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How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick
Everyone knows someone who’s sick or suffering. Yet when a friend or relative is under duress many of us feel uncertain about how to cope.
Throughout her recent bout with breast cancer, Letty Cottin Pogrebin became fascinated by her friends’ and family’s diverse reactions to her and her illness: how awkwardly some of them behaved; how some misspoke or misinterpreted her needs; and how wonderful it was when people read her right. She began talking to her fellow patients and dozens of other veterans of serious illness, seeking to discover what sick people wished their friends knew about how best to comfort, help, and even simply talk to them.
Now Pogrebin has distilled their collective stories and opinions into this wide-ranging compendium of pragmatic guidance and usable wisdom. Her advice is always infused with sensitivity, warmth, and humor. It is embedded in candid stories from her own and others’ journeys, and their sometimes imperfect interactions with well-meaning friends. How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick is an invaluable guidebook for anyone hoping to rise to the challenges of this most important and demanding passage of friendship.
Throughout her recent bout with breast cancer, Letty Cottin Pogrebin became fascinated by her friends’ and family’s diverse reactions to her and her illness: how awkwardly some of them behaved; how some misspoke or misinterpreted her needs; and how wonderful it was when people read her right. She began talking to her fellow patients and dozens of other veterans of serious illness, seeking to discover what sick people wished their friends knew about how best to comfort, help, and even simply talk to them.
Now Pogrebin has distilled their collective stories and opinions into this wide-ranging compendium of pragmatic guidance and usable wisdom. Her advice is always infused with sensitivity, warmth, and humor. It is embedded in candid stories from her own and others’ journeys, and their sometimes imperfect interactions with well-meaning friends. How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick is an invaluable guidebook for anyone hoping to rise to the challenges of this most important and demanding passage of friendship.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2013
62 people are currently reading
663 people want to read
About the author
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
29 books82 followersLETTY COTTIN POGREBIN, a founding editor of Ms. magazine, is a writer, lecturer, social justice activist, and the author of 10 non-fiction works and two novels, most recently, SINGLE JEWISH MALE SEEKING SOUL MATE, Here you can find her biography, a list of her published works, lecture topics, and a schedule of her public events. www.LettyCottinPogrebin.com She's currently at work on SHANDA: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
April 7, 2022
How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick by Letty Cottin Pogrebin is warm with friendship advice from personal experience as a cancer survivor. How to act? This question might help find an option for your individual experience and your friend's needs. Also, the most important thing to know and sometimes be mindful of is what is better to avoid doing or saying.
I have listened to the Audible release narrated by Pam Ward, who has a pleasant and mature voice.
I have listened to the Audible release narrated by Pam Ward, who has a pleasant and mature voice.
September 11, 2013
My best friend has an auto-immune disease that has changed her life. I was really hoping for some good, sound, and creative ways to help her, as well as how to deal with the effects of her disease on our friendship. Instead, the author offers self-explanatory ideas like "Ask what they need" or "talk to them about Other Things too". I've already read that book, it's called Being A Human Being.
Not only were there not really any interesting ideas, most of them were contradictory, ie "Bill liked talking details about his treatment, but Jill wanted to keep the specifics private". Gee, thanks for the help Captain Obvious.
Not only were there not really any interesting ideas, most of them were contradictory, ie "Bill liked talking details about his treatment, but Jill wanted to keep the specifics private". Gee, thanks for the help Captain Obvious.
April 21, 2014
At age 70, Letty Cottin Pogrebin was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, four years later, she is a cancer survivor and author of How to be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick. The book is a collection of interviews, observations, and philosophical ruminations on the perils and unexpected perks of treatment for this frightening illness. Surprised by the camaraderie she finds in the hospital waiting rooms, she interviews fellow patients. How to be a Friend is a helpful record of the emotional roller coaster that cancer patients involuntarily ride.
She records her own and others’ reactions to the words of well-meaning friends who misspeak as often as they console. She offers lists of dos and don’ts when confronting friends’ illness. She presents the most helpful comments and questions, particularly when talking with friends who are in the throes of chemotherapy or similarly draining treatments. She suggests that instead of asking How are you feeling? one might enquire: “What are you feeling right now?” She makes the reader laugh – and gag – by repeating all too frequent statements, questions and exclamations, always offered with the best of intentions. The fear-ridden “OMIGOD!” is one of her particular pet peeves. Too often it signifies that the friend has mistaken frightened identification for empathy.
Other misapprehensions abound. People eager to show their compassion often say such things as “I know just how you feel!” Or they respond with “the same thing happened to me!” likening their own pain to that of the friend, and their own experience to that of the patient. In fact, such seeming compassion generally indicates that in their haste to commiserate, these friends forgot to listen. They are self-absorbed—or certainly self-referent. Pogrebin advocates silence in place of ill-chosen or ill-timed words. Just being with a sick or grieving person is far more helpful than empty platitudes. Or, she says wisely, choose traditional responses, such as “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “Please accept my condolences,” which are classic not cliché. She is wise to recognize the difference.
Noting that people tend to share personal experience in the face of like trials, she writes:
"I’m not saying [that] people have lost their capacity to empathize with others, just that solipsism is insensitive and rude. … Someone with a hacking cough doesn’t need to hear, 'You think that’s bad? I had double pneumonia.' You can’t compare the death of someone’s child to the death of your elderly grandparent. The truest thing you can say to a sick or suffering friend is, 'I can only try to imagine what you’re going through.' … Friendship can nourish, help, and heal but also disappoint and suffocate. With every interview I marveled at how thin and permeable is the membrane between good intentions and bad behavior."
Pogrebin came to national attention in the early 70s as part of the feminist vanguard. She collaborated with Gloria Steinem in launching Ms. Magazine, and she worked with Jewish feminists in initiating the Jewish women’s movement, which saw groups across the country emerge to celebrate life’s milestones in new ways. In 1991 she published Deborah, Golda and Me, a book about being female and Jewish in America today. I read it soon after its appearance. It left an indelible mark, particularly after reading the sentence in which she thanks her mother who, in dying young, forced the 15 year aspiring author to become self-reliant. While Pogrebin’s mother is not one of the title figures (Deborah, Golda and Me), she has the spirit of the title’s role models. Deborah, the biblical prophet, came to Pogrebin’s attention when she was 12 and preparing for her bat-mitzvah. Pogrebin’s haftorah featured Deborah, who made an indelible impression. Golda, of course, was Golda Meir. Pogrebin set her sights high.
How to be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick is Pogrebin’s tenth book. She is in that pantheon of public figures who have achieved professional success without sacrificing domestic fulfillment. She has been married to the same man for fifty years; they have three children, including twin daughters who became successful writers, and family has been key to her well-being. She writes of them with deep appreciation and affection.
This book should be on everyone’s required reading list. It is as valuable to patients as it is to friends of patients. Gene Wilder, actor, comedian, writer, friend of Pogrebin and himself a cancer survivor, said: “I wish Letty’s wonderful book had been available thirteen years ago when I had cancer. I would have given it to all of my friends and begged them to read it.”
That these words come from Gene Wilder speaks volumes. He’s a funny man. Pogrebin ranks comedy high on the list of activities one can share with an ailing friend. Watch reruns of old comedy shows together, or funny movies. Listen to comedians on tape. Tell jokes.
Pogrebin tells several of the jokes that particularly appealed to her during her courses of treatment. Some of the jokes are very Jewish. Indeed, Pogrebin, who grew up in an observant Jewish home, has a keen Jewish sensibility and an erudition that is both impressive and typical of Jews educated in traditional families. Among yarns spelled out in the book is the following oldie-but-goodie. It is cited here because it eased Pogrebin’s pain at one of her lowest points—as funny stories will, no matter how many times we’ve heard them. It may not rouse chortling, but it will bring a smile.
Billy Joe, an Alabama good ol’ boy, who took to his bed with a nasty cold. Guaranteeing it would make him feel better, his friend, Hershel, a Brooklyn Jew, brought him a container of chicken soup with matzoh balls. Billy Joe tentatively spooned up some broth with a wedge of the matzoh ball, chewed it, swallowed it, smiled approvingly, and then finished the soup to the last drop. “Great balls,” he said. “What do you Jews do with the rest of the matzoh?”
She includes the one told by someone who’s friend was losing his memory. He entertained the friend by proposing a message: “If you have short-term memory loss, press nine. If you have short-term memory loss, press nine. If you have short-term memory loss, press nine.”
In calling up memories, Pogrebin invites us to see the breadth and depth of her friendships. She seems to know everyone. Her intimates range from renowned literati to political darlings to Hollywood celebrities to familiar janitors in the buildings she frequents. Her contacts in the waiting room of Memorial Sloane Kettering’s cancer center criss-cross society’s social grid. She responds to everyone with equal warmth and humanity.
Except when she doesn’t. She is unafraid to face the more shameful episodes of her life. She cites the time when her friend’s child, terminally ill, was hospitalized, and the author could not visit. Her anxieties, triggered by the associations of her own mother’s illness years earlier, kept her away. She chides herself for that lapse but recognizes that, when all is said and done, we are human. We must forgive ourselves our lapses and not let them dictate future behavior, just as we must overlook the verbal malapropisms of would-be helpers – but learn to steer clear of them.
This is where it becomes clear that Pogrebin’s book is not just for healthy friends, but for patients, too. In sharing her experience of patienthood, she underscores the need to protect one’s fragile world during a time of illness and uncertainty. Some friends are better shunned. The old trust may or may not reinstate itself, but as long as one’s energies must be focused on getting well, certain courtesies may be ignored. This book is a quick read, funny, frank, honest, and written with disarming charm.
[This review was written for the Washtenaw Jewish News.]
She records her own and others’ reactions to the words of well-meaning friends who misspeak as often as they console. She offers lists of dos and don’ts when confronting friends’ illness. She presents the most helpful comments and questions, particularly when talking with friends who are in the throes of chemotherapy or similarly draining treatments. She suggests that instead of asking How are you feeling? one might enquire: “What are you feeling right now?” She makes the reader laugh – and gag – by repeating all too frequent statements, questions and exclamations, always offered with the best of intentions. The fear-ridden “OMIGOD!” is one of her particular pet peeves. Too often it signifies that the friend has mistaken frightened identification for empathy.
Other misapprehensions abound. People eager to show their compassion often say such things as “I know just how you feel!” Or they respond with “the same thing happened to me!” likening their own pain to that of the friend, and their own experience to that of the patient. In fact, such seeming compassion generally indicates that in their haste to commiserate, these friends forgot to listen. They are self-absorbed—or certainly self-referent. Pogrebin advocates silence in place of ill-chosen or ill-timed words. Just being with a sick or grieving person is far more helpful than empty platitudes. Or, she says wisely, choose traditional responses, such as “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “Please accept my condolences,” which are classic not cliché. She is wise to recognize the difference.
Noting that people tend to share personal experience in the face of like trials, she writes:
"I’m not saying [that] people have lost their capacity to empathize with others, just that solipsism is insensitive and rude. … Someone with a hacking cough doesn’t need to hear, 'You think that’s bad? I had double pneumonia.' You can’t compare the death of someone’s child to the death of your elderly grandparent. The truest thing you can say to a sick or suffering friend is, 'I can only try to imagine what you’re going through.' … Friendship can nourish, help, and heal but also disappoint and suffocate. With every interview I marveled at how thin and permeable is the membrane between good intentions and bad behavior."
Pogrebin came to national attention in the early 70s as part of the feminist vanguard. She collaborated with Gloria Steinem in launching Ms. Magazine, and she worked with Jewish feminists in initiating the Jewish women’s movement, which saw groups across the country emerge to celebrate life’s milestones in new ways. In 1991 she published Deborah, Golda and Me, a book about being female and Jewish in America today. I read it soon after its appearance. It left an indelible mark, particularly after reading the sentence in which she thanks her mother who, in dying young, forced the 15 year aspiring author to become self-reliant. While Pogrebin’s mother is not one of the title figures (Deborah, Golda and Me), she has the spirit of the title’s role models. Deborah, the biblical prophet, came to Pogrebin’s attention when she was 12 and preparing for her bat-mitzvah. Pogrebin’s haftorah featured Deborah, who made an indelible impression. Golda, of course, was Golda Meir. Pogrebin set her sights high.
How to be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick is Pogrebin’s tenth book. She is in that pantheon of public figures who have achieved professional success without sacrificing domestic fulfillment. She has been married to the same man for fifty years; they have three children, including twin daughters who became successful writers, and family has been key to her well-being. She writes of them with deep appreciation and affection.
This book should be on everyone’s required reading list. It is as valuable to patients as it is to friends of patients. Gene Wilder, actor, comedian, writer, friend of Pogrebin and himself a cancer survivor, said: “I wish Letty’s wonderful book had been available thirteen years ago when I had cancer. I would have given it to all of my friends and begged them to read it.”
That these words come from Gene Wilder speaks volumes. He’s a funny man. Pogrebin ranks comedy high on the list of activities one can share with an ailing friend. Watch reruns of old comedy shows together, or funny movies. Listen to comedians on tape. Tell jokes.
Pogrebin tells several of the jokes that particularly appealed to her during her courses of treatment. Some of the jokes are very Jewish. Indeed, Pogrebin, who grew up in an observant Jewish home, has a keen Jewish sensibility and an erudition that is both impressive and typical of Jews educated in traditional families. Among yarns spelled out in the book is the following oldie-but-goodie. It is cited here because it eased Pogrebin’s pain at one of her lowest points—as funny stories will, no matter how many times we’ve heard them. It may not rouse chortling, but it will bring a smile.
Billy Joe, an Alabama good ol’ boy, who took to his bed with a nasty cold. Guaranteeing it would make him feel better, his friend, Hershel, a Brooklyn Jew, brought him a container of chicken soup with matzoh balls. Billy Joe tentatively spooned up some broth with a wedge of the matzoh ball, chewed it, swallowed it, smiled approvingly, and then finished the soup to the last drop. “Great balls,” he said. “What do you Jews do with the rest of the matzoh?”
She includes the one told by someone who’s friend was losing his memory. He entertained the friend by proposing a message: “If you have short-term memory loss, press nine. If you have short-term memory loss, press nine. If you have short-term memory loss, press nine.”
In calling up memories, Pogrebin invites us to see the breadth and depth of her friendships. She seems to know everyone. Her intimates range from renowned literati to political darlings to Hollywood celebrities to familiar janitors in the buildings she frequents. Her contacts in the waiting room of Memorial Sloane Kettering’s cancer center criss-cross society’s social grid. She responds to everyone with equal warmth and humanity.
Except when she doesn’t. She is unafraid to face the more shameful episodes of her life. She cites the time when her friend’s child, terminally ill, was hospitalized, and the author could not visit. Her anxieties, triggered by the associations of her own mother’s illness years earlier, kept her away. She chides herself for that lapse but recognizes that, when all is said and done, we are human. We must forgive ourselves our lapses and not let them dictate future behavior, just as we must overlook the verbal malapropisms of would-be helpers – but learn to steer clear of them.
This is where it becomes clear that Pogrebin’s book is not just for healthy friends, but for patients, too. In sharing her experience of patienthood, she underscores the need to protect one’s fragile world during a time of illness and uncertainty. Some friends are better shunned. The old trust may or may not reinstate itself, but as long as one’s energies must be focused on getting well, certain courtesies may be ignored. This book is a quick read, funny, frank, honest, and written with disarming charm.
[This review was written for the Washtenaw Jewish News.]
July 6, 2013
At this point, I could probably write an essay on this topic myself. This is a helpful resource, both for "beginners" who feel uncomfortable with sickness/death/need and are unsure how to help as well as for "advanced friends" who want to hone their caretaking skills to better help a relative or friend. Some of the advice is common sense, but knowing what to do and actually doing it are very, very different. Reading what various friends did right and wrong from the perspective of the person who was sick or otherwise in need (or that person's spouse/relative) was illuminating. The book embraces the fact that what is helpful differs for each individual, and explains how to find out what is welcome/needed. There are also general tips for hospital visits (length of visit, what to bring) and what to say and not to say to a sick person/relative/mourner. The simplest take-away came near the end: Kindness = empathy + action.
The advice is obviously transferable to helping someone through any type of illness, and the book covers more than just people who are physically sick. There are specific sections on being a friend to someone with dementia (some of this seemed controversial but I don't have much experience with this - I'd love to hear if others agreed with the advice here), sudden financial ruin (actually not out of place and very interesting), fertility challenges, facing death, unsuccessful suicide attempts, etc. There are also sections on how to be a friend to a parent whose child is sick, a drug addict, or has died (again, with specifics for accidental and intentional death). Although the book obviously could not cover every situation, it would have rounded out the breadth of experiences to include one story each from someone who (1) lost a days- or hours-old baby, (2) lost a baby to stillbirth, (3) lost a baby to miscarriage, and (4) someone caring for a child with an intellectual disability or other significant special needs.
There is also some advice tailored to helping someone another degree removed from the illness - caring for the caretaker - which is equally important. The book also discusses men who keep their illnesses secret (and the toll this takes on their wives, families, etc). After recognizing that most caretakers tend to be women, the book shows how men can help (especially help other men).
I found that the more specific the advice, the more the big picture of how to be helpful emerged. It's a skill that takes initiative, creativity, and practice. Since we're all going to find ourselves on every side of a crisis someday, it's a skill worth developing.
Final thoughts: I understand that the author wanted to tell her own story, but most of her interludes were unhelpful. People helping someone through a dire situation may find her own story of quickly and successfully battling early-stage breast cancer irrelevant. Her chapter-long thanks to her medical team was more appropriate for an acknowledgements section. Luckily, these interludes are clearly marked and could be skipped without losing much of anything.
The advice is obviously transferable to helping someone through any type of illness, and the book covers more than just people who are physically sick. There are specific sections on being a friend to someone with dementia (some of this seemed controversial but I don't have much experience with this - I'd love to hear if others agreed with the advice here), sudden financial ruin (actually not out of place and very interesting), fertility challenges, facing death, unsuccessful suicide attempts, etc. There are also sections on how to be a friend to a parent whose child is sick, a drug addict, or has died (again, with specifics for accidental and intentional death). Although the book obviously could not cover every situation, it would have rounded out the breadth of experiences to include one story each from someone who (1) lost a days- or hours-old baby, (2) lost a baby to stillbirth, (3) lost a baby to miscarriage, and (4) someone caring for a child with an intellectual disability or other significant special needs.
There is also some advice tailored to helping someone another degree removed from the illness - caring for the caretaker - which is equally important. The book also discusses men who keep their illnesses secret (and the toll this takes on their wives, families, etc). After recognizing that most caretakers tend to be women, the book shows how men can help (especially help other men).
I found that the more specific the advice, the more the big picture of how to be helpful emerged. It's a skill that takes initiative, creativity, and practice. Since we're all going to find ourselves on every side of a crisis someday, it's a skill worth developing.
Final thoughts: I understand that the author wanted to tell her own story, but most of her interludes were unhelpful. People helping someone through a dire situation may find her own story of quickly and successfully battling early-stage breast cancer irrelevant. Her chapter-long thanks to her medical team was more appropriate for an acknowledgements section. Luckily, these interludes are clearly marked and could be skipped without losing much of anything.
February 10, 2013
I am a classic sufferer of foot-in-mouth syndrome and general inappropriateness around those ill/hurting/suffering. I want to show I care so badly, but I rarely know how and I'm either awkward or do nothing, both of which I'm sure leave the other person feeling I don't care at all.
Letty Cottin Pogrebin found many of her relationships with friends and acquaintances left something to be desired after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Curious about how unpredictable and varied the reactions were, she began to chat with her fellow waiting room occupants and found many to be experiencing the same thing. The idea for this book was born and Pogrebin interviewed fellow patients, friends, and friends-of-friends about what helps, what doesn't, and just how to be a better friend to a sick friend.
This book is a great deal of memoir interspersed with advice, and left me feeling like Pogrebin needed to work through some feelings about her own illness. She's an engaging writer, but I felt a little swindled honestly. I didn't pick up a memoir of a cancer survivor, I picked up a handbook on being a friend to a friend who is sick or suffering. A lot of her story was very relevant (breaking the news to your friends and family and navigating the reactions in which you are inevitably soothing them), but a lot of it just....wasn't (the 12 page love letter to her hospital and nurse staff, for example. That's great that they took such good care of you, but how does that help your reader be a better friend?)
The book contains a lot of common sense advice, as the author freely admits. And it's good to be reminded of these things! What's common sense to you might not be to me and if you're like me, perhaps your common sense goes out the window when you're trying to be sensitive. Great. This book should help.
It left me paralyzed. Don't wait to be asked for help, your friend might not know how to ask! But don't barge in and bring meals/clean house/walk dogs without being asked to, that might not even be what your friend needs! But sometimes you need to "just show up." Ok, I am clearly socially inept which is why I'm reading this book, so how do I know when to "just show up" versus when to give them their space? My coworker lost her father over the holidays, and I want to show her I care and have not forgotten that she is still living with this loss every day, but I don't know how to do that. Don't bring it up, the illness/loss doesn't define your friend! But don't ignore it, her pain is still fresh even if the news isn't. But don't ask "how are you?" with that weighty tone. WHAT DO I DO?
The biggest takeaway I got for all illnesses, all diagnoses, and all outcomes is this; it depends. It depends on your friend, the situation, and your relationship. So I guess go with your gut and try not to be awkward. And if you are, well they know you're awkward already, right? You're friends.
**I received a free copy of this book for review via NetGalley. The opinions are my own.
Letty Cottin Pogrebin found many of her relationships with friends and acquaintances left something to be desired after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Curious about how unpredictable and varied the reactions were, she began to chat with her fellow waiting room occupants and found many to be experiencing the same thing. The idea for this book was born and Pogrebin interviewed fellow patients, friends, and friends-of-friends about what helps, what doesn't, and just how to be a better friend to a sick friend.
This book is a great deal of memoir interspersed with advice, and left me feeling like Pogrebin needed to work through some feelings about her own illness. She's an engaging writer, but I felt a little swindled honestly. I didn't pick up a memoir of a cancer survivor, I picked up a handbook on being a friend to a friend who is sick or suffering. A lot of her story was very relevant (breaking the news to your friends and family and navigating the reactions in which you are inevitably soothing them), but a lot of it just....wasn't (the 12 page love letter to her hospital and nurse staff, for example. That's great that they took such good care of you, but how does that help your reader be a better friend?)
The book contains a lot of common sense advice, as the author freely admits. And it's good to be reminded of these things! What's common sense to you might not be to me and if you're like me, perhaps your common sense goes out the window when you're trying to be sensitive. Great. This book should help.
It left me paralyzed. Don't wait to be asked for help, your friend might not know how to ask! But don't barge in and bring meals/clean house/walk dogs without being asked to, that might not even be what your friend needs! But sometimes you need to "just show up." Ok, I am clearly socially inept which is why I'm reading this book, so how do I know when to "just show up" versus when to give them their space? My coworker lost her father over the holidays, and I want to show her I care and have not forgotten that she is still living with this loss every day, but I don't know how to do that. Don't bring it up, the illness/loss doesn't define your friend! But don't ignore it, her pain is still fresh even if the news isn't. But don't ask "how are you?" with that weighty tone. WHAT DO I DO?
The biggest takeaway I got for all illnesses, all diagnoses, and all outcomes is this; it depends. It depends on your friend, the situation, and your relationship. So I guess go with your gut and try not to be awkward. And if you are, well they know you're awkward already, right? You're friends.
**I received a free copy of this book for review via NetGalley. The opinions are my own.
March 14, 2013
This book is a fantastic book. I saw this book by chance and am so thankful I did. I never would have thought to look for a book about being a friend to someone who is sick, so I bought it, and loved it! Although the topic is sad, this book had many personal, heartwarming stories. Everyone has friends or relatives, or even has friends who have relatives/other friends who are suffering. I found this advice helpful not only to comfort and support my friends and relatives who are sick, but helpful in being there for friends who were dealing with sick friends or family members of their own. This book reminded me not to treat ill people differently, or to read their body language and listen to them when they tell you how they feel. Everyone deals with it differently, so the variety of personal stories really appealed to me. The stories were sweet, silly, funny, touching, and sad. This was a great read that I will be recommending.
August 12, 2013
1) Have you ever had a friend with a critical illness, a terminal illness, or one that's had a terrible accident?
2) Have you ever said to yourself, about such a friend, well, I don't need to call because they have so many family members and better friends around? I will wait until I hear from them.
3) Have you ever asked that friend, "tell me what I can do for you?" and after not hearing from the friend didn't contact him/her again?
4) Have you ever given unsolicited advice to a friend facing a complex medical situation about a cleansing juice diet that helped you or how your friend must see your chiropractor right away? It all worked wonders for you when you were feeling badly.
If you answered yes to question#1: READ THIS BOOK. If you answered yes to questions #2, #3, &/or #4: READ THIS BOOK. If you didn't take my little quiz: READ THIS BOOK ANYWAY.
While these actions/statements may not have been in the least inappropriate, and were surely well-meaning, they are hints that you have some room for improvement as a friend to a friend who's sick. Even if you are a pro at being a supportive friend - your friends and loved ones facing illness, critical or chronic, will appreciate your new-found knowledge or the reinforcement of old knowledge, more than you can possibly know. I suspect that you will feel more comfortable in the face of what is unknown and scary after thinking about the information presented in this book. Then when *you* are facing illness, you will be better at knowing how to ask for what you want and need.
As a person who has had a lifelong history with critical and chronic illness, the mere existence of this book was thrilling. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been born into an amazing family and have made many wonderfully, actively supportive friends. Over the years, though, I have also been on the receiving end of hurtful statements and actions (or non-actions) on the part of friends, (extended) family, and complete strangers. I know that most of these people mean well and/or are simply projecting their own deep fears and neuroses on me, but I really have a collection of doozies in my past from hilarious to deeply painful. Empathy is not easy to come by for some, but it can be learned - and this book is a great tool.
The biggest challenge that you find when reading this book is that we all have such dramatically different reactions to our own critical and chronic illness. It would be easy for the reader to be frustrated, but I think it's unreasonable to expect a one-size-fits-all collection of advice. As LCP says, it boils down to: "act & ask or ask & act." Just do for your friend, but also make sure that you are not doing what you want or think is right while over-riding what your friend needs or wants. The absolute worst thing you can do, as LCP shows and tells again and again through these stories, is to hide out when the $%^& hits the fan. Your sick friend will forgive your awkwardness and your well-meaning mis-steps, but she will likely never recover from your disappearing act.
2) Have you ever said to yourself, about such a friend, well, I don't need to call because they have so many family members and better friends around? I will wait until I hear from them.
3) Have you ever asked that friend, "tell me what I can do for you?" and after not hearing from the friend didn't contact him/her again?
4) Have you ever given unsolicited advice to a friend facing a complex medical situation about a cleansing juice diet that helped you or how your friend must see your chiropractor right away? It all worked wonders for you when you were feeling badly.
If you answered yes to question#1: READ THIS BOOK. If you answered yes to questions #2, #3, &/or #4: READ THIS BOOK. If you didn't take my little quiz: READ THIS BOOK ANYWAY.
While these actions/statements may not have been in the least inappropriate, and were surely well-meaning, they are hints that you have some room for improvement as a friend to a friend who's sick. Even if you are a pro at being a supportive friend - your friends and loved ones facing illness, critical or chronic, will appreciate your new-found knowledge or the reinforcement of old knowledge, more than you can possibly know. I suspect that you will feel more comfortable in the face of what is unknown and scary after thinking about the information presented in this book. Then when *you* are facing illness, you will be better at knowing how to ask for what you want and need.
As a person who has had a lifelong history with critical and chronic illness, the mere existence of this book was thrilling. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been born into an amazing family and have made many wonderfully, actively supportive friends. Over the years, though, I have also been on the receiving end of hurtful statements and actions (or non-actions) on the part of friends, (extended) family, and complete strangers. I know that most of these people mean well and/or are simply projecting their own deep fears and neuroses on me, but I really have a collection of doozies in my past from hilarious to deeply painful. Empathy is not easy to come by for some, but it can be learned - and this book is a great tool.
The biggest challenge that you find when reading this book is that we all have such dramatically different reactions to our own critical and chronic illness. It would be easy for the reader to be frustrated, but I think it's unreasonable to expect a one-size-fits-all collection of advice. As LCP says, it boils down to: "act & ask or ask & act." Just do for your friend, but also make sure that you are not doing what you want or think is right while over-riding what your friend needs or wants. The absolute worst thing you can do, as LCP shows and tells again and again through these stories, is to hide out when the $%^& hits the fan. Your sick friend will forgive your awkwardness and your well-meaning mis-steps, but she will likely never recover from your disappearing act.
August 2, 2018
I read this after my aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I knew I'd be with her/helping her at the end of her life. Some things were useful, like asking the ill person if they have the energy for a visit, or letting them know it's ok to cut a visit short if they are tired. Also, how non-helpful it is to say things like, so and so had a similar situation and they are doing fine now. Unfortunately, my main takeaway is that ultimately, there's really nothing you can say or do that for someone with a terminal illness. Some of the common sense advice in here may seem obvious, but the type of person who would say some of the incredibly insensitive things that were said to people in this book, isn't the type of person who's gonna be checking this book out from their local library.
August 17, 2014
One of the most helpful guides for both patient, caregivers, family, and friends. Offers an insightful list of how to help and also ask for help - something that patients often don't know how to do. As a counselor to cancer survivors, I suggest this title to the patient and family who are encountering this frightening disease for the first time. Unfortunately so many are unprepared - they have never been this sick, to this depth, for so long a time. This book provides both relief and guidance for what can be a most difficult yet survivable journey.
March 18, 2014
3.5 stars
The book How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick by Letty Cottin Pogrebin was recommend to me by my therapist when we were discussing how hard it is sometimes for me to be a good friend and equally to deal with unsupportive friends/family. Pogrebin started thinking about this topic when she was fighting breast cancer and noticed the varied reactions of her friends and family. The book is actually a collection of short stories from people with varied experiences intermixed with Pogrebin's own story. What I liked about the book was that she included the reactions to friends' behavior as well. There are Dos and Don'ts lists and varied suggestions for how to rephrase common questions that are inadvertently offensive or difficult to answer. I chuckled over her commentary and lists of commonly heard comments and questions, many of which I've heard myself. A lot of this advice feels obvious, but it's easy to forget in the stress of seeing a loved one fighting what they're fighting. Moreover, I think different people will get different things from this book based on what their experiences have been so far and what sort of guidance they are looking for. It did seem a bit long, but I think that's partially because it's clearly geared to be helpful even to people who have never had an ill family/friend before.
I think the trick to reading this book (for both patients as well as friends/family) is to try to keep an open mind, remember that everyone's needs are different, and not to get too offended when you disagree with something that Pogrebin or one of interviewees opined. The book is theoretically aimed at the friends/family of patients, but I think patients can get a lot of out of this book as well. One of the things that made this book feel more appealing for me was the inclusion of incidents in which Pogrebin felt she had failed her friends/family in terms of offering support. And, in truth, even a person fighting a chronic illness can be inadvertently unsupportive of someone else fighting the same illness, because the two people have completely different needs from their friends. There is no one size fits all answer to the "How do I be supportive?" question, and this book drives that home.
As a patient, it's nice to hear stories that show me that I'm not the only one that has struggled with incidents where friends/family that I rely on were unsupportive. However, reading through these stories was also a great reminder that people generally don't intend to be unsupportive. They want to help, but they don't know how to help ME. I emphasize that because one thing that struck me as I read this book was that with so many people fighting so many varied illnesses, especially when combined with how much each person's needs vary from the next, it's entirely possible that friends/family are doing what they were told was helpful and supportive for someone else. If you're told that it was helpful once, it stands to reason that you would offer the same help/advice again. From a patient's point of view, one of the best things that I got out of this book was a reminder that I need to be clear about what I need from people. It isn't fair to always assume that they'll be able to guess, especially if what I'm going through is totally beyond the context of their own experiences or that of their other close friends/family. Reading what worked for other people gave me some new ideas of how to direct my friends/family towards what is actually helpful, hopefully without making them feel hurt or offended, because I know deep down that they're only trying to help.
For friends/family looking for ideas on how to be supportive, this is a really good place to start. Reading different people's experiences might provide a more detailed and diverse view of what a patient is feeling in these circumstances. This book may also provide some guidance of what is commonly found to be offensive. Of course, what one patient in the book found helpful might be totally offensive to your own loved one. However, the book can only provide a limited amount of guidance here. This is what I would suggest: I think that the lists of Dos and Don'ts are a good place to start. Pogrebin also included helpful re-phrasings of common questions/comments. For example, "What are you feeling right now?" instead of "How are you feeling?" or "I can only try to imagine what you're going through." instead of "I know just how you feel." These are a good start, but at the end of the day I think that most people would be open to your sitting down and saying "Hey, I can't begin to understand what you're going through, but I really want to be supportive. Here are the things I've read, but I don't know whether they apply. What would be helpful for you?" Remember, though, that if you ask and then don't follow through, that person is going to be even more confused. The fact is, if you're reading blogs and books to find out what you can do to be helpful, then you've already realized that you don't have the information that you need. Blogs and books like this one can get you part of the way there, but you need to be able to customize that information to your loved on. There's only one person who can tell you what you truly need to know, and just sitting down and having an open conversation shows how much you care and makes it possible for both of you to be happy in your friendship.
The book How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick by Letty Cottin Pogrebin was recommend to me by my therapist when we were discussing how hard it is sometimes for me to be a good friend and equally to deal with unsupportive friends/family. Pogrebin started thinking about this topic when she was fighting breast cancer and noticed the varied reactions of her friends and family. The book is actually a collection of short stories from people with varied experiences intermixed with Pogrebin's own story. What I liked about the book was that she included the reactions to friends' behavior as well. There are Dos and Don'ts lists and varied suggestions for how to rephrase common questions that are inadvertently offensive or difficult to answer. I chuckled over her commentary and lists of commonly heard comments and questions, many of which I've heard myself. A lot of this advice feels obvious, but it's easy to forget in the stress of seeing a loved one fighting what they're fighting. Moreover, I think different people will get different things from this book based on what their experiences have been so far and what sort of guidance they are looking for. It did seem a bit long, but I think that's partially because it's clearly geared to be helpful even to people who have never had an ill family/friend before.
I think the trick to reading this book (for both patients as well as friends/family) is to try to keep an open mind, remember that everyone's needs are different, and not to get too offended when you disagree with something that Pogrebin or one of interviewees opined. The book is theoretically aimed at the friends/family of patients, but I think patients can get a lot of out of this book as well. One of the things that made this book feel more appealing for me was the inclusion of incidents in which Pogrebin felt she had failed her friends/family in terms of offering support. And, in truth, even a person fighting a chronic illness can be inadvertently unsupportive of someone else fighting the same illness, because the two people have completely different needs from their friends. There is no one size fits all answer to the "How do I be supportive?" question, and this book drives that home.
As a patient, it's nice to hear stories that show me that I'm not the only one that has struggled with incidents where friends/family that I rely on were unsupportive. However, reading through these stories was also a great reminder that people generally don't intend to be unsupportive. They want to help, but they don't know how to help ME. I emphasize that because one thing that struck me as I read this book was that with so many people fighting so many varied illnesses, especially when combined with how much each person's needs vary from the next, it's entirely possible that friends/family are doing what they were told was helpful and supportive for someone else. If you're told that it was helpful once, it stands to reason that you would offer the same help/advice again. From a patient's point of view, one of the best things that I got out of this book was a reminder that I need to be clear about what I need from people. It isn't fair to always assume that they'll be able to guess, especially if what I'm going through is totally beyond the context of their own experiences or that of their other close friends/family. Reading what worked for other people gave me some new ideas of how to direct my friends/family towards what is actually helpful, hopefully without making them feel hurt or offended, because I know deep down that they're only trying to help.
For friends/family looking for ideas on how to be supportive, this is a really good place to start. Reading different people's experiences might provide a more detailed and diverse view of what a patient is feeling in these circumstances. This book may also provide some guidance of what is commonly found to be offensive. Of course, what one patient in the book found helpful might be totally offensive to your own loved one. However, the book can only provide a limited amount of guidance here. This is what I would suggest: I think that the lists of Dos and Don'ts are a good place to start. Pogrebin also included helpful re-phrasings of common questions/comments. For example, "What are you feeling right now?" instead of "How are you feeling?" or "I can only try to imagine what you're going through." instead of "I know just how you feel." These are a good start, but at the end of the day I think that most people would be open to your sitting down and saying "Hey, I can't begin to understand what you're going through, but I really want to be supportive. Here are the things I've read, but I don't know whether they apply. What would be helpful for you?" Remember, though, that if you ask and then don't follow through, that person is going to be even more confused. The fact is, if you're reading blogs and books to find out what you can do to be helpful, then you've already realized that you don't have the information that you need. Blogs and books like this one can get you part of the way there, but you need to be able to customize that information to your loved on. There's only one person who can tell you what you truly need to know, and just sitting down and having an open conversation shows how much you care and makes it possible for both of you to be happy in your friendship.
August 6, 2020
This is wonderful book, prompted by the author's own journey through health challenges. In addition to the practical advice Pogrebin offers, I think the underlying message is in order to be a friend to a friend who's sick, one needs to have friends in the first place! So be kind, gentle readers, and cultivate your friendships because you never know when you're going to need to call upon others, or when they're going to need to call upon you.
February 14, 2021
This is a great reference manual for anyone with a friend in need. Most of the book is focused on cancer and other illnesses, but there were also chapters on financial ruin, dementia, and the loss of a child. The writing gets a bit dry sometimes but overall I’d recommend it.
September 16, 2018
These are important issues to consider and I'm really glad someone wrote this book. I would have appreciated better organization and more science about what actually makes people feel better.
November 29, 2020
Helpful, practical advice for how to care for those who are ill. Very secular at times, but the plethora of interviews helped me to understand the struggles and pain of those who are suffering. I’d recommend you read if you are trying to love someone who is either ill or caring for someone ill.
June 25, 2024
Overall, this book was structured very well, and the way topics and ideas hopped from one to another made the book a very engaging read. There were times when I tried very hard not to laugh at the misfortunes of the author, like when people said something to them that was greatly rude or uncalled for. I hope that I can be a better gift giver, a better listener, or a better friend with the advice from this guide.
July 5, 2013
I bought the book after seeing Pogrebin speak about it in a sort of staged conversation with her friend Gloria Steinem at a "City Arts and Lectures" lecture in San Francisco. The two of them were both interesting and witty about their own experiences with breast cancer and then Steinem asked Pogrebin a series of questions about the book, in which she also made clear that it included discussions of death and bereavement as well. Always game to read anything about death, I decided to give this one a shot.
Pogrebin's main advice -- honesty above almost everything -- is really sound. Also: never volunteer unless you mean it, show up, and be specific in your offers of help. And after her interviews with about 80 other ill people, their friends, relatives, as well as those who had lost friends and relatives to various accidents and illnesses, one comes away from the book with a lot of ideas of what NOT to do as well as what TO DO when someone dies or is ill. And much of it reinforced what I already thought I knew or had experienced myself when my father died or heard from my mother about her own illness.
But this really is a "How To" book, just like the title says. So while there are plenty of interesting (and tragic and heartwarming) stories here (including the complete story of Pogrebin's own illness, now in remission), there are also lists and suggestions and all that got a little tedious after a while. But LCP is explicit that she wants people to be able to use this to be better friends, to dip into the sections that are useful, ignore the ones that aren't. I was reading it more for the whole, which may be unnecessary. However, for its insistence that friendship is so important--in illness, in life, in death--I give her a lot of credit.
Pogrebin's main advice -- honesty above almost everything -- is really sound. Also: never volunteer unless you mean it, show up, and be specific in your offers of help. And after her interviews with about 80 other ill people, their friends, relatives, as well as those who had lost friends and relatives to various accidents and illnesses, one comes away from the book with a lot of ideas of what NOT to do as well as what TO DO when someone dies or is ill. And much of it reinforced what I already thought I knew or had experienced myself when my father died or heard from my mother about her own illness.
But this really is a "How To" book, just like the title says. So while there are plenty of interesting (and tragic and heartwarming) stories here (including the complete story of Pogrebin's own illness, now in remission), there are also lists and suggestions and all that got a little tedious after a while. But LCP is explicit that she wants people to be able to use this to be better friends, to dip into the sections that are useful, ignore the ones that aren't. I was reading it more for the whole, which may be unnecessary. However, for its insistence that friendship is so important--in illness, in life, in death--I give her a lot of credit.
May 2, 2013
Except for a total recluse, we will all at some point be a patient, caregiver or friend/relative of someone who is seriously ill or facing a disability or situation that changes the way s/he lives his/her life. Many of us are ill-equipped to offer words of comfort or provide assistance. The impetus for the book was the author’s diagnosis of breast cancer at age 70 but the book is really about the broader issues. She has interviewed many people in different circumstances so the book seems much more practical than preachy. It deals with everything from being a good visitor to how to approach someone mourning the death of a child or a suicide and how to respond to those with dementia. Ms. Pogrebin provides the tools for communicating in a constructive and compassionate way. After you read it, a valuable gift for someone you care about in need. All in all, well worth a look and place on your bookshelf.
May 25, 2013
A very good book. Covers a lot of ground. But missed 5 star standing because there were so many passages about the author's cancer experience that seemed to exist purely as shout outs to the hospital staff and less for the purposes of teaching "friends to be good friends..." Somewhat distracting. However, if edited out (which easily can be done when reading because the pages are colored differently), strong content and great nuggets of advice.
August 25, 2013
I didn't read this too closely because much of the information wasn't new to me. However, it is a valuable resource and should I find myself with a friend who is indeed sick, I would read it again more closely.
She mentions how delighted she was to get the proofs of the cover with its two dishes of ice cream (with spoons!). She had not asked for any particular illustration, but says it is the perfect choice. (Clearly the artist must have read the book.)
She mentions how delighted she was to get the proofs of the cover with its two dishes of ice cream (with spoons!). She had not asked for any particular illustration, but says it is the perfect choice. (Clearly the artist must have read the book.)
July 17, 2018
What to say, when to be quiet and how to help your sick friend are among the topics covered. Sometimes there's no right answer because even your friend might not know. Still, the author offers ideas that will give you some ideas. I appreciate that, but could have lived without much of the so-called humor.
December 1, 2013
The title itself should be enough to indicate that this book is not uplifting... but there were some helpful insights and ideas to consider.
June 10, 2013
Only thing missing was an obstetrical section, but otherwise, very good book.
March 17, 2019
When Letty Cottin Pogrebin was diagnosed with breast cancer it was a scary and uncertain time. But what did not help, or helped dramatically, was the response of her friends. Some of her friends knew exactly what to do and what to say. Other friends seemed to have no idea, or said or did completely the wrong things but felt they were being helpful. But worst of all, some friends disengaged completely, as if they could not deal with her illness on any level. “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick,” is the result of Ms. Cottin Pogrebin speaking to many of the people she met while undergoing surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments.
This is a book about sickness and death, but is also a book about friendship and casseroles. About gifts, and conversations. About children and the elderly. And it is about what is useful to most people who find themselves dealing with illness, and what is unhelpful.
Over the years of running a business with a significant number of employees, I have found myself in the position of having to interact with people who are sick, or have sick relatives, but without being able to fall back on deep personal friendships with the people concerned because they are employees. The feeling of wanting to help is tempered by not wanting to intrude, and not always knowing what to say, or what to offer to help. Or indeed how to say anything and not wanting to make things worse, or have one’s motives misunderstood.
“How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick,” is a book that helps navigate not just the feelings of those who are sick and their immediate relatives, but also of those who are acquaintances. Understanding how people can help if they want to, and how to not help if the wrong kind of help is actually harmful.
Almost like an etiquette book of old, “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick” is a book about dealing with taboo subjects. There are few right or wrong answers, but it does talk about the need for communication and for an understanding of how to listen to the answers that are given. An easy book to dip in and out of, and surprisingly funny in places, Ms. Cottin Pogrebin’s book is the kind of work that should be required reading for almost everyone, but particularly managers. Managers are often are caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to illness, particularly serious illness, in a member of their team.
As Ms. Cottin Pogrebin states;
“Empathy plus action equals kindness.”
“How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick,” may be an odd choice for a business book blog, however, I would argue that it is books such as this that allow managers to show leadership. Management should always be about human connections. Knowing how to navigate some of the toughest interpersonal challenges any manager may face, and understanding the emotions of all involved, should earn “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick,” a place on every manager’s shelf.
It certainly has a place on mine.
September 3, 2018
I'd recommend this book for anyone who thinks it could be helpful. It's comforting, despite the uncomfortable topic, kind, and sometimes funny. I wish we had more guidance in our culture for the times that we all face if we're lucky to live long enough. It's a guidebook, assembled by one person, and therefore is subject to that useful piece of advice: "take what you like and leave the rest."
Whether you get it for yourself or for someone else, consider including a bookmark that reads, "no one is perfect, give yourself some compassion too."
I was glad that, while the book focused on cancer, she also addresses equally prevalent and even more deeply buried issues like drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness. More of that, please.
I'm essentially an atheist, but found myself touched by her descriptions of different religious rules to visit the sick and help those who need it.
The biggest relief for me was hearing her describe why the ideal hospital/home visit is often less than 20 minutes. It's felt awkward for me when I've stayed longer and now I have a reason not to try and push through that part and give the person space unless they ask otherwise.
Whether you get it for yourself or for someone else, consider including a bookmark that reads, "no one is perfect, give yourself some compassion too."
I was glad that, while the book focused on cancer, she also addresses equally prevalent and even more deeply buried issues like drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness. More of that, please.
I'm essentially an atheist, but found myself touched by her descriptions of different religious rules to visit the sick and help those who need it.
The biggest relief for me was hearing her describe why the ideal hospital/home visit is often less than 20 minutes. It's felt awkward for me when I've stayed longer and now I have a reason not to try and push through that part and give the person space unless they ask otherwise.
February 23, 2019
3.5 stars
There is a LOT of information, trying to cover an extremely wide array of situations that one might find oneself in, and a lot of the advice ends up being similar. I like that the book isn’t just from the author’s point of view, she obviously took a lot of time to seek out others’ perspectives, finding oftentimes that different people can experience similar situations very differently. It continually underscored the need for a friend to just simply be a friend - pay attention, know who it is that you’re trying to help or comfort and just do your best.
A lot of the “don’t do this” advice seemed pretty obvious, but that’s ok, probably someone needs it to be spelled out, or who knows? Maybe one day I will shove my foot in my mouth and make an ass of myself in a sensitive time because we all have those moments. I really did appreciate some of the suggestions the author had for practical ways to show that you care and want to support a friend. As someone who has several friends of varying closeness going thru a variety of difficulties, it gave me some tangible ideas on how to love them and show I care.
There is a LOT of information, trying to cover an extremely wide array of situations that one might find oneself in, and a lot of the advice ends up being similar. I like that the book isn’t just from the author’s point of view, she obviously took a lot of time to seek out others’ perspectives, finding oftentimes that different people can experience similar situations very differently. It continually underscored the need for a friend to just simply be a friend - pay attention, know who it is that you’re trying to help or comfort and just do your best.
A lot of the “don’t do this” advice seemed pretty obvious, but that’s ok, probably someone needs it to be spelled out, or who knows? Maybe one day I will shove my foot in my mouth and make an ass of myself in a sensitive time because we all have those moments. I really did appreciate some of the suggestions the author had for practical ways to show that you care and want to support a friend. As someone who has several friends of varying closeness going thru a variety of difficulties, it gave me some tangible ideas on how to love them and show I care.
November 23, 2017
Everyone should read this and keep a copy for reference. There are so many lessons here, but they all boil down to honesty, compassion, and kind action. There are helpful "commandments" about what to say and what not to say and ideas for concrete ways to help your friend in need, whether he or she is undergoing treatment for a disease or dealing with a chronic health condition or living with mental health issues. I wish we never needed this kind of information, but we do. Educating yourself to be proactive and ready for when the hard times inevitably come is a mitzvah for your friends.
July 29, 2020
The first third of the book was great (interesting and informative) and the last third of the book was also very good, with practical advice and insights. The middle part, a paean to Sloan Kettering, was enjoyable for personal reasons but it felt like padding - I'm not sure how it will help me deal with others.
The bottom line was that I bought the book because I think it will be useful for me and my family.
The bottom line was that I bought the book because I think it will be useful for me and my family.
May 27, 2023
At 76, I know a bit about sick friends and also about dying friends. I guess this book does have some clear do’s and dont’s about what to say, write, buy, a friend in need. However, you would have to be a real dumb ass to need most of the pointers given by Ms. Pogrebin.
It’s also a cool and distant voice she has and didn’t affect me at all to be caring and warm and compassionate. Odd, given the subject.
There’s also a lot of repetition in her observations. Too many for me!.
It’s also a cool and distant voice she has and didn’t affect me at all to be caring and warm and compassionate. Odd, given the subject.
There’s also a lot of repetition in her observations. Too many for me!.
May 8, 2024
I think everyone should read this book. There’s always a way to be a friend to somebody who is sick. I always found this subject little challenging because not everybody needs or wants the same things. I thought this book was pretty good about explaining different scenarios of different illnesses and how you can help people in different ways. Things to pick up on and ways to communicate. A little long for what it was but I definitely got something out of it.
February 4, 2018
Eventually you will know someone who is sick or someone who cares for someone who is sick. Maybe you will be in one of those two categories. Read this book. It is thought provoking and challenges you to think about how you can make a difference in the lives of those who are important to you.
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