER FIND....

?????????????????????????





Oh no.........I'm not crying.......Alright, yes I am......but how can I not when I'm laughing so hard!!!

[image error]


So, readers....why don't you continue the search while I LA-U-GH MY HE-AD O-F-F!!!!!



-------------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: 1)Beware of one-night stands that could make your 'O' go on a vacation for a long time or even forever. :0

2)Be aware of the walls you build
and what could be on the other side


3) Clive, the cat too is trying to find his 'one and only' Purina ever since he heard the 'meow'ing through the walls and fell in love or maybe lust(so what if he's neutered? He's allowed to have feelings!!)!!......He is now following in the footsteps of the Wallbanger!!!! So, beware, he's one hissy and horny ball of lust and fur!!

Clive: I allowed myself to dream. Of her. The one that got away...........

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Profile Image for Aestas Book Blog.
1,059 reviews74.8k followers
August 1, 2013




5 HUGE STARS!!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS BOOK!!
EVERYONE HAS TO READ IT!!!

This book was brilliant!!
Pure gold!
I’m in love with Simon.
Completely, utterly in love.
My cheeks ache from laughing.
My heart is happy.
Did I mention I love this book?


This book was pure, decadent, lighthearted, un-put-downable, FUN!! A well-written, perfect blend of all things happy, romantic, sweet, funny (hilarious, really), melty, swoony, witty, steamy, with just enough tender, deeper moments to make my heart squeeze. I fell in love with everything – the characters, the writing, the story… and Clive. The most awesome cat ever to grace the pages of a novel.

It was just one winning line after another. I swear to freaking God, more than half my book is highlighted. No joke!!

The banter! The chemistry! The flirting! The texts!!!! *melt* The nooking! The wooing! … this book is just loaded with win!

I read most of it with a big stupid grin plastered on my face and pretty much just alternated between squeeing, squealing, giggling, snorting, crying, shaking and cackling with laughter.

What’s this book about though? Now, usually, I write my own descriptions, but I love the official blurb too much so here it is:

Caroline Reynolds has a fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, a KitchenAid mixer, and no O (and we’re not talking Oprah here, folks). She has a flourishing design career, an office overlooking the bay, a killer zucchini bread recipe, and no O. She has Clive (the best cat ever), great friends, a great rack, and no O.

Adding insult to O-less, since her move, she has an oversexed neighbor with the loudest late-night wallbanging she’s ever heard. Each moan, spank, and–was that a meow?–punctuates the fact that not only is she losing sleep, she still has, yep, you guessed it, no O.

Enter Simon Parker. (No, really, Simon, please enter.) When the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. Their late-night hallway encounter has, well, mixed results. Ahem. With walls this thin, the tension’s gonna be thick…


Simon “Wallbanger” Parker. Cocky, charming, sexy as all hell, confident… and once we got to know him better, sweep-you-off-your-feet swoony. I adored him, its that simple. He has made me list of top book boyfriends ever! I loved that his character had depth. At first you kind of wondered if he was just a bit of a manwhore but I loved that there was a whole background to him. And its hard not to love a man who is obsessed with baked goods.

“You want me to cut you a piece — okay, or you could just do that.” I frowned as he took a giant bite out of the end.
“Thif if mine, righ?” he asked, spraying crumbs.
“How do you function in normal society?” I asked shaking my head as he took another monster bite.


I loved Caroline too. She was sweet yet feisty and refreshingly direct about everything. Brain, Heart, Nerves, Backbone, and of course, O were brilliant additions to the story!

I loved how casually Simon and Caroline’s relationship developed. They were seriously one of the sweetest couples ever but there was no falling into bed on first sight for them.

“Now, you listen, mister.” I said, trying for a more adult tone. “I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash your girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone! No way, buddy.”

They went from cockblocker/wallbanger to truce status to friends to lovers. The whole process just warmed my heart. And throw in a healthy dollop of sexual tension and innuendos out the wazoo and you pretty much have a recipe for awesome.

“I like that we’re taking things slow. You give good woo,” I whispered.

I never once felt any urges to throttle a character, or yell at them.. no eye rolling. Nothing. I was just one purely satisfied reader … Oh, and “Simon goes commando. God bless America.”

Flaily Pink Nightie Girl and Mr Wallbanger Snorey Pants will always have a special place in my heart <3

Guys, READ THIS BOOK!!!!!

CASTING (see above and below)







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Profile Image for Blacky *Romance Addict*.
464 reviews6,202 followers
February 10, 2017

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Text messages between The Book and Blacky :


So, what do you think about me?
Well you weren't short at all :D
Well yeah I'm pretty long... and thick...
Just about average I'd say
Pfttt you are average missy! Didn't you like all the humor?
Yeah it was good I guess, the scene with Dr. Ross was the best :D
Ohhhh yes, makes me think of dirty things, that man. I wish I had my O back :(
Yes, I wish it too! Your O brought more frustration to me than it did to you!
Whatcha sayin'? You didn't like all the sexual frustration? How is that possible?
How is that possible indeed -.-
And what about my story? What did you think of that?
Story? What story? Book, all you talked about was the lack of orgasms, flirtation, sexual frustration, sex... I may have forgotten a sexual thing or two that were mentioned :P
Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
Hello book! Focus! I am talking to you!
Talking? Talking about sex? Mmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
I am facepalming here! Can you try to have a nice conversation without thinking of sex?
Me? Thinking about sex? Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
Sigh. I give up.
Did you just write "sigh"???
Well that's a hell of a time to start noticing!! :P



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Blacky, Simon, Caroline, The Cat, The Book and The Friends are on a road trip, traveling in the car together:


Blacky
OMG I have to endure several hours in the car with Mr. Horny and Ms. Hornier and the CatfromHell. Ughhh. The friends are interesting though, but even they think of nothing but sex. I see Simon is looking at Caroline in a smouldering way. His eyes don't stop twinkling for goodness sake!

Simon
Why am I thinking about Caroline all the time? Hm must mean I want to wallbang her too. Damn that will be tough cause she can't stop arguing with me. Why does she hate me so much? Oh yeah, I bang girls like crazy. Mmmmmmmm. Banging... Walls... Why doesn't this car have walls?????

Caroline
Simon keeps touching the inside of the car, I don't think he likes it. He does like f*cking girls through the wall though. I want to be f*cked through a wall :( Wait, no! I don't! I hate Simon! But he's so pretty, my lower Caroline says... I don't care! He's a jerk! But I keep flirting with him all the time, my lower Caroline says... So what! I can flirt and do whatever I like 'cause I don't have my O anymore. Oh O how I miss you :(((

The CatfromHell
They don't have a clue *evil laugh*. I will make their lives misarable *evil laugh*. The girl loves me, but I don't plan to let her have her O back with the arrogant man *evil laugh*. I will spoil all their plans eventually *evil laugh*. My throat hurts from all the evil laughing *coughs*

Simon
Did that cat just evil laughed at me???? I must be hearing things. Oh well back to thinking about sex. And Caroline. Damn, I'm hard. Will she stop looking at me with those hungry eyes? Damn, I'm even harder now. Must. Squirm. In. My. Seat!

Caroline
Simon keeps squirming all the time. What is his problem??? He's got to have a big hard-on just for me. Too bad I can't give it to him cause he's a jerk and I don't have my O back. But I feel some suspicious fluttering, my lower Caroline says... YAY! I'm gonna jump him as soon as I can! Without actually having sex with him! Ahhhh I just love that sexual frustration...

The Friends
They are all so stupid ahahahaha we have found our someones to have sex with ahahahahaha we don't suffer any sexual frustration ahahahahaha

Blacky
OMG these people are driving me crazy! Simon is trying to hide his hard-on, Caroline is talking to her belly, the cat is making some funny evil noises, and the friends are probably high or something, they can't stop laughing. Jeez :((( Is anything going to happen here that doesn't have anything to do with sex or having sex or the lack of sex???
Guess not :(

The Book
I am so happy :D Everyone is horny and thinking about sex! So awesome! I am never going to let anyone do it ever again! Well, maybe The Friends will. But man oh man, there's nothing better than blue balls and frustration! Just love it! Oh I have to think of a few scenes (well make it dozen at least), where they'll want to have sex but couldn't do it for some reason! Oh yes! I think I will form an alliance with The CatfromHell. Awesome!



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Oh! Mmmmm.. Yes, more to the left! Harder! Yesssssss... Oh yes, that's soooo gooood! Harder, yes, there! Push it! Ohhhhhhhhh I just love going to the masseur! You'd THINK I was doing something naughty. But no.
Lots of these in the book too :DDD
Anyway let me tell you what I thought about it in general.
No plot whatsoever.
Too much sexual frustration.
Humor was OK, but would be better if there was just a bit less of it, you know, sometimes too much of a good thing can make you sick :D
I don't really mind the fact that they had to wait practically for the Read lots of books like that, didn't mind it. In this case, all the sex talk and sex thought, and lack of orgasm talk, and lack of orgasm thought, and flirting all the freaking time, and getting it on a few times, just to stop at the good part... No. A bit f*cking no for me. Every damn chapter was about the things I said above, nothing else. It may be good to read this in small doses, but a whole book? No. Thanks. Sorry.


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What I liked:

My favorite scene from the whole book is when they watched the Exorcist, and they slept together in her bed. Very very lovely, and I think the only scene that was nice without some sexual overtones. Maybe there were a few, but nothing that stood out. Perfect scene in my opinion :)
When they went to Spain :) Even though when I read that they'll go through all the bases before the deed... I lost a few million neurons from that, my brain kinda had a stroke or something cause I wanted to burn the damn book if only I had the paperback. Lucky for me I have an e-book reader so I felt too sorry to smash it to bits. But I was tempted!!!!
Anyway, the ending of Spain was great, very realistic and I'm glad the author did it that way!
The style of writing was VERY good, can't say anything about that, I just wish the humor and sex-everything was a little toned down, and if there was a story thrown in. But oh well, can't have everything, right??


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Text messages between The Book and Blacky

So you didn't like me very much then? :((
I did like you, you poor sex-obsessed thing! But I guess I wanted a bit more from you...
Blacky, you just have lousy taste in books, admit it! I am awesome!
Hey, won't argue with you there :D You might be awesome, but to someone else.
And I sure am! Look at all the other great reviews I have :P
I am! I did! And I hope my review won't turn anyone from the book, it isn't my fault my brain couldn't cope with it :((
Nice of you to admit your deranged brain Blacky! I knew there must have been something seriously wrong with you if you didn't like me! Phew! Glad to know now eheheheheh
Hey just don't spread it around OK?!
No problemo, my Blacky :D I will just continue my sexless scheming for other people! Oh yeah!



*buddy read 06.01. with Steph, Sharon, Karen, Kristal, Endless and whoever decides to join*

Thanks so much for reading this with me my friends :)





Profile Image for Cindy.
169 reviews112 followers
December 8, 2012
What is with these 'OMG! Super-Hot! Fun!' books that become all the rage here on GR lately? And they are all the same.

A Mary Sue heroine with a perfect job and perfect friends who looks perfect but for some reason is alone and sexually frustrated. And she's all kinds of batshit about her perceptions of men or sex or men AND sex. Thus, the heroine of what exactly?

Then the hero. Well he's of course otherworldly gorgeous and fit, although he puts absolutely no effort into becoming that way, and most of the time he's super rich (of course) and the very definition of Prince Charming, except more rouge and rascal than sweet and heroic. Thus, not really a hero.

Even so, I usually make it farther than I did in this book and not because this book is worse - by no means will anything scar me worse than the virginity scene in In Flight *shivers* - but because I've just had enough. If I hadn't had enough I might have struggled through and given this 3 stars in the end.

But that's another reason I'm doing this this way. 4 1/2 stars overall rating for this book? That is hysterically misleading.

And this girls problems with her frakkin O and all of these blatant attempts as farcical humor are just too damn much. Oh, and this cat everyone is mooning over, Clive? He's the most unrealistic of all. He's like cartoon Garfield unrealistic. And trust me, I know some cats with personality but this is just stupid.

/rant.
Profile Image for Warda.
1,089 reviews17.4k followers
March 15, 2019
Reread.
I was worried that this wouldn’t be as great as the first time I read it.
I was wrong, thank god.
It was so good. So fuckin’ good. There were numerous times I started to tear up because my emotions were going haywire. I’m just so in love with this book!

——————————————

Well, hello there, my new favourite. Come to mama!

I judged this book by the title. And I feel like an absolute fool now, because fuck me, I loved this! Loved it!

I can't wait to reread it and continue on with the series. And read other books by this author.
Profile Image for MischaS_.
785 reviews1,331 followers
August 26, 2020
I mean... Hard to fault this book.

I had so much fun reading it, sometimes laughing a bit too much that even my muscles hurt. And sometimes that's all you need, a book that makes you laught.
Profile Image for ♡Karlyn P♡.
605 reviews1,203 followers
August 11, 2016

So disappointed! This book went from "O.M.G!" to a big fat "D.N.F." at 75%

I really (and I mean REALLY!) enjoyed the opening of this book, and was looking forward to a great read. But in the end, I gave it too much of my time and finally just had to call it quits.

Oh, it started off so funny and original. The 'Wallbanger' and 'Cock blocker' jokes were cute. Simon was such a mystery, and Caroline was a person I would love to hang with if she was a real person. Her conversations with her cat had me laughing! And when Simon and her finally met, the banter was so well done.

The story stayed on pace for a while, but around the halfway mark it got a little juvenile for my tastes. In the quest for friendship with Simon, Caroline got a bit whiney and started playing head games. The banter got a bit over the top. The cliches got a bit thick. And I was like "WTF Caroline?!

And then the story got really farcical, but I persisted. Caroline started to really rub me wrong. What is happening to her? She is turning into a desperate, stupid big fat cliche from every bad Chick Lit book I've read.

Then she really, really started to make me not like her. The romance between her and Simon was turning into rainbow farting unicorns, and the delusions dancing in her head were no longer entertaining. I no longer wanted to hang with her, assuming she was a real person. And the story about her friends got weirder and weirder.

By the time I quit, Simon was the only thing about this book I still really liked. And that is how I plan to remember him, because I am so afraid if I finish this book I will end up not liking him either.

So: DNF at 75%
Profile Image for Katerina.
420 reviews16.7k followers
August 17, 2021
“Kittens, lay back. You are about to get Wallbanged.”



I was an addict craving her dose. I was lost in a dull world full of mundane stuff for so long I almost became a mundane myself. After a month of abstinence from reading and severe book deprivation, after long days and bookless nights, the time came to return where I belong. And I had to celebrate! I wanted something light. I wanted saucy and funny and Wallbanger promised to deliver them all. And oh boy, it did! But it also delivered sweet, and fluffy, and dreamy and a new book boyfriend that reduced me into a puddle of goo. It's official people, I'm in love! Again!


“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.”

Caroline has a wonderful job and wonderful friends and a wonderful new apartment and a wonderful cat and her life would be-guess what-wonderful if it wasn't for two things: her missing O and her neighbor's loud midnight activities.
“The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?”

What sucks though is that the aforementioned annoying but gifted neighbor is super hot. Sahara hot. And that Caroline is forced to play nice with Simon despite wanting to bang his head on the banging wall but at the same time she wants him to bang her against the god-banging wall. See the problem here?
“You gonna bang my walls, Simon?” I laughed.
“You have no idea,” he promised.”

The result? Tension, innuendos, sexual frustration, banters, tension, laugh-out-loud moments, tension and did I mention tension?



Oh, and a really horny cat!
Alice Clayton's writing is freaking hilarious, I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard! I had permanently a huge grin plastered on my face and I hosted a butterfly party in my stomach and that wasn't the work of Caroline and Simon's off-the-charts chemistry alone! The way their feelings developed and unfolded was really heartwarming and sweet, a slowly burning process that made Wallbanger a really romantic book! They cooked together, they watched movies together, they shared their secrets and hopes and then they gave in to their animal attraction. I must admit I never expected a guy named Simon to be this sexy! Oh how I wish I had a wallbanging neighbor but alas!, the closest house is my late grandfather's house. If I hear those walls banging, it will be the beginning of a Supernatural episode and not a great romance. Unless Sam Winchester pops up and rescues me. That would be nice.



My point is, if you want to laugh and swoon and escape stupid reality, this is the book for you!Plus, you're going to meet a very interesting cat...
June 17, 2018

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💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Contemporary Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙  



WALLBANGER by Alice Clayton is aptly named, because when I finished this book, I wanted to throw it at the wall, it was so bad.



I wanted to read this book because I love romance novels and people were saying that it was the funniest romance novel they had ever read. When I picked it up, I envisioned BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY for the twentieth century woman.



Instead, I got... something lame.



Caroline lives in a San Francisco apartment that is much too nice for her to afford based on the job that she has (interior designer). Her next-door neighbor has great sex every night... with another woman - and Caroline is annoyed because they bang against the wall they share, and it reminds her that she can't get any.



Not only that, but she comes up with mean nicknames for each of the girls he sleeps with. "Giggler" for the girl who laughs during sex. "Purina" for the girl who meows during sex (??). And "Spanks" for the girl who enjoys rough stuff in bed. She charmingly calls these girls his "harem."



One day, she confronts him in a pink nightgown and for some reason they find each other attractive. The next 300 pages is a hot-mess of stupid cat-puns, as related to female genitals, Caroline exclaiming "Mother of Pearl!", bad jokes, poorly characterized individuals running around and acting like idiots, and some of the worst sex scenes I've ever read.



Considering that his sex life pre-Caroline is like a traveling circus act, his sex life post-Caroline is surprisingly vanilla and banal. Is this perhaps anti-marriage propaganda, paid for by a corporation that has a vested interest in keeping the world promiscuous? (I SEE YOU, TROJAN CONDOMS). Don't have marriage, or you will lose your exciting and numerous meowing, spanking, giggling sex partners and be whined at and nagged and humiliated while having boring sex!  I can see no other rational explanation for how something so consciously terrible gained so much steam (especially considering the lack of steam).



Also, extra negative points for using the line: "I am not like most women" (66) and meaning it.



Terrible sex scenes:



The idea that a kiss, just a kiss, had turned me into this giant lusting bag of CarolineNeedThat was undeniable, and I knew that if he continued to make me feel this way I was going to invite him straight into my Tahoe. Great idea.



"Come into my Tahoe, Simon," I mumbled incoherently into his mouth (203).



She's so pretty. I mean, there's pretty and then there's pretty... What a pussy I am. Fuck pretty - she's beautiful ... pussy ... And she smells good ... pussy ... why do some girls just smell better? Some girls smell like flowery, fruity bullshit. I mean, why would some girls want to smell like a mango? Why should a girl smell like a mango? Maybe if I think the word MANGO enough I won't think about pussy anymore. Caroline ... mango ... Caroline ... pussy ... God! And now I'm hard ... (217).



My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable (267).



Oh, and you know how Ana from FIFTY SHADES OF GREY has an inner goddess and a subconscious? Not to be outdone, Alice Clayton gifted Caroline with O, the personification of her missing orgasm. O, who has a personality and who Caroline talks to the way she does her cat.



I could see the edge, high above the raging waters. As I peeked over the edge, I saw her. O. She waved at me, diving under and over the water like a sexual porpoise. Crafty little bitch (333).



Spoiler: Caroline's not swimming.



I can't say I'm surprised that I didn't enjoy this book, though. I knew it was going to be rough sailing when the heroine shames the hero in front of all their friends for NOT taking advantage of her while she's drunk. Because how dare he not find her attractive enough to ignore her lack of consent!



1 star
Profile Image for Kristen.
829 reviews4,700 followers
January 8, 2013
Review posted at: Swept Away By Romance

3 1/2 to 4 stars

There's no doubt Wallbanger is a fun, delightful, moderately sexy, feel-good read that bordered on the ANNOYING. There were times I felt like wallbanging my head against the wall with the amount of unresolved sexual tension this poor couple was put through. Geez! This particular aspect of the story became so frustrating.

I enjoyed getting to know the two main characters, Simon and Caroline. They were endearing, playful–maybe a little immature for their ages–but very likable characters. Their fun and witty banter and developing friendship was what I loved the most about this book.

I can't end this review without a SHOUT-OUT to Clive, the cat. Oh, boy, could that cat be in the wrong place at the wrong time! Understatement of the century! But, I loved his involvement in the story. At times I felt the cat actually eclipsed the two main leads. I love when an author has the ability to make an animal an intricate part of the plot.

Other than my previously mentioned annoyances, I had a blast reading this book. If you're looking for a simple, fun, and engaging afternoon read, you'll probably enjoy this one.
Profile Image for Whitney Atkinson.
903 reviews13.7k followers
Read
July 23, 2021
DNF at page 295

for context, i knew this book would be awful, but i really needed something light and easy to get me thru a rough patch. the writing in this was expectedly atrocious and the characters so contrived and obnoxious, but i held out hope for the smut. but as soon as i got to the first scene and read the sentence, "The feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable," i immediately closed the book and will never return.


~

Pre-review:

I need to do research and see if this book is as bad as the title and cover
Profile Image for Baba  .
859 reviews3,789 followers
September 20, 2015
ETA: downgraded to 3 stars. September 20, 2015.

"Hello O! Nice to see you again. With his lips he brought me one."

  Photobucket
 
3.5 stars. I mean it. And I want half stars!

Once upon a time there was a missing O. The pressure of an O long denied, waiting patiently—and sometimes impatiently—for her release. Lucky you, because you found The Wallbanger.
 
Simon: How’s the pressure now?
Caroline: Do you want me to hurt you? Shut it! *a look of dreamy bliss on her face*
 
Enter Baba…
 
Hey guys! I wanna have a little chat with you. Are you game? *nodding heads left and right* *Baba beams*
Okey-dokey, let’s get started.
 
Honestly, I am not someone who beats around the bush. Are you two for real? *look of utter confusion on their faces* Oh, come on, are you a little bit slow on the uptake? When I was reading your story I had to wonder now and then why you could not jump each other’s bones sooner rather than later. Sheesh. Yep. By the way, I was waiting impatiently as well. I could feel the pressure and the sexual frustration tension, no doubt about it. If I take everything into account, then I have to tell you that you stressed my patience to its limit. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for a great build-up but why oh why did you have to wait so long till you hit the sheets eventually? Tell me, guys, is there a specific reason? No, Simon, please do not interrupt me now since I’m warming up so nicely! Yeah, I got it. It’s been a very long time since you’ve had a girlfriend and you didn’t want to screw it up. Yeah, yeah, you didn't know how to handle the delicate situation. Point taken. Oh, Simon, no worries, I’ll be gentle. *pets* At least I’ll give it an honest shot.

I’ll give it to you straight, dude. Your stay in Tahoe was one seriously annoying mess, at least if you ask me and if you don’t ask me I don’t care either. Period. Do you remember what happened there? I mean you have Seriously? What the hell were you thinking? Poor Caroline was oh-so embarrassed. One thing’s for sure, you hurt her feelings big time. Yeah, congrats Simon, you did a fine job. Give me high five, you pussy! That said, I felt that your stammering was not sexy and your little insecurities were even less attractive and it didn’t mesh well with you banging Giggler and other kittens in the beginning of your story.  As an afterthought…I *think* I'm not quite gentle at the moment. Well, Simon, get over it already. Baba likes to be straightforward. *pets some more* Do you have any more skeletons in your closet? Uh-oh…now Baba is running away scared…*hides under a table* Sorry, I’m back to my serious self. *nods vigorously*


Lake Tahoe

Photobucket


Text between Simon and Caroline:

So are you the type of girl who wears a big floppy hat on the beach?
Pardon me?
You know, those crazy giant beach hats? Do you have one?
As it happens, yes. Is this a concern of yours?
Concern, no. Just trying to get a visual of you on the beach in Spain…
How's that working out for you?
Pretty spiffy.
Spiffy? Did you just say spiffy?
I typed it actually. You got something against spiffy?
This explains the old records…
HEY!
I enjoy the old records. You know this…
I do know this…
Are we really going to Spain together?
Yep.
Are you home? I didn't see the Rover this morning.
Checking up on me?
Perhaps…where are you, Simon?
Have a shoot in L.A., driving back in a few days. Can I see you when I get back?
We'll see…
I'll play records for you.
Spiffy.


Well, and then there was Clive. Clive…the I can't wrap my head around the fact that Clive had to mess up your path Oh my, Caroline, please come a little bit closer. Yeah, real close…don't pout now. Studly Simon did show some nice stamina; I mean he worked so hard to find your elusive O and I was like…almost there…almost there…and then I was like WTF? Can you believe it? You were a hair's breadth away from finding your happy ending…so, so close to end your dry spell and then

Forgive me when I have a moment of utter reflection...

Photobucket

That was so not funny at all. If anything, it was pretty silly and annoying. Baba, keep your cool. *deep breath* Ok, I *think* I'm back to my normal self…not quite sure though. Sheesh, I need a drink (I don't drink). Sorry, I'm babbling. Shut it, Baba.

Caroline, how are you today? Mmm…yes, I feel you, my lovely. It’s always nice to see a totally satisfied and happy woman. Yeah, I can see you being on cloud nine. After your O has been dancing in the periphery, wondering why she wasn't being granted immediate access, you really deserve some happy. But now you have control of the b*tch and it was worth the wait, don't you think? Hence, good things come to those who wait, and let me tell you that I’m very glad for you that the wait has come to an end. Lucky you, Wallbanger brought it home. Apropos, your bread is deliciously good! I hope you know the saying “The way to a man���s heart is through his stomach.” All’s well that ends well.

Unfortunately our little chat has to end now. I wish you plenty of love, fun and banter!

Take care.
 
Baba xxx


P.S. Don't forget to tidy up your kitchen…flour and raisins everywhere.
 
 
Overall verdict
Wallbanger is a light and fun story. I was actually glad to dive into something fluffy because my last read was anything but hilarious. If anything, it was a super crazy ride. Then again, fluffy can grate my nerves as well, i. e. when the plot is scraping the edge of being a bit goofy or when the MCs just can’t. Get. It. On. Or when an annoying ex-boyfriend enters the stage. Or when I think you get the gist.

Granted, a hero’s insecurities can be boyishly cute, however, Simon is twenty-eight-years old for Pete’s sake and banging women against his neighbor’s wall. Oh well. Having said that, when these two finally—and I mean finally—came together, it made up for the negative parts of the plot. On a very positive note, I loved their funny texts and the interlude in Spain was pretty hot and very enjoyable too. Although I have In conclusion, I enjoyed Wallbanger and would recommend this book to those readers who are looking for something light and diverting. Don't take this story too seriously.
 
 
 
Expected publication date: November 27, 2012
 
 
**ARC courtesy by Alice Clayton, author, in behalf of Omnific Publishing. I appreciate it—thank you!**
 
Profile Image for  ♥  Barb ♥.
155 reviews203 followers
September 26, 2013

*****5 Bring it on home, Wallbanger stars*****




This was me 95% of the book...

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and more laughing....

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*****************************************


This is the story of wallbanging photographer Simon and interior designer Caroline. Their apartments are across the hall from each other and the walls are very very thin....so you can hear everything that's going on in each other's apartments. Are you following me so far? Well, Simon doesn't do relationships, flowers, etc....and one night while BANGING(yes he was)....he hears BANGING and not the kind you're thinking of....(DOOR BANGING)....he then meets the lovely Caroline. They don't get along at first...but then they become friends and things really start to heat up. Yes this is a love story, but it's also a laughing-your-ass-off-rolling-on-the-floor funny, hilarious book!! WHY? Because of that cat, CLIVE, Mr. Scene-Stealer!!
I recommend this book to everyone....seriously if you haven't read it yet....READ IT, and if you've read it....READ IT AGAIN!!!
*clapping hands*



******************************************


CLIVE....the scene stealer

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“The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?”




Simon and Caroline

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“Simon does commando. God bless America.”



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Beneath the sheet - which was already lower on his hips than should be legal -
He
Was
Still
Hard





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“Now you listen here, mister,” I said, trying for a more adult tone. ���I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash you girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone!”




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“How do you make Wallbanger stop smirking? You kiss him.”




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“My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable.”



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Yep still laughing.....

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“You really have no idea, do you?” …
“No idea about what?” …
“How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl,” he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear. “And I know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending.”



“You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”




Profile Image for Jodi Ellen Malpas.
Author 46 books18.7k followers
December 23, 2012
Just what I needed!

During a pretty mad point in my year end, Alice Clayton put the smile on my face I so needed.
I loved Caroline, although she was a little crackers, but I've got to cut the girl some slack because if I'd have been lacking in the area in which she was oh so lacking, then I guess I would be a bit of a loose canon too.

Enter Simon. The flirting, sexual tension and innuendos that were batting between these two almost me had me wishing I could magic myself into the scene to rip their clothes off for them. The ending more than made up for my own frustrations.

God I love Clive...I want a Clive in my life.

In all honesty, I wouldn't mind going through what Caroline went through if I was going to get a Simon as my reward. Yes please and Thank you...VERY MUCH!

Profile Image for Yeasmin Alo .
187 reviews285 followers
October 9, 2020
Ahhh I feel content😇😇😇

To my utter surprise and great delight it was a

🎆Beautiful Slow Burn Romance🎆

I was about to cry because of all the little little tiny gestures and It's beauty 😢 the burn was so good my Heart 💕💕💕...............



I am obsessed with the idea of belated gratification
This book is exactly the accurate
Paradigm of belated gratification





First 30% was
Little slow but you know this is the zest of chick lit it takes time to settle in,
you wouldn't even know how you got wrapped around it's spell and How you got totally consumed 💕💕💕


I really loved Simon (H) and Caroline(h)
Both of them are independent and interesting individuals.

Interesting in a sense I wanna be their friends,
I could sit there and listen to them talking for a good amount of time and I know I wouldn’t be bored for a second

“I missed you.” He smiled gently.




I DON'T WANT TO BOYFRIEND SIMON
I NEED TO MARRY SIMON LIKE NOW!!


Simon is funny, chilled and out going kinda guy.
He is like my personal favourite teddy bear 😘A big softie extremely cuddle-ish 😍😍😍

Caroline is beautiful, smart, independent and most importantly straight forward
She had great sense of humour ❤️ she is the care giver type 🥰
I love a female protagonist who has her s&£t together 💕 and this girl here is a #girlboss

I think they have splendid chemistry.
Both of them are similar in so many ways 💘





I really loved the Slow burn romance they had. It was Friends to lovers concept.
But with this particular book I thought it would be insta love or insta lust but
I was pleasantly wrong 💕

P.S- This book really really reallyyyyyyyy made me want to be good with my non-existent culinary skills

P.P.S- I never wanted to learn how to bake different types of bread more in my life than I do right now.......periodt
Profile Image for XxTainaxX Curvy and Nerdy.
1,473 reviews434 followers
March 6, 2016
I realize that I'm probably in the minority here but while I found the story funny at times, I just didn't find it fulfilling. Caroline has a very unique way of thinking and comes across bit quirky which I like :) I really respected how Simon approached the development of this new relationship which made him all the more likeable as he could have blown our expectations out of the planet with how entangled his web was. Caroline and Simon felt a product of circumstance and matchmaking more than anything else. There was attraction, yes, but I felt it lacked depth. Their relationship doesn't even begin until near the end of the book. Even then their first instance of intimacy left something to be desired. It really starts to get good at the very end when they work out what made their first time lacking and we are left with a big fat HFN. No epilogue to give us a glimpse of their future... nada. The cat's POV was a cute touch but answered no questions. It was a cute read but I was looking for more. As far as safety is concerned: no rape/abuse, neither are virgins, there is a crinkle of a wrapper their first time but it's not mentioned again, there are no OM and no OW after they start the relationship and maybe even a little before they do. He does, however, start the book off with multiple women.
Profile Image for ✝✝ Ⓓaisy ❣ ✝✝ .
493 reviews273 followers
October 14, 2013

This book is effin' hilarious...... I was laughing non-stop for sure....And Harriet, my mate only made it double exciting

When I picked up the first page, I was

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And we move, 50% dear me,

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By 85% I was equally frustrated with her, chasing her Big O, and Simon is ain't helping at all! Damn, UST is way too much!

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Finally, I was screaming with at happiness at 92% and in love!

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What I can say more, I really really had fun with Simon, Caroline, Clive (such a character)!!!!! Let's meet them <3

Simon, Mr Wallbanger *winks*

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Caroline, Ms O *giggles*

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And finally, the hero, Mr cheeky Clive

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JUST PICK IT UP AND READ IT!

"Fucking Wallbanger"
"Fucking Pink Nightie Girl"

"Asshole"
"cockblocker"

"What I do on my side of that wall is my business. Let's get that straight right now. And why are you so concerned about me and my dick anyway?"


Hence, it only gets better!!! Need a laugh and sweet read, you have your book!

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Profile Image for Ida.
128 reviews191 followers
January 12, 2021
“Always good when what you need and what you want are the same things”

description
Adult characters ✅(Although there were definitely some childlike behaviour)
Slow burn romance ✅
Humor ✅(Maybe not as much as I anticipated, but still funny)
Smut ✅(A little "cringy" in some parts)

Caroline Reynolds has it all. A fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, the perfect job as a designer, an office overlooking the bay, a cat, great friends and time to bake and work out whenever it pleases her. What she doesn't have is her long time missing O. Cue oversexed neighbour with the loudest late-night wallbanging she's ever heard, Simon Parker.
description

This was a lot better than I anticipated, although there were some parts I couldn't help but roll my eyes at. Every character is super beautiful, has a great personality, really talented . But it was a fun, fast paced and easy read, and I needed something light and fluffy (which is exactly what this is, combined with a little chaotic). I won't continue the series, but I definitely recommend it for people who enjoy new adult contemporary romance, or someone who just needs to get out of a reading-slump.
Profile Image for Wendy'sThoughts.
2,632 reviews3,209 followers
March 15, 2022
4 Simon Baker-The Mentalist, Flirty, Banter, Baked Goods Stars
**** Spoiler Free-A 2013 Review
Dear Ms. Clayton,
I am writing to you as I know you have a close personal relationship with Simon, Caroline, and their posse. I wanted to first congratulate you on your excellent taste. You tell us about these people in the way that you did, just brightened up my day. It was such a change to see grown-up, evolved professionals behave as friends, looking out for one another and interacting in a respectful manner. That they weren’t perfect little angels or badass bikers but real relatable souls struck a chord in me.

Which brings me to the reason why I am writing to you:
I have some things I wish to tell Simon personally and I think you are the only way to do that …. So here it goes….


Simon…
You don’t know me… but as crazy as it is… I know you.
I know all about your photographic career, which by the way, is wonderfully creative and reveals more about you than you may realize. It shows how you recognize all the beauty this world has to offer and your acceptance and willingness to share it with us.

I know you have strong bonds with Benjamin, who took you under his wing when life dealt you the worst of blows and a core group of friends. Your taking time to nurture these relationships shows that even with the fear of losing people you have loved… you are willing to give of yourself in some capacity which means when you find the one… it will happen.

And oh, I am so thrilled it seems to be happening for you, Simon. Because, although I understood exactly the rotation of “friends” you had and why you had this setup, protecting yourself and all… I did see an inkling of you moving towards wanting more….
So here you now are with this interaction with Caroline… and I am really excited to see how this goes…

You seem to love pushing her buttons, texting with her, and teasing… I think this tactic will work… and you may feel a little uneasy with feelings that will begin to surface… but don’t let that scare you away…
And her baking for you all the time… just so you know… a really great indication of her liking you even though she may not say it outright….
So you just keep being the flirty, charming, and oh, so sexy guy you are...

Ok, Stop… Right There… Yes, You Simon… don’t you look all shy because I said that… you know you are amazing with the women….knowing exactly what you are doing when you do it… so don’t get all bashful or embarrassed…

Good… we are now on the same page…so what I just want to finish saying is stay the course… continue to woo Ms. Caroline… don’t let her get away with any lying or hiding… because between you and me… she seems to be having a particular situation happening which is making her especially cranky with herself and others…and she is worth the effort.

Finally, all I want is for you to be happy in your life… be open to what may take place in the future if you let it… and from my point of view… I think you need to keep on following your instincts with Caroline….after all… what have you got to lose… the two of you seem to be friends and all that zucchini bread you love at your disposal… seems like a win-win and possibly love… to me.
Yours Truly... a huge Simon Fan


So, thank you Ms. Clayton… and I will continue to watch for any other reveals you may share with us in the future because I love the people you hang out with…. Oh, you thought I forgot Clive?
I didn’t forget… but you see my love for Clive… that falls into another category altogether.

Wallbanger (Cocktail, #1) by Alice Clayton Wallbanger (Cocktail, #1)
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Rusty Nailed (Cocktail, #2) by Alice Clayton Rusty Nailed (Cocktail, #2)
Screwdrivered (Cocktail, #3) by Alice Clayton Screwedrivered (Cocktail, #3)
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Mai Tai'd Up (Cocktail, #4) by Alice Clayton Mai Tai'd Up (Cocktail, #4)
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Last Call (Cocktail, #4.5) by Alice Clayton Last Call (Cocktail, #4.5)
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
One More Round (Cocktail, #4.6) by Alice Clayton One More Round (Cocktail, #4.6)

For more Reviews, Free E-books and Giveaways

 photo banner_zpsb3ab83a0.jpg
March 16, 2018

“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment.
“Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.”


Story ⭐️⭐️⭐️
When I was a little younger, I sometimes had a crush on a boy I didn’t even know.
Just handsome boys I saw and thought I really liked.
When I thought about them I had all the stupid-teenage fantasies.
In these fantasies everything was perfect - he was nice, funny, cooking was no problem at all for him and he was actually liking me back.
There were absolutely no problems at all. Everything was nice and fluffy and so so sweet.
Well, that’s exactly such a story - nice, funny and really really unrealistic.
I mean I guess there are boys that are handsome, nice and can cook. But I never met them. And certainly life isn’t the perfect version that is showed in this book.
A perfect job, handsome sexy neighbor and perfect flat? Yeah, sure. Totally normal.
But at least this book reminded me of my teenage crushes and I did have fun while reading it. That’s why it got a three star instead of a well deserved two star.
Sorry not sorry.

Characters ⭐️⭐️
Oh my, oh my. Perfect job - interior designer, wonderful flat - arranged by her boss, awesome and cool boss, beautiful friends and a crazy cat? Also she has ton of time doing yoga, baking or cooking things while also having the absolute dream job with the perfect friendly boss.
Can I have one of those too?
But I did like her humor, she was so so funny!
What I didn’t really like about the whole book and the characters was their perfection.
Good looking, a great character and super talented.
All of them.
Especially Simon and Caroline, of course.

Relationships ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Oh man, drama drama drama. And most of all unnecessary drama. But I loved their friendship. It was so cute. They watched movies together, cooked together. They had jokes and tried to force their friends into kissing. The two of them really had chemistry, I can’t deny that.
But you know what problems they had in their relationship?
Ex-boy/girlfriends, Harems, missing O’s, mismatched friends.
These are not the normal problems a couple has (at least I think so? 🤷🏻‍♀️)
But it was cute, so so cute.

Writing style ⭐️⭐️
Oh, please, just kill me. I don’t know if I just had a horrible version of the book or if it actually was that horrible, but... it was so weird. It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but it also was pretty chaotic.
The thing I liked most of all was definitely the Humor of the author.
I was smiling a lot while reading this.


“Wine?”
“Am I breathing?”
“Wine it is.”
Profile Image for Steelwhisper.
Author 5 books391 followers
March 13, 2015
I'm absolutely over heroines who call their orgasms "her" and talk to their bodyparts.

No. I was most assuredly not amused. Unfunny. And extremely boring. I'm sure it's me, not the book, eh?

Profile Image for Mareeva.
347 reviews4,225 followers
January 13, 2022
I don't trust the depressed, sleep-deprived, nicotine tolerant monster who read this back in 2019💀🤚

So a reread is in order to see if that 5 stars can be explained.
Profile Image for AJ.
2,802 reviews913 followers
December 5, 2012
Essential elements of a sensational romantic comedy novel:

Strong, sarcastically hilarious heroine – Check
Gorgeously sexy, hot hero – OMG, check, check and CHECK!!!!
Sizzling chemistry – Check
Hilariously rude flirting – Check
Wickedly sensational banter – HELL YEAH Check
Swoony romance – Check
Steam factor – Holy hell, CHECK!

Love, love, love this book! It was hilarious, gorgeously swoony, and so much fun!

“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozen on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl”


Caroline and Simon have sizzling chemistry from the start, even though they initially ‘hate’ each other after a late night encounter where Caroline “cockblocks” Simon, telling him to calm his sexual theatrics and its resulting wallbanging.

“Now you listen here, mister … I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash your girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone!”

Their relationship takes a twist as their friends hook up and they realise that, as neighbors, they can’t exactly stay away from each other. So they call a truce and gradually become friends. I loved their friendship! They have so much fun together, but the rude, crude and flirty banter flies thick and fast, with lots of innuendo and teasing, steamy moments between them (apple pie anybody???). And then there are the conversations via text message – absolute GOLD!

The sexual tension builds and builds until our frustrated couple finally get together and oh holy crap is there hotness! Lots and lots of it!!! It’s hot, and it’s graphic, but there’s still humour and lightness there.

“Simon does commando. God bless America.”
(is it suddenly getting hot in here?)

Caroline and Simon are both fantastic characters, I loved them both instantly. Caroline is everything you want in a rom-com heroine – she’s strong, smart, sarcastic and sassy, and Simon is just absolute freaking perfection! (Seriously! Where can I get one?). Hot, sexy and funny, he also has an affectionate, caring side and is clearly talented in the bedroom area. Oh, and he gives good woo :) The last part of the book had me in a permanent state of swoon!

“You really have no idea, do you?” …
“No idea about what?” …
“How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl,” he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear. “And I
know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending.”

The rest of the cast of characters are just as hilarious, and as with other Alice Clayton characters, are exactly the kind of people you would love to have in your life. Including Clive the cat – this cat rocked so much attitude, he deserves his own shout out. I loved it whenever he made an appearance!

I was totally obsessed with Caroline and Simon’s story from the very beginning, and loved every single moment of the journey. This book had me holding my sides from laughter and grinning like an idiot the whole time I was reading. Clayton definitely rocks the written romantic comedy. Absolutely brilliant!

5 sensational stars!
August 25, 2016
5 Wallbanging Stars ♥



This is one of those stories that has made me fall completely and madly in book love, I can't believe I nearly never read it???? What was I thinking?!!

Sexual frustration
Wanting
Needing
Allowing yourself more
*All experienced in this book*

Wallbanger has a cast of wonderful characters led by our hero and heroine, Simon and Caroline, and featuring Clive, a cat.... lol, he's a comedy star!

The premise of the story is Caroline has a new neighbour, Simon.... he likes his ladies and banging walls!! lol,lol,lol,lol.... Caroline is on the other side of the said wall and gets her knickers in a right old knot, hearing, not only the wall, but the ladies as well??? "Every spank, every meow, every giggle, and I have had it!" Needless to say, she's exasperated with the situation and faces it head on.... Or should I say hard on??? lol



Wallbanger is a pretty amusing book, I found myself constantly smiling and sometimes laughing out loud, it's hilarious in places. I found myself chuckling with the characters, rather than at them.... The best kind of funny. I wanted to be in their gang...



Simon (Mr Wallbanger) is a freelance photographer who travels the world, he's, "...a tad bit glorious," and loves female company. Hence the Wallbanging!!

Caroline is an interior designer, she's been unlucky in love and the bedroom... She's searching for her elusive

"You gonna bang my walls, Simon?"
I laughed.
"You have no idea," he promised....


There's an extra cast of girls, boys, and work colleagues, and they all gel perfectly into the story. I love how the girls are so in tune with each other; I felt like they bought me into their girl circle. They had so much fun together.

It's not all about laughs, this story has a depth to it that I wasn't expecting.... The amusing turned into heart warming..... It gave me that contented book feeling, big time...



Contented loveliness
It's all because the author takes her time. She builds and builds the characters, their relationships, it never felt rushed. She develops friendships, shows us the wonderful camaraderie between the girls, the boys. The blossoming friendship between Caroline and Simon... It's truly beautiful. Tears welled up in me when I didn't expect it.

"Simon was quickly turning into one of my favorite people."
He really was ♥

I adore this kind of story, the kind where a writer slowly paints a picture of a world. The world slowly drew me in bit by bit. Alice Clayton put in the ground work, laid the foundations and made my book heart swell for all kinds of reasons. I found, when Simon was off doing his own thing, I couldn't wait for him to be back on the page with our heroine. I was enamored with him completely. It was romantic. *I cried with them, laughed with them and swooned with Caroline.*

Is love written in the stars for them??? I couldn't possibly say.... If you haven't read this wonderfully funny and romantic book already, you need to go get it and have some fun with swoony Simon Wallbanger.


♥ Just Lovely. x
Profile Image for Fathima.
634 reviews345 followers
November 30, 2012
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This book cured me of my HUGE reading funk !!!!!

4 stars for the story and the humor + 1 extra star for the last two chapters ! Damn I loved that bit ..... a lot !

Goodreads just 'over capacity'ed me , so I'm gonna try posting my review another day !

In the mean time , READ this book ! Its fuckin hilarious and awesome !

Edit : 30/11/2012

Now, Backbone and Brain were solidly in the wait-for-sex camp, believing this essential to the foundation of this burgeoning relationship. LC ( Lower Caroline ), and therefore Simon’s penis, were in the have-sex-with-him-as-soon-as-possible society, obviously. O, while not officially in residence, could be counted among LC’s supporters. But I felt a twinge, and just a twinge, of her floating above both camps, along with Heart, who was currently singing songs about everlasting love and warm, fluffy things.

So when I finished reading this book , like literally when I finished reading the last page , this song - Finally found you - Enrique Igleasis ft Sammy Adams started playing on my Ipod and I was like ' Purrfect ' ...
Damn Enrique is sooooooo HOT in this video !

O , O , O , O , where have you gone ??? Now that seems to be the question Caroline is asking herself . Yup , you read that right . Caroline has lost her O , thanks to machine gun fucker ... Pfffft .... the image that just popped up in my head ... Pffft ... * Clears throat* moving on , so yeah sex with the machine gun fucker has scared Caroline's O and she has stop making her appearances at the desired climax ( pun intended ) .
Yeah , bad ....

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Enter's Simon Wallbanger er ... I mean Simon Parker . Extremely hot , sex personified hunky neighbor next door with an specialized degree in the art of Wallbanging . Contrary to what many believe , its actually his bed that makes the thumping noise and not the fact that he is thrusting his way to homecoming glory against a wall with a .... er ... I may have deviated from the actual matter which was ... which was ... ummmm ...yeah that Simon is hot and the attraction between him and Caroline is almost instant . And according to sources , he may just be the one to bring back Caroline's O !!!!!

yay gif Pictures, Images and Photos

But there's a problem , Simon is not into relationships , and Caroline ... Well lets just say that she wants a happy ending . So will love finally happen or will this just be a lets-just-have-sex-and-then-move-on thing ??? Will Caroline finally find her missing O or is she doomed to a O-less future for the rest of her life ??? Well , read the story and find out for yourself !!!!

This was my first Alice Clayton read , and I gotta admit that I'm in love with her sense of humor and writing style ! I've pretty much highlighted the entire book in my kindle app . Witty banters , over the top internal monologues and way-not-normal characters make Wallbanger a snort out loud comical experience !

Caroline , god that lady is just soo not okay . From a lost O to her baked goodies to her cat to her thoughts about Simon , sex and his 'harem' had me breaking into fits of laughter . I adored her as a character . Simon .... He was just ...

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I mean .... I mean .... Argh , I WANT HIM , LIKE RIGHT NOW !!!! Simple ! He is soooooo hot !

“Do you have any idea how much fun we’re going to have?” he asked, slipping his hands inside my apron, warm and a little rough on my tummy. “What are you up to?” “An O has been lost, and I’m a sucker for a challenge.”

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The sex here is beyond amazing ! I love messy sex ..er scenes , messy sex scenes and this book delivers it all ! Dough , honey , marmalade , sugar , flour ... soap ! LOVED IT !

This book is definitely hilarious with a lot of snort-giggle-smirk-grin- moments ! Simon and Caroline's double meaning text messages , the conversations between Caroline , Mimi , Sophia , Ryan , Neil and Simon ... Not to forget Caroline's pussy er , I mean Cat - Clive were amazing !

Wallbanger is a perfect mixture of romance , comedy and a whole lot of baked goodies !!!!
Profile Image for Jilly.
1,838 reviews6,208 followers
June 4, 2016


I had a good time reading this with my friends at the abtastic ab-loving geishas, but I did find it a little juvenile and shallow. Funny - but juvenile and shallow.

The best part of the book was Clive the Cat. Clyde falls in love with a girl who meows, attacks his owner's new boyfriend's head, and even flips off Caroline.

"Shut it, Clive," I hissed. A paw came out through the crack and I swear he flipped me off...

I can honestly say that this is the first cat I've ever liked. I've always known that cats are evil, but an evil cat like Clive? I can respect his bad-boy vibe.


oh, now that's going too far! I take back ever liking a cat!
Profile Image for Madita.
470 reviews16.3k followers
July 21, 2022
I am going to start off by saying that I am absolutely traumatized by the audio book.
I listened to the first chapter and it was horror.
The entire plot was weirdly slow and then super fast and just cringey. The names, every character being soooo loud and weirdly acting like teenager no.
And let’s not even talk about the “O” plot line that created the worlds most stupid ending ever
Profile Image for Shurrn.
559 reviews834 followers
January 9, 2015
Wallbanger is the literary equivalent of a long night giggling with your best friend over cocktails & pints of ice-cream… It just makes you feel good



Nights like that might not be life altering… but they'll stick with you all the same. A fond memory you can draw on when you're having a rough day. This book will affect you in a similar way.

We all know the premise...
Caroline moves into a new condo and is repeatedly woken up by her neighbor's headboard banging into the wall...
After confronting the sex machine on the other side of the bedroom wall, a love / hate friendship begins to emerge between Caroline & her Wallbanger...


I say BANG!
As in, Wallbanger...
As in, this is Bang-on Hillarious...
As in:


We're talking lost orgasms...
Hot neighbors...
Sexual tension that's off the charts...
Laugh-Out-Loud until your husband looks at you like you've lost your mind...
Characters that are so quirky, you feel like you might actually run into them if you're ever in San Francisco...

Simon Parker (aka Wallbanger Wondercock)


Caroline Reynolds (aka Pink Nightie Girl)


Clive (aka Kitty Hugh Hefner)


Even her girlfriends are hilarious!
How did I look while reading this book?


Non-stop enjoyment and laughter.
It was a heartwarming romance, and just what I needed to read!

Let me get warm & fuzzy for a second...

You know why I love GoodReads.com? Book Buddies.
You know what else I love? Recommendations.

I'm not talking about the general algorithm basted "If you liked ____, try ____..." and I'm definitely not talking about the hundreds of unsolicited recommendations I get on the "recommendations" page (I ignore the crap out of those, BTW)...

I'm talking about making a friend based on your collective book choices, and chatting with them until they really get to know your personality and preferences. "Well if you liked the Characters from Book A, and enjoyed the Author from Book B, but you hated the plot twist in Book C... Maybe you should read Book D..."

That's how I got to read Wallbanger. Sure, I saw it was a finalist in the Readers Choice Awards, and I've seen the odd update here and there... But it wasn't until I received a recommendation from Wendy (Wm AddictedReader&LovingTeamO) that I actually resolved to open the copy that has been gathering virtual dust on my eBook shelf for weeks. And Sweet Baby Jesus, am I glad that i did! For the record, that's not the first time she's given me an awesome recommendation... She's my Bookish Fairy Godmother.

So what is the moral of this story?
1. Read Wallbanger
2. Cultivate relationships with your Book Friends
3. Indulge in something fun

AND GUESS WHAT!
Wallbanger is a series... So we can expect three more books in 2014!
I'll just sit here and wait for that, because now I'm officially an Alice Clayton fan!



Some of My Favorite Moments


Update May 9, 2014:
I had the opportunity to say hello to the lovely and hilarious Alice Clayton in Memphis while she was traveling with the Belles on Wheels Book Tour. I had an awkward photo op and got her to sign a copy of this fabulous book for me!



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