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304 pages, ebook
First published September 30, 2014
The white people are swarming us from all sides now. It's as bad as it was this morning. No. It's worse. This morning the white people just looked furious. Now they look like killers. "Get the niggers!" A chant starts up. "Get the niggers! Get the niggers! Get them!"
I know what's wrong with me. I've known for years. I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. I should've known that's not how the Devil works. Sin doesn't go away simply because you wish it to.
“Other people will try to decide things for you, she says. They'll try to tell you who you are. Remember, no matter what they say, you're the only who really decides.”
Colored people aren't the same as whites. They aren't as smart. They haven't accomplished the things we have. They aren't as good as we are.
Everyone knows it. Even the colored people know. It's just not good etiquette to say so. It feels shameful to even think the words.
That's probably why I've never thought about it much. It's just how things have always been.
But I'm thinking about it now. And it feels more shameful than ever.
I should go to a doctor. There's got to be something they can do to make sure this doesn't happen to me again. Some sort of treatment program.
But I can't go to see Dr. Augustus. I'd have to ask Mama to make the appointment for me. What would I tell her? That her daughter is a--
Mama and Daddy can't know. Not ever.
I bend over and let the tears fall onto my knees.