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The Men on My Couch: True Stories of Sex, Love and Psychotherapy

3.89  ·  Rating details ·  1,091 ratings  ·  98 reviews

When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love.

Her patients were everyday guys from all walks of life. Among them were David, the
Paperback, 304 pages
Published December 31st 2012 by Berkley (first published May 14th 2012)
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Average rating 3.89  · 
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 ·  1,091 ratings  ·  98 reviews

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Jan 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This was the BEST book I have read in a long time. Yes, it centers around therapy...I'm a therapist. Ok. There's that. But it is spicy. It is real. It will make you think. It's more about why people do the things they do than it is about sex therapy.....what's missing in people's lives and how they get what they need. It was also really interesting how the author was able to admit her initial gut responses to people when they disclosed things she didn't agree with, but then over time she came to ...more
Dec 28, 2014 rated it it was amazing
One of those books I will remember for some time after reading it, because besides seeing things differently, it also made me see my own past and current relationships from a new angle. I also really liked the fact that although the author shared stories about men's behaviours that have been the cause of disappointment and anger for a lot of women, the book actually made me feel more compassionate and understanding towards any man I know or will know in the future. Easy to read, yet thorough.
Caro the Helmet Lady
Bored me to the bone. Didn't finish. Life's too short for bad books, sorry.
Jun 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
I picked this book seized with curiosity, I wanted to understand men, rather masculine point of view (er... feelings to be more precise). However, by the last page I had my own projections, assumptions and passivity regarding masculinity challenged. The clarity, humility and humor with which this book is written makes therapy process look romantic. And it is. Search for the true self always is romantic. I will read this book a few times again to let the message sink in. What is the message? If w ...more
Laura B
Oct 17, 2013 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2013
If you enjoy authors whose favorite thing is to repeat compliments to themselves, this is the book for you!

Here is a (by no means comprehensive) smattering:

1. "Wow, Doc. You're pretty attractive," [David] said. "I think I'm going to like talking to you."

2. "There's something I have to tell you," [Mark] said, suddenly energized. "I have a crush on you."

3. Bill looked me over, appreciatively, then said, "Maybe I should have gone with a male therapist. You may be too distracting for me."

4. I called
Pasha Muravyev
Aug 11, 2013 rated it it was amazing
The Men on My Couch is a very interesting and introspective book in a lot of ways - it makes you think deeper about common stereotypes and misconceptions and the reasons underlying their existence. I found this book to be a fascinating mix of psychological techniques applied to specific, detailed case studies; I've learned a lot from reading about how Brandy approaches every problem, every interaction - things that I can take away and even use in my own life.

This is not a self-help book in any
Jan 08, 2013 rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this book. It did not go into explicit sexual details. I bought it thinking that it would,yet it did not disappoint me as in it's place there was intelligent thought provoking content.
I appreciate that fact that the author included bits of her own story and her own thoughts and reactions.
I would recommend this one to both men and women. It was a fast and easy read.
Rachele Smith
Feb 21, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book is not what you would expect - the title is provocative, the byline as well. I am on my second read-through and maybe it's where I am mentally and emotionally, but I am gaining different insights from my first go with it - about myself, about relationships, about people.

Dr. Engler seamlessly blends her (anonymous) patients' stories, her own relationship journey and her professional insights into a book that is on a completely different plane - it's not self-help exactly, it's not a te
Apr 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: on-rbdigital
This was a very interesting and interesting informative book that was more revealing about men's attitudes than I expected.
Christie Hill
Sep 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
There is a lot to be learned about men, women and the relationships we have with ourselves and each other in this book.
Jun 15, 2016 rated it liked it
My daughter in law recommended this to me, and I found it quite interesting. There aren't a lot of chances for women to know what men are really thinking, so this provides an interesting look into some men's thoughts about love and sex. I liked the fact that the author, a woman, included both her professional and personal feelings about what she learned. This isn't a book that makes men look bad, just human. It's interesting to anyone who likes to understand how other people think, or who someti ...more
Summer Sterling
Feb 02, 2013 rated it it was ok
I couldn't finish this. I didn't care enough about the patients to plod through. I was more interested in the apparently dysfunctional relationship the author/therapist was having with her boyfriend at the time. But, alas, I am putting this book down.
Gina Smith
Jan 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
I think I was drawn to this for the therapy piece, but it really sheds light onto what women think that men want in relationships. It was an easy, fun read.
K.G. White
Mar 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book wasn't exactly what I expected, but honestly after reading it I can't remember what I expected because this book kind of blew it all out of the water. It provided amazing insight into the male sexual identity and sexual motivation and reveals that despite how despicable some behavior seems, it doesn't occur in a vacuum.
EDIT: To be clear, these are my personal reactions to a book. Brandy is a practicing therapist, and by every indication from the book she is experienced and excellent at her work. I'm just a guy on the Internet nitpicking a read that I enjoyed from my armchair.


If not for the author, this book would be great! Seriously though, the case studies are good, and my only issue is with the extent to which the main author interposes herself.

You will learn that one stock broker's bravado is a front to
Denisa Diana
Dec 04, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
Okey, I will start by saying that I am 17 year old virgin girl. I have no interest in psychology and I don't plan on following this career path. I want to become a doctor.
So, why did I read this book then?
I was looking at the self help shelf in the bookshop I usually visit. I was looking for a book on seducing men as I was interested in a guy. I found what I was looking for in another book, but I caught sight of the title of the book: true stories about men from a psychologist.
I was intrigued. I
Andrew Marshall
Jul 31, 2013 rated it really liked it
Thank goodness for a fresh and accessible look at men and sex.

It is really easy for women to be overwhelmed when they discover their husband has been looking at extreme pornography, having sex with prostitutes or is chronically womanising. However, Brandy draws back the layers and allows you to see what is really going on - and why it's not as bleak as you think.

It's also helpful for men to understand how their problems might present in the sexual arena but it's generally not all about their p
Feb 12, 2017 rated it really liked it
Very entertaining, easy read that is often thought-provoking.
Jan 07, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: book-club
While the subject matter is interesting, I couldn't stand this book. I hated the interjections by the author of her personal views or comments of what her patient was sharing. I felt at times that I had a more mature perspective of her patients and subject matter than she did. I also felt that while she thought very highly of herself as a psychologist and being able to provide treatment, she didn't do much self-reflection so see what was going wrong in her own love life. Or if she did, she just ...more
Valerie Baber
Dec 25, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: sexuality, psych, memoir
Dr. Brandy Engler takes us on an insightful and emotionally challenging journey as she begins her private sex therapy practice in Manhattan. During her time helping men and couples sort out their personal intimacy crises, she, too, learns valuable lessons from an exciting roller-coaster relationship with an exotic older man.

This book takes us from the very beginning in Florida, when Brandy is a waitress and Psych student, to New York, where she learns about what men really want, to Los Angeles,
Birute Railiene
Nov 16, 2014 rated it it was amazing
It is the second best book about men-women relations I have read. First one was Männer. Eine Spezies wird besichtigt. Well, I read both in Lithuanian. Sometimes I wonder, what if I read those books 30 years ago? I would have saved sooo much energy NOT trying to change men.
I still could not find how to insert quote in a proper place, so here it is:

"Svarsčiau, kaip sugenda paprasti žmonės. Tai lėtas, nepastebimas procesas, prasidedantis pačiam žmogui nežinanti; tylus vidinis ūžesys ignoruojamas, t
Slim Khezri
Aug 22, 2013 rated it really liked it
This skillfully written book is not about sex. It's about you, how you feel about yourself and the people with whom you have relationships. This book provides interesting insight both into some of the common problems that men experience in their intimate lives, and also into the mind of a therapist as she responds internally to what she sees in her sessions. Each story demonstrates the personal growth of client, and a piece of the authors growth as a compassionate human being that learns to look ...more
Dragomir Draganov
Oct 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
I absolutely like this book. It is a personal, really authentic story about a long journey towards the inner call to love and to be loved. Moreover, it is funny and sad at the same time; it triggers optimism and hope, but also provokes melancholy and even grief... That is what makes this book so good. One of the parts has deeply moved me. I wish I had read this book earlier.
Jan 24, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Lots of astute observations and I really felt transformed reading this book. It's very easy to judge the content at first but really interesting if you open yourself up to what Brandy is saying. I liked how she weaved her personal experiences in with the narratives of the men. You can tell writing this book was a cathartic growth process for the author and I felt like in a lot of ways I grew reading it.
Feb 09, 2014 rated it really liked it
A really great book that debunks the preconceptions that stay behind infidelity, sexual dysfunctions and power games in relationships. Besides talking about her patients, the author analyses one of her most dramatic relationship also, all in a witty and sometimes funny manner.

I would have loved to read even more details on some of the theories. This is the only reason for which I am not giving 5 stars to the book.
May 17, 2014 rated it really liked it
great book. full of insights about life and love. it's really fascinating for me to learn about men from this angle - we so often hear the adage that men are driven by sex. the truth is, all humans are driven by intimacy, and sex is one of the easiest and most socially acceptable ways for men to express themselves. this book has stories about men and the women they love, and the reasons why they love them - but also the reasons why they resent them. highly recommended!
May 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
This is an insightful book with engaging case histories — including Engler's own.
Both women and men stand to learn about the motivations behind desire and need, and how even though we may think we know what drives us and why we behave as we do, oftentimes there are other forces at play that we're not even aware of.

Nov 22, 2013 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed this book a lot. I felt like a voyeur, sitting in on a year's worth of therapy sessions with multiple individuals, each one condensed in a chapter. The writer's personal growth parallels that of her clients; and she exposes and weaves her own loving relationship in the narrative, as it unfolded during this particular timeline. It helped me appreciate therapy further.
Feb 19, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Honest and forward read. I enjoyed reading about these men's experiences, their feelings, insights, fears, desires, and so on. So much turmoil and stress stems from deep fears within ourselves that we cannot quite put a finger on without the help of someone as compassionate as Brandy. Definitely a book I will be having my female friends read, maybe even some male friends...
Feb 12, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology, sexuality
I really liked getting a look at what sex therapy and marriage counseling is like. I would have liked a bit more focus on the men and less on the ups and downs of the author's love life. Some of the techniques used could have used a bit more elaboration, but it's a good first read if you're looking for a book about relationships and counseling.
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Dr. Brandy Engler is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in relationships and sexuality. After year of training and practice in New York City--including working with a crisis team on the streets of Brooklyn, and her own private practice in Times Square- she headed West in search of greener pastures. Los Angeles isn't quite green, it's a bit dustier than imagined, but Dr. Engler traded in ...more

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